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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Nuts All Around

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Movies & TV

    (I’m working at the concession stand. A woman and her grandson walk up to my register.)

    Customer: “One bag of M&Ms and a drink.”

    Me: “Would you like plain, peanut, or peanut butter?”

    Customer: “Plain! He can’t have peanuts, he’s very allergic.”

    (The transaction continues as normal, and they purchase popcorn, which is commonly made with peanut oil at other theaters.)

    Me: “Just so you know, our popcorn is made with coconut oil instead of peanut oil, so he can eat that.”

    Customer: *stops dead in her tracks* “No! Coco-NUT! It’s a nut. He can’t eat it.”

    (I can’t manage a response before she walks off with her grandson.)

    Manager: *walks over, laughing* “Did that really just happen?”

    Now With Extra Mahalo

    | Utah, USA |

    (On a sign advertising our new coconut flavored drink, the picture of the cup has “add aloha” in the custom box.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, what can I make for you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, yeah, um… can I get a mocha…no, wait…caramel frap? And will you add aloha?”

    Me: “Okay, so a caramel frappuccino…but what is aloha?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s on the sign out here.”

    Me: “Oh! Yeah, that’s just advertising for our new coconut flavor. It’s just saying you can add the flavor of the tropics, like Hawaii, you know?”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. That’s all then.”

    Faster Than You Can Think

    | Lacey, WA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work in a very large retailer in the sporting goods dept. The day of my four-year mark last September, I get this call.)

    Me: “Sporting goods, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need to check to see if you have this particular scooter in stock.”

    Me: “What kind of scooter?”

    Customer: “It’s a Razor. I think it’s a blue one. Your website says it’s $197. I want to see if you have it.”

    Me: “Let me check. Hold on.

    (I place customer on hold and go check our stock.)

    Me: “Yeah, we have two. One has a speed of 10 MPH and that one is like an old foot powered scooter with an electric motor. We also have a European styled-scooter with a speed of 15 MPH.”

    Customer: “Mmmm, okay, does the 15 MPH scooter go faster than the 10MPH scooter?”

    Me: “Um, yeah. That kinda tends to happen.”

    Customer: “So that’s faster, right?”

    Me: “Yeah, it is faster.”

    Customer: “Ok, yeah. Thanks!”

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7

    | United Kingdom | Family & Kids

    (I hand out a vocabulary list to a class of 8-9 year olds.)

    Me: “Does anyone know any of the words?”

    Student: “I know what twilight means!”

    Me: “Go on, tell us what you think it means.”

    Student: “Actually, I’m not completely sure, but it’s got something to do with vampires…”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

    Accessories Are Contagious

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (This happens just after a customer finishes purchasing a phone and is asking what accessories it comes with.)

    Customer: “So this comes with an STD card, right?”

    Me: “An SD card?”

    Customer: *realizing what she said* “OH! I meant an SD card! Oh my God!”


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