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    No Aspirations As Long As You’re Under This Roof

    | Alberta, Canada | Family & Kids

    (I am a receptionist at a local college and I am doing some follow-up calls for people who indicated they were interested in attending by filling out one of our forms.)

    Me: “Hi, is [name] there?”

    Woman: “Yes. May I ask who’s calling?”

    Me: “Yes, this is [name] from [college] calling. I’m just following up with the person who filled out a form for us saying they were interested in one of our programs. Do you know if they still are?”

    Woman: “That’s actually my son. He’s only 11 years old. Are you sure you have the right number?”

    (I double check the number and name on the forms with her, and they are correct.)

    Woman: *sighs* “Oh my God. Could he have done this online?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s very possible.”

    Woman: “Oh man, is he going to get it. Thanks for the call. We’re going to punish him for this!” *hangs up*

    Judging A Book By Its Cover

    | Honolulu, HI, USA |

    Patron: “Hi, can you help me find this book?” *hands me piece of paper with call number* “I went to look for it, but I couldn’t find it.”

    Me: “Sure, let’s go take a look.”

    (I take him to the stacks and start to walk down the correct row.)

    Patron: “Yeah, this is where I was looking.”

    (I pull down the book with that call number. This particular copy is brown.)

    Me: “There you go!”

    Patron: *disappointed* “Oh, I was looking for a black cover!”

    The Point Of Pointing Fingers

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am working the lunch shift when the phone rings.)

    Me: “[Restaurant], this is Lisa speaking. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Who is this?”

    Me: “This is Lisa, at [restaurant].”

    Customer: “You called me.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, this is a business, so any number of people could have called you. Do you know anyone who works here?”

    Customer: “No, you called me!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: *raising her voice* “YOU called ME!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know what to tell you. I did not dial you.”

    Customer: *yelling* “You called me!”

    Me: “Okay, have a nice day!” *click*

    Me, to coworker: “I am never answering the phone again.”

    The Not So Subliminal Erotica

    | Jonesboro, AR, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (A young boy approaches the check out desk with a DVD of classic cartoons featuring characters like Popeye, Felix the Cat, Woody Woodpeck, and Betty Boop. I proceed to quiz him to see if he knows the characters.)

    Me: “Do you know this one?”

    Child: “That’s Popeye!”

    Me: “And this one?”

    Child: “Woody Woodpecker!”

    (He gets all of the ones right until my finger lands on Betty Boop.)

    Me: “How about her?”

    Child: *uncertain* “Um…”

    Me: “It’s Betty Boop!”

    (A look of instant recognition spreads across the child’s face.)

    Child: “Oh yeah! My dad’s got naked pictures of her!”

    Run Artificial Stupidity Program

    | Illinois, USA |

    (Our pharmacy phone system is down, so all pharmacy calls are going through the main line, which is answered by me. These calls include people trying to reach the automated prescription line.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store], where we offer flu shots every day. This is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “You’re not a machine.”

    Me: “No. If you were trying to reach the automated line, the phones are down. I can connect you to the pharmacist.”

    Customer: “I want the automated system. People are dumb!”


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