It Doesn’t Matter If You’re Pokémon Black Or White

| AZ, USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Musical Mayhem

(A customer dressed like Michael Jackson walks into the store. He is carrying a boom-box, and an armful of Pikachu dolls. There are even more spilling out of his outfit. He is wearing a GIGANTIC rainbow Afro wig. My colleagues and I call him ‘Michael Jackson Wannabe’ (MJW). He is receiving comments from other customers.)

Other Customer: “Hey, Michael Jackson! It isn’t Halloween!”

(MJW says nothing. Extremely loud disco music starts playing from his boom-box. He starts dancing and moon-walking, while carrying his massive collection of dolls. Although a skilled dancer, he is more than unsettling due to his attire and massive collection of stuffed animals.)

Me: “Dude, quit. You’re freaking everyone out.”

(I turn down the music.)

Michael Jackson Wannabe: “LET THE MUSIC PLAY!”

(He turns the music all the way up again, and starts throwing his dolls at me and my coworker. I dive for cover behind the counter while my coworker calls the police. MJW is now holding his boom-box and is dancing right in front of a clearly annoyed elderly customer.)

Elderly Customer: “FALL!”

(The elderly customer snatches the boom-box right out of MJW’s hands, and THROWS it at him. MJW is knocked off his feet from the weight of the boom-box. The elderly customer looks over at me.)

Elderly Customer: “Do you think I took it a little too far?”

Me: “…yeah.”

(The police arrive, and take both MJW and the elderly customer away in handcuffs. The next day, the elderly customer comes back. He was jailed overnight for harming MJW. The police would have kept him longer, but they were sympathetic to the fact that he did stop a guy that was disturbing the peace.)

Elderly Customer: “Do you get a lot of weirdoes in here?”

Me: “Like that guy dressed like Michael Jackson? No not really. When we do, they’re like him, really loopy.”

(Surprisingly, the elderly customer gave me a $100 bill. Even better: we now sell Pokémon dolls! Thanks MJW, for introducing a new product to the store, even though you destroyed half the shop doing so.)

Pretend Like You Care

Oneofthemostannoyingthingsabouthavingacustomerservicejob

A Customer To Send You Up In (Broken) Arms

| Berlin, Germany | Technology, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I have a broken hand, and have my arm in a plaster.)

Me: “Hello this is [name] from IT support. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Hello, I have a problem.”

Me: “Okay, what is your concern?”

Customer: “As I said, I have a problem.”

Me: “Okay, I should be more specific. What is your problem about?”

Customer: “My computer doesn’t work as it should.”

Me: “What is it your computer is supposed to do? I mean what program do you want to start, or what you want to do with your computer?”

Customer: “Are you a moron? I told you my computer doesn’t work. I want you to fix it right now!”

Me: “I need more inf—”

Customer: “You’re just being stupid and lazy! You’re a bunch of f****** morons! I will get your a** fired, and I will get it done today!”

Me: “Please calm down and—”

Customer: “Don’t tell me what I have to do! I want to talk to your manager!”

(My manager sits in the same office and has heard everything.)

Manager: “Give her to me.”

(She takes the call and leaves the room. Some moments pass as my manager talks to her. She comes back crying. I get the customer back on my phone; I’m really mad, as my manager is a friendly person.)

Customer: “WILL YOU NOW HELP ME, MORON? I NEED MY COMPUTER TOD—”

Me: “Shut up.”

Customer: “What!”

Me: “I’ll give it a last try. If you yell at me, I’ll quit the call, and you will have to fix your computer by yourself, understand?”

Customer: “Erm… well yes, but—”

Me: “No ‘buts’. So, what program do you want to use?”

(From this point on, it’s easy. I get the information I need to take her case, and give it to a team of specialists. After the call my coworker gets my attention.)

Coworker: “What the h*** did you just do?”

Me:*looking down* “Oh, yeah. I broke my plaster.”

Coworker: “You just yelled at a customer, defended our manager, and risked your job, and the only thing you care for is your plaster?”

Me: “I thought it was a really nice plaster.”

(This makes my manager smile again, and all my other coworkers laugh. I still work for the company, but now all the angry and rude customers are sent directly to me.)

Why Nurses Need Hazard Pay

| IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I’m a senior nurse. A patient has been caught leaving her room to go to her car and smoke. After repeated warnings on numerous occasions, her doctor finally draws the line.)

Doctor: “If she’s well enough to go and smoke, I think she’s well enough to be discharged.”

(The patient is enraged at this, and starts yelling.)

Patient: “I need my cigarettes! You’re discriminating against me!”

(She finally leaves. I get called by another nurse to her former room several minutes later.)

Nurse: “You have to see this.”

(The patient’s room is completely smeared with feces; on the bed, in the bathroom sink, all over the walls. There’s even a pile just inside the door that we almost step on.)

Me: “What kind of person does something like this?! It’s not human!”

Nurse: “If you’re that upset about not getting your nicotine, something is wrong with you!”

Related:
Why Tech Support Needs Hazard Pay

From USB Port To Teleport

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I am chatting online with a potential customer.)

Customer: “Hey, I really like this necklace. Can I pay by Paypal?”

Me: “Absolutely, if you follow the instructions on check out, you can pay and leave your shipping address there. I’ll get it shipped in the morning.”

Customer: “Do I have to leave an address? Can’t you just email it to me?”

Me: “Email you for your address?”

Customer: “No, email me the necklace. I don’t want to give you my address.”

Me: “You want me to email you the necklace?”

Customer: “Never mind, cancel it. You’re too much work!”

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