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  • America The Buttonful

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Money

    (I work for an insurance company that offers several different auto-pay options. Many people choose to use their routing and account numbers, which means a break on installment fees. We can stop or postpone extractions, but, we need three to five business days notice.)

    Customer: “Hi, my payment’s coming out tomorrow and the money’s not in the account. I need it to be postponed.”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but it looks like the debit tape has been sent to the bank. Once that happens, it’s an automated transaction that I cannot cancel or postpone.

    Customer: ”What do you mean, you can’t postpone it? This is America! You CAN and WILL postpone it!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry. I’d recommend checking with your bank. They may be able to stop the transaction. A non-sufficient funds fee may be applied to your account on our end, though. Generally, we need three to five days notice to postpone these transactions.”

    Customer: “NO, THIS IS AMERICA! All you have to do is press a button or flip a switch or something!”

    Not Something To Horse Around About

    | New Hampshire, USA | Pets & Animals

    (We’ve just had a major accident in town. It’s a small department, and only one officer is on. A lady calls about fireworks going off near her house.)

    Me: “Good evening, [town] Police.”

    Caller: “There are fireworks going off and my horse is very upset!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but right now all calls that are not priority are being held. We have a major accident in town. Our officers cannot leave the scene right now.”

    Caller: “You mean to tell me that’s more important then my horse? He’s really upset! He’s crying!”

    Me: “I wasn’t aware horses could cry. I will let the officer know.”

    Caller: “You people should get your priorities straight! My horse is more important then any accident!” *hangs up*


    (To our US readers, from the NAR Staff: Happy 4th of July! Have fun and stay safe!)

    Curtains Up For This Kitty

    | CA, USA | Love/Romance

    (I’m on the phone with a caller and assisting with her ticket purchase for a future visit.)

    Me: “Okay, so did you say you needed two senior tickets?”

    Caller: “Oh, no…it’ll be one adult and one senior. My boyfriend is younger than me. I’m a cougar. RAWR!”

    Lost & Found Gets Tossed Around

    | NY, USA | Bizarre

    (I am the office manager at a nice apartment building. It is a secure building that requires anyone entering to use a key code. We’re located in a safe town, and have never had a single incident of theft or other criminal activity. A resident approaches my desk.)

    Resident: “Have you seen my sweater? I think I left in down here a couple hours ago!”

    Me: “No one turned one in to me. Have you checked the Lost & Found box around the corner?”

    Resident: “Lost & Found box? You mean you leave lost items just out in the open like that?!”

    Me: “Yes, we put the ‘found’ items in a single location so people are not running all around looking for them.”

    Resident: “That is atrocious! Anyone could walk in off the street and steal from the box!”

    Me: “This building is locked, ma’am. The only people who have access to this area have a key code, like yourself.”

    Resident: “But someone like me could steal them! I could go to that box and steal everything in there if I wanted to!”

    (To illustrate her point, the resident runs around the corner, grabs the Lost & Found box, and drags it over to my desk.)

    Resident: *flings items out of the box* “I’m going to steal this, and this, and all of these! THEY’RE ALL GOING TO BE MINE!”

    Me: “Uh, ma’am? I’m going to have to ask you not to take items that don’t belong to you.”

    Resident: “YOU DON’T KNOW THEY’RE NOT MINE!”

    (Suddenly, she spots the sweater she was looking for to begin with, and totally calms down.)

    Resident: “Oh. My sweater! Oh my God! Thank you so much for helping me find it!”

    (She grabs her sweater and happily skips off, leaving the box and all its items sprawled out over the floor.)

    Me: *dumbfounded* “…you’re welcome?”

    Happy Order-Dependence Day

    | Great Neck, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays

    (A patient wants to reschedule their appointment. Since she’s said she’s unavailable at every time I’ve given her, I suggest she let me know when she’s available.)

    Patient: “How about July 4th? I could come in at 1:00.”

    Me: “Well, we’re closed for the holiday.”

    Patient: “What holiday? There’s no holiday then!

    (Before I can answer, she figures it out.)

    Patient: “Oh…wait. July 4th must be the 4th of July!”

    Related:
    The Fourth Is Not Strong With This One

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