Customer Service

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Expresso?

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The Signal Is Strong With This One

| UK | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Technology, Top

Customer: “I’m looking for a Motorola Android phone.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t sell Motorola in this store. We do, however, have several different Android handsets you could take a look at.”

(The customer dutifully looks over several Android phones, before turning to the me. He looks serious.)

Customer: “These are not the ‘droids I’m looking for.”

Wanted A Refund, But Scratch That

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(A familiar looking lady approaches the front counter, but I can’t remember where I’ve seen her before. She speaks briefly to a colleague that is manning the front counter, who comes over to me.)

Colleague: “This lady wants to return this DVD because she claims it doesn’t work. Take a look at the disc.”

(I take a look at the disc, and it is severely scratched.)

Me: “Well, that’s clearly why it’s not working. Did she say she bought it like that?”

Colleague: “Yeah. She said she opened it and the disc was already like that.”

(All of our DVDs come with security seals which are unlocked when purchased, so I know this isn’t the case. I look at the DVD title in our system, and notice we have not sold any in the last four weeks. I remember this same customer has tried to return DVDs in the same condition before.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How are you today? Now, were you the customer that was after a refund for this DVD?”

Customer: “Yes, it doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay. Now did you have a receipt for it? That way I can clear up a few things.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have a receipt! I didn’t think I’d need one!”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. Now when did you purchase this DVD?”

Customer: “Last week! Why is this even an issue?”

Me: “Well, I have just checked our records. It shows that we haven’t sold a copy of this DVD is over a month. So, either you’re lying to me, or you’ve stolen it. In either case, you are definitely not getting a refund, and I suggest you leave this store immediately. I’ll be sure to ring all neighbouring stores, informing them that you’re attempting to get a refund on a product that you may not have even bought. Is that all for today?”

(The customer snatches the DVD, and runs out of the store. I ring the store closest to us. Two hours later, I receive a phone call saying they caught her, and she is wanted for 12 other charges!)

Dim And Dimmer

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid

(I notice a customer seems particularly interested in a light.)

Me: “Can I answer any questions for you?”

Customer: “Nope, I think I’ve found the light I’m looking for! Can you ring me up?”

Me: “I’d be glad to! But because of the type of fixture, I should ask you. Are you going to be using it with a dimmer?”

Customer: “Of course.”

Me: “Do you happen to know if that dimmer is compatible with these kinds of fixtures? Sometimes there can be issues, and I’d want your light to work properly for you.”

Customer: “I don’t know what kind of dimmer we have. It was there when we bought the house. Is the compatible dimmer more expensive?”

Me: “Yes, which is why I wanted to warn you before you bought a fixture that might need it. You may even have a compatible dimmer already. Many homes do. But you may want to check first.”

Customer: “You’re just trying to sell me something useless to get a bigger commission!”

Me: “Well, we don’t work on commission. I just didn’t want you to run into a nasty surprise. If you like, I can write down the code for the light if you want to go home and check before you buy. Then you could purchase at a later date. Or, if you wanted to buy the light and then go home to check, you can return the light for a full refund if you don’t want to replace the dimmer.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you call this customer service! I just want to buy this light! Why is that so difficult? I don’t believe for a second that you don’t work commission! I don’t think you know what you’re talking about at all! I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “Of course, I’ll see if he’s available.”

(I go and find my boss.)

Manager: “Hi, I’m the manager. Can I help you?”

(The customer is now completely calm and pleasant.)

Customer: “Yes, I understand that this type of fixture might work better with a certain type of dimmer.”

Manager: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Customer: “And the dimmer we might need is more expensive?”

Manager: “Yes.”

(He begins to explain technical details I went through before.)

Customer: “Oh, yes. We know all about that. If we purchase this, take it home, and our dimmer isn’t compatible, could we return it?”

Manager: “Absolutely.”

Customer: “Thank you so much, you’ve been so helpful! Could you ring us through?”

(My manager rings them through, and they leave.)

Manager: “They seemed very nice. Why did you call me out here? I was busy!”

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