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    At Lease Be Courteous

    | USA | Money

    (I work in a call center that helps people with pricing and availability on apartment homes. We ask a few questions that may affect the price.)

    Me: “So, do you know how long of a lease you would like to sign?”

    Caller: “‘Lease’? I’m not signing no d*** lease! I just want to move.”

    Me: “Well, you are required to sign a lease if you want an apartment.”

    Caller: “I’ve never heard of these ‘leases’! You just want more money!” *hangs up*

    Less Social, More Security

    | USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am on working the register during a busy day and the line is building up fast. I have finished ringing up a customer and am gathering some information.)

    Me: “And can I have your zip code, please?”

    Customer: “Sure, it’s [zip code].”

    Me: “All right, and a phone number?”

    (The customer rattles off a number that sounds exactly like a social security number.)

    Me: “Um, sir, that sounds like it would be your social security number.”

    Customer: “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You tricked me into giving you my social security number!”

    Me: *speechless*

    You Can’t Have Your Cake And Believe It Too

    | Adelaide, Australia | Food & Drink

    (A customer walks into the shop and starts looking at our cakes.)

    Customer: “Cheesecake?” *points at a carrot and walnut cake*

    Coworker: “No, that’s a carrot cake. We have cheesecake right over here.”

    (I show the customer the cheesecake.)

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer walks away, but returns ten minutes later.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “That’s cheesecake?” *points at the carrot cake again*

    Me: “No, sorry. That’s a carrot cake.”

    Customer: “Cheesecake?” *points at another cake*

    Me: “No, that’s an orange and coconut cake. The cheesecake’s here.”

    (I show her the cheesecake, once again.)

    Customer: *incredulously*That’s cheesecake?!”

    (She eventually buys the cheesecake, but only after it taking a while to convince her it is actually cheesecake!)

    I Become Employee, Destroyer Of Air Pumps

    | Australia |

    (A customer comes into the store part of the petrol station after unsuccessfully trying to inflate his tires with our air pump that was labelled as being out of order.)

    Customer: “I can’t inflate my tires.”

    Me: “Sorry about that. The air pump is broken at the moment, and we’re waiting on the technician to repair it next week.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! I need to inflate my tires!”

    Me: “Sorry, there’s not a lot I can do. We have small cans of air, but they’re quite expensive and are only meant for emergencies.”

    Customer: “This is the third station in this area I’ve been to today with a faulty pump!”

    (Suddenly, the customer narrows his eyes at me.)

    Customer: “This can’t be a coincidence.”

    Me: “Wait, are you saying I sabotaged not only our own pump, but the air pumps at several competing petrol stations as well?”

    Customer: “You must be doing something. This is outrageous!”

    Things People Say When Stalling

    | Bozeman, MT, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (I work housekeeping at a hotel. We knock and give the guest a few moments of privacy before we enter.)

    Me: *knocking* “Housekeeping!”

    Guest: “Who’s there?”

    Me: “Housekeeping!”

    Guest: “What kind?”


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