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    Detox, Retox

    | New Jersey, USA | Health & Body

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pest control] this is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just got medicated on Thursday and I am not due in again until next week. However, I have to work the day I am supposed to come in. Can I come in and get medicated today? I know you are closing soon I can get over there soon.”

    Me: “Um, I think you have the wrong number.”

    Customer: “Oh, this isn’t the methadone clinic?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this is a pest control company.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *hangs up*

    The Truth Is Waaay Out There

    | Southern Missouri, USA | Bizarre

    Customer: “Do you know who wrote Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”

    Me: “Oh yeah…it was the same guy who wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I can show you where it is.”

    Customer: “When I first heard about this book, I was shocked! I had to sit there for a minute and see if I remembered any of my teachers mentioning that Lincoln killed vampires.”

    (I decide to remain silent while she continues.)

    Customer: “You know, the government tries to keep things like this from us. You can tell, because they never mention any of the supernatural things that happen in the news. You know…all those true exorcism and demon movies!”

    A Sense Of Inflaming Doom

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. What would you like to order today?”

    Customer: “I need to order half a dozen cinnamon raisin bagels.”

    Me: “Sure, I will get that for you.”

    Customer: “Just so you know, they have to be slightly burned, but not too slightly burned. They cannot look perfect without a small burn. Otherwise, I will freak out and have a bad day!”

    (I search through the cinnamon raisin bagels for those with the slightest burn. Thinking this should be satisfactory, I present them to her for inspection.)

    Customer: “They are too burned! You ruined my day! I warned you! I demand to see your manager!”

    Less Is More, More Or Less, Part 2

    | Florida, USA | Money

    Me: “Your total is $24.30 (before tax).”

    Customer: “I want to use my coupon.”

    (The coupon is for $10 off a purchase of $25 or more.)

    Me: “Your total is $24.30, so you need to spend $.70 more to use that coupon.”

    Customer: “What do I do?”

    Me: “You could just add something.”

    Customer: “But I don’t need anything!”

    (Despite my attempts to help her save money, the customer continued to refuse to add anything. So, what did she do? She paid the full price and left, oblivious to the fact she could have saved over $10 by spending just $0.70 more.)

    Related:
    Less Is More, More Or Less

    Don’t Know Thy Enemy

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (Note: I never forget a face, ever. A man walks into my bank, straight to my desk. He has a look on his face as if he knows exactly who I am. However, I have never seen him before in my life.)

    Man:*smiles and sits down at my desk* “Your mother is a dirty w****.”

    Me: “E-e-excuse me?!”

    Man: “You heard me. A dirty, nasty w****.”

    Me: “Sir, first of all, I am certain you don’t know my mother, since she’s dead. Second, you need to leave right now for speaking like that.”

    Man: “Wait, is this [competitor]?”

    Me: “No, no it’s not. Please leave.”

    Man: *quickly leaves*

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