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    Self Serve And Self Deserved

    | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at an all-you-can-eat buffet. My job is to bring drinks to the table and take away the dirty plates.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant name]! I’ll go ahead and get your drinks. The buffet is ready when you are.”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    (I bring their drinks to the table and see that they are still there and have not gotten up to get their plates. I go about my business. About 10 minutes later, I see they are still sitting at their table with no food in front of them.)

    Me: “Are you waiting on someone?”

    Customer: “There you are! We’re starving! I’ll start off with chicken, corn, and mashed potatoes.”

    Me: “Okay, well, the buffet is over there and you can help yourself.”

    Customer: “You mean we have to get it ourselves?”

    Customer #2: “Can’t you get our food for us?”

    Me: “Are you disabled?”

    Customer: “No, we’re not.”

    Me: “The buffet is self-serve. The plates are up at the buffet.”

    (Needless to say, I didn’t get a tip.)

    Signs Our Educational System Is Going South

    | Tel Aviv, Israel | Extra Stupid

    Me: “Thank you, have a nice day.”

    Customer: “That’s an interesting accent. Where are you from?”

    Me: “South Africa.”

    Customer: “Where’s that?”

    Me: “In Africa.”

    Customer: “Where’s Africa?”

    We Call Them Magic Voice Boxes

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Technology

    (A customer comes in to return a phone she bought in June. Our store has a strict 30 day return policy on electronics and it is now September. I explain this to the customer and she leaves, only to return a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “You said it was 30 days for electronics, but this is a phone.”

    Me: “A phone is an electronic device.”

    Customer: “Really? I didn’t know that.”

    Me: “The policy is actually for all items from the electronics department. Even a TV stand would have a 30 day return period.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.” *walks away shaking head* “I didn’t know phones were electronic.”

    Dangerously Cheesy

    | John's Creek, GA, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Where is your mad cow cheese?”

    Me: “Mad cow cheese, ma’am? Do you mean Laughing Cow cheese?”

    Customer: “No! Mad cow cheese! Everyone carries it.”

    (At this point, I’m trying really hard not to laugh even though other customers are. I ask her to follow me and I show her the laughing cow cheese.)

    Customer: “Yes! Mad cow cheese!” *takes cheese and continues shopping*

    (I walk back to the area I work in, where another regular customer is waiting.)

    Another customer: *laughs* “It’s okay, you can laugh now.”

    The Mindreader’s Burden

    | Elizabeth, NJ, USA |

    (I am helping a man and his 9 year old daughter.)

    Customer: “So, how long do I have to return this?”

    Me: “You have 45 days sir. The date is on the bottom of the receipt. Here, it says October 19th is the last day for returns. Today is September 4th.”

    Customer: “October 19th? So I only have a week to return this?”

    Me: “Um–”

    Daughter: “Dad, stop thinking out loud. You’re embarrassing yourself.”


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