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    Social Insecurity, Part 2

    | USA | Bizarre

    (I am working a counter at a carry-out pizza place when this happens. Note: we use phone numbers to identify orders.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to order a pizza to take.”

    Me: “Okay, can I have your phone number please?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Sorry for having to ask. It’s just what we use to make sure you get the right order.”

    Customer: “No! Hackers and the government are always trying to track me!”

    Me: “It’s fine, sir. I’ll just use our store’s phone number instead.”

    Customer: *calms down* “Alright.”

    (Satisfied, the customer pays and waits in his car for the order. Being nice, I carry it to him.)

    Me: “Here is your order, sir.”

    Customer: “Thank you. Say, can you throw this away for me?” *hands me papers mixed with trash*

    Me: “No problem…”

    (As he drives away, I notice he’s handed me expired car insurance papers and an old bank statement. So much for protecting his identity!)

    Related:
    Social Insecurity

    Weekend Roundup: Spelling Disasters

    , , , | Not Always Right | Language & Words, Roundups

    Spelling Disasters! This week, we share five stories of customers with spelling so bad, they need it spelled out for them!

    1. Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It:
      E is for Elmer’s Eskimos—you know, the ones that live in Eglues!
    2. It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t:
      Welcome to Indiamimbindokiamn, Indiana. Population: Stupid!
    3. I Have Lost A Dream:
      A lost customer does battle with an abbreviation—and loses.
    4. Congra-duh-lations:
      Congra-du-lations, your cake’s spelling is a lie!
    5. Spelling Gone Rogue:
      Somehow, “going rouge” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    As Clear As Muddy

    , | Pennsylvania, USA | Language & Words, Technology

    (I’ve just started on the floor for customer service for a cable company. A customer calls in saying his TV is “muddy”.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir, I’m not understanding what is wrong with your TV. Is it pixelated, blue, or fuzzy?”

    Customer: “No, it’s muddy.”

    (After a few minutes of trying to figure out exactly what he meant by muddy.)

    Me: “Sir…do you have mud on your TV?”

    Customer: “D*** it! I said it’s muddy. M-U-T-E…MUDDY!”

    Me: “Sir, do you see a muddy button on your remote?

    Customer: “Yes. ”

    Me: “Press the button.”

    Customer: “That fixed it. Thank you so much!”

    Take Back That Rollback

    | UK | Crazy Requests

    (It’s promotion changeover day, so I’m making my way around the store removing all of the old price tickets that need to be changed and replacing them with new ones. Some of them have lower prices on.)

    Customer: “How dare you?!”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “How dare you lower these prices? You’re taking money away from this business! Get me your manager, please!”

    Self Disservice, Part 2

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in the kids’ section of a bookstore that also sells toys and games. I notice that a child has caused the entire display to collapse. I find the mother after making sure the child didn’t hurt himself.)

    Me: “Hi, are you the mother?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “We ask that you look after your children while in [store name]. You need to be with the child and not in another section of the store if they cannot be trusted alone.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to.”

    Me: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to look after my child.”

    Me: *confused* “Well I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s not my job to raise your child for you.”

    Customer: “But I want you to!”

    Related:
    Self Disservice

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