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  • Open Says-A-Me

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Technology

    (I remote into computers so I can fix our company’s software. I only fix our company’s software, not general computer problems.)

    Me: “Ma’am, it looks like I’m having problems saving this file in your Windows directory. I’m going to need administrative rights. Can you log in as an administrator?”

    Customer: “Okay, you have my permission.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You have my permission. I give you rights!”

    Me: “No, I mean, I need access to an administrative account.”

    Customer: “You have permission! I told you!”

    Me: “Uhh…sorry, ma’am, I don’t have your password. I need you to actually log off of this account and log in as someone else with administrative rights.”

    Customer: “Ooohhh…”

    Water You, Stupid, Part 7

    | NY, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am assembling coffees when I hear this conversation between a customer and the cashier. Note: our tap water is used to brew the coffee and is very clean.)

    Customer #1: “I would like a bottle of water.”

    Cashier: “Actually, we’re currently out of bottled water, but we can put ice in a cup and fill it with tap water. We won’t charge for it!”

    Customer #1: “How could you say such a thing?! Everyone knows that tap water has salmonella in it! You can’t expect me to give that to my children!”

    (The customer then storms off without buying anything. The next customer walks up, laughing.)

    Customer #2: “I’ll take a water with extra salmonella!”

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 6
    Water You, Stupid, Part 5
    Water You, Stupid, Part 4
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    You Can Lead A Horse Doctor To Water

    | Virginia, USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    Caller: “Hi, this is [name] with [co-op store]. I need to return some [animal] vaccines that are out of date.”

    Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Let me just look up your invoice so I can see what you last bought this item…”

    (I take a few moments to check on her past vaccine orders.)

    Me: “Ma’am, the last time you bought this item was in 2009. That was three years ago.”

    Caller: “Yeah, so? I need to have it returned so I can get a refund.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t return this.”

    Caller: “Why the H*** not?!”

    Me: “If I came to your store three years ago and bought a vaccine, would you let me return it today and give me a refund?”

    Caller: “Well, that’s absurd. Of course not. You would have had the vaccine long enough to use it before it went out of date….oh…I see…have a nice day.”

    In The Beginning…

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink, Religion

    (I work in the kosher section of our deli. I often get questions about what makes our food different from the things sold at other counters at the store.)

    Customer: “What’s a kosher chicken?”

    Me: “It’s a chicken that was raised, slaughtered, and prepared according to kosher rules.”

    Customer: “What’s kosher?”

    Me: “It’s Talmudic laws regarding food.”

    Customer: “What’s Talmudic?”

    Me: “It’s Jewish religious law.”

    Customer: “What’s Jewish?”

    Of Quick Comebacks And Minute Men, Part 2

    | St. Thomas, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I am working as a cashier in the sandwich shop I work in. Two male customers of at least 65 years old are ordering food.)

    Me: “So, the debit is ready. Your chip goes in the bottom whenever you’re ready.”

    (The customer that is paying tries to complete his debit transaction. However, it returns on my end saying the card was removed before it was completed.)

    Elderly Male Customer #1: “What happened? I did everything right!”

    Elderly Male Customer #2: “I think you pulled your card out before the machine was done.”

    Elderly Male Customer #1: “Pulling out too soon! Story of my life!”

    Related:
    Of Quick Comebacks And Minute Men

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