July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Stared To Death

| Tolna, Hungary | Bizarre, Books & Reading

(I’m a regular at a small bookstore that a kindly old lady opened some years ago. We’ve been friends for as long as I’ve known her, and chat when there are no customers around. I walk up to the counter and see her talking to a woman in her late fifties. I’m an Emo, though uncharacteristically cheerful at the moment. I wear black, causal clothes most of the time.)

Me: “Good day, how’s it going?”

(She notices me, smiles, but motions me to move. Realizing I butted into their conversation, I sheepishly back away so they can continue. The customer is staring at me with her mouth wide open.)

Me: “Umm…”

(My friend and I exchange looks. I don’t believe she understands what’s going on either.)

Me: “I’m sorry; is something wrong?”

(The customer doesn’t answer or react in any way, and just keeps staring for what feels like minutes.)

Me: “…is there something on me?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Lady?”

Customer: “…”

(My friend seems worried as she observes our rather one-sided conversation. I’m starting to get annoyed, and a little scared.)

Me: “It’s impolite to stare at others, you know.”

Customer: “…”

(At this point it occurs to me she could have issues with my hairstyle. I pull my bang aside, but nothing changes.)

Me: “Okay, what?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “What is it?!”

My Friend: “Ah, I know! It’s because you’re wearing black! She thinks you’re attending a funeral, and since you were so happy—”

(The customer immediately snaps out of it and confirms this. She actually thinks I am happy because someone died. After five years, we still talk about the woman whom my fashion statement sent into catatonia, and my friend, the store owner, who’s apparently psychic.)

In Need Of A Sanity Check

| Federal Way, WA, USA | Bizarre, Money, Tourists/Travel

(I work at a retail financial institution that cashes all types of payroll checks. The customer that walks up to my window is a regular that comes in once a month to cash her government check that has an image of the Statue of Liberty on it. We are almost finished with the transaction.)

Me: “Did you need anything else today, like money order or stamps?”

Customer: “No, but I had a question about my check.”

Me: “Ask away! I’ll do my best to answer!”

Customer: “That picture of the Statue of Liberty on the check, does that mean I get to fly to New York and see the Statue of Liberty for free?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Does that mean I get to fly to New York and see the Statue of Liberty for free?”

Me: “Uh, no. It does not let you fly to New York for free.”

(I hand the check to her to sign, as I start to get cash from her transaction.)

Customer: “You’re a liar! It does mean I get to go to New York and see the Statue for free! You’re just trying to keep the ticket for yourself!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the picture on the check is just a symbol representing America. It is not a plane ticket.”

Customer: “LIAR! You’re a LIAR!”

(At this point, she snatches the check from the tray under the glass separating us, and runs off screaming about me being a liar.)

Coworker: “What was that?”

Me: “I seriously don’t know.”

Seize The (Mother’s) Day

, | VA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(It is Mother’s Day, and my mother has had a hard and disappointing day. Due to a failed dinner by her husband, I take her to a fast-food restaurant at about 9pm. She starts speaking at the counter.)

Mom: “Happy Mother’s Day to me, at [fast food restaurant] at nine at night.”

Cashier: “Yeah, I’ve been here all day.”

Mom: “Oh, really!? Wow.”

(We finish ordering and eat our food. As we are leaving, my mother is staring into the kitchen. The cashier, thinking we need something, comes over. We wave her away. We get into the car, but my mother stops me from starting the engine.)

Mom: “I have decided we should do something for the woman in there. Here I was complaining, while they have been working all day. They probably weren’t able to spend time with their families.”

(We drive to the nearby store. She buys two bouquets of flowers, and two boxes of chocolates. We go back to the restaurant. My mom approaches the cashier.)

Mom: “You’re a mother, aren’t you?”

Cashier: “Yes, I am.”

Mom: “Well, I thought you deserved these.”

(Mom gives the woman the flowers and chocolates. The cashier thanks her repeatedly, looking on the verge of tears. My mother leaves feeling a lot better. Even though her day wasn’t what she had hoped it would be, she at least got to make someone else’s better.)

Small Wins

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All Fantasy Sales Are Final

| Baltimore, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Geeks Rule, Technology, Top

(I am at the midnight release for the video game “Final Fantasy XIII” with my friends. I don’t have a console that can play the game, but the store lets people purchase the release event promotional posters beforehand. There is only one poster in the store, and I had bought it a few days earlier. I’m also friends with most of the staff who are working there, including the manager.)

Customer: “Can I also buy that promotional poster?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but it has already been purchased.”

Customer: “There is no way it’s been purchased; it’s still there on the wall.”

Cashier: “It was purchased a week ago, but it just hasn’t been picked up yet.”

Customer: “So, just sell it to me; you’ll make twice the money.”

Cashier: “Sir, I can’t sell the poster, since it isn’t ours anymore.”

Customer: “I will give you twice what the other guy paid.”

(The customer is starting to get angry, so another cashier steps in.)

Cashier #2: “Didn’t you hear her? We can’t sell it to you.”

Customer: “Fine! If you won’t sell it to me, then I’ll just take it!”

(Both the manager and I have heard this. I decide to get my poster before this man does, and I catch the manager’s attention. I also just happen to be dressed like Auron from ‘Final Fantasy X’. I jump from my spot in line, and draw my fake sword.)

Me: “Now! This is it! Now is the time to choose! Die and be free of pain or live and fight your sorrow! Now is the time to shape your stories! Your fate is in your hands!”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Don’t look to others for knowledge; this is your story.”

Customer: “I get it, but you are not getting that poster before I do!”

Me: “Every story must have an ending.”

(While this is going on, the manager takes the poster down, and puts it behind the counter. The customer gets to the spot where the poster had been, and looks at me, surprised.)

Customer: “How did you do that?”

Me: “I’m Captain Basch!”

(The customer stomps off angrily. The whole store gets a big laugh when I do actually pick up the poster.)

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