Can’t Get A Handle On The Handle

| MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid

(We are an appliance dealer. Our doors are locked as a safety precaution, and we have to buzz people in. A customer is furiously jiggling the door handle. I speak to her through the intercom.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Woman: “OPEN UP!”

Me: “Okay ma’am, wait for the buzzer and pull.”

(The customer continues to jiggle it before and through the buzzer sound, so it doesn’t open.)

Woman: “LET ME IN! WHAT IS THIS?! ARE YOU RACIST IN THERE? YOU DON’T WANT MY KIND IN THERE?!”

(I speak louder over the non-stop jiggling and banging.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll buzz you in again. Just please let go, wait for the buzzer, and then pull.”

(The customer continues to jiggle the handle and yell and bang. This repeats two more times.)

Me: “Miss, I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s really not that difficult. Please, just take your hands off the handle, wait for the buzzer, and then pull the handle.”

(The customer continues to jiggle the handle.)

Woman: “WELL F*** THIS! I DON’T NEED THIS! I’M A F****** QUEEN!”

(The customer punches the glass and leaves.)

Me: “Have a nice day, your highness.”

Processing Stupid

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Link, Nyu, And Sephiroth Walk Into A Bar…

, | Derby, England, UK | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

(There’s an anime convention near to where I work. A bunch of them come in while I’m on the front counter. All of them are in costume.)

Me: “Great costumes, guys! You had a good day?”

(Link from Legend Of Zelda is the first to speak up.)

Link: “Yeah, it’s been amazing, thanks!”

(I spot one of their friends, a disabled girl, dressed as one of my favorite characters. I call out to her.)

Me: “Oh, wow! It’s Nyu! You look adorable! I think you win for best costume of the day!”

Link: “Thanks for that; no one has guessed correctly all day and she’s been pretty upset about it! I think you pretty much just made her day!”

Me: “My pleasure!”

(I turn to the girl.)

Me: “No one could guess your costume, sweetie? Guess they don’t watch the cool shows, huh?”

(The girl smiles, and begins to answer, but she’s cut off by a random customer who’s come storming over towards us.)

Customer: “Alright, that’s enough of that! I’M here now, so you can stop catering to that [disabled slur] and show me some respect!”

Me: “Sir! Please, there’s no need to be so harsh to another customer! If you do not tone it down a little, I will have to ask you to leave!”

Customer: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Why the f*** should I tone it down?! SHE shouldn’t be here, and YOU should start showing me more respect, b****, or I’ll see what your manager has to say about this!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I was always taught that respect was earned, and that you must always respect others. Since you are unable to do this to me or this poor girl you have insulted, then I have no reason to show YOU any respect. Please leave.”

Customer: “WHAT THE F—”

(He cuts himself off as he suddenly finds himself surrounded by various different anime and game heroes, all complete with replica weapons.)

Sephiroth: “I believe the lady asked you to leave, so scram.”

(The guy all but runs out of the store. ‘Link’ pulls out an ocarina, and plays a medley of various video game songs for me as a thank you. It makes my night!)

Related:
Morpheus, Tarantino, And The Green Lantern Walk Into A Bar
Superman, Rocky Balboa And ABBA Walk Into A Bar

The ‘E’ Stands For Evil

| USA | Books & Reading, Technology

(I work for the USPS help line. It’s 6:30 am, and the Postmaster General has just announced that they are cutting delivery of regular mail to five days per week, and packages to six.)

Me: “This is [post office]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I was listening to the radio station in Cleveland. WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME USE EMAIL?!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “The radio in Cleveland says that this Saturday, all mail is getting thrown out and you aren’t going to deliver mail no more!”

Me: “Well, sir, that isn’t what—”

Customer: “They said it’s because all us old folk have to use EMAIL! I’m 75 years old and I can’t use email! It’s not fair!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that mail WILL be delivered, so you don’t only have to use email.”

Customer: “GOOD! The people who died for their country on the Pony Express want you to know how disappointed they are that you use email!”

Me: “Thanks for the input, sir.”

Having A Light Bulb Moment, Part 2

| USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

Customer: “I wanted to know is it possible that I can disconnect this service from another account?”

Me: *confused* “You’re trying to disconnect your account?”

Customer: “I’m trying to disconnect someone else’s account, because their bills keep coming to my mailbox.”

Me: “You’re trying to cut off someone else’s lights because their bills keep coming to you?”

Customer: “Well… um… I probably shouldn’t do that, should I? I’ll just… take it to their door.” *click*

Related:
Having A Light Bulb Moment

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