It’s About To Get Crazy Horse Up In Here

, | OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

(I am on break and heading towards the restroom, when a customer asks me to take his order. Seeing that it’s busy, and assuming that the customer has been waiting for some time, I step up to the spare till that the managers all share. All of my on-duty coworkers are either Hispanic or African American.)

Me: “Sorry about the wait. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Number four, medium, with an iced tea to drink. I’m glad you finally came out of the kitchen. I thought I’d never get to order.”

Me: “I’m sorry again about your wait. We’ve been a little understaffed all day.”

Customer: “So, that must be why you were doing the Mexican’s work.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The kitchen, the kitchen! I guess all these n****** who can’t take an order right needed someone back there who speaks English to fix everything. They need to hire more white folks like you to work here.”

Me: “Sir, I would appreciate it if you refrain from making such offensive remarks.”

Customer: “Aw, c’mon. No need to cater to them. Just between us, you think whites are the best race, right?”

Me: “Just between us?”

(I beckon the customer closer, then speak loudly enough for the entire restaurant to hear.)

Me: “If you spout any more of this racist bull-s***, I will not hesitate to kick you out.”

Customer: “But you’re white!”

Me: “Not that it matters, but I’m half Native-American.”

Customer: “You don’t look it. If that’s true, what’s your ‘Injun’ name?”

Me: “In my tribe, I am called ‘Ejects-Bigoted-A**-hole-From-Premises’. Now kindly get the f*** out.”

Must Hate Watching Animal Planet

| GA, USA | At The Checkout, Pets & Animals

(I’m ringing up a customer buying a bag of dog food, and a small toy. When customers pay by credit card, the screen automatically asks if they want to make a donation to help homeless animals.)

Me: “Would you like to make a donation to [store charity]?”

Customer: “No, I hate all animals; this is for a friend.”

Me: “Okay then. Would you like a bag for that?”

Customer: “Yes, I hate the environment too.”

A Competitive Throwdown Of The Stock

| UK | Money, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(An older customer is looking at the sweets.)

Old Customer: “How much is this bar of chocolate?”

Me: “That’s [amount].”

Old Customer: “Really? it is only [smaller amount] at [competitor].”

(The old customer puts the chocolate bar down, and picks up a packet of crisps.)

Old Customer: “How much are these?”

Me: “Those are [amount].”

(The old customer huffs and throws them down.)

Old Customer: “That is outrageous! They are only [smaller amount] at [competitor]!”

Me: “I am sorry, but because they are a large chain store, they can charge a little better than us. Because we are independent, our prices are a little higher.”

Old Customer: “You are just trying to rob an old lady! These are cheaper at [competitor]; you should be ashamed!”

(The old customer starts to throw the chocolates around.)

Me: “You’re more than welcome to shop there, ma’am. Please stop throwing those on the floor.”

Old Customer: “Why would I go there! It’s half way across town! You expect an old lady to walk all that way! You are a disgrace with no respect for your elders!”

(She starts to walk out of the shop.)

Old Customer: “You are robbers! Daylight robbers!”

(She leaves by throwing more stock on the floor.)

Answer Me!

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Think Small

| CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working the pay window at a fast food restaurant.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “Why did they ask me small, medium, or large?”

Me: “For the size of your combo.”

Customer: “That is too complicated for drive-thru.”

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