How Artists Draw Blank Faces

| London, England, UK | Bizarre

(I am waitressing at a wedding party being held above a bar in an art gallery. I have popped down to the bar to use their dishwasher. There are lots of contemporary art displays around the bar.)

Customer: “Hi, could I get a pint of Carling?”

Me: “Oh sorry, I don’t actually work here. You’ll have to ask someone else.”

Customer: “But you’re wearing uniform?”

(My uniform is not even slightly similar to the bar staff’s.)

Me: “Oh, that’s because I’m a waitress; I’m from upstairs.”

Customer: “Oh right, I thought you might be another art display. Okay, bye…”

Fresh Bread, Stale Attitude

| Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I work at a piroshky bakery and have just started my morning shift. A customer comes in with a very obnoxious, self-important attitude.)

Me: “Good morning, sir! What can I get for you today?”

Self-important Customer: “What’s your freshest thing?”

Me: “Well, we just opened so everything is fresh out of the oven. I could warm one up if it’s not warm enough for you.”

Self-important Customer: *shakes his head* “No, I don’t want it warmed up.”

(He looks behind me to our rack where we put our piroshkies until we need to set them out.)

Self-important Customer: *points to rack* “What’s that there on the top?”

Me: “Those are our potato mushrooms, sir, although they’ve been out of the oven about the same time as our others so it’d be easier if I just got you one from—”

Self-important Customer: “No, I want one from back there.”

(I mentally sigh but go ahead and do as he asks since it’s a slow morning and there’s only a couple people in line. I turn to grab his order but he stops me.)

Self-important Customer: “Wait!” *points at rack again* “What are those?”

(There are at least 7 different types of piroshkies on the rack.)

Me: “Um, which ones, sir?”

Self-important Customer: “Those ones!”

(I look at him quizzically.)

Self-important Customer: “The ones on the second row!”

Me: “Oh, those are our Moscows. They’ve got Bavarian cream and Cream of Wheat in it which gives it—”

Self-important Customer: “I’ll take one of those.”

(We haven’t set one out yet, so my supervisor has to take out the whole pan and sprinkle powdered sugar on it. I grab everything for him and bag it up.)

Me: “All right, sir. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

Self-important Customer: “No, that’ll be all.”

(He pays and leaves. I run through a couple more customers until I get to a young guy.)

Young Guy: *saunters up to the counter* “Hey so, uh, what’s the freshest thing you got here?”

Me: “Pretty much everything just came out the oven.”

Young Guy: “Yeah, but I want really fresh, and like, potato mushroom.”

(I sort of stare at him then move to grab a potato mushroom. He starts laughing.)

Young Guy: “I’m just kidding with you, man. Did you see that guy?” *begins to imitate him* “I want the freshest thing you got!” *goes back to normal* “You’re in a bakery in the morning, man, everything’s fresh!”

(At this point everyone in the bakery is laughing. I get his order, still chuckling, and bag everything up for him.)

Me: “That’s going to be [price], please.”

(He pays and my supervisor steps up.)

Supervisor: “Wait, give him one for free. That was too funny!”

They Call Me Names

| NB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I overhear a phone call another agent is having with a customer for technical support.)

Agent: “Hi, my name is [name]. Can I get your name and your TID please?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “Your name.”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “Your N… A… M… E.”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “NAME. N… A… M… E…”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “No, your name.”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “Okay, what do people call you when they want your attention?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “What did your mother call you when you were born?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “Forget that, what’s your station number?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “What’s the phone number at your site?”

Caller: *says something*

Agent: “This isn’t working, how about we just end the call now? Get someone that speaks English since the rest of the questions I will have for you are just going to get harder.” *hangs up*

Moms Can Be Stock-Blockers

| New York, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Top

(Shortly after moving out of my parent’s house, my cell phone breaks. Since the contract hasn’t yet expired, I’m still on their old plan, so my mother needs to come with me to get a replacement. She’s not a nice woman.)

Mom: “We saw this model phone online and we’re interested in buying it.”

(My mom shows a printout to the sales girl.)

Sales Girl: “Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t have this model in our store. But we have this one that’s very similar.”

(The sales girl shows us a nearly identical phone for only a few dollars more.)

Me: “Does this come with only [features I want], and would I have to worry about [features I don’t want]?”

Sales Girl: “Yep! It’s nearly the same; it just has a different sized screen and more memory.”

(We continue talking about the cellphone, with the sales girl answering my questions very nicely and politely.)

Mom: “No! We want this phone! Go get it! You have it in stock somewhere!”

Sales Girl: “I’m very sorry; we just don’t have this one. Not anywhere in our stock. We haven’t in some time.”

Mom: “That’s stupid! It was on your website! You’re supposed to have it!”

Sales Girl: “It does say that not all stores will stock all models. I’m very sorry. If you like, I can call around and see if anyone has it, and they can have it here in a few days. It is a slightly older model, though, so I can’t make any promises.”

Mom: “No! I live out of town; I’m only here until tomorrow!”

Sales Girl: “I’m sorry. Like I said, this one is almost the same, just an updated model.”

Mom: “I just think it’s very dishonest of you to advertise one thing on your site and then try and scam us into a more expensive phone here.”

(Bear in mind, I’m the one paying for the new phone and the difference is all of about $10.)

Sales Girl: “Well, like I said, right here on the page it says in bold italics that not all models will be available in all stores.”

Mom: “Fine, then! But I’ll be sending a complaint about this! You’re extremely dishonest!”

Sales Girl: “I’m really very, very sorry…”

(As I check out and pay, I shake the sales girl hand and thank her for her help. In doing so, I pass her a note that reads: ‘I’m sorry she’s treating you that way. I understand what that feels like and you did your job very well. It’s not you, she’s always like that. This is why I moved out.’)

A Clean Break From Customers

| Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Awesome Customers, Theme Of The Month

(I work as a sales person. It’s about ten minutes until and I am vacuuming the back of the store. I can’t do the front because of a customer.)

Customer: “Vacuum.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Go ahead, vacuum. I don’t mind.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Customer: “Yeah. I’m the owner of a shop. I know what it’s like when idiots like me come in right on closing and you’re trying to clean.”

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