October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

They Are Tea Total, Part 2

| CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’d like an iced coffee with milk, with no coffee in it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Did you want a decaffeinated iced coffee?”

Customer: “No, I just hate the taste of coffee. I want an iced coffee with milk, but hold the coffee.”

Me: “So, would you like milk and ice?”

Customer: “No, I want it without coffee. I have it all the time. It’s brown, and kind of sweet.”

Me: “Tea?”

Customer: “Yes! How did you not understand that?”

He Is Tea Total

Been To Hell(‘s Angels) And Back

| WA, USA | Awesome Customers, History, Top

(Our theatre has a lecture series where authors give presentations. One presenter is a Holocaust survivor. I am very surprised to see a large and stereotypical ‘biker’ come in. He has a leather vest, sleeveless shirt, tattoos, and a beard. As the holocaust survivor is presenting, two teenage boys are being very rowdy and whispering to each other.)

Boy #1: “God! When the f*** is this going to be over?”

Boy #2: “I don’t know. Can we just go now?”

(They stand up, and attempt to leave. The biker stands up, removes his sunglasses, and addresses the teens.)

Biker: “Listen here you little s***. This sweet little old lady has gone through more s*** then you ever will in your life. I advise you to sit your little punk-a** down, and pay her the respect she deserves.”

(The boys sit down, intimidated. The biker receives a round of applause and a hug from the lecturer. I refund his ticket, and offer him free entrance to all our lectures. He’s been to each and every one since.)

A Hollow Victory

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Technology, Top

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a certain kind of video game. Could you help me?”

Me: “Sure, what were you looking for?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a game called Hollow.”

Me: “I’ve never heard of that one before. Let me look it up in the computer for you.”

(I type in ‘Hollow’ on the computer. It’s giving me very few results. The closest thing we have is a DS game called ‘Time Hollow’.)

Me: “Here. Is this the correct game?”

Customer: “No, that’s the wrong game. The game I’m looking for is for the Xbox 360.”

(I attempt the search again.)

Me: “I really don’t know how to break this to you, but there is no such thing as a game called Hollow for the Xbox 360.”

Customer: “Bull-s*** there isn’t! The game isn’t even that old! You’re probably not even spelling it right. It’s only four letters long; how do you screw that up? H-A-L-O, it’s not that hard!”

Me: “Oh, you mean Halo! Oh, yes, we definitely have that in stock!”

Customer: “Then, why were you jerking me around like that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought you said Hollow, as in H-O-L-L-O-W. I didn’t realize you meant ‘Halo’.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know how it’s pronounced? I’m not much of a game person!”

Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, ‘Halo’ is a real word. It can be found in the English dictionary.”

(The customer glares at me.)

Customer: “Smart-a**.”

Brace(let) Yourself For The New Generation

| OH, USA | Family & Kids, One-Liners

(My friends and I are running a babysitting service for Valentine’s Day. The kids we are watching range from two to nine years old. I’m sitting with the oldest kid, making bracelets with her.)

9-Year-Old Girl: “Have you seen that YouTube video X-Box Girls Get Revenge?”

(This video has a lot of cussing and sexual jokes.)

Me: “Yes, I have. I think the real question here is why have you seen it?”

9-Year-Old Girl: “What?”

Me: “That stuff is aimed at high-school and college students, not third graders.”

9-Year-Old Girl: “Well, third graders have changed.”

Me: “Oh, yeah?”

9-Year-Old Girl: “Yeah! We’re a lot more mature and independent!”

Me: “Uh… huh.”

9-Year-Old Girl: “Now, can you tie this bracelet for me, please?”

Needs To See The Parenting Section

| NY, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Top

(Two brothers start fighting over a toy in the Children’s Room. They aren’t listening to their mother, who is trying to select books to take home.)

Me: “If you boys can’t share nicely with that toy, I’ll have to put it away so neither of you can play.”

Boys: “Okay, miss [my name].”

Mother: “Thank you. They never listen to me.”

(The boys start fighting again. I go in and take the toy away, putting it up out of reach. The boys start crying in unison.)

Boys: “Mommy!”

Mother: *to me* “I can’t believe you really took it away! That’s so mean!”

(She grabs the boys and they leave. I am speechless, but now I know why they never listen to their mother!)

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