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    Notice Of Stupidity

    | Lincoln, Nebraska, USA | Money

    (I work in a call center for default management prevention for student loans.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you guys keep saying I’m overdue, but I’ve been making payments. I don’t understand why it keeps saying I’m past due. I’ve made payments every month. Do you see the one I made last week? This better not have hit my credit!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I see the payment was made.”

    Customer: “What’s the problem?”

    Me: “Your payments regular monthly payments are set $150.00. You’ve only been paying $100.00 each month.”

    Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know my payments had gone up?! I didn’t get a notice!”

    Me: “Are you getting statements every month?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Are you reading your statements?”

    Customer: *silence*

    Me: “Sir, are you still there?”

    Customer: “I’d like to make my payment now, please.”

    Be Careful What You Assk For

    | UK | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want some anus anus.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I want some anus anus!” *points to a bottle of Anais Anais, pronounced “ah-nah-iss”*

    Me: “Oh, yes, sorry. That’ll be [price]!”

    When Push Comes To Shove, Don’t

    | Tacoma, WA, USA |

    (We are holding an audition for our company’s new season. We will often take dancers who aren’t as technically trained if they are easy to work with.)

    Dancer: “Hello? Can you please take my forms? I’m ready to audition.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’re number 256 and we’re only calling numbers 110-114 right now. You’ll have to wait.”

    Dancer: “Are you f***ing kidding me? I’ve already been here an hour!”

    (She tries to shove her papers in my hand.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to wait with the rest of the dancers.”

    (She tries to shover her papers in my hand again.)

    Me: “I’m sorry—”

    (Suddenly, she storms into the audition out of turn and complains about how I won’t let her dance to our casting director. They let her dance only because she refuses to leave. After her “audition”…)

    Dancer: “Do you think I made it?”

    Practice Sweet Unadulterated Moderation

    | North Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A mom, dad, and two small children walk in. The boy sees some of the fresh fruit we keep at the counter and asks for a banana.)

    Dad: *to son* “No, you’ve had too much fruit today!”

    Mom: *to son* “Yeah, go get some candy instead!”

    Introducing The iMoney

    , | Kingston, Ontario, Canada | Technology

    (I work in a call center for a phone company. We often get customers who will say anything to get a credit. This customer is saying that her phone drops calls.)

    Me: “According to my troubleshooting flow, your phone appears to be defective. I can offer to replace your phone for free.”

    Customer: “No, I’ll take a credit.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot offer you a credit. I can only offer to replace your phone.”

    Customer: “Just give me a credit.”

    Me: “I cannot give you a credit.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because that’s the resolution to your issue. Applying a monetary credit to your account will not cause your phone to stop dropping calls.”

    Customer: “Yes, it will!”

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