(I have lived in the US for five years, but I still speak with a slight accent.)
Me: “Did you find everything alright?”
Customer: “Can someone else help me, please?”
Me: “I’m sorry?”
Customer: “I want someone who isn’t Mexican to help me. You already took enough jobs, thank you very much.”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m not Mexican.”
Customer: “Yes, yes you are!” *reads my name tag* “Maria is such a Mexican name!”
Me: “Ma’am, I’m Portuguese.”
Customer: “Oh, Mexico, Portugal, Costa Rica. It’s all the same. You come into our country and steal all of our jobs. Just because you’ve hopped the fence doesn’t give you the right to be here!”
Me: “Ma’am, Portugal is in Europe. It’s located next to Spain. We speak Portuguese there. It is impossible to hop across an ocean and into the US.”
Customer: “Go back to Castro then, communist!”
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(A couple is holding at a kitten and waiting in line at a closed register.)
Me: “Hi, would you like to buy this cat?”
Customer: “I was wondering if I could get this in a different color?”
Me: “Well, we have many different colors of kittens. If you’ll come with me I can show you some others we have.”
Customer: “Well, I mean I want this model kitten, but in a different color.”
Me: “Well, kittens don’t really work that way. They have all different fur patterns and colors.”
Customer: “Yes. I want this fur pattern but a different color!”
Customer’s husband: “Sweetie, I think she’s trying to say that the kittens will look different no matter what.”
Customer: “If she wanted to sell me something, she would look for the right model kitten! This is terrible service! How dare they! Honey, we’re going to a different pet store!”
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3,387 Thumbs Up!)
Customer: “My phone doesn’t work, it has dial sound only!”
Me: “Okay, what I need you to do is to reset your phone by disconnecting it from the power and try the main phone connection.”
Customer: “No, I don’t have time to do that. You have to send out a serviceman and fix this now!”
Me: “Yes, of course we can do that. However, if the serviceman discovers that the problem is related to your phone or cables, you will have to pay for the service which is 1875NOK (around $290 USD).”
Customer: “What did you say that I had to do first?”
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Me: “This computer’s serial number is 5, 2, Bravo, Delta–”
Customer: “Whoa, hold up! I’m a civilian, I don’t do that military lingo. Try that again.”
Me: “Okay, it’s 5, 2, B, D–”
Customer: “Wait, was that two B’s?”
Me: “No, that’s Bravo, Delta.”
Customer: “I’m not in the military! Speak English!”
Me: “B as in Bravo. D as in Delta.”
Customer: “There, was that so hard?”
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2,397 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “Your vehicle is a total loss.”
Customer: “My vehicle is in great condition!”
Me: “It’s 14 years old and it costs more to repair your vehicle than it’s worth.”
Customer: “Well, my son is 14 years old and he’s not falling apart!”
Related:
Ah, Mothers, Part 4
Ah, Mothers, Part 3
Ah, Mothers, Part 2
Ah, Mothers
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1,566 Thumbs Up!)
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