November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

To Give Credit Where It Is Due

| Lancaster, CA, USA | Health & Body, Money, Top

(A gym member comes to the front sales desk and speaks with my coworker.)

Member: “I received a notice in the mail that there was an issue with my monthly billing. Could you help me figure this out?”

Coworker: “No problem.”

(My coworker proceeds to look over the member’s record in the computer.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, it appears that the credit card on file is no longer valid. That has caused your payments to be rejected.”

Member: “I don’t understand how that’s possible. Is this the card you have on file?”

(The member hands my coworker her credit card.)

Coworker: “No, ma’am. We have a different card number on file. Did you recently receive a new card from your credit card company?”

Member: “Yes, this is it. I don’t understand why they always have to change the card number and screw up all my bills like this.”

Coworker: “I know it can be quite frustrating, but don’t worry. I will take care of this for you, and have you back to normal in no time.”

(My coworker enters her new card number into the computer, takes the member’s past due payment, and hands her a receipt. The member then gathers her belongings and exits the building. No more than two minutes later, I see the same member coming back to the front desk with her receipt in hand. From previous experience, I know that this generally means the customer is upset about what they see on the receipt, and wants to yell at us.)

Me: “Uh oh, she’s back; brace yourself.”

(The member walks up to my coworker, and I wait for her to begin complaining.)

Coworker: “Hello again, ma’am. Is there something else I can help you with?”

Member: “Oh no, dear. I was half way to my car, when I realized I forgot to say thank you for all your help. So thank you, and I am so sorry for my lack of manners.”

Coworker: “It was my pleasure, ma’am. Have a wonderful day.”

Me: *dumbfounded*

Checking Her Out At The Checkout Just Checked Out

| LA, USA | At The Checkout, Love/Romance, Top

(My boyfriend is visiting me at work. He’s currently at the back of the store, looking at our soft drinks. I am ringing up a customer’s items.)

Me: “Is this all you need, sir?”

Customer: “No, I need your digits so we can go out sometime.”

Me: “Not happening. Your total is $15.86, sir.”

(He pays but he doesn’t leave. My boyfriend walks up to the counter with his drink. The customer nudges him with an elbow, and starts talking to him.)

Customer: “What sort of guy do you think she goes for?”

Boyfriend: “Well, she wants a guy who is smart, charming, witty, and funny in an off-beat kind of way.”

(I am grinning as I nod.)

Me: “Yep. He’d have to be 5’9; muscular but not beefy. He’d need hazel eyes, a light olive complexion, black hair, and a cheeky grin.”

(My boyfriend smirks and the customer frowns.)

Customer: “It sounds like she just described you.”

Boyfriend: “That’s because she was describing me. She’s my girlfriend.”

Customer: “Oh! I meant no harm, man!”

(The customer runs out of the store with his bag, and we both start laughing.)

Me: “You should visit me at work more often.”

Life Needs An Undo Button

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at an online backup company. Our pricing is based on what storage amounts are used. You can get a free small account and upgrade to a paid account with more space later.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [name of business], this is [my name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi, I needed to wipe my hard drive. I got a free account, but it wasn’t enough space. I paid to upgrade and then wiped my drive. Where is all my backed up stuff?!”

Me: “When you upgraded the account, did you try to back up again so it would upload whatever didn’t fit before?”

Caller: “No, it didn’t say I needed to do that! I just paid for the extra space this morning! You mean I lost all of my stuff?”

Me: “Well, if you ran out of space, and then paid for more space, but didn’t back anything up, then all we’d have is what you backed up before.”

Caller: “So, you’re basically saying I’m an idiot, then?”

Me: “Uh…”

Left A Stool In The Stall

| Woodbridge, VA, USA | Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I work in the changing room of a popular teen clothing-store.)

Customer: “Where is your bathroom?”

Me: “Oh, our bathroom is in the back. We can’t let you go back there. If you go out the store, and turn left, there is a restroom over by [sub shop].”

Customer: “Can’t I just use it this once? Please?”

Me: “No, I’m very sorry. But that restroom near [sub place] is really only a three-minute-walk from here.”

Customer: “Why can’t I just use yours! I really need to go!”

Me: “No, ma’am. We have merchandise back there; I can’t let you use it.”

Customer: “B****!”

(She storms out of the store. I go on break for half an hour. When I come back, there is a horrific smell coming from the changing rooms. I go back there, and I see the customer standing outside one of our back stalls.)

Customer: “Serves you right!”

(She runs out of the store as I turn to look into the stall. She’d grabbed a bunch of clothes, thrown them on the floor, and urinated and defecated on them.)

Me: “I’m not cleaning that up.”

Coworker: “Teen girls be crazy!”

Getting In A Puff About The Pastry

| Bethesda, Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Language & Words

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “That’s an almond croissant.”

Customer: “What about that one?”

Me: “A chocolate croissant.”

Customer: “And that one?”

Me: “Plain croissant.”

Customer: “Nah. What’s that?”

Me: “Pain au chocolat.”

Customer: “What the f*** does that mean?”

Me: “It’s a pastry with chocolate in it.”

Customer: “So, it’s like nutty, yeah?”

Me: “Well, we can’t guarantee it’s nut free, but the pastry just contains a roll of chocolate paste.”

Customer: “So what does ‘pain’ mean?”

Me: “It’s the French word for ‘bread’.”

Customer: “Oooh! Posh! So what’s ‘chocolat’ mean, peanuts?”

Me: “Nope, ‘chocolat’ is French for ‘chocolate’.”

Customer: “I don’t like France; too artsy-fartsy. I’ll just have one of them chocolate croissants, then.”