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    E Pluribus Dumbum

    | Dallas, Texas, USA |

    (I”m working at a call center that sells products out of a very large catalog that doesn’t change often. We have just moved from Volume III to Volume IV.)

    Me: “Ma’am, if you could turn to page 36, in volume four, I would be more than happy to assist you with that product.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a volume four. I only have a volume I V.”

    Me: “Ma’am…that is volume four. It’s printed in Roman numerals.”

    Customer: “Does that mean I have to learn Latin to read this stupid catalog?!”

    Been In The Mountains This Whole Time

    | Windsor, CO, USA | Geography

    (I’m working the overnight shift and a man calls from Oklahoma to order some uniform shirts.)

    Me: “It will just take a few minutes for the computer to process your order. It doesn’t always go through, so I would appreciate you staying on the line until I get confirmation.”

    Customer: “I’m really glad you’re there to put this order in for me. I need those shirts as soon as possible, but I was worried it would be going to a machine by 10 PM.”

    Me: “Yes, there’s always someone in the office. It’s actually 11 PM here.”

    Customer: “Oh, so y’all are on the west coast?”

    Me: “No, we’re located in Colorado. I think it’s 10 PM on the west coast.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? Colorado has the same time as we do here!”

    Me: “I believe that Oklahoma is in the Central time zone, sir. Colorado is on Mountain time, which is an hour behind Central.”

    Customer: “There’s no such thing as Mountain time!”

    Me: “Sir, having lived here all my life, I can assure you that there is. The Mountain time zone covers several states in the U.S.”

    Customer: “No! There’s Eastern time, Central time, and Pacific time!”

    Me: “Yes, there are all of those, but there’s also Mountain time. The United States covers four time zones. Between your state and Nevada is the Mountain time zone.”

    Customer: “You’re not fooling?

    Me: “Not fooling. There is definitely a Mountain time zone, and I live in it.”

    Customer: “Well, I never heard of Mountain time!”

    Me: “Right. Well, all I can tell you is that it’s been that way as long as I can remember, but I’m only 22. Your order is complete, sir. Have a nice night.”

    Routine Trumps Common Cents

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (A regular buys the same bottle of liquor every couple of days and brings in just enough money to pay for the bottle. This week, we happen to get in “special edition” bottles and put them in place of the normal ones.)

    Me: “That will be [price].”

    (The customer hands me money and I give him a $5 in change.)

    Customer: “Is this on sale or something? You gave me too much change!”

    Me: “That’s a special edition bottle we got in. It’s actually cheaper than the normal one!”

    Customer: “Well, it’s been [price] for six years! Why is it cheaper?!”

    Me: “Well, at least it’s not more expensive?”

    Customer: *muttering* “It’s been [price] for six years…”

    Me: *speechless*

    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 3

    | Copaigue, NY, USA | Wild & Unruly

    (I am bringing shopping carts back into my workplace when I see a grown man, in a business suit, running with his cart to pick up speed and then riding on the back of it. As I keep walking towards the building, I walk past a woman.)

    Woman: *disgusted* “I don’t know him.”

    Me: “It’s okay. Boys will be boys!”

    Related:
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 2
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends

    Size Matters, Part 4

    | London, UK |

    (I’m working on the till in a branch of a well-known chain of coffee shops. The sizes of the drinks are tall, grande, and venti instead of small, medium and large.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [coffee shop]. What can I get you?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a latte to go, please.”

    Me: “Of course, sir. What size latte?”

    Customer: “Just a small one.”

    Me: mumbling as I write the order* “Tall latte–”

    Customer: “No! I said small, not tall.”

    Me: “A tall drink is small, sir.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want a tall drink. I just want a latte in the smallest size you have.”

    Me: *apologetic* “My mistake, sir. One small latte coming up.”

    (The customer pays me for his drink and I direct him to the end of the bar to wait for his coffee whilst my coworker makes it for him. When it is ready, my coworker places it on the bar in front of the customer and asks if the “Tall Latte” is his.)

    Customer: *at full volume* “You people can’t do anything right! I asked for a SMALL coffee several times. This isn’t my drink but I don’t have time for you to remake it because I’m late for work. I will be calling in tomorrow and if you get it wrong again I will have you both fired!” *storms out*

    Related:
    Size Matters, Part 3
    Size Matters, Part 2
    Size Matters


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