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    Questionable Questioning

    | England, UK | Language & Words

    (I am in the concessions stand selling nachos.)

    Me: “Do you want jalapeños?”

    Customer: “Yes! Why is jalapeños pronounced like it has an ‘h’ in the beginning?”

    Me: “I believe it’s a Spanish word.”

    Customer: *indignant* “Well, I don’t really care.”

    Size Matters, Part 7

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids

    Small child: “Mommy! I just saw a fish that was as big as Aunt Karen!”

    Mom: “There is NO fish that’s as big as Aunt Karen.”

    Related:
    Size Matters, Part 6
    Size Matters, Part 5
    Size Matters, Part 4
    Size Matters, Part 3
    Size Matters, Part 2
    Size Matters

    Piercing Puerility

    | Connecticut, USA | Health & Body

    Customer: “How do I know my nose ring goes all the way through my nose?”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t see it, so that must mean that it doesn’t go all the way through my nose.”

    Me: “Your nose ring goes all the way through your nostril.”

    Customer: “But I can’t see it.”

    Me: “You’re not supposed to see it.”

    Customer: “But it doesn’t go all the way through my nose!”

    Me: “The word ‘pierce’ means that it goes all the way through your nostril. It wouldn’t be pierced if it didn’t go all the way through.”

    Customer: “But I can’t see it!”

    Me: “You’re not supposed to see it. Unless you get a hoop, you’re not going to see it.”

    Customer: *leaves*

    ¿Cómo se dice “Anger Issues”?

    | Houston, TX, USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “Habla español?”

    Me: “No habla español.”

    Customer: “You just did.”

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You just spoke f***ing Spanish. You’re a f***ing liar!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I only speak a few phrases in Spanish. I’d be happy to find an associate that speaks Spanish to further help you.”

    Customer: “You’re a f***ing racist! I speak perfect english!” *storms off*

    Love Can Drive You Crazy

    | Orange County, CA, USA | Bizarre, Holidays

    (It’s Valentine’s Day, and my mom is getting a new cell phone. Except for the salesman, my mother, and me, the store is empty. We are making small talk as he is setting it up.)

    Salesman: “…yeah, my neighbor’s been really mad at me lately. It’s weird.”

    (Suddenly, a lady bursts into the store, COMPLETELY decked out in Valentine’s Day wear. She even had those little heart antennae things that little kids wear.)

    Valentine’s lady: “I just saw your commercial on TV, and my daughter’s phone is all messed up! It’s your fault! My daughter’s phone is all messed up and now she can’t call! Your commercial is misleading! You have TERRIBLE MARKETING!”

    (Without another word, she storms out.)

    Me: “Was that your neighbor?”

    Salesman: “I have no idea who that was…”

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