Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
    (2,559 thumbs up)
  • April Themed Story Giveaway: Creepy Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    No Helium For The Airhead

    | Belgium |

    (A customer addresses me with a question about balloons we’ve sold her the week before.)

    Customer: “I think I bought the wrong ones.” *points at the shelf* “These don’t rise to the ceiling. Where are the ones that do?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there is only one kind of balloon. They float if you fill them with helium.”

    (The customer stands there giving me a puzzled look.)

    Me: “You just blew them up with air, didn’t you? You see, if the gas is lighter than the air–”

    (She continues to look with a confused, helpless gaze.)

    Me: “If you want them to float in the air, you’ll just have to buy this tank of helium, put the balloon over the valve and release the gas into the balloon.”

    Customer: “But I’ve already blown up all the balloons! Is there no other way to have them go up to the ceiling?”

    Me: “You could tape them onto your ceiling.”

    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Religion

    (I work in a call center that distributes supplies to missions all over the world. We get called at least three times a week, sometimes more, by a woman who likes to order supplies for her mission one or two items at a time. Also, all missionaries carry a ministerial card, certifying them as authorized representatives of our church.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ve entered that order for you. Is there anything else you need?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need a menstrual certificate.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, a what?”

    Customer: “A menstrual certificate!”

    Me: “A what?”

    Customer: “A menstrual certificate! One of our elders has lost his menstrual certificate, and he needs a new one!”

    Me: “Um, I think you should call the missionary department about that one.”

    Related:
    The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

    Beyond The Call Of Duty

    | Wisconsin, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work at a video rental store that carries some adult movies in a side/back room. I am busy sorting our dropbox of movies when a older gentleman approaches my male coworker.)

    Customer: “These [adult] movies didn’t work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Did you want to grab a couple others to replace them?”

    Customer: “No, you do it for me. These didn’t work.”

    (I check the computer system for replacement copies.)

    Me: “Well, these are the only copies of these movies, but you can go get two others for free today.”

    Customer: “You go find two for me. I want ones that work. You go pick them out.”

    Me: “You want me to go get you two replacements?”

    Customer: “Yes, you.”

    (I go into the back room and chooses two movies for the customer. I then clean the new movies and check out the customer.)

    Me, to coworker: *after the customer leaves* “Please tell me you heard what he had me do.”

    Coworker: “Did you just go pick out porn for him?”

    Me: “Yeah. How weird.”

    Coworker: *laughing* “I’d just grab the first two I found.”

    Me: “I couldn’t! I had to find ones that were a similar theme.”

    Coworker: “Awkward.”

    Me: “Totally.”

    One’s Green And The Other Makes You Green

    | New Jersey, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’m calling to see if you have cholera pills in stock.”

    Me: “I beg your pardon? Cholera is a contagious disease.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! I’m looking for cholera pills!”

    Me: “Um, do you mean the natural supplement Chlorella?”

    Customer: “That’s what I said! Cholera! It’s spelled C-H-L-O-R-E-L-L-A. Cholera. I am looking for a large bottle if you have it.”

    Me: *gives up* “Yeah, sure. We happen to have a few bottles of cholera in stock.”

    Customer: “I’ll be there in five minutes!”

    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2

    | Missouri, USA | Technology

    (I work at a call center geared toward internet and television technical support.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “My service is out. It’s been out all day!”

    Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Is this your TV or internet service?”

    Customer: “TV or what?”

    Me: *slower* “Is this your TV or internet service?”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “What’s what?”

    Customer: “That second thing you said. What’s that?”

    Me: “The internet.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I don’t know what that is.”

    Me: “Um, sir, it’s connected to computers.”

    Customer: “I don’t know what that thing is, but I don’t got no computer.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind of TV service do you have, then?”

    (Thankfully, everything goes smoothly once we get off the topic of computers and internet.)

    Related:
    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web


    Page 921/1,972First...919920921922923...Last