A Spelling Konflict

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Language & Words

(A customer is looking for an icy-pole maker.)

Me: “Okay, now you said you were after a certain brand name?”

Customer: “Yes, all I know is that it starts with a ‘K’.”

(We do not currently stock any icy-pole related products by brands starting with a ‘K’, but we do have some starting with a ‘C’.)

Me: “Are you sure it wasn’t one of these ones here, miss? We have—”

Customer: “No, no! I’ll know it when I see it. It definitely starts with ‘K’. Oh look, there it is!”

Me: “Um… are you sure, miss? That machine is by the Zoku brand.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it! Zoku! It start’s with a ‘K’! ‘K’ for Zoku!”

The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Movies & TV

(I am at the ticket counter in the lobby, when a customer leaves her movie, and wanders outside to take a call. A few moments later she pokes her head back in to SHOUT at us.)

Customer: “When is it over?”

Coworker: “When is what over?”

Customer: *disgusted sigh* “THE MOVIE!”

(The theaters are not visible from the ticket counter.)

Coworker: “Which movie?”

Customer: “Ugh! THE ONE I CAME FROM!”

Coworker: “Which was?”

Customer: “Um… DiGiorno…”

Me:Django Unchained?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

(The customer gets her information, and goes back outside to take her phone calls again.)

Me: *to coworker* “Because it’s not delivery, it’s Django?”

Politeness To Customers Is A Good Rule Of Thumb

| Tamworth, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m checking out a quiet, elderly customer.)

Me: “That’ll be £11.25, please.”

(The customer hands me a £20 note.)

Me: “Thank you.”

(I turn for a few seconds to sort his change, and get his receipt.)

Me: “Here’s your—”

(The customer is waving his partially amputated thumb in my face.)

Customer: “I lost that in the war you know! They gave me £30 for that! I bought my first bike with it!”

Me: “Th-that’s lovely, sir. Here’s your receipt and change; have a nice day!”

Out Of Cigarettes, Out Of Patience, Out Of Luck

| Anchorage, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

(My uncle works as a manager at a local gas station. I have just stopped by to drop him off a plate of food. I am on a first name basis with nearly all of the employees. I’m just finishing up a conversation with one of the clerks, when two customers walk up.)

Clerk: “Welcome to [gas station]; what can I get for you today?”

Customer #1: “Can I get a pack of [brand] cigarettes]?”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, but it seems like we have run out of that specific brand. Can I get you something else?”

Customer #1: “You always run out of the f***** cigarettes whenever I’m here!”

Customer #2: “I told you this store was f***** ghetto! Let’s go somewhere else!”

Customer #1: “This is bull-s***! Whenever I come to this f***** store, they always seem to be out of f***** cigarettes! Is it too much to ask that you guys actually keep cigarettes in stock!?”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, but its been a busy weekend, and we have simply just run out. I could probably recommend another one of our gas stations nearby—”

Customer #2: “We don’t need you to recommend s***! Get me your f**** manager right now!”

(My uncle, who was helping out another customer, has heard the entire conversation. He comes to investigate.)

Uncle: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer #1: “I’ll tell you what the problem is! Every time I come to this f***** store, you never have the brand of cigarettes I want! How hard is it to keep s*** stocked? This is why I don’t come to this ghetto-a** store!”

Uncle: “Well, as my employee previously stated, we are all out of that particular brand. We are more than willing to sell you something else, or we can recommend one of our other locations, which is about a 10-minute drive away.”

Customer #2: “We ain’t got no f***** time for this s***! Let’s get the f*** out of here. I hate this d*** store!”

(They promptly storm out of the store. I walk up to the register to purchase my items.)

Me: “Jeez, how hard is to take yourself to another store and buy your particular brand your looking for? I mean if it’s not here, then make things simple and move the h*** on! Don’t be a b**** about it!”

Clerk: “We get it all the time, but we’ve just learned to tune it out.”

Me: “It really isn’t necessary—”

(Customer #1 storms back in the store.)

Customer #1: “Which one of you said that? I heard what you said about me! Calling me a b****! I know it was you bad mouthing me!”

(The customer starts pointing at the clerk.)

Clerk: “I didn’t say anything about y—”

Customer #1: “I heard what you said! Do you think I’m a stupid b****?! Give me your employee number; I’m going to write a letter to your corporate offices about this. I KNOW YOU SAID IT! I AM GONNA GET YOUR A** FIRED!”

(I clear my throat, and tap the customer on the shoulder.)

Me: “Actually, I said it!”

(I’m pretty tall, at 6’2.)

Customer #1: “What business is it of yours—”

(The customer’s question trails off, and she turns and looks up at my face; her face pales.)

Me: “I’ll tell you: it’s very much my business. You can find me in here almost every day, but it’s ignorant and stupid people like you that p*** me off! First off, it’s not this clerk’s fault that the cigarettes are out of stock. It’s not this store’s fault that they magically don’t have your particular brand of cigarettes every time you happen to come in. Furthermore, don’t you dare try and degrade this store. It treats all of its customers with respect, which is something in which you are OBVIOUSLY lacking. Another thing, if this store doesn’t have your cigarettes, “every time you come in”, then why don’t you just get a d*** clue and move on to the next store? No need for you to be raising all this h*** for nothing. As far as who said what, I made the comments about you being a b****, so if you wanna make something of it, then let’s step outside and I’ll be more than happy to kick your a**!”

(The customer stutters, and hurries out of the store. The clerk high-fives me and my uncle treats me out to a movie and dinner later on that week!)

A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 5

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

(I work at a theme park. I have to greet guests, and provide them with 3D glasses as they queue for the ride.)

Guest: “Excuse me, what do I do with these?”

Me: “You put them on when you enter the ride.”

Guest: “Put them on where?”

Me: “…on your face.”

Guest: “Oh! I thought maybe they went on my arm!”

Related:
A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 4
A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 3
A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2
Get A Life
A New Dimension Of Stupidity

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