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    They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (Note: I am a male. It’s the week of Easter and I’m walking through the store, when suddenly I hear someone scream at me.)

    Customer: “You don’t have any balls, do you?!”

    (I stop in my tracks, shocked. I turn around to see a little old lady.)

    Me: *laughing, embarrassed* “Um, what?”

    Customer: “Little balls!”

    (She shows me how small with her fingers. I stare at her, dumbfounded, jaw-dropped, and shrug.)

    Customer: “You know, the chocolate Easter balls!”

    Me: *erupting in laughter* “Oh, yeah, they’re right this way…”

    Urine A Lot Of Trouble Now

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (A man walks to the counter and sets his item down. I grab the box without looking and scan it.)

    Me: “How you doin’?”

    Customer: “You tell me!”

    (I look down at the box I’m holding. It reads “Urinary Pain Relief”.)

    Egg On Your Face

    | Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m kind of petite, so when I’m in the box office I get a lot of kids who seem to think they can intimidate me into selling them R-rated tickets. This particular customer is a classmate of my little sister’s who annoys everyone by walking around repeating ‘I like eggs’ over and over and over again.)

    Kid: “Me and my friend want to see Beerfest.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you the ticket.”

    Kid: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “You’re not 17.”

    Kid: “How the h*** do you know?”

    Me: “One, you don’t look it. Two, you’re in my sister’s class.”

    (The kid stomps off, and goes to the other side of the box office to try the same thing. When it doesn’t work, he comes back with his father.)

    Kid’s Father: “Let me get this straight. It’s a movie theater…and you can’t discriminate against customers…but you won’t let my boy into that movie because he’s too young?!”

    Me: “It’s rated R, sir.”

    Kid’s Father: *to his son* “You told me it was PG-13.”

    Kid: “She’s lying!”

    Me: “Sir, the marquee says it’s rated R. Any website you look at will say it’s rated R. There’s really no way to lie about it.”

    Kid’s Father: “I guess that means I have to go with him, huh?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Kid’s Father: *to his son* “That’s it. You’re waiting for DVD.”

    Kid: “This is so not fair! You can’t do this to me!” *to me* “Don’t you know who I am?!”

    Me: *calmly* “My sister tells me you like eggs.”

    Kid’s Father: *laughs hysterically* “If I could give you a high five, I would!”

    Qurious Qucumbers

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Language & Words

    Me: “Okay, great. Your confirmation number is A like ‘Apple’, Z like ‘Zebra’, Q like—”

    Customer: *cheerfully* “Q like ‘Cucumber’?”

    Me: “Sure. Q like Cucumber it is.”

    Aisle Always Need Directions

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    Customer: “I just walked in to the auditorium to see [movie title], and the movie is already playing.”

    Me: “May I see your ticket stub?”

    (She shows me her ticket stub while I continue to tear other customers’ tickets.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you chose to see [movie] for the 2:15 showtime. Do you want to watch that movie for the next showtime? The next one won’t be playing until 5 PM.”

    Customer: *irritated* “But the movie has already started! I don’t know what to do!”

    Me: “Well, since you have missed the first 45 minutes of the movie, I can only get you to wait until the next showtime. That, or we can get you either a rain check or a refund.”

    Customer: “Then tell me. What do you want me to do?!”

    Me: “You’ll have to go back to the box office and have them exchange your ticket for another ticket for the 5:00 showtime, or have them get you your refunds.”

    Customer: *starts yelling* “But I don’t want to do that! The movie already has started! You need to tell me what do I do!”

    Me: “Let me get you the manager.”

    Customer: “You don’t know anything!” *walks away*

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