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    You Just Got Ownered

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Top, Transportation

    (My brothers-in-law own a garage and tow business. A very angry customer calls up one night with problems, so we send one of our tow truck drivers to tow his car.)

    Tow Truck Driver: “So, what happened?”

    Customer: “Just get the car towed and shut the f*** up!”

    Tow Truck Driver: *gets into the car to check it*

    Customer: “What are you doing?! I tried that! It doesn’t work! Just get the car home, you dumb f***!”

    (Our driver obliges the customer and tows his vehicle to his home. As soon as his car is in the driveway, the customer jumps right into his car, tries the key, and starts the car right up.)

    Customer: “Well, I guess I don’t have to pay you, right?”

    Tow Truck Driver: “No, sir, I still towed the car. You will have to pay.”

    Customer: “But the car works! You should have known that!”

    Tow Truck Driver: “Well, I tried to ask and check the car, but you didn’t want me to. You told me to just tow it.”

    Customer: “You should have checked. I’m not paying!”

    (Not wanting a fight, our driver tells the man he’ll have to come down to the shop the next day. The next day, he comes in and finds one of my brothers-in-law at the garage.)

    My Brother-in-law: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m very upset! The druggie who towed my car is trying to rip me off. Who hires such lowlifes? I’m not paying!”

    My Brother-in-law: “Sir, the driver tried to check your car, and you stopped him and told him to just tow it. It’s not his fault.”

    Customer: “This is f***ing ridiculous! I want that f***ing peon fired! He’s using my money for his drug habit, and he should’ve known my car was okay!”

    My Brother-in-law: “Sir, you need to calm down or this conversation is finished.”

    Customer: “Now I’m getting it from YOU! Another f***ing peon working a desk! How dare you?! You little s***s are all getting fired. Where’s your manager?!”

    My Brother-in-law: “Well, you see, sir, he’s the tow manager, so he can’t really fire himself—”

    Customer: “Now you’re being f***ing flip with me?! Where’s your manager?!”

    My Brother-in-law: “—and I’m the owner, so none of that’s gonna happen.”

    Customer: *shuts up, defeated*

    My Brother-in-law: “It just keeps getting worse and worse, doesn’t it?”

    (The customer left… after paying.)

    July Top Story Roundup

    | Not Always Right | Roundups

    July Top Story Roundup: From a bite-sized Batman to bigots getting the boot, here are our top-rated stories for the month of July!

    1. Harry Potter And The Disorder Of The Forks-Flicks (3,093 thumbs up)
      An out-of-control bookstore customer gets into a Twi-fight—with another customer!
    2. Revenge Is A Treat Best Served Sweet, Part 2 (3,047 thumbs up)
      A pint-sized customer gets a gallon of ice creaming for battling rudeness.
    3. Never Say No To La Novia (2,735 thumbs up)
      When a caring father saves an employee from harassment, he says “adios” to bigotry and his ex-wife!
    4. This We’ll Defend (2,681 thumbs up)
      Attack an employee and you’ll go to war—with the U.S. Army!
    5. Respect Your Zombie Elders (2,511 thumbs up)
      A 5-year-old gives a mouthy, zombie-crazed customer a piece of her mind.

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Much A-Poo About Nothing

    | London, UK | Language & Words

    (Our games are priced with the stickers in the top right hand corner. If there is a special offer sticker, this goes directly below the normal price sticker. A customer approaches me holding an old PS2 game which has the aforementioned stickers.)

    Customer: “How can you sell this filth?”

    Me: “What game is that you’re upset about, sir?”

    Customer: “POO PARADE! Sick filth!”

    (I take the game from him and remove the two price stickers.)

    Me: “There you go sir, now you can see the whole title. This game is called Pool Paradise. It’s simply a snooker and pool simulation game.”

    Customer: *leaves quickly*

    A Whale Of A Story

    | Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top

    (My coworker and I have been laughing over a list of dumb laws during a quiet spell at the registers.)

    Me: “Check this out. It’s illegal to hunt whales in Utah.”

    Coworker: “Well, now, that’s not very specific. Is it illegal to hunt FOR them, as in go looking for one, or is it illegal to FIND one and harpoon it? Because, let me tell you, the second one is a lot harder!”

    Me: “Well, if I ever go to Utah, I think I’ll walk up to a cop and ask them where I can go hunting for whales, just to see his reaction.”

    (As we continue joking, a customer overhears us and becomes angry.)

    Customer: “You filthy murderers! How can you think hunting whales is funny?!”

    Me: “I assure you, ma’am, there is little danger of me actually harming a whale in Utah.”

    Customer: “That’s no excuse! You think you could get away with taunting a police officer by openly admitting you were going to commit a crime?”

    Coworker: “Yes… actually, in this case, we probably could.”

    Customer: “HOW?!”

    Coworker: “Well, since whales live in the ocean and there are no oceans in Utah—”

    Customer: “Don’t treat me like I’m stupid! I’m calling the producers of Whale Wars on you! You’ll be shamed in front of the whole nation!” *storms out*

    You Just Weeded Yourself Out

    | NC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work at a very popular supplement store, and we sell products that are called “detoxes”. There are certain ones that people buy under the impression that they can cheat a urinalysis. If the customer mentions anything about drugs or a urine test, we must refuse the sale.)

    Customer: “Hey, I need one of those detoxes.”

    (I unlock the display and bring it to the counter.)

    Me: “Okay, anything else?”

    Customer: “Do these really work? I’m trying to find a job and I smoke a lot of weed.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I cannot sell you this product because you told me that. It is against federal law. I will have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “Really? That sucks. Hey, are you guys hiring?”

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