Less Charge, Less Thanks

| TN, USA | Crazy Requests

(A coworker and I have just set up the sales sign in the store. We are discussing which signs are going to give us the most problems.)

Coworker: “The ones up front say everything is 30% off, but when I scanned it at the till, it’s 50% off.”

Me: “At least it’s not the other way around. Someone can have a pleasant surprise at the register.”

Manager: “Did you two see any of the signs for up front?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I put up the ones corporate sent us.”

Manager: “Did they say 50% off?”

Coworker: “No, they all said 30% off, but everything is ringing up at 50% off.”

Manager: “Oh. I just had a lady accuse me of false advertising.”

Coworker: “What? But she got the 50% off. Why would she complain? She got a better deal than the sign said.”

Manager: “I’m going to go make new signs…”

Not Worming Out Of This One

| CA, USA | Home Improvement, Pets & Animals

(I am on the phone with a customer.)

Customer: “What’s the best soil for my vegetable garden?”

Me: “[Brand] planting mix is an excellent soil for veggies. It’s all organic, and has chicken manure, kelp meal, and worm castings.”

Customer: “Worms? Like… worms?”

Me: “Earthworms, actually. Their castings… worm poop. It’s really good for the soil.”

Customer: “So the worms would be in my vegetables?”

Me: “No, it’s just their castings; they’ll be in the soil.”

Customer: “So when we eat the vegetables will there be worms?”

Me: “No… no worms, just their poop in the soil.”

Customer: “Yes, but will the worms be in our vegetables when we eat them?”

Me: “No… no worms.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes!”

Customer: “Ohhhhh kayyyyyyy.” *click!*

A Leftist Agenda

| MA, USA | Bizarre

(I am filling out a form to refill my medication. A fellow customer, here for a flu shot, sits down next to me. Note that I’m left-handed.)

Customer: “Woah! How are you doing that with your left hand?”

Me: “I’m left-handed.”

Customer: “Don’t you people like, flip around letters?”

Me: “No, can’t say I do. I think you’re thinking of dyslexia, which some left-handed people have.”

Customer: “Huh…”

(The customer notices that I’m writing with a gel pen.)

Customer: “Wait… you people can’t use gel pens! How do you write with that?”

Me: “Carefully.”

Customer: “What would happen if you used your right hand? Would it, like, work?”

Me: “Well, for most of us, no. My left hand is like your right hand, and my right hand is like your left hand. You could probably use your left hand if you had to, but it’s not ideal. The same goes for me with my right hand.”

Customer: “That’s so weird! I’ve never seen anything like this!”

The Mother Should Be Booked

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Top

(I am in high school, and earn money by paging in a library in a low-income area. Pages do the ‘grunt work’ of a library—mostly putting away books and cleaning up after people. I spend a lot of time in the children’s section, and talk a lot with the kids.)

Seven-Year-Old Girl: *showing me a picture book* “This book is really cool!”

Me: “Is it? What’s it about?”

Seven-Year-Old Girl: “It has dragons, and horses, and a bad guy, and fighting!”

Me: “Wow, that sounds like a pretty good book. Are you going to check it out and take it home to read?”

Seven-Year-Old Girl: “No, I can’t.”

Me: “Why not?”

Seven-Year-Old Girl: “My mommy can’t read, and she says that she doesn’t want us to read. She says that books are dumb!”

Bad At Math But Good At Infractions

| Ventura, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Math & Science

(My mom and I are in line at the register. In front of us is a customer with clearly a lot of things.)

Cashier: “Okay, your total comes to $15.31.”

Customer #1: “No, that’s not right. The dog food and water comes to $8.00!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry; let me try again. It still comes back to $15.31.”

Customer #1: “Look, you stupid b****! This should all come to $8.00! Old hags like you shouldn’t be f****** working today. You’re too stupid!”

(The cashier is in tears. My mom overhears this, and walks up to the customer.)

My Mom: “Now you listen, little brat. This woman has been polite, calm and patient with you. Just shut the f*** up and buy your things! Maybe if you had the intelligence to check the prices instead of relying on others, you wouldn’t be in this situation, would you? I’ve had an awful day, and I don’t want to spend the next ten minutes listening to your God-d*** mouth!”

(The customer remains silent the whole time. He buys his things and leaves. We walk up to the register.)

My Mom: “So, how was your day?”

Cashier: “Great! Thank you! I’ve been really stressed out. I really needed that.”

Me: “If you lived with us, you would hear a lot more than that!”

(We share a laugh, and the cashier gives us a discount on our things on behalf of my mom shutting the customer up!)

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