Featured:
  • Done With You
    (793 thumbs up)
  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 4

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “I’m trying to get on to the computer, but the mouse cursor is just jumping all over the screen erratically. Can I swap to a different one?”

    Me: “Of course, if there’s another one free.”

    Customer: “But how do I log off this one if I can’t get the mouse cursor to press the button?”

    Me: “I’ll come over and sort it in a second.”

    (I walk over. Instantly, I see the problem.)

    Customer: “Maybe there’s a loose wire or something?”

    Me: “Well, if you turn the mouse back the right way round, it should work.”

    Related:
    How To Make Them As Silent As A Mouse, Part 3

    Failing To Register

    | Bowie, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (It’s early morning and we have just two people working, one person to take money, the other to get the order. This is how we are trained to work, and we function quickly and efficiently this way. A regular customer has begun complaining about the way we run the bakery every day she comes in, and has tried several times to cut in line. On this day, she cuts in front of another customer I’m serving to complain yet again.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but she is ordering with me right now. It’ll be just a moment.”

    Regular: *steps off in a huff* “Why are two people helping one customer? You need to open another register.”

    (After the other customer is done, the regular rushes to my register again.)

    Me: “Good morning.”

    Regular: “Why do you need two people to help one person? It’s bad business!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What would you like today?”

    Regular: *gives her order* “You people have become so slow! You used to be good, but recently you’ve been giving really terrible service.”

    (I want to explain that this is the slowest month of the year, and the management has cut the amount of staff in half to accommodate for the lack of business and ease up on labor costs, but I don’t want to start an argument.)

    Me: *repeats her order* “Would you like anything else today, ma’am?”

    Regular: “No. You need to have more registers open, it’s bad business!”

    Me: “That’ll be [price]; for here or to go?”

    (She gives me the money as she continues to rant about how slow we’ve gotten and then turns away in a huff. Meanwhile, there’s another regular, a city police officer, who is sitting at the table immediately next to my register. She stands up and watches the regular stomp away.)

    Officer: “Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

    Me: *whispering* “She’s like that every day!”

    Officer: “Really?”

    (I turn and discover that the first regular has flagged down my manager, and is continuing her rant loudly.)

    Me: *still whispering* “Oh, great, now she’s harassing him.”

    Officer: *loudly and in the regular’s direction* “There is nothing wrong with how these young ladies run this business! Leave them alone! If you have a problem with them or this establishment, you can go somewhere else!”

    (All I could do was stare as the regular leaves with her food as quickly as possible; I haven’t seen her since!)

    Konnichi-woah

    | Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Food & Drink, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I work in a tourist souvenir shop. On this day, we receive much-needed maple products, including maple candy, syrup and the like. I am busy labelling the new stock as my coworker receives the stock.)

    Me: “Well, I know there will be Japanese tourists in today.”

    Coworker: “…Huh?”

    Me: “Last time we got our maple shipment in, we sold half of it before it was all completely in the system. They just seem to know when we have it. The Japanese tourists just have a sense for it. We’ll be busy tonight.”

    Coworker: “Oh, really?”

    Me: “Yep, just you wait…”

    (An hour later, two Japanese tourists come into the store and take a look around as we are busy working. When they are finished, both come up to the counter with baskets of maple syrup bottles. Once I’m finished helping both of them, I turn to my coworker.)

    Me: “Well what have you got to say to that?”

    Coworker: *not believing me* “No comment.”

    (About twenty minutes later, I hear the door open, but it doesn’t shut immediately. Curious, I look up in the direction of the door.)

    Me: “Oh, look, they brought friends!”

    Coworker: *looks up and at the front* “Holy crap!”

    (A group of about nine Japanese tourists walk in, all immediately heading for our ‘maple’ section of the store. Due to the small size of the store, it is a lot of people to have in at once. We help them as best we can. Despite there being a huge language barrier, I recognize some words and we are able to help each one of them as they patiently wait their turn in line. Once they are all finished and things are once again quiet, I turn once again to my coworker.)

    Me: “So, you believe me now?”

    Always Jump At The Chance For Fun

    | CT, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Top

    (A customer in her forties comes through my line, and we exchange pleasantries as I ring her out. It’s a perfectly normal interaction.)

    Me: “Do you have your [store] rewards card?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t believe I have one.”

    Me: “Well, would you like to sign up?”

    (The customer agrees and I walk her through the process. Everything goes smoothly and at the end, I scan her new card and hand it to her.)

    Me: “There you go!”

    Customer: “Yay!”

    (Suddenly, the customer starts jumping up and down in joy, waving her hands and looking for all the world like an ecstatic six year old. This goes on for a while and, not knowing what else to do, I wind up jumping with her. Just as suddenly as she started, she calms down and stops jumping.)

    Woman: “There, wasn’t that exciting? Now you’ll be cheery for the whole rest of the day!”

    (I certainly was!)

    He’s Not Getting Off The Hook(ah)

    | OH, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top, Underaged

    (I am an owner of a hookah smoking lounge near a college campus. A group of three underage-looking young people comes in and tries to purchase a smoking session.)

    Me: “Okay guys, can I see your IDs?”

    Customer #1: “We don’t have IDs. We don’t need ’em!”

    Me: “Sorry, but you don’t look over 40, so I have to ask.”

    (Customers #2 and #3 pull out their ID cards, and even though they look young, they’re over 18. I let them complete the purchase, but the other customer still refuses to show ID.)

    Customer #1: “I’m with them. I’ll use their ID.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it doesn’t work like that. Since you refuse to show me ID, I have to refuse you service. Your friends may stay, since they showed ID. Have a nice day. Please leave.”

    (As I have been processing their order, a rush of customers have come in and I think I see Customer #1 leave. As I take an order to another group, I see Customer #1 sitting with his friends. I walk up to them.)

    Me: “I thought I told you to leave.”

    Customer #1: “What are you going to do, call the police?”

    (I pull out a badge out of my pocket, since I am also a reserve deputy sheriff on my days off.)

    Me: “No need, I’m already here. Now stand up. We’re going to the back.”

    (I didn’t bother with filing charges on him, but I did call his parents who were very angry. In fact, I found out his father was a city police officer himself!)

    Page 928/2,468First...926927928929930...Last