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    Weekend Roundup: Kids Say The Awesomest Things

    , , , , | Not Always Right Archives | Roundups

    Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

    Kids Say The Awesomest Things! This week, we share five stories that show that kids are not only our best customers, but can be an employee’s best friend!

    1. Ah, Children:
      A misbehaving customer gets put in the time-out corner…by a toddler.
    2. They Swim Where The Sun Doesn’t Shine:
      When Blade meets The Little Mermaid, awesome ensues.
    3. Making A Hug(e) Difference:
      Every store needs a kid like this…seriously, can Not Always Right adopt this boy?
    4. Vocabulary, Meet Veracity:
      Proof that kids hear everything parents say.
    5. They Grow Up Too Fast:
      When the rubber hits the road, Ultimate Driving Machines come in all sizes.

    We Can Either Do This The Long Way Or The Long Way

    | Albury, Australia | Money

    (A passenger hails my taxi outside a bar.)

    Me: “Good evening, sir. Where would you like to go?”

    Passenger: “Take me to [other bar, about a $10 fare], and make sure you go the shortest way! Don’t be taking the long way around to get more money!”

    Me: “Of course, I was going to go my usual way, which is the shortest and cheapest. Is that okay?”

    Passenger: “No! That’s the long way! Take me this way.”

    (The passenger proceeds to guide me on an angled course that adds at least 40% to the trip.)

    Passenger: “Now, that’s the way you go! I’ve got you taxi drivers all figured out. You always try to go that other way, but mine is better!”

    The Lesser Of Two Intergalactic Evils

    | Virginia, USA |

    (An elderly man dressed like a hippie is looking through our PS2 section.)

    Customer: “Now, this game has the right idea.” *gestures to a copy of ‘Destroy All Humans’* “Humanity is what’s killing mother Earth. The world would be so much better if we just got rid of them all.”

    Me: “Um, sir, do you really think a race whose primary weapon is an anal probe gun would really do any better?”

    Customer: *thinks it over* “No, I suppose you’re right.” *sadly puts the game back and walks away*

    Fax Me Up, Scotty

    | California, USA | Technology

    Facsimile, Not Facsteleporty

    (A middle aged woman rushes in and hands me a sheet of paper.)

    Customer: “Can you fax this page to [number] for me?”

    Me: “No problem!”

    Customer: “I’m just going to run next door for a coffee and be right back.”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (The customer returns after 10 minutes.)

    Customer: “You didn’t fax it yet?!”

    Me: “Yes, I did actually. It went through fine.”

    Customer: “No, you didn’t! I can see my paper laying right there!”

    Why You Always Bring Your Own Dinnerware

    | Graham, NC, USA | Rude & Risque

    (An elderly lady approaches the counter.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need some dish bags.”

    (Unaware of what dish bags are, I assume she means dish rags.)

    Me: “I’m not sure what that is and if we carry it. I would look in the cleaning section.”

    Customer: “Well, my doctor said I could get it here.”

    Me: “Okay, well I would check that aisle.”

    (The customer leaves and returns after a couple minutes.)

    Customer: “I didn’t find them!”

    Me: “Can you tell me again what it is you need?”

    Customer: “Dish bags.”

    Me: “And you say your doctor told you to get them here?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry. I’ve never heard of dish bags and I don’t believe I’ve seen anything like that here.”

    Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous! What am I going to do?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, would you like me to ask our pharmacist about them?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    (I go get the pharmacist to assist me.)

    Pharmacist: “So, what is a dish bag used for?”

    Customer: “Jeeze! You clean your lady parts with it!”


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