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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    Introducing The Friends & Family & Deities Plan

    | British Columbia, Canada | Religion

    (Two older ladies come in. One asks about our Tibetan Prayer Flags, which are quite popular. I’m new and listening in on my coworker’s explanation.)

    Coworker: “Traditionally, it’s believed that as the wind blows, it carries your prayers into the universe.”

    Lady #1: “Oh, that sounds just lovely. I like the idea of being connected to the universe. I once went to this workshop where I sent some things into the universe. It was very rewarding.”

    Lady #2: *grumbles* “I don’t need no prayer flags. I have my own method of praying!”

    Coworker: “We have this size, as well as a few mini ones. I have one hanging from a tree in my yard that I pass every day.”

    Lady #1: “Yes, I definitely like these. It’s speaking to me.”

    Lady #2: *grumbles louder* “So? I have a direct connection to the Creator!”

    Human Tested, Dog Approved

    | Annapolis, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (A man and woman come to my register with a cart full of dog products. They have no dog with them, but the man notices the bowl of dog treats we keep at the registers for dogs who come into the store.)

    Man: “Can I have one of those?”

    Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

    Man: *takes a dog treat from the bowl and eats it*

    Me: “Sir?!”

    Woman: “Don’t worry, he’s tried dog treats before.”

    Man: “Yeah, this one tasted like s***.”

    Staying (Six Feet) Under The Radar

    | Orono, ME, USA | Family & Kids

    (Note: I work at a college financial aid office, and am speaking with the parents of a student.)

    Parent: “And why do you need my information?”

    Me: “We need the parents’ information for dependent students because they are still technically relying on their parents.”

    Parent: “What if I was dead?”

    Me: “But sir, you’re not dead.”

    Parent: “But what if I was dead? What if I die?”

    Me: “Well, sir, both parents would need to die and you are, in fact, not dead.”

    Parent: *angrily* “Fine, I’ll send the information!” *click*

    Please Consult The Chameleon Circuit

    | Melbourne, Australia | Geeks Rule, Top

    (We’re a science fiction specialty bookstore. We also have a few other odds’n'ends around the store from series that do well, including several bits of Doctor Who merchandise.)

    Me: “Can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “All of your Doctor Who stuff is bootlegged!”

    Me: “I assure you it’s not, sir. As you can see, it has the BBC logo on it.”

    Customer: “They can print anything in China. This TARDIS is a total knock off!”

    Me: “Possibly, but we source our merchandise from reputable distributors located in the US & UK. We’re using the same suppliers that the [National Broadcaster] store uses for its Doctor Who merchandise.”

    Customer: “Bulls***! This is all fake! And you know how I can tell? Phoneboxes are RED!”

    It’s High Time To Lay Off The Drugs

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?

    Customer: “Yeah, when do you start lunch?”

    Me: “At 10:30, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay, so can I get [large lunch meal]?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, it’s still breakfast.”

    Customer: “But you just said you start lunch at 10:30!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but it’s not 10:30 yet.”

    Customer: “What time is it?”

    Me: “6:00 am, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *long pause* “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was this high when I left the house!”


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