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    E Is For Close Enough

    | Davenport, IA, USA | Family & Kids

    (Overheard in the video game section of a toy store.)

    Kid: “That’s the game!”

    (The father picks it up to read it as his child waits impatiently.)

    Kid: “That’s the one! Let’s go!”

    Father: “Hang on. I need to see if this is the right game for you.”

    Kid: “But it’s rated ‘E!’ ‘E’ stands for ‘Anybody!’”

    Separate, But (Not) Equal

    | Wisconsin, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (I am explaining our different room types to someone who has never stayed with us. The hotel I work for is very small and has a different name for many suites.)

    Me: “And lastly, we have our Supreme and Premiere suites, which are our largest units.”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “They are exactly the same, except the Supreme is on the left side of the hall and the Premiere is on the right side.”

    Customer: “What’s the price difference?”

    Me: “They cost the same.”

    Customer: “Which one is better?”

    Me: “They are exactly the same.”

    Customer: “But which one is better?”

    Me: “They are the same. Just opposite sides of the hall.”

    Customer: “Just tell me which one is better, dear.”

    Me: “The Supreme?”

    Customer: “Thank you! You’ve been such a sweetheart!”

    Ignoring The Signs

    | Duluth, MN, USA |

    (Note that I wear hearing aides, but I don’t understand more than one phrase of sign language. However, I do quite well if someone is facing me.)

    Me: “Are you finding everything okay?”

    Customer: “Actually I need some help. I’m looking for–” *turns away while mumbling*

    Me: “Ma’am, can you face me and repeat that? I have a minor hearing problem, and you won’t have to repeat yourself so much if you face me.”

    Customer: “Oh! Would signing be easier?”

    Me: “Actually, I don’t speak a word of sign, so if–”

    Customer: *signs*

    Me: “Ma’am, I actually don’t–”

    Customer: *continues signing*

    Me: “Ma’am, I really don’t understand what you’re saying. If you could please just tell me what you need, I can help you easier.”

    Customer: *still signing and not saying a word*

    Me: *in sign language* “I don’t understand sign language.”

    Customer: “Well, why didn’t you say so?”

    Sandwich Privileges Now Revoked

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (A customer has just ordered a sandwich and has moved over to stand near the pickup counter.)

    Me: “Medium mocha on the bar!”

    Customer: “Is this my sandwich?”

    Me: “Um, no. Large latte!”

    Customer: “Is this my sandwich?”

    Me: “Still no.”

    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

    | Utah, USA | Technology

    Caller: “My Outlook isn’t working anymore. When I put my password in, it doesn’t log me in.”

    Me: “Are you able to access your email using web-access for our email system?”

    Caller: “What’s that?”

    (This is forgivable. Oftentimes, professors don’t know that they can access their work email using a website as well.)

    Me: “Okay, well, if you just go to [site.domain.edu] and enter your credentials–”

    Caller: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s the URL of the web access client. Just open your internet browser and type it in–”

    Caller: “What’s an internet browser?”

    Me: “It’s the program you use to access the internet.”

    Caller: “What’s the internet?”

    Me: *speechless*


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