This happened when I was in my late twenties and was working as a wireman and moonlighting as a mechanic. As a result of my two jobs and a few other factors, I have ended up with a key ring to put a janitor to shame. Apparently, this would come into play later on.
After a particularly long day, I went to a large retail chain to pick up a few things, and I wandered back toward the electronics part of the store. I was standing there with my earbuds in, listening to music, and looking for a replacement phone case when this lady walked up and stood halfway between being next to me and being behind me. I was in my own little world comparing cases, and by a habit I picked up when I was a librarian’s assistant, I was also putting random cases back where they belonged while trying to find what I needed.
This lady started rattling away about something that I couldn’t hear, and after saying something to get my attention a couple of times, she tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around, removing one earbud so I could hear her.
Lady: “Where are the [item]s?”
Me: “I have no idea.”
And I went back to what I was doing. This apparently did not sit well with this lady, and she stormed off to find the manager.
Some twenty minutes later, I found my way to the camping section for some other item I needed. From the far end of the aisle, here came the lady from before with a poor, befuddled manager in tow, pointing me out, and squawking away about something I couldn’t hear. As they approached, I saw that the woman was pointing at me, and the manager took over, finally putting on his big boy pants. Again, I removed my earbuds to see what they had come to disturb me with.
Manager: “Why did you refuse to help this woman earlier?”
Me: “It’s not my job to help someone find something they can’t find on their own.”
Apparently, this was the wrong reply, and he proceeded to chew me up one side and down the other.
At that point, I had realized what was going on, and I halfway played along while trying to contain my fitful laughter.
Manager: “You need to turn your keys in. You are suspended until further notice!”
After a flippant and dismissive comment from me, the manager then proceeded to do his best impression of a cartoon character’s volcanic explosion of anger and let loose.
Manager: “You are fired, effective immediately! You can no longer apply to work for any [Store] ever again!”
I could no longer contain myself and started laughing hysterically.
Me: “I don’t work here!”
Manager: “Of course you don’t! I just fired you!”
Me: “Let me clarify: I have never worked for [Store], ever. I’ve never even applied.”
At this stage, the lady had turned several shades of embarrassed red, and the manager had joined her, his anger fleeing faster than a track star when he realized his mistake.
Still giggling uncontrollably, I grabbed my cart and strolled away while she proceeded to dole out apologies for the entire affair.
