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    The Only Reason To Read Anyway

    | England, UK | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

    (A young teenage girl has been standing perplexed looking at the front covers of two books, “Twilight” and “Vampire Diaries”.)

    Me: “Having trouble finding a book?”

    Customer: “No, I’m just trying to work out which of these has the best sex scenes in them.”

    Honesty In A Modern Age

    | Lakewood, CO, USA | Technology

    Me: “Hey, you look like you’re looking for something in particular. What brings you into [store] today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need to buy a USB port. Where you guys keep them?”

    Me: “So, what is it you’re trying to do? Do you just need a USB hub? Are you trying to get more USB ports on your computer?”

    Customer: “No, I just need a USB port. My friend’s trying to get some pictures off her computer.”

    Me: “Oh, so you need a flash drive?”

    Customer: *laughing* “Yeah, I guess it’s been one of those days. I’m sure you’re going to go and tell all your co-workers about this aren’t you? That’s fine, I was an idiot.”

    No Country For Old (Wo)men

    | USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am on the phone helping a woman with her account.)

    Me: “Lastly, before we continue, I need some additional information. What is your country of citizenship?”

    Customer: “New York.”

    Me: “Right, your state is New York. What is your country?”

    Customer: “Oh! Manhattan.”

    Me: “Manhattan is not a country, it’s an island. What country are you a citizen of?”

    Customer: “I’m not. New York. Manhattan. I don’t know.”

    Me: “So, you pledge allegiance to the flag of…?”

    Customer: “I don’t know! Hold on.”

    (I can hear her asking a woman near her.)

    Customer: “My friend doesn’t know either!”

    A Boys’ Night (Not) Out

    | Alabama, USA | Top

    (I’m walking into a gay club opening in the city. I hear this exchange between a bouncer and an obviously straight guy standing outside.)

    Guy: “So, what kind of club is this, man?”

    Bouncer: “Um, you into chicks?”

    Guy: “Huh?”

    Bouncer: “Are you into women?”

    Guy: “Yeah, man. Yeah.”

    Bouncer: “This is not the place for you, then.”

    Guy: “Oh…OH!” *runs into parking lot*

    More Pressing Issues

    | Fayetteville, AR, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am a female employee at a sporting goods store. A elderly male with a noticeable limp comes in.)

    Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: “Yes. I need something for support.”

    Me: “Oh, yes, we keep all of the supporters on this wall.”

    (I indicate the various supporters: knees, shins, etc. He begins to look at the different kinds, before picking up a simple knee strap that is basically a thin velcro band. He opens and examines it.)

    Customer: “So this just straps around?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. It’s got velcro on the back so you can adjust the size and fasten it.”

    (There is a long pause as he looks like he’s trying to figure out how it works.)

    Customer: “So, how does this protect the testicles?”

    (I promptly direct him towards the cups and find a male employee to help him.)

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