This story might have been more “entertaining” had I engaged, but I seriously did not want to deal with the cray-cray. I also realized that nothing good would come of me saying a word. This is just a tale of when NOT to react.

I was sitting on the bus to get to work this morning and sat in a row just in front of a woman and her baby. The baby was being a little noisy, but I didn’t care.

As I was reading Not Always Right, the baby, who’d been quiet for a little bit, let out a loud cry, which startled me, so my body instinctively jumped. I may have looked at the lady through the corner of my eye, but I honestly don’t think she saw that. I then went back to reading.

I heard her start talking passive-aggressively about me.

Woman: “How could a person jump just because a baby cried? Haven’t they had babies or grandbabies? They must have been scared to have jumped like that…”

She just wouldn’t shut up, so I moved a few seats away. Then, she called me a racist.

Eventually, I moved to the front of the bus, and I could still hear her going on and on about me. Remember, I never, ever said a word back to her. I can only imagine the earful I would have received had I said anything.  

The point of the story is that sometimes it’s much much better to just let someone ramble on and walk away. I will also say that I now understand why, when I was younger, I did engage with the narcissists I was surrounded by. It took a LOT of self-control to not engage.

Customer: “I just want you to know, that lobster tail I bought from you was the toughest thing I’ve ever eaten!”

Me: “How did you cook it?”

Customer: “Cook it?”

Me: “Um… yeah. They’re not cooked. They’re raw.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…Oh, Lord Jesus, what did I do?!”

When we moved into our house, it needed a massive overhaul. Not excluding the garden, full of weeds, overgrown bushes, the paving, the decking, then fences all needed serious work.

I did pretty much all of it, and I’m the one that maintains it. Annoying, as it takes time money and effort. we all enjoy it, but I’m the only one that does the work.

One day after work I come back, to a massive box. A gift from my in laws. A massive trampoline for the kids.

Me: great. I thought you were going to dissuade them?

Wife: what? The kids will love it.

Me: will they though? They had one before and they used it for a few weeks then ignored it. What about the garden?

Wife: this one is a lot bigger, and if it bothers you that much we can put it away.

Me: can we? I mean where is it going to go and are you actually going to help.

Wife oh stop moaning.

(Unsurprisingly the kids didn’t use it at all, I have a massive dead patch of grass in the lawn I spent years sowing and re sowing . The trampoline is rusty and unused. As I said, great.)

After reading this story, I was reminded about my run-in with attempts to convert a math class onto a computer.

Back in the early 2000s, I was already a student running ahead in math, but this incident threw it into a sharp light. At the start of the school year, without warning, we were all trooped down to a set of computers in the basement of the building, sat at a program, and told to answer math questions. I started, and then I finished maybe twenty minutes later, having completed all the questions and wondering what to do next. The proctor didn’t know what to do, so they reset the test for me and had me do some more random math questions.

Two days later, we were informed what had been going on. The incident with the computers was about seeing how computer-aided learning might help the math class. Everyone was now assigned a day of the week when they would go down and engage with the program to “increase math literacy”. A schedule was called out… but I noticed that I was not on it. I was not a popular student with my classmates, so I waited until after class to ask the teacher. He made sure everyone was gone before answering.

Teacher: “The test graded people and assigned them ranks on how well they answered the test. The highest assignments it can handle are seventh-level.”

Me: “So…?”

Teacher: “You scored at level 7.5. You don’t have to take the computer class.”

While I do like messing around with computers, the idea of having to do the simple (to me) problems for an hour straight seemed like torture. That teacher gave me an advanced book to work from instead. I had a very happy year in math completing my work and then getting a head start on my algebra.

The admin team are all women, all very chatty , bubbly people sometimes even a little too much.

I don’t ever need to go into the admin office, but for some reason one of them “hayley” has decided to go out her way to chat tp me, as I walk by, or when I’m just quickly trying to get a coffee and get back to my desk.

I’ve just finished a meeting and one of my coworkers nudge me.

Coworker: hayley is out to get you.

Me: what are you talking about?

Coworker: she has made cake, I bet you, you will be first she offers a slice to.

Me: yeah right, she will just put it in the kitchen.

(Mere minutes later Hayley appears)

Hayley: good morning, I really fancied some baking so I figured why not just bake a whoke cake! (Laughs)

Me: well it does look good, well done.

Hayley: it’s carrot cake, your favourite!

(Carrot cake is not my favourite, starting to feel a little awkward)

Me: oh, great! I’ll have to try some later.

Hayley: oh hush, I’ve cut you the first piece, here

(She plops it in myvdesk and looks at me expectantly. I feel more than awkward.

Me: mmm looks good, I think I will make myself a cup of coffee to enjoy this with.

(She seems satisfied her gift has been accepted and toddles off.)

Me: that was intense.

Coworker: she fancies you huh?

Me: she knows I’m married, I’m wearing my ring!

Coworker: clearly she doesn’t care.

Me: I’ve got to address this right?

Coworker: if you don’t you could be seen as leading her on..

Me: yeah, need to handle this properly, discreetly and not hurt her feelings.

(Over the next couple of conversations I drop what im doing with my wife and kids, etc. She doesn’t seem to take the hint, instead asking me out for drinks just me and her.)

Me: I don’t think that’s appropriate with me being married.

Hayley: oh I dont mind , she doesn’t need to find out

Me: im not like that, sorry.

Hayley: fine, whatever. I didn’t care anyway

(She storms off I still feel awful but know I did the right thing.
Surprisingly I get called into HR for my “behaviour ” turns out hayley had gone off crying to the coworkers about how I shut her down, they start dressing me down about office relationships policy and how I acted.
It took several witnesses to prove that I was not in the wrong and a chat to the MD (who seemed the only person who would listen.
Hayley quit a while later, which was probably for the best.)