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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • WEP Behind The Ears

    | Dronten, The Netherlands | Technology

    Me: “Good morning, [ISP]. This is [name] speaking.”

    Caller: “Yes, good morning sir. I’m trying to connect my internet, but it’s asking me for a ‘wireless key’.”

    Me: “Alright, sir, that’s the password you can find on the back of your router.”

    Caller: “You misunderstand me, sir. It’s asking for a key, not a password.”

    Me: “Yes, the key is a password. It’s on your—”

    Caller: *angry* “It’s asking for a key! I have the key here. I’m just looking for the keyhole!”

    Me: *surprised* “May I ask where you got that key?”

    Caller: “It’s the key on the door where the modem is in! The modem key! I just need to know where to put it in!”

    Would You Like Smoke Up Or Delivery

    | Bucks County, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (Note: My boss only purchased this particular pizza shop about four years ago. I am answering a phone call at the beginning of my shift.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [shop name]. Will this be for pick-up or delivery?”

    Customer: “Uh, is this the NEW [shop name]?”

    Me: “Yes, the current owner purchased this restaurant about four years ago.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Uh…can I get a delivery?”

    Me: “Sure! What’s your address?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I just want two large pies and a dime bag.”

    Me: *taken aback* “Um…excuse me?”

    Customer: “Two large pies and a dime bag.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir…a dime bag?!”

    Customer: “Can’t I get a dime bag with my delivery?”

    Me: “No, absolutely not. We only sell food here…no dime bags!”

    Customer: “Oh, okay then.”

    (He proceeds to give me his contact information for two large pies. After the call ends, I bring the order into the kitchen. However, before I have a chance to even hand the slip to the cook, the phone rings again.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [shop name]. Will this be for pick-up or delivery?”"

    Same Customer: “Uh, yeah, I wanna cancel my order for two large pizzas.”

    Me: “Okay, so you want to cancel the two pizzas, correct?”

    Same Customer: “Yeah. Unless I can get a dime bag with them, that is.”

    Me: “No, you still can’t get a dime bag.”

    Same Customer: “Oh, okay. Yeah, cancel the order…”

    (I found out later that 15 years ago, a previous owner used to run a little “side operation” for quite some time before the police caught on and sent him to jail.)

    Must Have Taken A Napa In Geography Class

    | Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink, Geography, Top

    (A new customer walks into our liquor store. Note that I am the store manager and have been there a number of years, and have a significant appreciation for wine.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. Can I help you with anything today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m going to a dinner party this evening and want to bring a bottle of wine. I don’t know anything about wines, though, and I would like to show off a bit.”

    Me: “Certainly, I can help you with that. Do you know what food they will be serving at this party?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. Roast beef or lamb, I think.”

    Me: “In that case, you would want a red wine. If you’re not sure of the meal, then I would suggest one of the blends as they are good all rounders and a safer bet if you’re unsure. As for showing off, we have some very nice wines from Chile that we have just got in. Chile has been producing some very nice wines that are winning a number of awards at the moment, and they’re very new to the Australian market so they would be the perfect thing for showing off wine appreciation.”

    Customer: “No, I said we we’re having a roast, not a curry! I don’t want anything spicy!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am…I meant the country, not the spice. These are not spicy wines. They’re just from Chile.”

    Customer: “No, I said I don’t want a spicy wine. Can’t you just show me a wine that will make me look like I’m smart in front of my friends?!”

    My Eyes Advise That Your Size Defies

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA |

    (I’m working in the fitting room of a popular clothing store. A customer enters with several pairs of shorts.)

    Me: “Found some items you liked? I’ll start a fitting room for you.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m not sure if these will work.”

    Me: “I’ll be happy to switch the sizes out for you if these don’t work out.”

    (She enters her fitting room and starts trying on her shorts. After a few minutes, she comes out wearing a pair that are WAY too small for her.)

    Customer: “Oh, no…these won’t work!”

    Me: “You’re right. A different size would work better.”

    Customer: “Oh good! I’m glad you agree. These are a 6…can you get me a 2 and a 4?”

    Me: *mouth hanging open*

    Half-A-Brains Don’t Have A Heart

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Money

    (I work at a charity shop. We often get customers trying to get items for less through a variety of methods, such as finding problems with items or comparing our prices to other stores.)

    Customer #1: “Oi!”

    (I look around and see three men by the men’s shoes.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer #2: “These shoes are a size 8 and they’re marked as a size 10!”

    Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll retag them.”

    (The three customers look at each other and give a nasty laugh.)

    Customer #1: “So, since you messed up, can I have these shoes for half price?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t change the prices.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I can!”

    (The three customers give a nasty laugh again. I decide to leave them. They then walk over to my coworker at the till.)

    Customer #3: “Oi, love, we’re having these shoes for half price.”

    Coworker: “I’m very sorry, but I don’t have the authority to change the prices.”

    Customer #1: “Go on, just cut the price.”

    Coworker: “I can’t do that. And, besides, all the money goes to charity.”

    Customer #1: “Screw charity! I want these shoes for half price!”

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