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    A Cheerful Earful

    | Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout

    (I have been helping a customer sort out an order and have escorted her to the cashier. I hand her over with a smile and the cashier greets her with a smile.)

    Customer: “Everyone here is so cheerful! You are all so very cheerful!”

    Me: “Yes, well, we enjoy nice customers like you!”

    Customer: “God almighty, what do they feed you?! CHEERFUL Kool-Aid?!”

    (The cashier and I continue to smile while the customer pays. As she leaves…)

    Customer: “So cheerful…so cheerful…SO CHEERFUL!”

    Water You, Stupid, Part 9

    | Texas, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work at a home improvement store selling appliances. I receive a call from a very upset customer.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I picked up a fridge yesterday. It has been 24 hours and hasn’t made any ice.”

    Me: “Okay, sir, we’re going to run troubleshooting. Is the fridge getting power?”

    Customer: “Of course it’s plugged in. What do you think I am, an idiot?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. I’m just trying to troubleshoot. Is the water supply to the fridge working?”

    Customer: “What water supply?”

    Me: “Well, sir, you have to connect the fridge to a water line for it to be able to make ice.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? I have to hook up the fridge to water? I thought it just made ice.”

    Me: “Well, sir, it can’t pull water straight from the air.”

    Customer: “Running water to a fridge…I don’t understand why these companies have to make things so complicated these days!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 8
    Water You, Stupid, Part 7
    Water You, Stupid, Part 6
    Water You, Stupid, Part 5
    Water You, Stupid, Part 4
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    That’s One Vote For President Paranoia

    | Finland | Bizarre, Politics

    (I work as an election official at an early voting polling station in Finland. Early voting slips have to be sent to the voters’ own electoral districts before counting them. This means they are enclosed first into one envelope to ensure anonymity, which is then enclosed into yet another envelope with the address of the voter’s district on it. I am processing a lady voter’s slip.)

    Me: “Okay. Now that everything is stamped and signed, we just have to enclose your voting slip into these two envelopes, and then we’ll be good as done.”

    Voter: “What?! You can’t talk about the candidates here. This is supposed to be a neutral situation!”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Voter: “Don’t you know that it’s illegal to try to influence voters at the polling station? How can you not know that if you work here?”

    Me: *confused*

    Voter: “This is just unprofessional, you talking about the candidates’ numbers. I demand you discuss this with your coworkers at the end of the day!”

    (The voter leaves, looking quite appalled. We did discuss the episode at the end of the day and onto the next day. The only conclusion we can arrive at is that the phrase “two envelopes” is clearly propaganda for candidate number 2!)

    One Does Not Simply Quaff Into Mordor

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Food & Drink

    (In the liquor store I work in, I notice an older man wondering around the store looking very confused. I ask if I can help him find anything.)

    Customer: “Do you have Rivendell?”

    Me:Rivendell?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for Rivendell.”

    Me: “Um, I don’t know if we have that here. Are you sure what you’re looking for is called ‘Rivendell?’”

    Customer: “Yes, Rivendell.”

    Me: *hesitantly* “Sir, I believe Rivendell is a city from The Lord Of The Rings.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (We pause and stare at each other for a moment. He pulls his phone out to call the person who sent him to the store. What was he looking for? Zinfandel.)

    Related:
    Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet, Part 2
    Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet

    Subjective Job Satisfaction

    | Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I’m a cashier ringing up a customer.)

    Me: “Did you find everything okay today?”

    Customer: “Yep, it was fine.”

    Me: *smiling* “That’s good.”

    Customer: “You have a nice smile.”

    Me: “Thanks!”

    Customer: “You must be very happy.”

    Me: “Usually.”

    Customer: “I have a friend who is a stripper. You’re much happier than her.”

    Me: *speechless* “Uh, thanks? You’re total is [total]. Have a nice day.”

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