Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,226 thumbs up)
  • Must Have Been The Funny Farm

    | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (Note: I work in a farm supply store. In addition to selling the usual stuff like equipment, animal feed, and seed, it also sells chickens and chicks.)

    Customer: “Where are your nugget chickens?”

    Me: “…Pardon?”

    Customer: “Your NUGGET chickens!”

    Me: “I’m afraid I’m not understanding what you are looking for. Are you wanting to purchase chicks, or perhaps full grown chickens?”

    Customer: “No, no, no! You know, the chickens that lay nuggets!”

    Me: *puzzled expression*

    Customer: “CHICKEN NUGGET CHICKENS, for crying out loud! I promised my son I’d get him one! He loves chicken nuggets!”

    Me: “Ma’am, chicken nuggets are not laid by chickens. Chickens lay eggs. Nuggets are small pieces of chicken that have been breaded and baked or fried.”

    Customer: “I’ll have you know, Missy, I grew up on a farm and I know what I’m talking about! Nevermind, I’ll just try the store in the next town. You’re worthless!”

    Bottom-Rung Bozos

    | Florida, USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

    (This takes place in a small, mom-and-pop gift store. Note: I am about 7 months pregnant when this takes place.)

    Customer: “Hey you, girl! I need one of those games at the top of the shelf.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem, sir. Just give me a moment to finish up here and I’ll grab it.”

    Customer: “Well, hurry up!”

    (The customer continues to mutter about me being useless. I go to grab the ladder when my coworker, who happens to be the owner’s son, sees this.)

    Coworker: *to me* “Oh hey…you don’t need to be on that ladder. I got it.”

    Customer: *to coworker* “What?! No, I asked her. Let her do it!”

    Coworker: “Sir, it’s not safe for her to be up there right now.”


    (Note: the customer himself is extremely large.)

    Coworker: “Sir, she’s pregnant, not fat.”

    Customer: “Stupid b**** is just fat! You shouldn’t accommodate fatties! She’s just a fat b****! Make her do her job! STOP ACCOMMODATING THE FATTIES!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m seven months pregnant, not fat, and if you continue to use vulgar language, I will have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “You stupid b****! Do your d*** job, you stupid fat a**!”

    Me: “I’m refusing you service. Please leave.”


    (The owner, who has overheard the entire exchange, comes over.)

    Owner: “Sir, you shouldn’t be carrying on and calling people fatties…especially pregnant women.”


    Owner: “I’ll do you one better: I own this store, and if I see you in my store again, I will have you arrested for trespassing. Oh…and NO, you don’t pay her salary: I do, and I plan to give her a big raise after this.”

    Customer: “SCREW YOU! You can’t talk to me this way. I’m a paying customer!”

    Coworker: “Hey buddy, you just blow in from stupid town? You haven’t bought anything.”


    (In his anger, he knocks down a rack of merchandise over and hauls out of the store as fast as he can.)

    Coworker: “I’m going to call the police…”

    (The customer was arrested less than a block away, and I got a raise.)

    When Intelligences Cancel Out, Part 2

    | Lawrence, KS, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I work as a cashier. At the checkout, the display on the cash back screen shows the amounts. Underneath is a large “No Cash Back” button, and below that in the corner is a small “Cancel” button.)

    Me: “Your total is $25.88.”

    Customer: “This will be debit.” *swipes card* “Oh, I hit the ‘Cancel’ button.”

    Me: “That’s okay. You’ll need to swipe it again.”

    Customer: “I don’t get why you can’t make this clearer! I don’t want cash back.”

    Me: “Then you need to hit the button that says ‘No Cash Back’, not the ‘Cancel’ button.”

    Customer: “That’s just dumb! Why don’t you make a button that just says ‘Cancel’ if you don’t want cash back?!”

    When Intelligences Cancel Out

    Animal, Mineral, Debatable

    | Boston, MA, USA | Math & Science

    (The store I worked at sells rock and mineral specimens, so it’s quite common that customers don’t know much about what they are buying. Luckily, I have a geology background, so I can explain in detail what things are.)

    Customer: *points up at a piece* “What is that?”

    Me: “It’s a chrysanthemum stone.”

    Customer: “Well, what is that?”

    Me: “It’s strontium sulfate that forms on top of a black limestone.”

    Customer: “But what IS that?”

    Me: “Strontium sulfate is Celestite. This is just a different form of it, but deposited on a limestone; it looks like a flower.”

    Customer: “But what is THAT though? It’s not a fossil of a flower, is it?”

    Me: “No, it’s a mineral on top of a limestone. Limestones are a fine-grained sedimentary rock. The crystallization just makes it looks like a flower.”

    Customer: “So it’s a rock on top of another rock?”

    Me: “Not technically, but sort of…I don’t know how to explain it simpler than that.”

    Customer: “So, it’s two rocks in one! I’ll take it.”

    Me: “Okay, great. I’ll assume you want an info card on it?”

    Customer: “Nah, it’s just a rock on a rock. That’s all I need to know!”

    Freak For Yourself

    | Wisconsin, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am at a Chinese restaurant with a friend. A group of four settle at a table beside us, including a couple in their 40s and what appears to be a set of their parents. The waitresses are obviously Chinese and speak English with accents.)

    Waitress: “What would you like for drinks?”

    Older Husband: “Diet Coke, please.”

    Waitress: “Sorry, no diet. We ran out.”

    Older Wife: “He can only drink diet, though!”

    Waitress: “We have no diet. I am sorry!”

    Older Wife: “You don’t understand!” *speaks slowly for her* “Only. Diet. Coke!”

    Waitress: “But—”

    Older Husband: “It’s okay. I will have water, then.”

    Waitress: “Okay!” *hurries away, slightly flustered*

    Older Wife: *to her husband* “You scared her away!”

    Page 931/2,216First...929930931932933...Last