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    On A Power Trip

    | Maryland, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I work nights in a call center. Tonight, I am taking calls for a company that handles electric repairs for farm equipment and generators. Since they have “Electric” in their name, we get a lot of calls for people trying to reach the power company. It’s about 2 AM.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “I ain’t got no ‘lectric.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but this isn’t—”

    Caller: “What you gonna do ’bout it? My son has asthma; he can’t be without air conditioning!”

    (Note that it’s about 50 degrees outside, so it’s not hot at all.)

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that as well, but this isn’t—”

    Caller: “He’s turning blue!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think you should take him to the emergency room right away!”

    Caller: “They ain’t got no power either!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can see the hospital from my office window. They appear to have power.”

    Caller: “Listen, you! We have no power and my child is sick. You need to do something.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I’ve been trying to explain, this isn’t your electric company. This is a a generator company for farm equipment. I’m pretty sure you have the wrong number. If you are concerned about the child, I urge you to take them to the hospital or call 911!”

    Caller: “If you came into MY restaurant to eat, got sick, and called to complain, I would fix the problem. I wouldn’t tell you to go to the hospital!”

    Me: “Ma’am, at this point, I really feel you are being needlessly antagonistic. I’ve told you that you have the wrong number and there’s nothing I can do for you. If you don’t want to take him to the hospital and he needs air conditioning to breathe, I suggest you take him outside. It’s only 50 degrees out—”

    Caller: “Did you just call me evil?! I’ll have your job for this! I’m recording this call, you little b****! And when I find you–”

    Me: “All of our calls are recorded, ma’am. If you continue to threaten me, I will contact the police. You have the wrong number. Good night.”

    (She calls back at least a dozen more times, continuing not to listen, refusing to believe she has the wrong number, or that there is power at the hospital.)

    You Attitude Is Just Peachy

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Food & Drink, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me. How much are your peaches?”

    Me: “We don’t have peaches at the moment, ma’am, sorry.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. Do you mean the nectarines? They’re 5.99 a kilo.”

    Customer: *snaps* “I know what nectarines look like, missy.”

    Me: “All right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to insinuate that, but peaches aren’t in season right now. There are none around. Sorry.”

    Customer: “Does your boss know you talk to people like this?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I haven’t done anything wrong. Maybe if you show me what you’re talking about, then I can help you.”

    Customer: “The peaches! I want to know how much the peaches are! It’s a simple question!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there are no peaches in this store. Just…please show me what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “FINE.”

    (The customer takes me to the store front and points at a display.)

    Customer: “THESE!”

    Me: “Those are mangoes.”

    Un-bare-ably Competitive

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (It’s the end of the day at the grocery deli. Most of the other customers have left. I am just about to start closing up when a last customer walks up. He is wearing oversized glasses and mismatched clothing, as if he hasn’t done his laundry in a while.)

    Customer: “Hey, you closing up?”

    Me: “I’ve got enough time for ya! What do you need?”

    (He orders and I begin preparing it.)

    Customer: “So, how is that job?”

    Me: “Nothing really to complain about, other than the occasional weird customer—”

    Customer: “You know, I’m pretty weird! You want to see how weird I am?”

    Me: “No, sir, that’s all right, I was just—”

    (The customer proceeds to pull down his pants right in the middle of the store and does a little victory pose. I’m so dumbfounded I almost cut myself on the slicer.)

    Customer: *pulling his pants up* “I bet you haven’t met anyone weirder than that yet, have ya?!”

    Me: “No, sir, I most definitely have not.”

    The Hole Truth, And Nothing Butt The Truth

    | Darwin, Northern Territory, Australia | Health & Body

    (I work in a small shopping centre with about 15 shops. One of our regular gentlemen had come into the store to buy his lotto tickets for the week. I notice that he looks rather awkward as he is waiting for his tickets, and decide to make small talk with him.)

    Me: “How’s your day going, sir?”

    Customer: “Uh, fine…yours?”

    Me: “It’s great, thanks!”

    (The customer looks away for a moment, looks down at the paper bag in his hands, and then looks back at me.)

    Me: “Is everything okay, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I just went to the pharmacy and picked up me pills that the doc gave me.”

    Me: “Oh, well I hope everything is okay.”

    Customer: “You see, I’ve never had these type of pills before, and I don’t know what this word on the packet means.”

    Me: “Well, the pharmacist or your doctor would be able to tell you.”

    Customer: *sadly* “Oh, okay…”

    Me: “What’s the word, sir?”

    Customer: *looks at the packet* “Uh…it’s suppo-sit-ory.”

    Me: “Well…uh…sir…that means that you don’t take them orally…”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “You don’t put them in your mouth.”

    Customer: “Well, how do I take me pills?”

    (At this point, another customer behind him is clearly trying not to laugh.)

    Me:  ”Uh…how do I put this delicately? You…uh…”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I really think your doctor would be the best person to tell you.”

    Customer: “I don’t wanna go back there. Can’t you just tell me?”

    Me: “Why don’t we go down to the end of the counter, sir, and I can explain it to you?”

    (Not wanting to embarrass him further, but not wanting to deny his request, we go down to the end of the counter for some privacy. I spend the next 10 minutes explaining where exactly a suppository goes.)

    Customer: *bright red face* “Oh! Uh!”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know…I’ve never heard that d*** word before! Well why the h*** would they prescribe something like that? It’s ridiculous!”

    Me: “I’m not a doctor, but why don’t we finish your transaction? Maybe you can win the big draw tonight!”

    Customer: “That would be nice, I could use the money. And you know, if I win, I’m coming back to see you!”

    Me: *laughing* “After that, sir, I should hope so.”

    (The customer laughs with me, we finish up, and he leaves. My coworker, who has overheard the entire conversation, comes over to me.)

    Coworker: “Tell me I didn’t just hear what I think I heard.”

    Me: “You heard right. Oh, I just feel so bad for him.”

    Coworker: “You wanna take your break?”

    Me: “Oh God, yes! I’m going to go see the girls at the pharmacy and tell them they might want to give him a call!”

    (When he came in to the store the next time, he sadly refused to make eye contact. However, he tried to tip me multiple times!)

    By Process Of Elimination

    | Leesport, PA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I want a chicken caesar salad.”

    Me: “Okay. Would you like tomatoes, onions, and peppers on that?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Would you like tomatoes, onions, and peppers?”

    Customer: “Um, no peppers.”

    Me: “Okay, so just tomatoes and onions, then?”

    Customer: “No, no onions.”

    Me: “Just tomatoes?”

    Customer: “No, no tomatoes, either.”

    Me: “Okay…”

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