Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,151 thumbs up)
  • He Has An Alco-huh Problem

    | Canberra, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A man in his 40s walks in to the store. He’s carrying an empty 750ml bottle of bourbon, and places it on the counter.)

    Customer: “I want a refund on this bottle of bourbon. It was off.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t refund that one as the bottle is empty.”

    Customer: “But I even brought the receipt back.” *waves receipt*

    Coworker: “I’m terribly sorry, sir. As the bottle is empty, we cannot refund it. If I may, sir, what made you think the bottle of bourbon was off?”

    Customer: “I drank it last night and it made me throw up.”

    Coworker: “I am terribly sorry for that, but what happened to the rest of the bottle?”

    Customer: “I told you! I drank the whole bottle last night, and it made me feel dizzy and throw up! It was clearly off!”

    A Real Idio-IT

    | BC, Canada | Technology

    (I work as the technical specialist for a shoe store my family owns. I’m currently in a storage room off the front entrance on the computer.)

    Customer: “Hi, excuse me? What’s your return policy?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not entirely sure. Someone at the front desk could help you better.” *points to front desk*

    Customer: “Oh, I thought this was the front desk.” *looks around* “You don’t really have much in here.”

    Me: “Not really. Sorry, I’m just the IT person.”

    Customer: *angry* “You just said that so you don’t have to help me!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “You just made that up so you didn’t have to get up and help me! Yeah, right…’I-T’. Like that’s a real job!” *leaves*

    Caution: Wet Weather May Be Wet, Part 2

    | Jacksonville, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I’m outside gathering shopping carts as it is raining. As I am headed back towards the store with the carts, I notice a woman walking towards the entrance on the sidewalk. The woman slips and lands on her butt.)

    Me: “Are you okay?”

    Customer: “Are you serious? You don’t have a wet sign out here! Let me speak to your manager!”

    (We head inside, and my manager approaches us.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, miss?”

    Customer: “There are no wet signs outside this store. How am I supposed to know if it is slippery?” *storms into the store*

    Me: *to my manager* “I didn’t know that I was supposed to put wet signs outside when it was raining.”

    Manager: “You’re not.”

    Related:
    Caution: Wet Weather May Be Wet

    Mentally Unplugged

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Musical Mayhem

    Me: “Hi, [music store], this is [my name]. How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Where the h*** do I plug this guitar in?”

    Me: “Oh, you have an electric guitar there? And an amplifier?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I just bought this beginner’s all-in-one package from you guys, and when I opened the box, there’s a cord missing.”

    Me: “Um, if you bought the ‘Strat Pack’, it should come with a six foot black cable in a plastic bag.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I have that. But where do I plug it in?”

    Me: “Just plug one end into the guitar near the bottom, and the other end into the amp where it says ‘input’.”

    Customer: “No, I got that already. Where do I plug it in?”

    Me: “Um…you already have it connected to the amp?”

    Customer: “Yeah, now how do I plug it in? There’s no cord!”

    Me: *confused* “Um, I don’t think I understand how you can plug in the guitar and not have it plugged in.”

    Customer: “It’s plugged in to the amp already! The amp is plugged in to the wall! How do I plug the GUITAR in to the WALL? It’s an ELECTRIC guitar, right?”

    Me: “Ohhh! If you already have it plugged in from the guitar to the amp, then it should work already. Did you try turning on the amp and strumming the guitar yet?”

    Customer: “That’s not how it works, is it?!”

    (I hear fumbling noises in background, followed by a very loud “TWANG!”)

    Customer: “Well, how the h*** did that happen?”

    Me: “Got it okay now?”

    Customer: *slams phone down with a BANG*

    Respect Your Zombie Elders

    | Delaware, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am a customer at a very popular superstore in my town. I have my five-year-old daughter in line with me. An elderly customer is in front of me talking to the cashier.)

    Cashier: “Hello, how can I help—”

    Customer: “How dare you.”

    Cashier: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “How dare you wear that keychain!”

    Cashier: “I don’t understand.”

    Customer: “That!”

    (The customer points at the cashier’s keychain, which has a zombie on it.)

    Customer: “How could you support that man in Florida? He ate another man’s face while he was naked! How dare you!”

    (The cashier is completely stunned, but my daughter suddenly steps up to the aggravated woman.)

    My Daughter: “Lady, that man wasn’t a zombie. He was just crazy. Zombie’s aren’t real! You should know that. You’re about a hundred!”

    Page 916/2,215First...914915916917918...Last