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    Don’t Be Tardis With His Order

    | AR, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    (I am filling boxes for to-go orders. An order comes back without a name, so my boss gives me permission to write ‘Dr. Who’ on the box.)

    Boss: “We’ve got a to-go!”

    Me: “Sorry guys, I don’t have enough information on these grilled cheese sandwiches. And there’s not a name or phone number.”

    Boss: “Oh, shoot.”

    Me: “Should we wait until they get here?”

    Boss: “We’ll just give them cheddar. If they don’t want them, we’ll make them new ones.”

    (I write up the boxes with ‘Dr. Who’ and make the order. I see a young man picking up the no-name order. The following week…)

    Waitress: “We’ve got an order from Doctor Who!”

    Me: “Wait, really?”

    Waitress: “Yep. He told me on the phone that he liked what we did with the boxes.”

    (I check the ticket. It’s the same thing the young man ordered last week, with ‘Dr. Who’ written in the name spot. Looks like one of our regulars has a new nickname!)

    In Uniform, Out Of Work

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I walk into a store without realizing I am wearing khakis and a red polo; they are the store’s uniform colors. A middle aged lady stops me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me where to find the lamps?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Don’t you lie to me! You are still wearing your uniform! Obviously you work here!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but this just happens to be what I wore today.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU! I can’t believe you would treat a customer like this.”

    (A manager walks up, focused on the yelling customer.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I demand you fire this employee! He is refusing to help me!”

    (The manager turns to talk to me. I see the surprise on his face, due to the fact that I am not one of his employees.)

    Manager: “Is it true that you refused to help this woman?”

    Me: “Yeah, I suppose…”

    Manager: “Alright then, you’re fired.”

    Me: “D*** man! Really?”

    Manager: “Yes.”

    (He turns back to the lady.)

    Manager: “The lamps are over there, ma’am. I will personally take care of this troublemaker.”

    (As the lady smugly walks off, he turns back to me.)

    Manager: “Sorry about that. You don’t actually work here do you?”

    Me: “Nope. You just fired me.”

    (We share a laugh, and he takes me to the attached coffee house to buy me a drink.)

    I Should Be So Ducky

    | IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [fast food place]! How can I help you?”

    Elderly Customer: “Yes. I’ll have a small hamburger, a small fry, and a small coffee, for here, please.”

    Me: “Certainly. Would you like cream and sugar with your coffee?”

    Elderly Customer: “Of course. Two cream, and two sugar, please.”

    Me: “Your total is $[total].”

    (The Elderly Customer hands me more than enough to cover the meal.)

    Elderly Customer: “Keep the change.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re not allowed to take tips.”

    Elderly Customer: “Really? What’s this world coming to! Customers should be allowed to tip for good service.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about that, sir. Here’s your food. Is there anything else that you would like?”

    Elderly Customer: “No, thanks.”†

    (He takes his food off to the lobby. A short while later, he’s back at my register.)

    Me: “Did you need a refill on your coffee, sir?”

    Elderly Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I refill his coffee. When I return with his cup, he takes it, smiles at me, and leaves the store. Sitting on the counter where he was standing, is a small balloon duck. The duck has a note.)

    Note: “This isn’t a tip; he’s a gift. I hope that he brings a smile to your face.”

    Dealing With A Magic Bean Counter

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (One of my tech staff gets off the phone with a loud client. He is visibly frustrated.)

    Me: “Next time he calls, put him through to me.”

    Tech Staff: “Okay!”

    (Minutes later, the call is escalated to me.)

    Caller: “This is unacceptable! I demand you fix my issue!”

    Me: “Well, unfortunately, you are using an unsupported email client. When you called us to set it up, we explained to you what would happen if you used this client. It appears that you did it anyway. We cannot fix it for you.”

    Caller: “That’s unacceptable! We pay you good money to host this for us! I expect you to resolve this for me!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. You are a financial advisor to your clients, right?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

    Me: “So, imagine a customer came to you, and told you they wanted to move all of their investments into magic beans. What would you tell them?”

    Caller: “Well, that’s just stupid. I—”

    Me: “EXACTLY! So, imagine they did it anyway, and came back to you a few weeks later complaining that they’d lost all of their money. Would you accept liability?”

    Caller: “No, but—”

    Me: “Well, that’s where I am right now.”

    (We never heard from the caller again.)

    Crazy Just Got To Another Level

    | PA, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I am handling a sales order with a customer. An older lady taps me on the shoulder.)

    Customer: “I can’t find your elevator anywhere!”

    Me: “It’s a one story building. I am afraid we don’t have one.”

    Customer: “That’s horrible! My knees are so bad! I just can’t handle the stairs!”

    Me: “We… don’t have stairs.”

    (As I am replying, she has turned and walked away. About a week later, I get a call…)

    State Employee: “I am calling to investigate a complaint we received that your store is violating ADA. Is it true you don’t have an elevator?”

    Me: “Yes. I don’t have a second floor or stairs either.”

    State Employee: “So, I just file this under ‘crazy’… gotcha.”

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