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    Of Chemically Unsound Mind

    | West Virginia, USA | Math & Science

    (I am stocking shelves in my store when a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Do you know why Clorox is called Clorox?”

    Me: “Possibly because its active ingredients include chlorine and oxygen atoms?”

    Customer: “There’s no oxygen in Clorox! That’s what we breathe! You kids need to go back to school, cause you ain’t learnin’ nothin’!” *storms away*

    Exes Can Drive You Crazy

    | Nampa, ID, USA | Bigotry

    (Note: I am a female employee at an auto parts store. A woman walks in.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Woman: “I need a tail light bulb for my Chrysler. Oh, and could you come out and show my ex-husband how to take the old one out? I’d love for you to show him up!”

    (I go outside and help him switch out his taillight. As I’m walking back into the store, I hear him say…)

    Man: *to ex-wife* “You had to pick the only girl in the store to help us, didn’t you?!”

    Eau De Hoo Ha

    | Clarksville, IN, USA | Rude & Risque

    (A elderly woman approaches the counter and I greet her.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. Would you like to try a sample of our new fragrance?”

    Customer: “Actually, I was looking to buy some Juicy Cooter.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “It’s my granddaughter’s birthday. It’s coming up and she said she wanted that new Juicy Cooter perfume.”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Oh you mean Juicy Couture? Yes, we carry that.”

    Customer: “No, not the French one! Just show me your Juicy Cooter!”

    Now We Know Why Katniss Wants To Kick A**

    | Pennsylvania, USA |

    Teenage customer: “I’d like to return The Hunger Games.”

    (Note that she had just purchased The Hunger Games a few minutes ago. As is customary, I ask if there’s anything wrong.)

    Me: “I’ll be happy to return this for you. Were you not happy with it?”

    Teenage customer: “Oh, I just changed my mind. I thought of something better that I wanted.”

    Me: “Oh, what’s that?”

    Teenage customer:Twilight!”

    Illegal Tender

    , | Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I work late at night at a well-known fast food chain. We often get customers who are a little bit under the influence at night.)

    Me: “That comes to $23.95, thanks.”

    (The customer goes through his wallet and pockets and comes up about $5 short.)

    Customer: “Do you want to buy some weed off me so I can pay for this order?”

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