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    Gravity, The Universal Mood Killer, Part 2

    | Germany | Rude & Risque

    (I’m a customer, and overhear an elderly gentleman and the hairdresser who is cutting his hair. The gentleman’s wife is present, too.)

    Hairdresser: “Do you want me to take off any more on the top of your head?”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, go ahead!”

    Hairdresser: “All right, but if I cut it any shorter, the hair up there will be standing on end.”

    Customer’s wife: “Well, at least something will still be standing erect, then.”

    TLDNStudy

    | Massachusetts, USA | School

    (I work at a university; note that it is generally considered very academically competitive.)

    Student: “I think there’s a hold on my account.”

    Me: “Yes, health services put a registration hold on your account because they don’t have your immunization—”

    Student: “Wait, that’s a big word! I don’t know what that means!”

    Brother From The/Is The Same Mother

    | Newington, NH, USA |

    (One day, my brother stopped by my work to chat. He is about 6 feet tall, broad shouldered, has short hair, and a beard. A customer comes in, so I say goodbye to my brother and he leaves.)

    Customer: “What a funny looking girl!”

    Me: “Umm…that was my brother.”

    Customer: “That was your mother?!”

    Me: “Uh, no. My brother.”

    Customer: “Oh…*places order*

    Interrogative Nihilism 101

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Customer: “Hi, I have a few questions about this product.”

    Me: “Sure, what would you like to ask?”

    Customer: “I have no idea…”

    Some Networks Can Never Be Found

    | USA | Rude & Risque, Technology

    Customer: “I’m getting really frustrated with this!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “My ‘G spot’ won’t turn on.”

    Me: “Ma’am, do you mean your hotspot?”

    Customer: “Yeah, hotspot, ‘G spot’. It won’t work.”

    Me: “Has it worked before?”

    (I lose it at this point and cannot recall the rest. She continues to call it the ‘G spot’ for the remainder of the call. And yes, I did fix it.)


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