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    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 2

    | Lufkin, TX, USA |

    (A man calls to check on a cake he’d ordered, but things just go downhill from there.)

    Customer: “I’d like to check on the cake I ordered for graduation.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this is [donut shop]. We don’t make cakes; we only make donuts.”

    Customer: “I ordered the cake two weeks ago and I want to know if it will be ready.”

    Me: “I can’t help you with that because we don’t make cakes here. We only make donuts.”

    Customer: “Is this [donut shop]?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Customer: “Well, I know that’s where I ordered my cake, and I want to know if it will be ready.”

    Me: “I can’t help you with that because you didn’t order a cake here. We don’t make cakes. We only make donuts.”

    Customer: “Are you near [chain grocery store]?”

    Me: “Yes, there’s one near us.”

    Customer: “Then that proves I ordered the cake there because it was right near [chain grocery store].”

    Me: “You may have been somewhere near [chain grocery store], but you couldn’t have been here, because we don’t make cakes. We only make donuts. We don’t even have an oven except for a small microwave oven. Everything here is deep-fried, so we have no way to make cakes even if we want to.”

    Customer: “Well, where did I order my cake then, if I didn’t order it from you?!”

    Me: “I don’t know where you ordered your cake, but I do know that you didn’t order it here, because we don’t make cakes. We only make donuts.”

    Customer: “Whatever, you are incompetent! I’m never ordering cakes from you guys ever again!” *click*

    Related:
    The Cake Is A Lie

    They’re Right Next To The Abacus Tablets

    | North Carolina, USA | Health & Body

    (I’m working behind the counter one morning when an older customer and her son approach.)

    Customer: “I’ve been really itchy lately. I need something for the itch. My son used algebra tablets last time.”

    Me: “Well you could use an allergy tablet, but you can’t if you have high blood pressure.”

    Customer: “I have high blood pressure but this itching is terrible. Can you show me the algebra tablets?”

    Me: “I can’t recommend the allergy tablets, then. It could interact with your medicine.”

    Customer: “I know, but my son had algebra tablets last time and they helped with the itching.”

    Me: “Yes, the allergy tablets would interact though. So I can’t recommend those.”

    Customer: “Which of these algebra tablets would you recommend?”

    Me: *gives up* “The pink box.”

    These Aren’t The Games You’re Looking For

    | Pine City, MN, USA |

    (This takes place in the video games aisle. I ask a confused looking female customer if she needs help.)

    Customer: “Is this Star Wars?” *points to Thor for Wii*

    Me: “No, that’s Thor.”

    Customer: “Oh, how about this?” *points to Tron for 360*

    Me: “No, that’s Tron.”

    Customer: “Oh, what’s that about?”

    Me: “It’s based on the movie Tron, from Disney.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t think so. What’s that?” *points to Portal 2 for 360*

    Me: “That’s Portal 2.”

    Customer: “Looks like Star Wars!”

    The High Truth

    | Davenport, IA, USA |

    (I’m busy cleaning the TV displays in the electronics section when a middle-aged customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Hey, can you tell me where the bottle brushes are?”

    Me: “Sure, they’re over in the infants section.”

    (I give him instructions on how to get there and even point it out as I’m the only one in my department and cannot leave my post.)

    Customer: “I don’t have kids. Just so you know, it’s not for that.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    Customer: “I just need the brush to clean out my bong.”

    One Size Wraps All

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Is this unisex?”

    Me: “It’s a towel, I don’t–”

    Customer: “But is it unisex?”

    Me: “It’s a towel set.”

    Customer: “I know, but is it unisex?”

    Me: “It’s a towel. I’m pretty sure towels are unisex worldwide.”

    Customer: “You better be right!”


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