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May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

It’s A Strange World After All

| Orlando, FL, USA | History, Tourists/Travel

(I work at Walt Disney World.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Guest: “Yeah, is Walt Disney going to be in the afternoon parade?”

(After a short silence, I realize he’s not kidding.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but… Walt Disney died in 1966.”

Guest: “What!? Then is his brother in the parade?”

Me: “No, sir, his brother is dead, too.”

Guest: “Then one of his sons?”

Me: “Walt didn’t have any sons, sir.”

Guest: “Well then, who’s head of the company?”

Me: “Bob Iger, sir.”

Guest: “…then why isn’t it called Bob Iger World?”

To Her Question You Say Neigh

| Perth, WA, Australia | Pets & Animals

(I work at a motoring and leisure store that sells car accessories and camping gear.)

Me: “Welcome to [auto store]. How may I help you?

Caller: “Hi there! I just need some help. I’m after a horse for my daughter and I was wondering if you had any white ones?”

Me: “…I’m sorry; did you say you wanted a horse?”

Caller: “Yes, a white one!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is an auto store; we don’t sell horses, or any animals for that matter.”

Caller: “Of course you do; you guys are that huge blue store in the complex. I buy bird seed from you every month!”

(I’m confused, because we are a large blue store, but we certainly don’t sell bird seed.)

Me: “I can guarantee you we don’t sell bird seed, or horses.”

Caller: “But you’re the blue store!”

(I cover the phone and explain her request to my co-worker, who looks very amused. He takes the phone.)

Coworker: “Hi, ma’am, my coworker has explained your situation to me. I believe you may be talking about [pet and garden supply store]. They are in the same complex, and they are a blue store. I assume that’s where you bought your bird seed from.” *pauses while the caller is talking* “Not a problem, ma’am, but I don’t think they sell horses. In fact they only sell fish, and pet and garden supplies.”

(He pauses again, and puts the speaker-phone on.)

Caller: “…and they are going to sell me a HORSE, d*** it!” *click*

Desperately Needs Change In His Life

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

(I work at an amusement park. They are very strict about the money, and I am the head cashier. It’s about 100 degrees out, and there’s a long line of about 100 people waiting to place an order. A customer rudely cuts everyone in line, and starts talking to me.)

Rude Customer: “Hey bud, can you give me four quarters for a dollar?”

Customer In Line: “Hey, I was in line!”

Rude Customer: “Relax, I’ll only be a second.”

(The customer ignores the rest of the customers complaints.)

Me: “No, sir. I’m sorry; we’re not allowed to open the register.”

Rude Customer: “Aw, come on man! I just need four quarters.”

Me: “Well, if you want change, you can go to the customer service desk at the front of the park.”

Rude Customer: “Are you f****** serious!? It’s 100 f****** degrees outside; I am not going to the other side of the d*** park, you a**-wipe!”

Customer In Line: “Dude, no need to be a jack-a**. Plus, you cut in line anyways.”

Rude Customer: “Mind your own business you old lady. Dude, seriously, give me my f****** change for a dollar!”

(My manager overhears.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Rude Customer: “I need change for this f****** dollar, and your stupid-a** cashier won’t do it.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re not allowed to make change for a dollar. You need to go to the front of the park and go to customer service. They’ll do i—”

Rude Customer: “I was already f****** told that! And I already said, I am not walking all the f****** way over there!”

Customer In Line #2: “Dude, shut the f*** up already! We’re waiting in line for food, and clearly you’re not getting your change!”

Rude Customer: “Mind your own d*** business! I need it ’cause my girlfriend is on her f****** period!”

Customer In Line #3: “Here’s a stupid quarter you a**-wipe!”

(Customer In Line #3 proceeds to throw quarters at the customer who cut in line. The customer then proceeds to pick up the quarters. My manager bends over the counter and looks down at the man.)

Manager: “You have 10 minutes to get your girlfriend her tampon, and out of my park, before I call security!”

(The customers in line start clapping as he runs away, with no girlfriend in sight!)

Kick Off Your Sunday Shoe Store

| LA, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Musical Mayhem

(I am out shopping with two of my cousins. They decide we need to look at shoes. The store is nearly empty and they have a local oldies station playing. ‘Footloose’ comes on as they’re browsing the shoes.)

Me: “Ooh! Footloose! I love this song!”

Cousin #1: “Just don’t—”

(Before she can finish her sentence, I start dancing to the music. She and her sister hide their faces and walk off to look at shoes in another part of the store. The two employees, who had looked bored to tears, start laughing and clapping as I dance around the shoe fitting area. When the song ends, I plop down on one of the seats to catch my breath.)

Cousin #2: “We can’t take you anywhere!”

Employee #1: “Oh, she didn’t hurt anyone!”

Employee #2: “In fact, she just made our day! Thank you!”

Me: *grinning* “I work with the public, and I know the bad customers outweigh the good, so I figured I would brighten your day!”

Makes You Lose CTRL

| USA | Technology, Theme Of The Month

(My caller is having an issue with our website that I can’t replicate.)

Me:“Do you know how to create a screen shot and e-mail it to me? If not, I can walk you through it.”

Caller: “I have Windows 8. I could make a screen shot on my old computer, but you can’t make one on Windows 8.”

(As I use Windows 8 myself, I know this isn’t true.)

Me: “Let’s try and see if we can get it. Do you see the button on your keyboard that says ‘print scr’—”

Caller: “Honey, I worked as a tech for 10 years. If you want me to hit the Print Screen button, just say so. There!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I just wanted to make sure you knew where it was, but it sounds like you do. It’s actually alt and the print screen button.”

Caller: “Fine, now what?”

(I assume that she really does know a little about computers, considering the offense she took at my previous instructions. Not wanting to upset her, I decide to continue a bit faster.)

Me: “Okay, now you can paste that into an e-mail for me. Just let me know when you’re ready for my e-mail address.”

Caller: “I’m ready.”

(I give her my e-mail address, spelling it out.)

Me: “I’ll have a look at that screen shot as soon as I get your e-mail, and—”

Caller: “Well, it won’t do much good for you to get a blank e-mail, will it?”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Caller: “You didn’t tell me what to do with the screen shot!”

Me: “Oh, you can just paste it into the e-mail.”

(I’m about to ask if she knows how to do that ‘on Windows 8′.)

Caller: “Well, I’m hitting CTRL+P, and it’s not working!”

Me: “Try CTRL+V instea—”

Caller: “Never mind! It’s right click, then paste on my computer. I sent it. Let me know when it’s fixed.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I will.”

(I never did get that e-mail, and had to call her back the next day to repeat the whole process again.)

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