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  • Intolerable Intolerance

    | California, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I am working as a barista when two young men walk into the shop, holding hands and laughing. They order their coffee and sit down at one of the tables, but about fifteen minutes in a middle-aged man approaches the two of them.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but are you two together?”

    Young Customers: *nodding in unison*

    Customer: “Could you switch tables, then? You’re making my wife and me uncomfortable.”

    Young Customer #1: “I don’t think we’re actually doing anything wrong, are we?”

    Customer: “Well, we don’t want to look at it! We don’t believe in being—”

    (Suddenly, the young man leans across the table to give his partner a fairly chaste peck on the lips.)

    Young Customer #2: “Personally, I don’t believe in being a self-righteous prick, but I don’t ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “This is an outrage!

    (The customer storms back to his table and grabs his wife by the wrist.)

    Customer: *to his wife* “Come on, we’re leaving!”

    (After the middle-aged couple left, everyone else in the coffee shop stared with wide eyes for a moment, shocked at what had just occurred. Slowly, though, some of the surrounding tables began clapping, until the entire coffee shop was filled with applause.)

    Avoid This Customer Like The Plague

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a large pet supply store which also sells pet rodents and rabbits. My job includes offering advice and info to those who want to buy a pet.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, are these a kind of hamster?”

    Me: “No sir, those are rats.”

    Customer: “Wild rats?! Are you sure they’re not a kind of long-tailed hamster?”

    Me: “They’re definitely rats. They’re not wild; they’re domestic. They’re also known as ‘fancy rats’.”

    Customer: “Okay, so do they carry the plague, too?”

    (I’m used to this question. It’s always been asked jokingly, so I chuckle.)

    Me: “Nope, no plague. Rats are very clean pets and are actually cleaner than your average pet dog or cat.”

    Customer: “I don’t want disease in my house. Are you sure these aren’t carrying plague?”

    (I realise he is totally serious.)

    Me: “I assure you, these rats are perfectly safe to own.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you! How do you know?”

    Me: “I actually own several rats and they make really lovely pets. They’re very clever and affectionate.”

    (Suddenly, he becomes very agitated and backs away from me. He covers his mouth by lifting his t-shirt over it, simultaneously revealing an obscene and racist tattoo on his stomach.)

    Me: “Sir, I need you to lower your shirt please…right now.”

    Customer: *loudly so everyone in the store can hear* “She has plague rats in her house! Stay away from her! Oh my God, what the f*** is wrong with you?! Do you want people to get ill?! I’ll kick your a** in for trying to make me ill!”

    (At this point, two burly male colleagues of mine come running from other aisles to help. They make the customer put his shirt back down and try to escort him out of the shop, but he struggles like mad in his bid to ‘warn’ everyone. They have trouble restraining him, despite their height and strength.)

    Customer: “She’s diseased for God’s sake! She has plague rats!”

    (One of my coworkers who has been escorting him out decides he’s had enough and speaks up.)

    Male Coworker #1: “I keep rats too, mate. Now, get out in case I give you the plague too! Don’t come back, either—the plague might be in the air!”

    (At this, the customer freezes and then bolts screaming from the shop. The other customers applaud my coworkers, I get an extra 10 minute break and three nice people gave homes to pairs of rats after wanting to find out more about them!)

    In Plain Site

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Technology

    Caller: “Your website sucks. I can’t even get last month’s statement!”

    Me: “I’d be more than happy to help, sir. You can definitely obtain last month’s statement.”

    Caller: “No, I can’t! I looked everywhere. Your website is the worst bank website I’ve ever seen!”

    Me: “I’ll show you exactly where you need to go, sir. You can obtain last month’s statement by—”

    Caller: “Even [other bank] and [another bank] have better websites than you! This is absolutely ridiculous!”

    Me: “Like I said, sir, we do have last month’s statement on our website. You can even see your statement from years ago.”

    Caller: “No, you can’t! Your website sucks! You should have last month’s statement!”

    Me: “If you can humour me, sir, please log in.”

    Caller: “Fine, I’ve logged in. You see?! I don’t see last month’s statement anywhere!”

    Me: “So you’re currently on the home page, sir?”

    Caller: “Yes!”

    Me: “Okay, now please click on “Last Statement”, which is right in the middle of the page.”

    Caller: *clicks the link and stays totally silent*

    Me: “Did you need help looking up anything else?”

    Caller: “Your website still sucks!”

    My Butter Half

    | Minnesota, USA | Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Top

    (A couple approaches me at the movie theater’s concession stand.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I—”

    Customer: “Give me a green tea.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t have green tea.”

    Customer: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Well, fine! What DO you have?”

    (I point right behind me where all our sodas are clearly listed.)

    Customer: “Well, FINE! Give me a Diet Coke, then.”

    Customer Husband: “…And a large popcorn, please!”

    Me: “Sure! That all?”

    Customer Husband: “Yep!”

    Me: “Cool. You guys want butter on the popcorn?”

    Customer Husband: *giant smile* “Ye—”

    Customer: “Of course not! Unlike you, I have a figure to maintain! I can’t have BUTTER on my popcorn! Really, are you an idiot?!”

    (I go to get them their popcorn, but I purposely put way too much butter in the bucket and shovel a thin layer of popcorn on top to hide the butter.)

    Me: “Here you go!”

    Customer: “Well, finally!”

    Customer Husband: *whispers as his wife turns away* “Butter?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    (The guy hands me a five dollar bill. To this day, my coworkers and I refer to him as ‘Butter Man.’)

    Dislike Father, Dislike Son

    | Missouri, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top

    (A lady walks in with her 11-year-old son. He is being very mouthy to her, mouthy to her friend that is with them. He even glares at me when I tell him he can not eat of our bulk candy bins. They finally come up to the counter to pay for their candy, but he is still saying horrible things to his mother. She is looking very upset by this point.)

    Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

    Customer’s Son: “Shut up!”

    Me: “You know, if my son talked to me that way—”

    Customer’s Son: “You’d what, b****?”

    Me: “I’d probably hogtie him and throw him into his room.”

    Customer: *laughs*

    Customer’s Son: “B****, you wouldn’t be standing!”

    Me: *laughing* “Oh? How you figure that?”

    Customer’s Son: “Because you’re a woman, and women are weak.”

    Customer: *to her son* “Oh my God, are you serious?! You are NOT visiting your father anymore!”

    Customer’s Son: *to me* “Now get me an Icee, b****.”

    Me: “Oh, I don’t know. I’m not sure my weak woman’s hands can make it for you!”

    Customer: *laughing, to me* “Thank you!” *to her son* “Now, let’s go. I’m not buying you anything!”

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer’s Son: *flips me off*

    Customer: *smacks him*

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