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    I Become Employee, Destroyer Of Air Pumps

    | Australia |

    (A customer comes into the store part of the petrol station after unsuccessfully trying to inflate his tires with our air pump that was labelled as being out of order.)

    Customer: “I can’t inflate my tires.”

    Me: “Sorry about that. The air pump is broken at the moment, and we’re waiting on the technician to repair it next week.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! I need to inflate my tires!”

    Me: “Sorry, there’s not a lot I can do. We have small cans of air, but they’re quite expensive and are only meant for emergencies.”

    Customer: “This is the third station in this area I’ve been to today with a faulty pump!”

    (Suddenly, the customer narrows his eyes at me.)

    Customer: “This can’t be a coincidence.”

    Me: “Wait, are you saying I sabotaged not only our own pump, but the air pumps at several competing petrol stations as well?”

    Customer: “You must be doing something. This is outrageous!”

    Things People Say When Stalling

    | Bozeman, MT, USA | Hotels & Lodging

    (I work housekeeping at a hotel. We knock and give the guest a few moments of privacy before we enter.)

    Me: *knocking* “Housekeeping!”

    Guest: “Who’s there?”

    Me: “Housekeeping!”

    Guest: “What kind?”

    Meet The New Time, Same As The Old Time

    | Israel |

    Patient: “I’d like an appointment tomorrow with the doctor.”

    Me: “How does 11:20 sound?”

    Patient: “No! I want something between 11:00 and 11:30!”

    Me: “No problem! How bout 11:20?”

    Patient: “Great, see you then!”

    Color Me Stupid, Part 3

    | Ohio, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I have a new kitten for an appointment.”

    Me: “Okay, let me get some information from you…”

    (I get a lot of information and come to the question about color.)

    Me: “And what color is the cat?”

    Customer: “It’s cream.”

    Me: “Cream and white?”

    Customer: “No, just plain cream colored!”

    (We get back to the room and I take the cat out of the carrier. It’s a black cat.)

    Related:
    Color Me Stupid, Part 2
    Color Me Stupid

    Intelligence May Be Of Equal Or Lesser Value

    | Sydney, Australia | At The Checkout

    (My store is going through a buy two, get the third free sale. A customer comes up with only two items.)

    Me: “Hi. Just these ones today?”

    Customer: “Yes, thanks.”

    Me: “Did you want to grab another item of equal or lesser value for free?”

    Customer: “How much will it cost?”

    Me: “Nothing…it’s free.”

    Customer: “What’s the catch?”

    Me: “It’s of equal or lesser value of the items you have here.”

    Customer: “So, how much extra do I have to pay for it?”

    Me: “Nothing. It’s free.”

    Customer: “No. There’s a catch, isn’t there? You people are always trying to sell me more stuff with some sort of catch behind it. I will probably end up paying more for it or something.”

    Me: “No, it’s free, meaning you will pay no extra. You get it for nothing.”

    Customer: “No! I refuse to give into your gimmicks.”

    (The customer pays for two items and walks out of the store. She returns the next day.)

    Customer: “Yes, I came in yesterday and wasn’t aware of the sale you had going on for buy two, get the third free!”


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