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    Health Care(less), Part 3

    , | Mississippi, USA | Money

    (I get a lot of billing questions on the phone.)

    Customer: *irately* “I need to know why my insurance was canceled at the end of July.”

    (I look up his policy in our database.)

    Me: “Sir, you haven’t paid your bill since May.”

    Customer: “I have to pay my bill?”

    Related:
    Health Care(less), Part 2
    Health Care(less)

    Annoying Pneumonia

    | Maryland, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

    (I am a nurse sitting with a mother whose son passed out during school. I am asking her some questions while he is examined.)

    Me: “Has he complained of any discomfort or anything strange such as headaches, dizziness, nausea, fatigue, chest pains, muscle aches, difficulty breathing?”

    Mother: “Well, he was complaining that his chest hurt. He’s also been breathing heavily lately and coughing a lot.”

    Me: “When did this start?”

    Mother: “Oh, I don’t know…five or six days ago?”

    Me: “Your son has been complaining of chest pains and difficulty breathing for almost a week? Why didn’t you take him to the doctor?”

    Mother: “I thought he was just trying to get attention. You know kids–they always want attention!”

    Economics Is About Supply and Nevermind

    | Miami, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (Our store has a weekly special where if you buy certain item(s), you get a few other items for free. The customer I’m ringing up has two pizzas, which are the items you need to buy for this week’s deal.)

    Me: “By the way, ma’am, since you bought these two pizzas, you can get chicken tenders, popsicles, and a 2 liters soda for free. It’s part of our weekly deal.”

    Customer: “I don’t want them.”

    Me: “Well, they’re free, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! I don’t want them!”

    Me: “Well, you could just take them and give them to someone you know.”

    Customer: “Why would I give them anything for free? That’s stupid.”

    Me: “Well, you could charge them for it, I guess. If you sold it for less than we sell it, they’d buy it off of you, I’m sure.”

    Customer: “Nobody would be stupid enough to do that!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Just shut up and ring me up!”

    (I proceed to ring her up without her free items.)

    All You Need Is Love

    | Canada | Pets & Animals

    (A customer is looking for a heat lamp for her lizards’ terrarium.)

    Me: “Yes, we have them, both in red and clear.”

    Customer: “Perfect, I love you!”

    Me: “Oh, uh, thanks?”

    (Later, she comes back to get the replacement bulb.)

    Customer: “Sorry about saying ‘I love you’ earlier.”

    Me: “Don’t worry about it, always nice to feel loved.” *hands her bulb and walk her to register*

    Customer: “Great, now my geckos will love you too!”

    Me: “Yay!”

    Can’t Spell Without Without With

    , | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Food & Drink

    (A customer pulls up in our drive thru. Note that our bacon cheeseburger is made exactly the same as our cheeseburger, except for the bacon. The bacon cheeseburger is also more expensive.)

    Me: “Hi there, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon. Just mayonnaise and ketchup.”

    Me: “Okay, so a cheeseburger with only mayo and ketchup.”

    Customer: “No, a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon, and only mayonnaise and ketchup.”

    Me: “Well, our cheeseburger is made exactly the way we make our bacon cheeseburger, except it has bacon on it and it costs more. So a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon is a cheeseburger.”

    Customer: “NO! You don’t understand! I want a BACON CHEESEBURGER, with NO BACON, just mayonnaise and ketchup!”

    Me: “I understand ma’am, but if I charge you for a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon, it’s more expensive than buying a cheeseburger, which is the same thing.”

    Customer: “I DON’T CARE! I want a bacon cheeseburger with NO BACON! Just mayonnaise and ketchup!”

    Me: “All right then.” *charges her for a bacon cheeseburger with no bacon* “That will be $*.** at the first window.”

    (The customer comes up to the window and reads her receipt, looking satisfied.)

    Customer: “Now, was that so hard?”


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