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    Mammary Fallacy

    | High Falls, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “What desserts do you have?”

    Me: *lists bunch of other desserts* “…and Turtle Cheesecake.”

    Customer: “Is that made with turtle’s milk? Because I’ve heard of goat’s milk cheesecake.”

    Me: “No, sir, it has caramel, chocolate, and nuts, like the candy ‘turtles’. Turtles don’t produce milk.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Weekend Roundup: Caught Red-Handed

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Caught Red-Handed! There’s nothing quite as sheisty as customer trying to pull a fast one—and nothing quite as satisfying as catching one red-handed!

    1. Caught Red-Handed:
      A sneaky customer gets called out by another customer—who just happens to be an employee!
    2. Piercing Observation:
      Underaged customers FAIL, basic biology WIN.
    3. Caught Brown Handed:
      Proof that some trails of evidence are self-evident, salty and sticky!
    4. Tripped Up:
      If customers are gonna cry child abuse, they’d better “step” up their game!
    5. A Squeaky Clean Record:
      An employee takes it easy on a young (and very squeaky) scammer.

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Show But Don’t Tell

    | North Canton, OH, USA | Rude & Risque

    (A female customer, approximately 18 years old, is asking a coworker of mine about our bikinis.)

    Customer: “Do you guys, like, carry any bikini bottoms in white?”

    Me: “I don’t think we have any. Not a lot of stores stock white bikinis.” *chuckling* “After all, you can see right through white fabric when it gets wet!”

    Customer: *completely serious* “Yeah, duh. That’s why I want them!”

    When There’s A Will, There’s No Way

    | Buford, GA, USA | Geography

    Customer: “Could you please tell me where the restrooms are?”

    (I point in the direction of the restrooms.)

    Me: “Yes, sir, it is right there beside the bakery.”

    (The customer points in the opposite direction.)

    Customer: “Beside the chocolate store?”

    (I point again at the restrooms.)

    Me: “No, sir, beside the bakery. Right there.”

    (The customer points in the wrong direction again.)

    Customer: “Over there?”

    Me: “Sir, it is between the food court and the bakery. Right there.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I got ya.” *walks off in the wrong direction*

    You Have The Right To Remain Drunk

    | Nebraska, USA | Liars & Scammers

    (It’s the end of the night and I’m standing at the front door to make sure no one takes their drinks out of the building, which is illegal in Nebraska. I stop one gentleman on his way out with a beer.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir. You can’t step out with that.”

    Customer: “I think I can.”

    Me: “No, sir, you really can’t.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah?”

    (He pulls out his wallet and shows me a crude fabric badge sewn on to it.)

    Customer: “You’d better let me go and give me my beer before you get your a** in trouble.”

    Me: “So, you’re going to throw me in jail for keeping you from breaking the law?”

    Customer: *belches loudly, vomits a bit on his shirt, and leaves empty handed*

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