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    How To Count On Feeling Like A 8008

    | Prescott, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working in the electronics section of a store. A customer approaches me to get a calculator for doing taxes. I ensure she has a decently priced calculator, two rolls of paper and extra batteries since she doesn’t have a power adapter. She leaves happily. A few hours later, she returns.)

    Customer: *holds the calculator like a hurt puppy* “Something is wrong with the calculator.”

    Me: “Oh, I am sorry to hear that. What seems to be wrong?”

    Customer: “The display doesn’t seem to be working. I wanted to see about a refund, if possible.”

    Me: “Sure, let me take a look at it.”

    (I begin to take a look over the calculator, checking things like ensuring the batteries are inserted properly, that there’s no visible damage to the casing, and that the calculator had been switched to the “on” position. My eyes wander to the display, and then I look back at her.)

    Me: “I can see why the display isn’t working.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! Could you fix it?”

    (I remove the demo sticker that goes over the display, and hold out the now-working calculator to the customer.)

    Customer: “Um…thank you…” *leaves, embarassed*

    What Goes Around Coffees Around

    | Ireland | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I have just finished serving a mother, but her daughter has dropped her juice so I have to mop up the spill. As part of our goodwill policy for spills, I also give the little girl another juice on the house. I then began serving the next customer.)

    Next Customer: “You shouldn’t have given her a free juice. It’s her own fault for being clumsy!”

    Me: “Well, it’s part of our goodwill policy. Accidents do happen, you know.”

    Next Customer: “Well, children shouldn’t be in a place like this in the first place. People should take responsibility for their actions!”

    (The customer takes her coffee, and as she approaches her seat she trips over her own feet and tosses her mug across the table. She splashes coffee everywhere: on the wall, on the floor, and all over the table and chairs.)

    Next Customer: *sheepishly* “I spilled my coffee. Can you make me another one to take away, please?”

    Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bigotry

    (I’m just over 6 feet tall and female. I regularly get very obnoxious questions/remarks about how tall I am, but this is by far the worst. I’ve just finished helping a customer select some products.)

    Me: “If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask!”

    Customer: “Actually, I do have one question… how tall are you?”

    Me: “Just over six feet.”

    Customer: “Oh my god. I just feel absolutely terrible for you. Your life must be incredibly difficult.”

    Me: “Um… no. I pretty much function just like everybody else.”

    Customer: “No way. I thought I had it bad! I’m 5 feet 7 inches and I can’t find a boyfriend because of how tall I am! Do you even date at all? Or are all of the guys half your size?”

    Me: “Well… I have dated guys a few inches shorter than me. It doesn’t bother me, though.”

    Customer: “That’s just insane. I’ll bet you don’t wear heels either, right? I can’t wear them because I look like a f***ing amazon! You’d probably just look like a freak!”

    Me: “Well, I’ve worn heels before. I just prefer not to, because I don’t find them very comfortable.”

    Customer: “I’ll bet you don’t! You probably look ridiculous!”

    Related:
    Taking Stupidity To New Heights

    Fortunately For Us Both, I Like Crazy

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work in the “exotic phone call” industry. Most customers know they’re paying a lot of money for the call, so they don’t play games. But, every once in awhile, I get calls that even I find strange.)

    Caller: “Oooh, hey, what’s your name?”

    Me: “You can just call me ‘Candy.’”

    Caller: “Oh, no, I’m diabetic. Can I call you something else?”

    Me: “Well, my special callers call me ‘Silk,’ because I’m so smooth.”

    Caller: “Hmm, no. I don’t like silk… or satin.”

    Me: “Well, how ’bout this? What do you wanna call me?”

    Caller: “Err… Cortana? Like, from Halo?”

    Me: “Really? I LOVE Halo!”

    (In the end, this caller and I talked about the Halo franchise for roughly three hours without discussing anything even remotely dirty. It was the most enjoyable call I’d taken all month. To show my appreciation for the conversation, I took 50% off of his bill.)

    That Almost Became A Four-Finger Discount

    | Florida, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working the checkout during one of our biggest sales events. Despite the long line of customers, everyone seems to be happy and everything is going well. Then, a woman with a rather sour look on her face flings her items onto my counter.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe how rude you are. How DARE they hire you for a customer service position!”

    Me: *startled* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but what exactly is it that I did?”

    Customer: “The man you just checked out cut the entire line! I’ve been waiting patiently in your f***ing for over five minutes and you decide to help the a**hole who doesn’t want to wait like the rest of us!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I agree that it was rude of him, but I didn’t realize that he cut in front of you as well as everyone else.”

    (Despite my apologies, she continues to scold me loud enough that my manager hears, walks over, and stands behind her. I’m placing her cash in the register when suddenly she lunges over the counter and reaches for the cash drawer. I quickly slam the door shut, accidentally pinching her fingers in the process. She yelps as she’s holding onto her hand, screaming for a manager.)

    Manager: “Yes, I’m the manager. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, you can fire that b**** of an employee you have there. She has been nothing but rude to me since I got here, and she just now assaulted me! I also demand that she apologize to me!”

    Manager: “Well, yes, I do agree that an apology is in order. Ma’am, I am sorry that you hurt yourself while attempting to steal the money from her cash drawer. ”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Manager: “With all due respect, ma’am, not only was I standing behind you when it happened, I also have you on camera reaching over and trying to steal money from the cash register, so there is no use denying it. So, before I escort you to my office and call the police, I’d honestly like to know why you tried to take money out of the cash register.”

    Customer: “Well, with everything that’s happened here today, I felt that I should be compensated. I figured I should get my stuff for free, as well as a little extra back for my troubles!”

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