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    Morpheus, Tarantino, And The Green Lantern Walk Into A Bar

    | Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Geeks Rule

    (It’s a slow day and there haven’t been many customers come through. Around lunch time two teenagers, a girl and a boy come into the store and start browsing through the boxes of comic books. I overhear snippets of their conversation; the boy seems to have no idea of anything that he is seeing, while the girl does. They stop in front of a large poster commemorating 20 years of Sandman comics. The boy reads from a list one character is holding.)

    Boy: “Death… Despair… Morpheus!” *to the girl* “Help me find Morpheus!”

    Girl: “Who?”

    Boy: “Morpheus! You know big dude from the Matrix series?”

    Girl: “I know, but you do realise he won’t be there, right?”

    Boy: “His name is on the list. And this is a comic book store, he should be on there!”

    Girl: “Dude, really? The poster says that it’s from the Sandman series. Why do you expect a guy from The Matrix to be there? Morpheus was a god of the realm of sleep and dreams, and if you look at the other names on that list they seem pretty god-like. There isn’t a big black dude on that poster and if I were to hazard a guess, he would be Morpheus.” *points to a figure on the poster* “You’re a bit embarrassing.”

    (She moves away to look at the collectible figurines from movies and television shows while he continues to puzzle over the poster. He eventually comes over and accidentally knocks some of the toys off of the shelf. She cringes while he’s picking them back up.)

    Girl: Oh hey, that’s a Kill Bill action figure!”

    Boy: “What’s Kill Bill?”

    Girl: “Are you kidding? Kill Bill is probably one of the best films Tarantino has made!”

    (They move to leave, when the girl comes over and looks at the box of badges on the counter. The boy grabs her by the elbow and pulls her out of the store.)

    Girl: “But.. but… the Lantern Corps insignias were on those! Beware my power, Green Lantern’s LIGHT!”

    Chat Up Knock Down

    | LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Rude & Risque, Top

    (My boyfriend, who is 5’9″ and 175 lbs. of lean muscle, has come to visit me at work. He’s standing across the counter from me when a customer walks in. Not wanting to be in the way, he moves to stand near our fountain drink. The customer walks up to the counter and gives me a lecherous smirk.)

    Customer: “How you doin’ hot stuff? You sure are fine.”

    Me: *rolls eyes* “I’m not interested. I have a boyfriend, and he’s—”

    Customer: “Yeah, sure. I’ll bet he’s a p****. I’ll show you a real man.”

    Me: “I’ll have you know my boyfriend was in the Army and is an MMA fighter, so—”

    Customer: “That don’t mean s***! Give me your number and I’ll show you what a real man can do for you.”

    (I realize I’m not going to get through to this customer, so I sigh and look over to my boyfriend.)

    Me: “Babe, will you please explain to him that I know what a real man is, and what a real man can do?”

    (Hearing this, my boyfriend stands up straight, smirks, and cracks his knuckles.)

    Boyfriend: “Gladly, baby girl. I was wondering when you were going to let me step in.”

    Customer: *pales* “Oh, uh, never mind!” *runs out of the store*

    Boyfriend: *laughs* “Good thing he didn’t know I need a knee replacement, huh?”

    Just Kidding!

    We Can’t Fix Stupid

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