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    Don’t Have A Latte Faith In Self-Espression

    | Virginia, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (A customer comes in around 5:00 and orders a triple shot of espresso. I start to make it for him as he watches me the whole time.)

    Me: *handing him cup* “Here you go sir, your triple shot of espresso!”

    Customer: “This is a triple shot of espresso?” *looks down at cup*

    Me: “Yes, sir, it’s three shots of espresso.”

    Customer: “Oh, so what do I put in it?”

    Me: *slightly confused as to what he is asking* “That depends entirely on your preference, sir. We have creamers, milk, sugar, and add ins on the table behind you.”

    Customer: “So, I should put that stuff in?”

    Me: “Only if you want to.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (He proceeds to go to table and add everything on the table to the triple shot. Several minutes later, the customer comes in with the drink which is filled to the brim with milk/cream.)

    Customer: “You served me earlier and this isn’t a triple shot.”

    Me: “I remember you, sir, and it is. I handed you the triple shot.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I don’t want cream or milk in it. I need you to make it again.”

    Me: “Uh, sir, I’ll have to charge you again for the additional triple shot.”

    Customer: “I don’t think you understand. This drink is wrong! I don’t want milk in it!”

    Me: “I do understand, sir, but you put in the milk yourself.”

    Customer: “You said to put in the milk!”

    Me: “No, sir, I said it was down to your preference. How about you explain to me what you want in the triple espresso and I’ll give you a 10% discount?”

    Customer: “Fine, I want espresso and a little sugar.”

    Me: “All right, sir.”

    (I charge him and begin to make the drink again. This time just adding a little simple syrup, hand him drink.)

    Me: “Here’s your triple espresso!”

    Customer: *looks at drink, then to drink counter* “So, should I put milk in?”

    Me: “Do you want milk?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then, no.”

    There’s A Nut, But It’s Not In The Food

    | Leeds, UK | Food & Drink

    (We’re serving a table of 30. In each set of dishes, there’s one labelled “no nuts”. The first starter labelled no nuts is a prawn cocktail, so I don’t bother specifying one as no nuts.)

    Patron: “I ordered my prawn cocktail with no nuts. Are you sure there’s no nuts in this?”

    Me: “Positive, madam. The prawn cocktail is made without any nuts at all.”

    Patron: “I don’t believe you. Go and get it remade, and make sure there’s no nuts in it!”

    (I walk back into the kitchen and go to the chef.)

    Chef: “Is something wrong with that one?”

    Me: “No, she just wants one that doesn’t have any nuts in.”

    Chef: “But there’s no nuts in the Prawn Cocktail anyway.”

    (Not wanting to waste a perfectly good dish, I take the same cocktail back out to the customer, albeit with some extra cayenne sprinkled on top to differentiate it. Not surprisingly, she’s delighted.)

    We Will We Will Praise You

    | Ohio, USA | Family & Kids, Religion

    (I volunteer at a daycare. The daycare is very Christian, so we have a Christian radio station playing at all time. A song the teacher likes comes on. Note that it is a very slow “Praise the Lord and His angels”-type song.)

    Teacher: “I like this song!”

    Little girl #1: “Me too! Mommy has it on all the time!”

    Teacher: “What about you, [Little girl #2]? Do you know this song?”

    Little Girl #2: “No, but I know ‘We Will Rock You.’”

    Teacher: “Um—”

    Me: “Close enough.”

    Ready, Aim, Equality

    | Texas, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (Note: I work in the firearms department and am female.)

    Me: “Hi! Thank you for call—”

    Male Caller: “I told them to get me firearms, d*** it!”

    Me: “This is the firearms department. How may I—”

    Male Caller: “FIREARMS. FI-URRR-A-HARMS! Ain’t no women in guns. Mens the
    only ones who can know anything ’bout my situation!”

    (Unfortunately, I have become used to this and hand the phone to a nearby male coworker.)

    Coworker: “Yes, sir…uh huh…well, sir for that situation you would have to talk to our ATF compliance associate. Okay…I won’t put you on hold…they are standing right here.”

    (My coworker hands the phone back to me.)

    Me: “Hi, ATF Compliance!”

    Male Caller: *click*

    All You Need Is Love, Part 2

    | Michigan, USA | Awesome Customers

    (This is at the end of the conversation after explaining charges to a customer.)

    Customer: “Have I told you today that I love you?”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry…what?”

    Customer: “Have I told you today that I love you?”

    Me: “Oh, you just did.”

    Customer: “I love you!”

    Me: “Thank you? And thank you for calling [utility company]. Have a great day!”

    All You Need Is Love

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