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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Not Something To Horse Around About

    | New Hampshire, USA | Pets & Animals

    (We’ve just had a major accident in town. It’s a small department, and only one officer is on. A lady calls about fireworks going off near her house.)

    Me: “Good evening, [town] Police.”

    Caller: “There are fireworks going off and my horse is very upset!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but right now all calls that are not priority are being held. We have a major accident in town. Our officers cannot leave the scene right now.”

    Caller: “You mean to tell me that’s more important then my horse? He’s really upset! He’s crying!”

    Me: “I wasn’t aware horses could cry. I will let the officer know.”

    Caller: “You people should get your priorities straight! My horse is more important then any accident!” *hangs up*


    (To our US readers, from the NAR Staff: Happy 4th of July! Have fun and stay safe!)

    Curtains Up For This Kitty

    | CA, USA | Love/Romance

    (I’m on the phone with a caller and assisting with her ticket purchase for a future visit.)

    Me: “Okay, so did you say you needed two senior tickets?”

    Caller: “Oh, no…it’ll be one adult and one senior. My boyfriend is younger than me. I’m a cougar. RAWR!”

    Lost & Found Gets Tossed Around

    | NY, USA | Bizarre

    (I am the office manager at a nice apartment building. It is a secure building that requires anyone entering to use a key code. We’re located in a safe town, and have never had a single incident of theft or other criminal activity. A resident approaches my desk.)

    Resident: “Have you seen my sweater? I think I left in down here a couple hours ago!”

    Me: “No one turned one in to me. Have you checked the Lost & Found box around the corner?”

    Resident: “Lost & Found box? You mean you leave lost items just out in the open like that?!”

    Me: “Yes, we put the ‘found’ items in a single location so people are not running all around looking for them.”

    Resident: “That is atrocious! Anyone could walk in off the street and steal from the box!”

    Me: “This building is locked, ma’am. The only people who have access to this area have a key code, like yourself.”

    Resident: “But someone like me could steal them! I could go to that box and steal everything in there if I wanted to!”

    (To illustrate her point, the resident runs around the corner, grabs the Lost & Found box, and drags it over to my desk.)

    Resident: *flings items out of the box* “I’m going to steal this, and this, and all of these! THEY’RE ALL GOING TO BE MINE!”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am? I’m going to have to ask you not to take items that don’t belong to you.”

    Resident: “YOU DON’T KNOW THEY’RE NOT MINE!”

    (Suddenly, she spots the sweater she was looking for to begin with, and totally calms down.)

    Resident: “Oh. My sweater! Oh my God! Thank you so much for helping me find it!”

    (She grabs her sweater and happily skips off, leaving the box and all its items sprawled out over the floor.)

    Me: *dumbfounded* “…you’re welcome?”

    Happy Order-Dependence Day

    | Great Neck, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays

    (A patient wants to reschedule their appointment. Since she’s said she’s unavailable at every time I’ve given her, I suggest she let me know when she’s available.)

    Patient: “How about July 4th? I could come in at 1:00.”

    Me: “Well, we’re closed for the holiday.”

    Patient: “What holiday? There’s no holiday then!

    (Before I can answer, she figures it out.)

    Patient: “Oh…wait. July 4th must be the 4th of July!”

    Related:
    The Fourth Is Not Strong With This One

    Who’s The Alpha Ape Now

    | USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I have a coworker who is on the petite side. That, combined with her being female, seems to make people think they can intimidate her really easily. This makes it especially amusing to watch when they figure out that they can’t. This day, she’s dealing with a particularly rude customer who is at least a foot taller than she is, and has been acting like he expects to be feared.)

    Rude Customer: “Hey, B****!”

    Coworker: *blank stare* “Pardon?”

    Rude Customer: “I was trying to get your attention, lady! That seems to be the only way to get you skirts to get your minds off your lady troubles!”

    Coworker: “Well, sir I don’t know what you mean by ‘lady troubles’, but what can I do for you today?”

    (By now, the rude customer is behaving very aggressively, gesturing wildly and almost hitting her.)

    Rude Customer: “You know, LADY TROUBLES! Like shopping, shoes, boyfriends…LADY TROUBLES!”

    (My coworker is still smiling, not off-put at all by the rude customer’s behavior.)

    Coworker: “Single, hate shopping, have enough shoes. Is there anything you wanted to ask about that I can help you with? Because, if not, there are other customers that I’m sure would be willing to tell me what they need help with.”

    Rude Customer: *taken aback* “I need to find something for my wife.”

    Coworker: “…and what would that be, sir?”

    Rude Customer: *uncomfortable* “Well I…I want to get her some lingerie—”

    Coworker: “That’ll be upstairs on your left. If there’s anything specific you’re trying to find, I’m sure they’ll be happy to help you.”

    (The rude customer’s behavior has now completely flipped. He’s extremely uncomfortable, almost mumbling, and won’t make eye contact with my coworker.)

    Rude Customer: “Right…” *walks off to escalator*

    Next Customer: “Oh my, I don’t know how you kept your composure!”

    Me: “I don’t know how she did, either.”

    Coworker: “Well, usually when the lower primates get aggressive, it’s best not to respond to their aggression with fear because it’s what they want. More aggression just makes it worse. Plus, making them uncomfortable is REALLY fun!”

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