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    Threaten Differently

    | USA | Technology, Top

    (A customer is calling because iTunes can’t detect her new iPad. I pick up the phone and she speaks immediately.)

    Customer: “I swear that if, at any point in this conversation, you tell me to buy a Mac, I will find you and kill you.”

    Me: “Okay, well, I’m not telling you to buy a Mac, but you should know that they cut back on compatibility issues and-”

    Customer: “Don’t do it. Just stop now. Make the PC work. I believe in you.”

    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 2

    | USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a drive-in which is fairly popular in some parts of the country. Our kids’ meals are called Wacky Packs. The following takes place as I’m bringing the food out to a car.)

    Me: “And here’s your wacky pack.”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “Your wacky pack. Sorry, that’s what we call our kids’ meals.”

    Customer: “A wocky pack?”

    Me: “A wacky pack.”

    Customer: “Oh! A wacky pack!”

    (I continue to hand her the food.)

    Me: “And here’s your apple juice. Sorry, we ran out of juice boxes so we poured some into a cup for you.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I love juice boxes; they’re my favorite!”

    Me: *laughs* “Yeah, I like them too. They’re fun.”

    Customer: “To go with my wacky pack!” *giggle*

    Related:
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends

    More Than You Bargained For, Part 4

    | Georgia, USA |

    Customer: “I’ll have one student ticket for [movie].”

    Me: “It’s matinee right now. We don’t have student prices until after 6.”

    Customer: “But I want my student discount!”

    Me: “A student ticket is actually more expensive. Since it’s matinee right now, it’s only $5.”

    Customer: “Do you just not want to give it to me because I’m [ethnicity]?”

    Me: “No. It’s because the student tickets are more expensive.”

    Customer: “GIVE ME MY DISCOUNT!!!”

    Me: “Alright, that will be $7…”

    Related:
    More Than You Bargained For, Part 3
    More Than You Bargained For, Part 2
    More Than You Bargained For

    Ignorance Really Is Bliss

    | Kalamazoo, MI, USA |

    (This happens at the end of the transaction, which up to this point had gone perfectly normally. The customer has paid in cash, with 40-some-odd cents in change.)

    Me: “There’s your receipt sir. Would you like to donate your change to the Children’s Miracle Network today?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Well, if someone has less than 50 cents in change back, I usually ask them if they would like to donate their change.”

    Customer: “Donate?”

    Me: “Yes, our company exclusively supports the Children’s Miracle Network. At every store, we have donation jars like this red one. We collect change for the Children’s Miracle Network.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “The CMN? It’s a non-profit that helps sick kids find hospitals and treatment.”

    Customer: “Sick kids?”

    Me: “Yes, if a child is terminally ill or sick with a rare disease, the CMN will help them find treatments and even help with bills and such.”

    Customer: “There ain’t no sick kids!”

    Me: *confused* “Yes sir, plenty of kids are diagnosed with illnesses like cancer or other diseases.”

    Customer: “Why are you doing this!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Why am I doing what?”

    Customer: “Lying to me! I don’t wanna hear about no sick kids! I gotta go to work! All I wanted was to buy my coffee! I didn’t want no guilt trip! Let me see your manager!”

    (My manager had already heard the ruckus as she was crouched behind the counter collecting checks from the safe.)

    Manager: “Yes, sir, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I just want my coffee! I don’t understand about these sick kids! Why did she tell me about the kids?”

    Manager: “Are you confused about the CMN sir? I actually have some brochures in the back that talk about their non-profit services.”

    Customer: *throws hands in the air* “Argh! There ain’t no sick kids! Shut up about the sick kids! I don’t understand!”

    (The customer storms out with his coffee, leaving me holding his change in my hand.)

    Manager: “It’s nice when the customers want to donate their change. Really gives them a good feeling, you know?”

    Me: *drops customer’s change in jar* “Yes, ma’am.”

    Misery Demands Company, Part 3

    | Santa Rosa, NM, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (A guest approaches the check-in window at 5:30 a.m.)

    Me: “Good morning! How are you?”

    Guest: “My wife wants to use the bathroom. She’s in there now.”

    Me: “Oh, alright, no problem! If there’s anything I can help you with, let me know.”

    Guest: “Are you happy?”

    Me: “Yes I am, sir! I’m always happy.”

    Guest: “Well, you shouldn’t be! It’s too early! Stop smiling! Now!”

    Related:
    Misery Demands Company, Part 2
    Misery Demands Company


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