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    You Drive Me (Really) Crazy

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA |

    (We have a large television that plays about 8 different music videos on repeat and are usually some bubblegum pop bands.)

    Customer: “Dear, you know that TV over there playing all of that music?”

    Me: “Yeah?”

    Customer: “IT MAKES ME WANT TO STAB SOMEONE!”

    Employees Go Through H*** Every Day

    | Sault Ste. Marie, MI, USA |

    (A customer is looking through a book debunking apocalypse scares.)

    Customer: “Wait, what do they mean the apocalypse hasn’t happened yet?!”

    Onerously Ordered Orders

    | New York, USAaUK | Extra Stupid

    (I’m making coffee orders and bringing them to the end of the bar.)

    Me: “Order ready! I have a tea, latte, and cappuccino.”

    (I offer the order to the customer at the front of queue.)

    Customer: “No, they aren’t mine. I ordered a latte, cappuccino, and tea!”

    Low On Sense

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | Money

    (I am a cashier. When customers are polite, I have no problem letting them slide on few cents when they are short on change.)

    Me: “That’ll be $20.96.”

    Customer: “I got $20!”

    (He roughly slaps a $20 bill on the counter.)

    Me: “Um, it’s $20.96.”

    Customer: “I got a hundred.”

    Me: “Okay, I can break it.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s at my house. What am I supposed to do, go get it?! Just cover it, s***! It’s a couple cents!”

    (I make minimum wage and can barely make ends meet. I also don’t open my wallet for rude strangers.)

    Me: “It’s $0.96, so I’m not going to just give you a dollar. Do you want to put something back?”

    (I start taking items out of his bag to show him what he can put back.)

    Customer: “I need all that stuff!”

    Me: “You need two packs of cigarettes?”

    Customer: “Put the soup back, s***!”

    (I void his soup, ring up the rest of his items, and give him his change.)

    Customer: *as he’s leaving, sarcastically* “Thanks for your hospitality!”

    Me: “You’re welcome! Have a nice day!”

    (After he leaves, my coworker comes over.)

    Coworker: *laughing* “What were you supposed to do, pay him for being an a**hole?”

    Now Showing The Fugitive

    | Federal Way, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (I am outside in the box office by myself at night when a shady-looking guy walks up.)

    Customer: “Hi, when’s the very next show?”

    Me: “Twenty minutes.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll get a ticket to that one.”

    (This is very common for people who don’t care what they’re seeing and want to kill time, so I sell him a ticket for Harry Potter, which is the next movie. He walks away looking at the ticket.  A few minutes later, he comes back.)

    Customer: “You sold me the wrong ticket. You said Twenty Minutes.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted the next show that was playing.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I do.  You sold me a ticket for Harry Potter.  I don’t want this movie. I want the other one!”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry, what movie did you want again?”

    Customer:Twenty Minutes.”

    Me: “We don’t have a movie called Twenty Minutes.  You asked when the next movie was.”

    Customer: “Well, whatever. I don’t want to see this.”

    Me: “Okay, I can change it for you. What movie would you like to see instead?”

    (He picks a different movie, and our policy for exchanges is to write over the ticket itself and initial it. Otherwise, you have to ring up a new sale to print out another one, thus making our tills short.)

    Customer: “You have to give me a new ticket.  This won’t work.”

    Me: “It will. The door people will know I changed it for you.”

    Customer: “But you wrote on it.  They’ll think I did it.  It won’t work!”

    Me: “Sir, I promise you, this ticket will work. Those are my initials, and they know them.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. I’m under house arrest and I need proof of where I’ve been.  They’ll think I was the one who wrote on it.  I have the ankle bracelet and everything…” *ominously* “You want to come out and see?!”

    (I immediately printed out a new ticket for him!)

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