Peanuts Are High In Irony

| NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(A man comes in with his son, who looks to be about nine years old.)

Customer: “Hi, do you guys cook anything in peanut oil? My son has a peanut allergy, and he can’t eat anything with peanuts.”

Manager: “No, we don’t. He can have everything here except the salad, which has almond in it.”

Customer’s Son: “Ooh dad, chocolate soda!”

Customer: “What about the chocolate soda?”

Manager: “Oh no, he can’t have that.”

Customer: “Sorry, bud, how about the root beer instead?”

(He orders their food and while they wait, his phone goes off.)

Customer’s Phone: “IT’S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME. PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!”

(He quickly answers it while my coworkers and I are trying not to laugh. He looks a little embarrassed when he hangs up.)

Customer: “Ha, sorry about that. I guess I should change my ring tone, huh?”

Me: “No, I loved the irony!”

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5

| Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I am helping a customer who’s having an issue with his iPhone’s touch screen.)

Me: “Okay, sir, what I’m going to try is a soft reboot. That usually fixes these issues.”

(Another customer, who has been standing behind me, suddenly turns around.)

Customer: “What? Ah h*** no! Let me have a look at that, ma’am.”

(He suddenly rips the phone out of my hands.)

Me: “Sir, please hand that back!”

Customer: “All you have to do is just take the battery out, like so…”

(He attempts to pry the casing off the back of the phone. Unfortunately on an iPhone, the battery cannot be removed that way, so he just ends up struggling fruitlessly with it for several seconds.)

Me: “Sir, please can I just try—”

Customer: “Butt out! Let’s see if this works…”

(He jabs frantically at the screen, violently shakes the phone, then finally throws it on the floor, breaking the screen.)

Customer: “Yeah, the d*** thing is FUBAR. You’re out of luck, buddy.”

(He walks out.)

Me: “Did that really just happen?”

(Mercifully, my original customer has insurance, so we are able to get him a replacement phone.)

Related:

Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

Duh, A Deer

| Levittown, NY, USA | Pets & Animals, Technology

(An elderly customer approaches me. She wants a game about duck hunting.)

Me: “Did you want a game about duck hunting, or buck hunting?”

(She keeps saying ‘duck’ at first, but then changes her mind.)

Customer: “Bucks!”

Me: “Okay, we have this one for $9.99. Did you also want a duck hunting game?”

Customer: “Great, but what is the difference between duck hunting and buck hunting?”

Me: “Well, in one game you hunt flying animals, and in the other one you hunt deer.”

Customer: “Oh! What is the difference between ducks and bucks?”

Me: “A duck is a bird, and a buck is a male deer.”

Customer: “Oh, wow! So ducks are those flying animals that you see overhead at amusement parks, and bucks don’t fly at all?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Thank you so much! I’ll be back during this holiday season, just for you! You were so helpful!”

(She leaves as loud and happy as ever.)

Me: “Aaaand, I’m clocking out.”

Lame Joke

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Via.

A Softened Approach To Mathematics

| Columbia, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

(I have just finished setting up a display of fabric softener liquid and sheets. A customer approaches me and gestures to the price sign.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but is everything on this display two for $5?”

Me: “No, ma’am. That sign is for the liquid. The fabric softener sheets are only $1.99.”

Customer: “But the sign says they are two for $5!”

Me: “That’s for these items. But the sheets are only—”

Customer: “That’s what the sign says, and that is the price I want them for.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You want me to charge you more for these items?”

Customer: “No, I want you to give them to me for the price you have advertised them for.”

(She pauses abruptly, looking down at the phone where she had been fiddling with her calculator app. She realizes her error.)

Customer: “Oh, I am so embarrassed!”

Me: “It’s okay! Enjoy your two for $3.98 fabric softener sheets!”

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