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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Cue The Queue

    | Colorado, USA |

    (The computers in the computer lab are all in use. There is a sign up station to get the next available computer.)

    Customer: “I signed up, but it didn’t work.”

    Me: “I see your name. You will get the next available computer.”

    Customer: “Which one?”

    Me: “It depends which other customer leaves first.”

    Customer: “So, it’s random?”

    Me: “No, it’s not random. You are in the queue to get the next available computer.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you just say that? It’s random.”

    Me: “No, sir, it’s not random. You will–”

    Customer: “Queue isn’t a regular English word. Just say it’s random.”

    Me: “Sir, computer number 14 is ready for you.”

    Customer: *muttering* “It’s random.”

    Contents Need Not Be Revealed

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Rude & Risque

    (A customer walks in with an expensive 4G phone. It comes pre-loaded with the Iron Man 2 movie on the SD card.)

    Me: “Welcome to [store]! How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I have a problem. When I click on the Iron Man icon, it says ‘wrong memory card’. Why is that?”

    Me: “Is that the original memory card that came with the phone?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “The movie is on the original memory card.”

    Customer: “So, why isn’t it working?”

    Me: “Because you changed memory cards.”

    Customer: “Why’d I do that?”

    Me: “I couldn’t tell you why you changed it.”

    Customer: “Oh! This one had my porn!”

    (The customer waves and walks out.)

    Related:
    Please, Say No More
    Too Much Information, Part 6
    Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way, Way Too Much Information
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI Redux
    TMI (Too Much Information)

    Non Sequitur

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Where is the escalator?”

    Me: “Go down this aisle and turn left. It’ll be right there.

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “Down this aisle, to the left.”

    Customer: “Where?”

    Me: “Let me show you.”

    (I walk her over to about five feet from the escalator and point at it.)

    Me: “It’s right here, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Where is the escalator?”

    (I move to stand almost on it.)

    Me: “Right here.”

    Customer: “This is the escalator?”

    Me: “Yes”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you! You are so pretty.”

    Some Things You Don’t Plan Ahead

    | Palm Bay, FL, USA |

    (I am working the register today when one of my regulars comes in to buy a couple of things. He’s about 80 years old and lives across the street in a nursing home with his wife of 60 years. Nothing strange happens as I help him load the things from his electric cart onto the counter and we chat a bit as I ring him through. As I am loading the bags, however, things turn a little creepy.)

    Customer: “You know, you’re just as cute as a button!”

    Me: “Uh, thanks!” *smile*

    Customer: “You know, when the wife goes, I just might have to take you home with me!”

    Me: “Um–”

    Customer: “See you tomorrow, sweet thing!”

    I Become Mom, Destroyer Of Worlds

    | Keller, TX, USA | Family & Kids

    (I’m organizing papers for auditions when a little girl and her mom comes in. The little girl leans over my desk and starts talking to me.)

    Girl: “Santa Claus doesn’t exist.”

    Me: “Why do you think that?”

    Girl: “Because my toys say they’re made in China! That’s not the North Pole!”

    (The little girl runs off with a disappointed look on her face. The mom looks over at me.)

    Mom: “Just wait ’til she hears about the tooth fairy. She’ll be devastated!”*walks away with a grin on her face*


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