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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Grand Theft Innocence

    | Georgia, USA | Family & Kids

    (Note: it’s illegal to sell games rated M to small children without parental consent. A young boy and girl, both about ten years old, bring a game well-known for violence, sex, and other child-inappropriate behavior to the counter.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I need your parent’s permission before I can sell you this.”

    Kid #1: “Why? He said we can have it. We have the other ones. Just sell it to me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll have to get your parent’s permission first.”

    Kid #2: “Fine. I’ll go get him. Daddy is in the car.”

    (The kid returns, followed by her irate dad.)

    Dad: “Why won’t you sell them this stupid game? I had to get out of the car because you can’t trust my children not to buy something they shouldn’t? I have good kids!”

    Me: “I’m sure you do, sir. It’s a law, though. I can get fired if I don’t make sure to get your permission.”

    Dad: “There’s nothing wrong with this game! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (My manager comes over and gets and ear-full from the guy. He explains how I’ve insulted him and his children by making him come inside.)

    Manager: “Well, sir, she’s absolutely right. This game is rated mature and has some pretty rough language and sexual content.”

    Dad: “Don’t you think I know what the game is? They have the other ones.”

    Manager: “I’m a little surprised, sir. I don’t allow my kids to play this game. It’s pretty violent.”

    Dad: “I turn the volume down! What kind of parent do you think I am?”

    Manager: “Well, sir, you can’t turn the volume down on beating a hooker with a baseball bat.”

    (The dad storms out of the store with his kids, all the while asking if they knew about the hookers and baseball bats.)

    Some Days Just Aren’t Worthy

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store] uniforms. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I have a couple of questions. First off, do you guys sell uniforms?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Caller: “Okay, great, now my second question is, are you guys open?”

    Me: “Yes, we are open all week.”

    Caller: “So, you’re closed on Sundays?”

    Me: “No, we are open all 7 days.”

    Caller: “But you just said you’re open all week.”

    Me: “Yes, hence the seven days.”

    Caller: “Hey, don’t get smart with me! There are only 5 days in the week and 2 days in the weekend!”

    Me: *confused* “No, there are 7 days in a week and we are open all seven days.”

    Caller: “I want to speak to your manager now!”

    Me: “Okay, please hold and I’ll transfer you.”

    Manager: “Hello, [manager] speaking, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you people just hire the most stupid people on the planet?”

    Friends In Unusual Places

    | New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Top

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a parcel.”

    Me: “May I have your tracking number, please?”

    Customer: “My what?”

    Me: “Your tracking number. All of our parcels have tracking numbers which the sender can give you if you do not have it.”

    Customer: “Why don’t you have it?”

    Me: “Because I didn’t send you the parcel.”

    Customer: “So, who did then?”

    Me: “Sir, do you not know who sent you the item?”

    Customer: “No, but my neighbor just had something delivered and I want one too. So send me something now!”

    (The caller then muffles the phone and I can hear what sounds like sobs.)

    Me: “Sir, are you okay?”

    Customer: “I’m so lonely and I just wanted to get a present!” *more sobbing*

    Customer: “I’m so lonely!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Never mind, I’ll go now…”

    Me: “Sir…wait. We do have a parcel for you. I just need to confirm your address to send it to you. It will be there this afternoon!”

    (After he gives me his address, I have a quick whip around the call center and we get a card signed by the team, put in a few chocolate bars with other happy bits and pieces, and send it to him. He calls the next day and thanks us all. Now, he rings once a week on average, and we are all happy to chat with him.)

    They Swim Upriver To Mate

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “I would like to schedule a Grand Canyon white water rafting and whale watching trip, please.”

    Me: “So you’d like a tour to go to the Grand Canyon and then a tour to the ocean for whale watching?”

    Customer: “No, I want to see the whales at the Grand Canyon!”

    Fertility Is A Contest

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout

    (My coworker and I are talking in our tills since it’s a slow night when a woman walks up.)

    Customer: “I have eggs. A lot of eggs.” *walks away*

    Coworker: “Uh, that’s great?”

    Supervisor: “Sorry, girls, she runs a baking charity. I believe she’s picking up 16 dozen eggs today.”


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