October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Sheep Dogs Aren’t Sheepish

| Prince William County, VA, USA | Pets & Animals

(A client comes into my program with a very energetic Border Collie puppy.)

Client: “My puppy is out of control. We live on a farm and needed a dog for our livestock. This is not what I wanted.”

Me: “Okay, what is your puppy doing?”

Client: “Chasing my goats and chickens all over the place!”

Me: “Well this is a Border Collie, and they do herd. If the drive is not properly honed in to a herd, then a Border Collie will just chase.”

Client: “But, I do not want my dog to chase my animals at all.”

Me: “Then do not put your dog in with the animals.”

Client: “But, I need her to protect my animals.”

Me: “This is not what this breed was developed to do. This is an active, working breed that will chase.”

Client: “But, I need her to lie quietly and just watch the animals.”

Me: “It’s not in her breeding. What research did you do into Border Collies before you got one? Every piece of literature on dogs out there will tell you these are active dogs that will chase.”

Client: “Well, I asked some guy at the local feed store what a good dog for working livestock was. He suggested a few breeds. I saw Babe, so I got a Border Collie.”

Me: “Did you tell the feed store guy the type of job you wanted a dog to do?”

Client: “Work livestock.”

Me: “Work it how? Herding or guarding?”

(The client just gives me a blank stare.)

Me: “You have no idea the difference between herding and guarding?”

Client: “I thought they were the same.”

Me: “No. Have you had any farm experience?”

Client: “No, we’re from the city. We thought it would be fun to move to this county and buy a small farm. But, now we have coyotes killing our animals.”

Me: “So, you have no idea what you are doing at all?”

Client: “No. It’s not as easy as it looks on TV huh?”

Me: “No…”

(Luckily, they did learn more about Border Collies. They got into a suitable sport after doing basic work with me, and I guided them to people who could help them get a proper livestock guarding dog.)

Don’t Be Tardis With His Order

| AR, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

(I am filling boxes for to-go orders. An order comes back without a name, so my boss gives me permission to write ‘Dr. Who’ on the box.)

Boss: “We’ve got a to-go!”

Me: “Sorry guys, I don’t have enough information on these grilled cheese sandwiches. And there’s not a name or phone number.”

Boss: “Oh, shoot.”

Me: “Should we wait until they get here?”

Boss: “We’ll just give them cheddar. If they don’t want them, we’ll make them new ones.”

(I write up the boxes with ‘Dr. Who’ and make the order. I see a young man picking up the no-name order. The following week…)

Waitress: “We’ve got an order from Doctor Who!”

Me: “Wait, really?”

Waitress: “Yep. He told me on the phone that he liked what we did with the boxes.”

(I check the ticket. It’s the same thing the young man ordered last week, with ‘Dr. Who’ written in the name spot. Looks like one of our regulars has a new nickname!)

In Uniform, Out Of Work

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

(I walk into a store without realizing I am wearing khakis and a red polo; they are the store’s uniform colors. A middle aged lady stops me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me where to find the lamps?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Don’t you lie to me! You are still wearing your uniform! Obviously you work here!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but this just happens to be what I wore today.”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU! I can’t believe you would treat a customer like this.”

(A manager walks up, focused on the yelling customer.)

Manager: “Ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I demand you fire this employee! He is refusing to help me!”

(The manager turns to talk to me. I see the surprise on his face, due to the fact that I am not one of his employees.)

Manager: “Is it true that you refused to help this woman?”

Me: “Yeah, I suppose…”

Manager: “Alright then, you’re fired.”

Me: “D*** man! Really?”

Manager: “Yes.”

(He turns back to the lady.)

Manager: “The lamps are over there, ma’am. I will personally take care of this troublemaker.”

(As the lady smugly walks off, he turns back to me.)

Manager: “Sorry about that. You don’t actually work here do you?”

Me: “Nope. You just fired me.”

(We share a laugh, and he takes me to the attached coffee house to buy me a drink.)

I Should Be So Ducky

| IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money

Me: “Hi, welcome to [fast food place]! How can I help you?”

Elderly Customer: “Yes. I’ll have a small hamburger, a small fry, and a small coffee, for here, please.”

Me: “Certainly. Would you like cream and sugar with your coffee?”

Elderly Customer: “Of course. Two cream, and two sugar, please.”

Me: “Your total is $[total].”

(The Elderly Customer hands me more than enough to cover the meal.)

Elderly Customer: “Keep the change.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re not allowed to take tips.”

Elderly Customer: “Really? What’s this world coming to! Customers should be allowed to tip for good service.”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that, sir. Here’s your food. Is there anything else that you would like?”

Elderly Customer: “No, thanks.”†

(He takes his food off to the lobby. A short while later, he’s back at my register.)

Me: “Did you need a refill on your coffee, sir?”

Elderly Customer: “Yes, please.”

(I refill his coffee. When I return with his cup, he takes it, smiles at me, and leaves the store. Sitting on the counter where he was standing, is a small balloon duck. The duck has a note.)

Note: “This isn’t a tip; he’s a gift. I hope that he brings a smile to your face.”

Dealing With A Magic Bean Counter

| MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(One of my tech staff gets off the phone with a loud client. He is visibly frustrated.)

Me: “Next time he calls, put him through to me.”

Tech Staff: “Okay!”

(Minutes later, the call is escalated to me.)

Caller: “This is unacceptable! I demand you fix my issue!”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, you are using an unsupported email client. When you called us to set it up, we explained to you what would happen if you used this client. It appears that you did it anyway. We cannot fix it for you.”

Caller: “That’s unacceptable! We pay you good money to host this for us! I expect you to resolve this for me!”

Me: “Okay, sir. You are a financial advisor to your clients, right?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “So, imagine a customer came to you, and told you they wanted to move all of their investments into magic beans. What would you tell them?”

Caller: “Well, that’s just stupid. I—”

Me: “EXACTLY! So, imagine they did it anyway, and came back to you a few weeks later complaining that they’d lost all of their money. Would you accept liability?”

Caller: “No, but—”

Me: “Well, that’s where I am right now.”

(We never heard from the caller again.)

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