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    Less Than Or Equal To Dumb

    | Portland, OR, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Math & Science

    Guest: “We have a party of six. Will that fit in your hotel’s van?”

    Me: “Well, our hotel van has room for eleven.”

    Guest: *blank stare*

    Me: “So, your party of six will fit.”

    Guest: “Oh! Good.”

    The Golden Rude

    | Summerville, SC, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (I am working at the drive-thru at our coffee shop.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [coffee shop]. This is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: *complete silence*

    (I can see his car in our camera and he’s not talking.)

    Me: “Did you have any questions or anything?”

    Customer: “Well, there you are! What kind of smoothies do you have?”

    Me: “We have strawberry banana, orange mango banana, and chocolate banana.”

    Customer: “I want a strawberry one.”

    Me: “Okay, that will be—”

    Customer: *drives away from the speaker before I can finish*

    (The customer in front of this customer in the drive-thru line has an issue with her order, so we have to wait until it is ready. During this time I make small talk with the customer as we are trained to do. After handing the customer her beverage, the next car pulls up.)

    Me: “That will be [price]. Your smoothie is on its way!”

    Customer: “I have a concern. You just wasted 5 minutes of my time having a conversation with that other customer. If I had honked my horn, you would have called me rude, but don’t you think it is rude to have personal conversations on my time? I just can’t believe you would do things like that. My time is valuable and I don’t like my time to be wasted!”

    Me: “Well, they had an issue with their order and we had to wait. I thought it would be rude to ask her to stop talking to me. I will go check on your smoothie.”

    (I get the smoothie and come back to the window.)

    Me: “All right, there you go!”

    (I am holding the smoothie out toward the customer. He spends a good two to three minutes talking on the phone while I wait.)

    Customer: *turns and finally sees me* “Well, finally, what took so long?”

    Me: “I’ve been standing here for two minutes.”

    Customer: “Well, I was on the phone. Why didn’t you say something?”

    Me: “I didn’t want to be rude.”

    The Engendered Confusion

    , | Miami, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I’m in the back taking money and orders when a customer pulls up to my window.)

    Customer: “I heard that your chicken sandwiches aren’t made of chicken. I heard they’re actually made of rooster.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Your chicken sandwiches aren’t made of chickens, but roosters, right?”

    Me: “Roosters are chickens, sir.”

    Customer: “No, they’re not!”

    Me: “Yes, roosters are male chickens and hens are female chickens.”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s like that human thing, too…boy and girl! I see…” *drives off without ordering anything*

    The Cappuccino’d Crusader

    | New York, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (Note: I am with my friend at a coffee shop.)

    Me: *to friend* “Hey, can you order my drink for me? I have to go to the bathroom.”

    My Friend: “Yeah, of course!”

    (I return from the bathroom and sit in the waiting area with my friend.)

    Cashier: “I have a mocha frappe for Batman?”

    My Friend: *grins at me*

    Me: “What?”

    Cashier: “FRAPPE FOR BATMAN!”

    My Friend: *grins* “He’s calling you…”

    Me: “What do you…oh my God, you didn’t!”

    Cashier: “Yes, she did. Here’s your order, Batman.”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    Cashier: “No problem. Just remember to protect Gotham!”

    Lukewarm Science

    | Indiana, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A customer orders a large mocha, but only lukewarm. After receiving it, she takes a sip, grimaces, and sighs.)

    Customer: “I really miss hot coffee.”

    Me: “I can heat it up more if you like.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, it has to be lukewarm. I’m trying to lose weight. I read that calories are a unit of heat!”

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