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    The Life Of The Used And Abused

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Awesome Customers

    (A customer comes up to me with an item wrapped in bubble wrap.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this, please.”

    (The customer hands me the item with no receipt and it’s obviously an item from Christmas. The candle in it has been lit and used and the item is missing part of the tag. I look up the item and find out it’s from Christmas of last year.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I cannot return this item.”

    Customer: “Well, why not?”

    Me: “This item is from Christmas of last year and our return policy is 30 days with your receipt. This is well over 30 days and is a holiday item. We do not accept refunds on holiday items.”

    Customer: “Well, that isn’t my fault. This thing is hideous and I don’t want it anymore.”

    Me: “I understand that, sir, but there isn’t anything I can do.”

    Customer: getting agitated* “Well you HAVE to take it back. I don’t want it. You guys sell ugly things.”

    (At this point, my manager comes over to deal with the increasingly agitated customer.)

    Manager: “Sir, is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yes! This girl is telling me she won’t take back my item! It’s ugly! I don’t want it! [Competitor] has a policy that they will take back anything anytime! You have to do that too!”

    Manager: “Sir, I am sorry but this item is too old and it’s used. We can’t return it. That is our policy.”

    (This goes back a forth a few times. The customer keeps saying how our competitors policy would allow it. However, we are not affiliated with them, so obviously our policy is different. Finally, the customer gives up and grabs his item from me.)

    Customer: “[Competitor] would have taken it!”

    (The customer storms out and another customer comes up to my manager.)

    Customer #2: “Want me to kick his a** for you all the way to [competitor]?”

    Manager: *laughs* “Be my guest!”

    Rolling High Doesn’t Sound Quite Right

    , | Ontario, Canada | Geography

    (I work in an airline call center where we make reservations and make changes to existing reservations such as seat/meal requests.)

    Customer: “I’d like a window seat for my return trip”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. Let me check availability for you.”

    (I book the seat for her.)

    Me: “Okay, I was able to book you in 31K, which is a window seat on your return flight from Frankfurt to Seattle.”

    Customer: “What?! I’m on a PLANE? I thought I was taking a bus?!”

    Me: “Yes, I assure you it is a plane, as it is difficult to cross the Atlantic on a bus.”

    Customer: “Thanks so much. I am so excited about going on a plane!”

    Just Calling It As I See It

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    (I am a telephone operator for a very large international company. Callers need to know the first and last name of the person they need to be transferred to.)

    Caller: “Hi, can I be transferred to Steve?”

    Me: “Sure, what’s Steve’s last name?”

    Caller: “Oh, I don’t know his last name. I just know his name is Steve.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this is the global directory and I would have no way of looking him up without his last name.”

    Caller: “Oh, I see. Well, I’ll just call him and get his last name, then.”

    Me: “Wait…if you have his direct number, why were you calling me in the first place?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Should’ve Ripped You A New One

    , | Birmingham, AL, USA | Awesome Customers, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a really nice Country Club on the golf course side of things. Since it is a nice club, it isn’t unusual to get fairly large tips every once in a while.)

    Me: “Hey mister, could you break a hundred for me so we split tips tonight?”

    Member: *clearly inebriated* “Sure, man, I can totally break that hundred for you!”

    (I hand him the hundred dollar bill which he then proceeds to rip in half and then hand back to me.)

    Member: “There! I broke it for you.” *walks off laughing with his friends*

    Other Member: “Man, what an a**hole. Here’s another hundred for the ripped one. I appreciate y’all.”

    (I took the ripped hundred to the bank and they replaced it. I tried to give the other hundred back, but the member refused and said we earned it!)

    Finders Stealers

    | Wilmington, VT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Money

    (I am bagging groceries at the checkout for a family during Christmas week. This is the busiest week of the year, with many rich out-of-staters coming up to go skiing.)

    Little Girl: “Mommy, look what I found! What should I do with it?”

    (I look over and see that the little girl has found money on the ground.)

    Mother: “Shhhh! Just put it in your pocket, quick!”

    (Knowing our store’s policy, I speak up.)

    Me: “Actually, if you don’t mind, can I hand it into the service desk? That way, if the person who lost it returns, they can get it back.”

    (The little girl hands it to me willingly and I go hand it in. A couple minutes later, the parents come up to the service desk.)

    Father: “My little girl found some money on the ground, and some employee made her hand it in. However, I think she should just have it.”

    Manager: “Store policy says that if no one comes to claim it after 30 days, then the person who found it—your little girl, in the case—can have it.”

    Father: “But it was all tightly rolled up! The person who dropped it was obviously using it to snort coke or something!” *leaves with his family*

    (Ten minutes later, the same family managed to con their way into getting the money by speaking with a different employee at the service desk. The real, original owner—one of our regulars—came in two hours later inquiring about $40 he dropped, which at that point was unfortunately long gone.)

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