November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Sanity Hanging By A Shoe-String

| Napa, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(I work in the sports store’s shoe department. A woman comes in with a group of seven kids behind her, and marches straight up to me.)

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [store]; how can I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, I need to get shoes for my kids.”

Me: “Alright, I can help with that. Which children need shoes?”

Woman: “All of them.”

Me: “…all of them?”

Woman: “Yes, each of them are a different size, too. I also want to get them each three pairs of shoes. Make sure all of the shoes are different, because they don’t want shoes that are like each others. And hurry it up, would you? I don’t have all day!”

Me: *whimpers silently*

Looney For The Tunes

| MI, USA | Awesome Customers

(I work at a feed mill. I am helping a customer load her car.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, ma’am?”

Customer: “No, I’m good.”

(As she is getting in her car, I notice a Looney Toons special edition jacket.)

Me: “That is a very nice jacket, ma’am. My father has one just like it, and I absolutely love it.”

Customer: “Does he have this exact one?”

Me: “Yes he does.”

Customer: “Very cool.”

(She proceeds to drive away, and I get back to my work. As it is nearing closing time, I see her pull back in the lot.)

Me: “Did I forget something, ma’am?”

(She exits the car holding the jacket.)

Customer: “Here, please try this on. If it fits, you may have it.”

(I am absolutely thunder struck by this, so I try it on. It fits perfectly.)

Customer: “I am glad it fits you. I have had this jacket for sometime now, and I am glad to see it go to someone who can appreciate it more than I do!”

The Homo Critical Are Hypocritical

| Quakertown, PA, USA | Bigotry, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(Three men walk in at the same time to the adult bookstore where I work. Customer #1 heads straight for the lesbian porn. Customers #2 and #3 are regulars, and they are a couple. They have specially ordered certain items, and are there to pick them up.)

Me: “Hey, guys! I have your order in the back. Let me go get it!”

(I disappear, but as I’m picking up their box of items, I hear shouting. I rush out front.)

Customer #1: “Homosexuality is a sin! Read the f****** Bible!”

Customer #2: “Sir, you’re yelling at us in a porn store, while holding a DVD of lesbian porn. You are just a hypocrite, and I don’t need to listen to you.”

(Customer #2 grabs Customer #3’s hand, and they continue to walk around the store. Customer #1 turns red, but comes to me to check out.)

Customer #1: “Can you f******* believe those f***?”

Me: “I can, and you know what? I love them, and accept them for who they are. As for you, I don’t accept your hatred. Get the h*** out of my store.”

(I take the DVD, put it into the return to shelf bin, and wait for him to leave. He starts screaming.)

Customer #1: “I’m going to put you in your proper place as a woman!”

(Customer #2 and #3 come over.)

Customer #3: “She told you to leave. Either you leave on your own, or we’ll help you.”

(Customer #1 turns pale, and runs out of the store.)

Customer #1: “The f*** are gonna get me!”

(I turn to the two regulars.)

Me: “Would you like a free DVD?”

She Likes Her Coffee Black Belt

| UK | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

(My friend and I head to a coffee shop. When we get there, there’s a customer screaming at the barista.)

Customer: “You useless little s***! How hard is it to make a d*** drink? I’m going to ring your manager; I’m going to complain to head office…”

(He continues making threats. The poor girl behind the counter is pretty much in tears. My friend’s patience runs out.)

My Friend: “Oi, mate! I don’t know what’s going on here, but screaming isn’t helping things.”

Customer: “Mind your own business, b****!

My Friend: “What did you call me?”

(The customer turns back around to my friend. The customer is a pretty big guy, six foot, and fairly wide. My friend is five four, female, and fairly unimposing. He squares up to her.)

Customer: “I called you a b**** who should learn to mind her own business. Now p*** off!”

(The customer shoves her.)

My Friend: “Don’t touch me.”

Customer: “Or what?”

(The customer goes to shove her again. My friend grabs his arm, turning with it, and throws him to the ground hard enough to wind him. She puts her foot over his crotch.)

My Friend: “Or you learn I have a black belt in judo. Apologize to the nice lady now.”

(The customer apologizes, but the police are still called. My friend and I get a free lunch!)

Bigots Don’t Get A Discount

| Germany | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

(I work at the ticket office of a museum. Tickets are €4 for children, and €6 for adults. We also have a family ticket for €17. A mother with two children comes in.)

Customer: “I’d like a family ticket for me and my kids.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’d actually be cheaper to buy three separate tickets.”

Customer: “Are you trying to tell me we’re not a family just because I’m a single mum? I can’t believe you’re discriminating against single parents!”

Me: “I’d never. In fact, I was raised by a single mother myself.”

Customer: “What if a gay couple came in with two children? Would you give them a family ticket?”

Me: “Yes, I would, because it’s a better deal for them.”

Customer: “So, those fancy rainbow families get a discount, but a hard-working single mum of two who can hardly make ends meet doesn’t?”

(Before I can respond, the customer grabs her children and storms off.)