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    Bread Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Australia | Rude & Risque, Top

    Manager: *laughing* “You’re gonna love this. There was a complaint against you.”

    Me: “Oh, okay?”

    Manager: “Apparently you…um, package bread sticks suggestively.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Manager: “Yeah. This is what the actual complaint says: ‘She slid the bread stick into the paper bag while looking at my husband and smiling. I just know she was trying to flirt with him! We couldn’t even eat it, thanks to that hussy!’”

    (My manager and I crack up laughing. I’m a lesbian.)

    Momma Likes To Wine And Whine

    | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids

    (I am working at a daycare and eating my lunch while the kids are having nap time. One of the kids, a two-year-old girl, has woken up early this day.)

    Child: “[My name] drinking Diet Pepsi?”

    Me: “Yep, I’m drinking a soda.”

    Child: “Daddy drink Diet Pepisi.”

    Me: “Daddy drinks Diet Pepsi?”

    Child: “Yeah.”

    Me: “[Child's name] doesn’t drink Diet Pepsi, right?”

    Child: “No, [child's name] drink juice. Daddy drink Diet Pepsi. Momma drink wine.”

    Me: “Momma drinks wine?”

    Child: “Uh, huh. Momma drink wine. Momma drink a LOT of wine.”

    Safety Before Stupid Customers

    | Utah | Food & Drink

    (I’m a delivery driver. This happens at the customer’s doorstep.)

    Me: “That will be $26.52.”

    (The customer hands me a $100 bill.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we only carry $20 in change. Do you have any smaller bills?”

    Customer: “Um, no, that’s stupid! Why don’t you carry more?”

    Me: “It’s a safety issue. Do you have a card we can put it on?”

    Customer: “How is it a safety issue for employees to give customers their change?”

    Me: “If we could carry a lot of money, and people found out, we would get robbed a lot more.”

    Customer: “So, you mean to tell me that they care more about their employees’ safety than customer service?”

    Me: “I guess so.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s bulls***!” *slams the door in my face*

    Check For Nerve Damage

    | New York, USA | Food & Drink

    (A customer orders a cold drink and a hot drink.)

    Me: “Here’s your first drink.”

    Customer: “Is this the hot or cold one?”

    (She’s holding the cup in her hand at this point, which is very obviously warm to the touch.)

    Me: *trying to not laugh* “That’s the hot drink. Your cold drink is coming right up.”

    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 3

    | British Columbia, Canada |

    (We have kiosks in our location that provide a number of services. We also have an online service that provides some different options than we are able to provide in the store. A woman in her 30s is on the kiosk closest to me trying to order something that we don’t do in the store.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to order [product], but I can’t find it on this kiosk.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that item is only available online.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s only available through the computer.”

    Customer: *blank look*

    Me: “You have to go onto a computer and go to the website to order that item, because it’s not available to order in the store.”

    Customer: “What computer?”

    Me: “You have to get onto the internet and order that product from our website.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re saying! What’s a website?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2
    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web


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