October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

The Need To Be Shirty

| GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Theme Of The Month

(Our manager is just about to clock out, when he notices a young man in his late teens looking around nervously and acting jittery. The young man goes into the fitting room carrying a $5 t-shirt, and then comes out with an obvious bulge in his pocket.)

Manager: “Excuse me, young man. What do you have in your pocket?”

Young Man: “I ain’t got nothin’ man. I don’t know what you talkin’ bout.”

Manager: “Okay, sir. How about you walk back with me to the fitting room, and we see about that t-shirt you just took in there.”

Young Man: “I ain’t done nothin’ man.”

(The young man takes off, practically racing our manager to the fitting room in an attempt to remove the shirt from his pocket. He has misjudged our manager and is caught.)

Manager: “Alright, we are going to take you back to my office and call the police.”

Young Man: “No man, I’ll pay for it! Just let me pay for it!”

Manager: “No, sir! I asked you what you had. I gave you a chance to come clean. You lied to me. We are calling the police!”

Young Man: “Man, just let me pay for it?!”

(Our manager is infuriated by having the kid lie to him, then having to chase him to the fitting room, and at having to stay an extra hour after his scheduled time to take care of this kid; so he cuffs him. One of my co-workers has a front row seat for the entire exchange. All she can do is laugh, because this stupid boy just got himself into a whole world of trouble over a $5 t-shirt.)

No Need To Be Shirty

Green-Fingered When It Comes To Painting

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement, Math & Science

(An extremely irate customer approaches me with a can of paint that has barely any product left in it.)

Customer: “You guys made a mistake! I want my money back right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “This paint made my walls green! If I wanted green, I would have purchased green!”

(I take the nearly-empty can of paint, and pry off the lid. Inside, the color showing is a vivid, aqua-marine blue.)

Me: “Hmm. Let me check this out for you.”

(The customer smugly smiles and puts her hands on her hips. I grab a wooden paint stirrer and scrape the bottom of the can. I look at the stick, and see that there is a very vivid, aqua-marine blue at the base of the stick.)

Me: “Ma’am, did you put any primer on your walls before you painted them?”

Customer: “No! I just painted over the color that was already there!”

Me: “Of course. And, can you please tell me the color of the original wall?”

Customer: “It was yellow.”

Me: “And yellow, plus blue, makes?”

Customer: “Gree—oh…”

Me: “May I help you with a selection of primers?”

Some Kids Are All Work And No Play

| Huntsville, TX, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work as a hostess. A family of four walk in, and I seat them. The nine-year-old son leaves the table and comes up to the host stand.)

Nine-Year-Old Son: “Do you like your job?”

Me: “Sometimes it gets a little crazy, but it’s all good! Do you need some extra crayons or something?”

Nine-Year-Old Son: “No. Are you tired of your job yet?”

Me: “No, I’m doing all right.”

Nine-Year-Old Son: “Because if you’re tired, I’ll take over for you. Just come tell me at my table.”

(I laugh.)

Me: “Thank you very much, but I have to stay up here and work until the end of my shift!”

(His older sister comes over.)

Nine-Year-Old Son: “I’m serious! If you’re tired, I can take over!”

Older Sister: “Come on, let’s go!”

Disabling The Able Disabled

| Wichita, KS, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I have been in a wheelchair since age three. Despite this, I can push my own cart just fine while wheeling myself around. A customer in the store notices me.)

Customer: “Ma’am, do you need help? One of my kids can help you push your cart.”

Me: “No, thank you; I am doing just fine.”

Customer: “But you’re disabled! You can’t do anything on your own!”

(The customer tries to grab the cart. I hold onto it.)

Me: “I can do it just fine on my own, thank you!”

Customer: “See, that’s the problem these days! You people not accepting help!”

Two Is The Moan-iest Number

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV

(I am a cashier working at a large department store. A customer comes up to my register holding a jersey with a large ‘2’ on it.)

Customer: “Hey, I want one of these jerseys, but I want one with a ‘1’ on it.”

Me: “Unfortunately, you got this out of clearance, right? We don’t carry back stock for anything in clearance. If you didn’t see a ‘1’ jersey while you were there, we probably don’t have one, sorry.”

Customer: “Okay, but I want one with a ‘1’ on it.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir; we don’t have one right now.”

Customer: “I want a ‘1’ jersey! It’s my birthday; I want to be number one, not two!”

Me: “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever know. Two, can be as bad as one. It’s the loneliest number since the number one.”

Customer: “…okay.”

(Surprisingly, after hearing this the customer buys the ‘2’ jersey.)

Manager: “Did that just happen?”

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