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    Time To Close The Books On This One

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bookstore]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, yes, I’m trying to reach your store in Short Hills but no one will answer the phone.”

    Me: “Oh… well, the location in Short Hills actually closed three years ago.”

    Caller: “No, I don’t think you know what I’m talking about. I mean the one in the mall.”

    Me: “Yes, that was our only location in Short Hills. It closed because the mall wanted to jack up the rent.”

    Caller: “That’s ridiculous! I go to that store all the time. The number I have isn’t working and I can’t find it listed anywhere, so I need you to give me the phone number.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry to tell you this, but the number isn’t working because that store no longer exists. You can’t find it listed for the same reason.”

    Caller: “I was there last week!”

    Me: “I… don’t think that’s possible. There isn’t even a bookstore in that mall anymore.”

    Caller: “Oh, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Get me the number or get me someone else who can!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I actually used to work at that location. It closed down, so I transferred to this store three years ago. Is there something I can help you find, other than the number for the Short Hills store?”

    Caller: “You know, the employees at the Short Hills store are going to be VERY upset that you’re saying this about them! I’m going to drive over there right now and tell them all about this!”

    (One hour later, my coworker answers the phone.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling—”

    Caller: “WHY IS THERE A CLOTHING STORE WHERE YOUR SHORT HILLS STORE USED TO BE?!”

    All That Glitters Is Not Old

    | Florida, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I’m working at a face painting booth at a local park. A gentleman in his 60s comes up with two small girls. They decide to get painted and hop into the chairs.)

    Me: “Sir, the designs they chose both come with optional glitter and lipstick. Is that okay?”

    Gentleman: “Absolutely, go all out! Glitter, lips, the works. Maybe this’ll teach Grandma not to leave the kids alone with Pop-Pop!”

    In The Wrong Place At The Right Time

    | PA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m busing tables at a small, family owned restaurant. There is another restaurant about fifteen minutes away with the same name, so we sometimes get mix ups. We are just started to slow down after a fairly busy dinner rush when I overhear the hostess talking to a customer.)

    Hostess: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I placed an order with you guys and I’m here to pick it up.”

    (The hostess checks but sees no order for her.)

    Hostess: “I’m not seeing any order under your name. Are you sure you didn’t accidentally call [other restaurant] instead?”

    Customer: “How DARE you accuse me of being that dumb? Of course I called here! You just can’t do your job right. Look in the back; I’m sure they have it!”

    (The hostess goes to the back waitress station but doesn’t find it. She decides to call the other restaurant, and, sure enough, they have her order.)

    Hostess: “Ma’am, I just called the other restaurant and they have your order. If you’d like, we can put your order in now but it won’t be done for another fifteen minutes.”

    Customer: “NO! I need my food now! Give me someone else’s. I have stuff to do!”

    Hostess: “I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. You can either drive fifteen minutes to the other restaurant, or you can wait fifteen minutes and get it here.”

    Customer: “Hmph, fine! I guess I’ll wait, but this is the worst service I’ve ever had!”

    (As she waits, the customer stands at the counter while tapping her her foot and staring at her watch. When her food is finally finished, she tears it out of the hostess hands and storms out.)

    Customer: “I’M NEVER COMING TO THIS S***HOLE AGAIN!”

    Next Customer: *to the hostess* “…and we’re all very thankful for that!”

    Time To Get Your Self Checked Out

    | Newmarket, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “I want to make a complaint! The cashier triple charged me for the cheese!”

    Me: “Really? Let me see the receipt so I can give you a refund.”

    Customer: *shoves the receipt at me*

    Me: “Ma’am, you said the cashier triple charged you?”

    Customer: “Yes, and she was very rude and disrespectful!”

    Me: “Ma’am, our receipts show which till the sale went through on. You were on self-checkout, so you overcharged yourself. Are you still wanting to make a complaint?”

    Customer: *stammers and quickly leaves, minus her refund*

    Next Customer: *jokingly* “Hi, I’m feeling guilty and would like to complain about myself as well!”

    Your Weekend Makes My Grief Extend

    | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Bizarre

    Customer: “So, how are you spending your long weekend?”

    Me: “I’m working here.”

    Customer: “Why would you be here?”

    Me: *confused* “Because I’m working?”

    Customer: “But why?”

    Me: “Um, because I’m scheduled to work.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense!” *walks away*

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