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    Ignorance Isn’t Bliss

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (I am signing to a deaf couple, asking them if they need help. Before they can reply, a customer interrupts me.)

    Customer: *gasping* “You’re in a gang!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I saw you! You flashed them a gang sign!”

    Me: *laughing* “No, ma’am, it’s ASL.”

    Customer: “I don’t care what your gang is called. It’s people like you that make me scared to go out at night!”

    (She leaves with her purchase, which turns out to be a shirt that says “B****es Get Stitches.”)

    Burnt To Order

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “And would you like white toast with that?”

    Customer: “No, I want black toast.”

    Me: “I don’t…I don’t think that exists, sir.”

    Customer: “BLACK TOAST.”

    Me: “Wheat it is, then, sir.”

    PDF: Please Don’t Fuss

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Technology

    Me: “Do you have a PDF file?”

    Customer: “That’s redundant!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “PDF stands for ‘printable document file.’”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but PDF stands for ‘portable document format.’”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! It’s ‘printable document file!’”

    Me: “One moment please.”

    (I open up a browser, look up “PDF”, and turn the computer monitor around for him to see.)

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: *leaves without saying another word*

    Bananas Explodé

    | Brussels, Belgium | Food & Drink

    (I’m preparing bananas flambé in front of several customers. Suddenly, one of them speaks up excitedly.)

    Customer: “Wow, that looks so cool! Are you using gasoline?”

    Righteous Insinuation

    | Broomfield, CO, USA |

    (A lady is looking at cross jewelry while the manager is helping her. Note that the manager is female and is a bit heavy set.)

    Customer: “Do you have a coworker that can help me?”

    Manager: “I’m afraid not. Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to be helped by someone that’s pregnant but hasn’t gotten married.”

    Manager: “Um…well…I’m a virgin.”

    Customer: *goes wide-eyed and quickly leaves*

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