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    Fresher Than You’ll Ever Be

    | Massena, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    (I have worked at this concession stand for four years and this particular customer has been coming at least once a week since I started. Some variation of this same argument occurs every week.)

    Regular Customer: “Is that coffee fresh?”

    Me: “Relatively. I haven’t been open that long. You want some?”

    Regular Customer: “No. It needs to be fresh!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it is fresh. I just opened fifteen minutes ago.”

    Regular Customer: “No! I can only drink fresh coffee!”

    Me: “It is fresh coffee!”

    (The customer stands there and glares at me without saying a word for about a minute.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I am not making a new pot of coffee. This one is still fresh and over half-full.”

    Regular Customer: “Yeah, well, it’s not fresh! No one’s going to buy it!”

    Me: “Someone just did!”

    Regular Customer: “Well, no one else will because you’re trying to sell them old coffee! I need fresh coffee!” *storms off*

    Other Regular Customer: “You’d think she’d have learned just to bring her own d*** coffee by now.”

    Patience Is Priceless

    | USA | Family & Kids, Money, Top

    (Today I am the only teller working at the bank, as the rest of my coworkers have called in sick. A little boy whose head barely peeks over the counter waves his hand with a bag of coins in it.)

    Boy: “I want to put this on my savings account! I worked hard! I’m saving money for my girlfriend’s birthday!”

    (As it happens the cash counting machine is broken, so I have to count them by hand.)

    Me: “All right, let’s see how much you got there!” *starts adding up the pennies*

    (The customer behind the boy, an elderly woman, is growing very impatient.)

    Woman: “Oh, come on! I’ve got more to do!”

    Me: “Just a moment, ma’am.” *continues counting*

    Woman: *angry* “Hurry up! My time is valuable!”

    Me: *finally finished counting* “That’s $31.75! You can buy her a handsome gift!”

    Boy: *smiles* “Yeah, she’ll be happy! Bye!” *rushes outside*

    Me: “Bye!” *to the woman* “How can I help you?”

    Woman: *confused* “Oh…I forgot…”

    Me: “Please step aside, then, so I can help the next customer…”

    Woman: *face turns red, mumbles, leaves the bank*

    A Quack Of All Trades

    | Springfield, MA, USA | Health & Body

    (I work at the information desk in a section of the hospital allocated for renting to private practices. It’s a pretty large building, so we get a lot of patients asking directions to a certain doctor’s office.)

    Patient: “I have an appointment at 2:00. Where do I go?”

    Me: “Well, this is a large building with a lot of doctors in it. Who did you need to see?”

    Patient: “I don’t know. Can’t you look it up? My name is [name].”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I don’t have access to the doctors’ schedules. Do you remember what kind of doctor it was? General practitioner, cardiologist—”

    Patient: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “What were you seeing the doctor for?”

    Patient: “My kidneys, I think…”

    (I start going through the list of doctors looking for nephrologists.)

    Me: “Does [nephrologist] sound familiar?”

    Patient: “I don’t remember! Just tell me where my appointment is!”

    Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*, Part 3

    | Maryland, USA | Top

    (I’m a waitress in a coffee shop/bakery/deli located in the middle of a small town. I walk into the dining room to see the minister from the church across the street, a police officer from the station down the block, and a lawyer from the courthouse next door sitting at the counter. I’m looking at this strange sight when my boss comes up behind me.)

    Boss: “So a priest, a cop, and a lawyer walk into a bar…”

    Related:
    Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*, Part 2
    Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*

    Great State Of Confusion, Part 5

    | Missouri, USA | Geography

    Customer: “I need to know where you’re located. We want to visit the one in Quebec.”

    Me: “Okay, we actually don’t have any locations in Quebec. We do have Toronto which is in Ontario, and we have Calgary which is in Alberta.”

    Customer: “Um, I think it’s Tor—…no. I think it’s Calgary. That’s right.” *talks to someone in the background* “Wait, I guess it’s the one here in Denver!”

    Related:
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 4
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 3
    Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
    The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
    The Great State Of Confusion
    The Great State Of Ignorance

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