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    Fractional Intelligence

    | Texas, USA | Math & Science

    Customer: “I need to know the height of this refrigerator.”

    Me: “Sure, it’s 69 3/4 in.”

    Customer: “Is 3/4 more or less than a half?”

    Me: “It’s slightly more.”

    Customer: “No, that can’t be right!”

    How To Make An Employee’s Day

    | New York, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I work at a call center. As I’m working, I overhear my coworker talking another call.)

    Coworker: “Hi, my name is [name]. I’m calling from [organization]…”

    (As usual, I tune her out since it’s just a script and focus on my own call. However, after a few minutes, she hangs up and excitedly speaks to everyone in the room.)

    Coworker: “Guys! She used my name!”

    Manager: “What?”

    Coworker: “She used my name! When she hung up, she said, ‘Have a nice day, [name]‘!”

    (To this day, whenever the room’s getting a little down, someone always tells the story of the customer who used her name!)

    Language That Belongs In The Toilet

    | Apple Valley, MN, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I’m stocking shelves when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any a** wipe?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “You know, a** wipe?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Toilet paper?”

    Me: “Oh! Aisle 6.”

    (The customer smiles and leaves. I’m from the area, so I can confirm that “a** wipe” isn’t a regional term for toilet paper!)

    Weekend Roundup: When Customers Attack!

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups, Wild & Unruly

    When Customers Attack! This week, we share stories of unruly customers who prefer (violent) action over words!

    1. Bull In A China Shop:
      Sticks & stones may break my bones, but naked, guitar-throwing customers can really hurt me!
    2. Acute Mental Failure:
      HULK CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOSPITAL DOOR! HULK SMASH!
    3. (Full) Front(al) Desk:
      Can’t check into your hotel room, lady? Just mentally check out by ripping off your clothes and running in circles!
    4. Fudge In Flight:
      A customer airs their fudge frustrations by sending their ice cream sundae airborne.
    5. Marriage: The Ultimate Slippery Slope:
      Here’s to throwing your belongings in the air like you just don’t care!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Might We Suggest Anti-Virus Protection

    | Melbourne, Australia | Technology

    Customer: “My TV has a USB port and the manual says I need something to plug into it to be able to record. A HDD, or SSD, or an STD or something.”

    Me: “Oh, a hard drive! Sure, let me show you where they are.”

    (I show the customer to the hard drives and we discuss how much space he needs.)

    Customer: “So, should I get the 320GB or the 750GB STD?”

    Me: “Uh, well it depends on how much you think you’ll be recording.”

    Customer: “Well, at this price, I’ll just get the cheaper one. Then, if it fills up, I can get more. My family can swap STDs whenever they need to, then!”

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