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    Intrinsically Disadvantaged

    | Richmond, Virginia, USA |

    (I work in a doctor’s office calling previous patients asking them to rate the quality of their visit. If they rate it “good” or below, I have to ask why and take down the reason. I have just gotten through most of the questions, when I ask the final one.)

    Me: “…and would you rate our billing service as excellent, very good, good, fair, or poor?”

    Patient: “Oh, good, I guess.”

    Me: “Okay, and may I ask why you didn’t rate it excellent or very good?”

    Patient: “It’s a BILL!”

    Me: *laughing* “All right, I will make sure to make a note of that. Thank you very much and have a wonderful day!”

    Thou Shalt Remain Loyal To Employer

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Your prices are outrageous!”

    Me: “I know. I, myself, prefer to fill up somewhere cheaper.”

    Customer: “You should shop here, you know.”

    Me: “I buy some of my things here, but I always fill up somewhere cheaper.”

    Customer: “No, no, you should fill up and buy everything here! Otherwise, you’ll go to hell.”

    Me: “Uh, I really don’t think God will mind too much if I don’t buy everything from here.”

    Customer: “You’d better be sure. I wouldn’t want you to go to hell.”

    Me: “Oh, uh, thanks, I guess?”

    Customer: “I don’t want any d*** gas station attendants filling up my hell just because they didn’t fill up at their own store.”

    Age Is But A Number, Part 2

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “I need to return this.”

    Me: “I see that it’s been open and even played with. Mind if I ask what was wrong?”

    Customer: “My son says it’s too difficult to play with.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but once again, this is clearly used, as it’s showing signs of wear. I’m afraid I can’t give you a refund.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand. We have no use for this anymore! My son can’t play with it! It’s too difficult for him! Give me my money back!”

    Me: “Well sir, the packaging for this toy does say it’s for ‘Ages 14 and Up’. How old is your son, anyway?”

    Customer: “26.”

    Age Is But A Number

    For The Sake Of Demonstration

    , | Georgia, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    (This gentleman has just ordered a vanilla cone. My coworker is standing at the window giving it out while I am beside her. He asks an odd question as he is handed his ice cream.)

    Customer: “Do you believe in unicorns?”

    Coworker: “What?“

    Customer: “Doo-dee-doo-dee…”

    (He takes the ice cream cone and smashes it onto the top of his head, I’m assuming as to resemble a unicorn horn, and then drives away.)

    Me: “Oh, my.”

    Coworker: “Did that really just happen?”

    Hard To Stomach, Tough, And Last Resort

    | Franklin Park, PA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a mountain pig.”

    Me: “I…uh…what? Sorry?”

    Customer: “It was called a mountain pig.”

    Me: “Uh, we…um, we don’t have anything called a mountain pig. Can you explain that to me?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what it is! She said she wanted it.” *turns to friend* “What was it she wanted?”

    Friend: “It was, oh, a uh, mountain pig. Yeah that was it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure what she meant by that.”

    Friend: “It’s a mild coffee. Don’t you have that?!”

    Me: “Oh, a Pike Place?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that was it! A small one of those, please.”

    Me: “Alright, and anything for you, miss?”

    Friend: “Yeah, I’ll have two tall mountain pigs!”

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