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    Now Playing: The War On Germs

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    (I’m tearing tickets when a woman walks up to me with four children. She is holding two large popcorns and a large drink.)

    Me: “Tickets, please.”

    Customer: “They’re buried in my pocket. Would you hold one of my popcorns while I dig them out?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (She hands me one of her popcorns, which I hold in both hands in front of me. She begins digging in her pocket.)

    Customer: “Hold it away from you.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I don’t want you to hold it so close to your body.”

    (I look down at the popcorn, which I’m already holding at least six inches away from my body, looking confused.)

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    (She immediately grabs the popcorn out of my hands then continues rummaging through her pocket looking for her tickets. She sets the popcorn I was holding precariously on the edge of a nearby trash can, trying to hold it up while looking it in her pocket. Suddenly she loses her grip and the popcorn spills on the floor.)

    Customer: *forlorn, looking at the spilled popcorn* “I’ll take that as a loss.”

    Related:
    Now Selling The War On Germs, Aisle 5

    It’s Been Ages Since We’ve Seen Those Words

    | USA | Tourists/Travel

    (A woman approaches my counter after spending an unusually long time reading the “Arrivals” and “Departures” board.)

    Passenger: “What does ‘On Time’ mean?”

    Customer Service Does (Not) Speak Your Language

    | Topeka, Kansas, USA | Language & Words

    Me: “[Store Name], this is Grace. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “What’s on the down low?”

    Me: *thinking I heard her wrong* “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Caller: “What’s on the down low?”

    Me: “Um, not a lot.”

    Caller: *angrily* “What’s on the down low?”

    Me: “I’m really sorry. I just don’t think I’m understanding you.”

    Caller: “WHAT’S ON THE DOWN LOW?!”

    Me: “What?”

    Caller: “WHAT TIME Y’ALL CLOSE?!”

    Me: “Oh, we close at 9 PM.”

    The Shame Diet

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    (At our cafe, the chefs occasionally put out a plate of food in the kitchen for everyone to nibble on when they have a moment of spare time. The chefs had put out a bowl of chips. Having a 10 second rest, I grab one chip. There happens to be a customer in front of the counter and he looks at me knowingly.)

    Customer: “Calories.” *walks off*

    The Art Of Switching Sides

    | Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work at a hotel that serves free breakfast to its guests. I’m setting it up when this encounter happens.)

    Guest: “I just heard you cough back there!”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s just a small cough. I’m just getting over a cold.”

    Guest: “I’m going to report you to the board of health!”

    Me: “For coughing?”

    Guest: “Yes, for coughing! You’re serving food and I know you’re coughing all over it! I can see the germs crawling all over the food!”

    Me: “I can assure you, ma’am, I’m not coughing on the food. I wouldn’t want to eat coughed on food so I wouldn’t serve it.”

    Guest: “I know how you hotel people are! You want all the guests to get sick so they’ll leave and you can sit on your lazy asses all day!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if no one showed up to the hotel I wouldn’t have a job. I assure you I didn’t cough on the food.”

    (Suddenly, the guest changes her tone and attitude as if nothing had happened.)

    Guest: “Well, if I were you, I would. Some people are so rude. They think they can just barge in and walk all over girls like you, making ridiculous accusations and get away with it. Bless your soul for being such a moral girl.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Guest: “You have a wonderful day! Thanks for setting breakfast up for us early risers.”


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