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    Beyond The Call Of Duty

    | Wisconsin, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work at a video rental store that carries some adult movies in a side/back room. I am busy sorting our dropbox of movies when a older gentleman approaches my male coworker.)

    Customer: “These [adult] movies didn’t work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Did you want to grab a couple others to replace them?”

    Customer: “No, you do it for me. These didn’t work.”

    (I check the computer system for replacement copies.)

    Me: “Well, these are the only copies of these movies, but you can go get two others for free today.”

    Customer: “You go find two for me. I want ones that work. You go pick them out.”

    Me: “You want me to go get you two replacements?”

    Customer: “Yes, you.”

    (I go into the back room and chooses two movies for the customer. I then clean the new movies and check out the customer.)

    Me, to coworker: *after the customer leaves* “Please tell me you heard what he had me do.”

    Coworker: “Did you just go pick out porn for him?”

    Me: “Yeah. How weird.”

    Coworker: *laughing* “I’d just grab the first two I found.”

    Me: “I couldn’t! I had to find ones that were a similar theme.”

    Coworker: “Awkward.”

    Me: “Totally.”

    One’s Green And The Other Makes You Green

    | New Jersey, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’m calling to see if you have cholera pills in stock.”

    Me: “I beg your pardon? Cholera is a contagious disease.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! I’m looking for cholera pills!”

    Me: “Um, do you mean the natural supplement Chlorella?”

    Customer: “That’s what I said! Cholera! It’s spelled C-H-L-O-R-E-L-L-A. Cholera. I am looking for a large bottle if you have it.”

    Me: *gives up* “Yeah, sure. We happen to have a few bottles of cholera in stock.”

    Customer: “I’ll be there in five minutes!”

    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2

    | Missouri, USA | Technology

    (I work at a call center geared toward internet and television technical support.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “My service is out. It’s been out all day!”

    Me: “Okay, I can help you with that. Is this your TV or internet service?”

    Customer: “TV or what?”

    Me: *slower* “Is this your TV or internet service?”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “What’s what?”

    Customer: “That second thing you said. What’s that?”

    Me: “The internet.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I don’t know what that is.”

    Me: “Um, sir, it’s connected to computers.”

    Customer: “I don’t know what that thing is, but I don’t got no computer.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind of TV service do you have, then?”

    (Thankfully, everything goes smoothly once we get off the topic of computers and internet.)

    Related:
    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

    The Cake Is A Lie, Part 2

    | Lufkin, TX, USA |

    (A man calls to check on a cake he’d ordered, but things just go downhill from there.)

    Customer: “I’d like to check on the cake I ordered for graduation.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this is [donut shop]. We don’t make cakes; we only make donuts.”

    Customer: “I ordered the cake two weeks ago and I want to know if it will be ready.”

    Me: “I can’t help you with that because we don’t make cakes here. We only make donuts.”

    Customer: “Is this [donut shop]?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Customer: “Well, I know that’s where I ordered my cake, and I want to know if it will be ready.”

    Me: “I can’t help you with that because you didn’t order a cake here. We don’t make cakes. We only make donuts.”

    Customer: “Are you near [chain grocery store]?”

    Me: “Yes, there’s one near us.”

    Customer: “Then that proves I ordered the cake there because it was right near [chain grocery store].”

    Me: “You may have been somewhere near [chain grocery store], but you couldn’t have been here, because we don’t make cakes. We only make donuts. We don’t even have an oven except for a small microwave oven. Everything here is deep-fried, so we have no way to make cakes even if we want to.”

    Customer: “Well, where did I order my cake then, if I didn’t order it from you?!”

    Me: “I don’t know where you ordered your cake, but I do know that you didn’t order it here, because we don’t make cakes. We only make donuts.”

    Customer: “Whatever, you are incompetent! I’m never ordering cakes from you guys ever again!” *click*

    Related:
    The Cake Is A Lie

    They’re Right Next To The Abacus Tablets

    | North Carolina, USA | Health & Body

    (I’m working behind the counter one morning when an older customer and her son approach.)

    Customer: “I’ve been really itchy lately. I need something for the itch. My son used algebra tablets last time.”

    Me: “Well you could use an allergy tablet, but you can’t if you have high blood pressure.”

    Customer: “I have high blood pressure but this itching is terrible. Can you show me the algebra tablets?”

    Me: “I can’t recommend the allergy tablets, then. It could interact with your medicine.”

    Customer: “I know, but my son had algebra tablets last time and they helped with the itching.”

    Me: “Yes, the allergy tablets would interact though. So I can’t recommend those.”

    Customer: “Which of these algebra tablets would you recommend?”

    Me: *gives up* “The pink box.”


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