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    The True Burden Of Society

    | North Carolina, USA |

    (I am working customer service at a well-known bookstore, and have just completed filling an order for an elderly woman over the phone.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, that takes care of that order. It’ll be here in a week and we’ll call you once it’s received.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, thank you very much. You’ve been a real help.”

    Me: “It’s no problem, ma’am. You have a good d–”

    Customer: “How dare you.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

    Customer: “How dare you say it was nothing to help me! As if helping me means nothing!”

    Me: *dumbfounded and a bit shocked*

    (At this point, the customer launches into a full-blown tirade against “my generation” and “young workers” who have “no respect for their elders.”)

    Customer: “And it’s just, you know, despicable how they can let you get away with something like this! I think that you all should–”

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “And I just think that–”

    Me: “Ma’am.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “Have a pleasant day, ma’am.” *hangs up*

    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5

    | Australia | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (Note: 40 degrees Celsius is about 104 degrees Fahrenheit.)

    Me: *on the phone* “Hi, I’ll need you to come and pick up your son right away. He’s not feeling very well.”

    Mother: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “He’s running a 40 degree temperature.”

    Mother: “Oh. No, he’s fine. That’s normal.”

    Me: “Uh, I’m sorry?”

    Mother: “Don’t worry about him, love. That’s normal. He’s a werewolf, you know. Werewolves run hot. Didn’t you know that?”

    (It takes me a few moments, but I realize she’s perfectly serious.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I still think you need to take him to the doctor.”

    Mother: “Ugh, fine. I’ll come and get him, but the doctor will only say what I told you!”

    Related:
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
    Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
    Less Twilight, More Daylight

    The Art Of Ignorance

    | Canberra, Australia | Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m working as concierge in a popular hotel in the city. At this time, there is a popular exhibition at the National Art Gallery featuring a number of Renaissance artists. I’ve just sold some tickets to a woman in her 40s.)

    Guest: “Thank you for these. I just love the classics!”

    Me: “Yes, the Renaissance exhibition is getting very popular.”

    Guest: “Still, it’s not as exciting as that French artist…What’s his name? Oh, Machiavelli!”

    Me: *confused* “Oh, you mean Monet?”

    Guest: *angry* “No! I mean MACHIAVELLI! Jeez, why am I even explaining this to a concierge?! It isn’t like you guys even understand what art is!” *walks off haughtily*

    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 6

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Books & Reading

    (I work in the large children’s section of a popular independent bookstore in our area.)

    Customer: “Do you guys carry those train wreck books?”

    Me: “Hmmm, I’m not familiar with anything like that. Is it a series, or maybe something from non-fiction?”

    Customer: “Yeah, It’s a series. The Trainwreck Kids!”

    (A light bulb goes on in my head.)

    Me: “Oh, wait, do you mean The Boxcar Children?”

    Customer: *blushes and starts to laugh* “Yeah, that’s it!”

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 5
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    Financially Bankrupt, Circumstantially Bereft, And Substantially Boneheaded

    | South Carolina, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, School

    (I work for the financial aid department at a local tech school. A student comes in and asks about his student loans.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Student: *dismayed response* “Yeah, I want to check my student loans request.”

    Me: “Sure thing. Can I get a student ID number?”

    Student: “I ain’t got one.”

    Me: “Can I have your last and first name?”

    Student: “Yeah.”

    (There’s an awkward silence as he doesn’t say anything.)

    Me: “Sir, may I get your last and first name?”

    Student: *gives name*

    (I search for the student, but can’t find him.)

    Me: “Sir, are you a student here?”

    Student: “I ain’t got time for this! I want my money!”

    Me: “Sir, you have to be a student to get student loans.”

    Student: *shocked* “Oh, s***, really?”


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