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    Young (At Heart), Wild, And Free

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am doing a pat down on an older woman in a wheelchair. As I clear each area, I’m letting the woman know that I am moving to a new area. Fairly quickly, it becomes obvious that the woman is intoxicated.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’m going to clear your back now.”

    Woman: *throws her arms out and says quite loudly* “Honey, I’m loaded! You can do whatever you want to me!”

    Try Wallmart

    | Queensland, Australia | Crazy Requests

    (I work in the kitchen department of a furniture store.)

    Customer: “This kitchen says $899.00. What do you get for that price?”

    Me: “Well, miss, that price covers kitchen cabinets, a bench top, legs and handles, but not the sink, tap or appliances.”

    Customer: “So, you get everything?”

    Me: “Everything except the sink, tap, and appliances.”

    Customer: “Oh, so you don’t get the sink, tap, or appliances, but everything else?”

    Me: “Yep, everything else in that kitchen.”

    Customer: “So, you get the wall?”

    Me: “No…the wall is not included.”

    Customer: “But it says everything except the sink, tap, and appliances. It doesn’t say you don’t get the wall.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you, I am confident that I cannot sell you our wall.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? Can you check for me please? Can you just make sure because that’s not what it says.”

    Me: *speechless* “I’ll get my manager.”

    Manager: “No, ma’am, the walls are not included with the price of our kitchens. Otherwise, we could only sell four of them before we’d need to rebuild the entire store.”

    Together And Equal

    | Billings, MT, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (I am a cashier. Sometimes people will go through a checkout line sharing a cart. Two middle-aged women come through the line.)

    Me: *pointing at their purchases* “Are you two together?”

    (Woman #1 looks lovingly into Woman #2′s eyes and holds her hands.)

    Woman #1: “Yes, we are…”

    Woman #2: “Honey, I think she meant if we’re buying all this together.”

    Woman #1: “Oh. No, we’re separate. Two transactions, please!”

    How About Some Split Pee Soup

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “I’d like a latrine!”

    Me: “Oh, okay, the bathroom is just—”

    Customer: “No! How much is a latrine?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, there’s no charge for using the—”

    Customer: “No! Of soup! How much?”

    Me: “OH! A tureen!”

    Customer: “Yes, how much is a latrine of soup?”

    Just Gender Role With It

    | New Berlin, WI, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in a gas station and am the only female employee that works the second shift on a regular basis. I have very short hair and am often mistaken for male if customers aren’t paying attention. Sometimes, it is a great source of amusement for me because it seems to bother them more than it bothers me. One early evening, a customer comes in with her little girl who is probably about 4.)

    Me: “Did you find everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, just this and…” *to her daughter* “Did you find the candy you want, sweetie?”

    (I notice now that the little girl is giving me a horrified look as if I have just told her there is no Santa.)

    Customer’s Daughter: *starts pulling on her mother’s shirt* “Mommy! Mommy! Is that a boy or a girl?”

    (The mother ignores her, but the little girl continues to ask and gets progressively louder each time. I am finishing running her credit card and hand her the receipt. At the top of every receipt is the name of the cashier. The woman picks up her daughter who is now glaring at me and finally answers her after reading my obviously female name.)

    Customer’s Daughter: *now yelling so loud everyone in the store can hear* “MOMMY!!! IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?!”

    Customer: “Shh! She’s a girl, sweetie. Now hush.”

    (I’m trying very hard not to laugh, as everyone in the store is now staring.)

    Me: “Mystery solved! Have a good—”

    Customer’s Daughter: *shrieking* “WHY DOES SHE HAVE SUCH SHORT HAIR?!”

    Customer: *turning six shades of red* “Because some women just like their hair to be short.”

    (The customer’s daughter turns to me and points accusingly.)

    Customer’s Daughter: “YOU! You shouldn’t have such short hair! Girls have long hair! DUH!”

    (After the woman has left with her boisterous, opinionated child in tow, a regular customer comes to my register.)

    Regular: *jokingly* “Well, hello again, young man! Having a good evening?”

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