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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Fertility Is A Contest

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout

    (My coworker and I are talking in our tills since it’s a slow night when a woman walks up.)

    Customer: “I have eggs. A lot of eggs.” *walks away*

    Coworker: “Uh, that’s great?”

    Supervisor: “Sorry, girls, she runs a baking charity. I believe she’s picking up 16 dozen eggs today.”

    Not The Usual Third Wheel

    | Rochester, NY, USA |

    (I am the only girl on a team of 5-6 working in a computer repair store. There are always a few “regulars” that came in to seek help from me.)

    Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes.” *pause* “It’s my computer…”

    Me: “Okay, what’s wrong?”

    Customer: “Um, actually I was wondering if you would like to go get dinner or coffee or something sometime?”

    Me: “Sir, I am married. Now, what is wrong with your computer?”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “What does being married have to do with going out?”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “Oh, okay, fine! He can come too!”

    Have You Tried Dihydrogen Monoxide

    | Bradenton, FL, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am bagging a lady’s order when she asks me to go find some unflavored enhanced water drink for her–you know, the trendy, minimally flavored waters that come with vitamins.)

    Me: “Ma’am, [enhanced water drink] doesn’t come in unflavored. Is there something else I can get you?”

    Customer: “Yes, the unflavored one. You know, it has zero calories and no sugar.”

    Me: “Is it still carbonated?”

    Customer: “No, it’s uncarbonated too!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s just called water.”

    (I end up selling her a 24 pack of spring water.)

    The House Elves Are On Strike

    | Southampton, UK |

    (A customer has dumped some of her shopping on a display in the middle of the shop. After seeing her do this, I go over and pick up the items to return them to their rightful place. The customer sees me do this and start storming towards me.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Did you still want these items?”

    Customer: “No, but why are you moving them?”

    Me: “Well, they have to be moved back to where they came from so the store is kept tidy.”

    Customer: “Yes, but why are you doing it? Can’t you wait for those other people to do it?”

    Me: “Sorry, who?”

    Customer: “The people that come out when no one’s around, the ones that move everything around?”

    Me: “Uh, I’m sorry, but we don’t employ any stock…ninjas. I’ll just take those items for you.”

    A Mother’s Gift

    | Provo, UT, USA | Technology

    Me: “Okay, before I reset your password, I just need you to verify your identity for me. Please respond to the security question that you set up when you made your account.”

    User: “Okay, what is it?”

    Me: “It looks like your security question is…’Show me what yo’ mamma gave you!’”

    User: *raucous laughter*

    (We laugh about it together for a good minute. The sound is so loud it draws the attention of my coworkers. He then admits that he remembers entering that security question, but has no idea what he put as the answer — which was simply his name.)


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