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    A Senior Moment To Go, Please

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Money

    (I am working in a sub shop when two elderly ladies approach. One orders for both of them.)

    Customer: “I want a tuna sub.”

    Me: “Okay, is that a footlong?”

    (I’m assuming they are getting a footlong to split, but I have to ask to be sure.)

    Customer: “No, it’s for here.”

    Me: “Okay, but is that a footlong or a 6 inch?”

    Customer: *looks at me confused* “What?”

    Me: “Is your sub a footlong or a 6 inch?”

    Customer: “No, it’s a footlong.”

    (I go down the line making the rest of her sandwich for her without any other problems. When we get to the register, they get two bags of chips and two coffees. Then, they ask for the senior discount, which I give them.)

    Me: “That will be $9.31 today.”

    Customer: “That’s not right.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I thought the sub was $5.”

    Me: “Actually, with your senior discount it only costs $4.50, but you also have the chips and the coffees, which brings your total to $9.31.”

    Customer: “But the sub’s supposed to be $5.”

    Me: “Yes, and it is $5. However, you also got the chips, which are $0.89 a piece and the coffees, which are about $1.29 a piece. Then, theres tax.”

    Customer: “But I thought that the sub was $5.”

    (This goes on for about five more minutes, with me explaining everything she’s got and how her total is $9.31. After about five more minutes, she finally gets it.)

    Customer: “Oh, the coffee and the chips cost about $1 each, so it’s $9.31!”

    Who Needs Learnin’ When You Can Be Sun Burnin’, Part 2

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I am helping a mother and her teenage son go through his summer reading list to find a book that will meet his requirement. I usually do this by working with the kid to find one that they’re genuinely interested in reading, but in this case, the mother keeps interrupting.)

    Customer: “My god, look at how long all these books are!”

    Me: *to the son* “You said you like mysteries, right? And Then There Were None is on your son’s reading list. I think you’d like it.”

    Customer: *looking at the book* “It’s almost four hundred pages! How do you expect him to finish that thing?”

    Me: “Well, he does have the whole summer.”

    Customer: “Absolutely not! How can they expect him to read that much? It’s insane!”

    Customer’s Son: *reading the back cover* “Mom, this actually sounds really good. There are ten people on an island and they start dying one by one.”

    Customer: “Honey, you shouldn’t have to read that much. You’ll waste your whole summer! We want a book that’s under a hundred pages.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but none of these books are going to be under a hundred pages. I think the shortest one is about two hundred.”

    Customer: “This is so ridiculous. How can they do this to him? Let’s pick a book from that rack over there. Those look much more manageable.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that display is required reading for the local elementary school.”

    Customer: “I don’t care what it is. We’re picking from there.”

    Me: “None of those are on the reading list. Your son is going into tenth grade.”

    Customer: “Well, these look like the books I would want to read. If I ever wanted to read, that is.”

    Customer’s Son: “I think we should just get the one he recommended. It sounds awesome!”

    Customer: “Forget it. You know what? We’re gonna drive by the school so I can complain to the principal. It’s ridiculous for them to expect you to read during the summer! That’s crazy!”

    Related:
    Who Needs Learnin’ When You Can Be Sun Burnin’

    Your Argument Is Full Of Hot Air, Part 2

    | Cobourg, ON, Canada |

    (Note: I’m working alone at a gas station. It’s a pretty busy day, so even if I was allowed, I couldn’t pump somebody’s gas for them. This conversation happens with an older man who looks to be pretty well-off.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. Are you pump 6?”

    Customer: “Yes, I am! And You know, you should be ashamed of yourself! Somebody should be out pumping gas for these old ladies!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m here all alone and can’t really pump everybody’s gas for them.”

    Customer: “Well, you should tell your boss to hire someone to do it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this is a smaller gas station and my boss can’t really afford to hire someone to pump people’s gas for them, especially since most people pay at the pump.”

    Customer: “So you won’t tell them to?”

    Me: “I know they won’t do it, sir. They’d lose too much money that way.”

    Customer: “You know, it’s punks like you who don’t stand up to parliament. That’s why our taxes are so high! No wonder life’s so difficult!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, the way I see it I have food, shelter and clothing so I’m pretty good.”

    Customer: “It must be nice to have so much money! You don’t know what hard times are like!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, not too long before finding this job I was living on the streets. I have since been able to pull myself off the streets and now have hope for college.”

    Customer: “Yeah?! Well…how would you like it if someone kicked YOUR dog?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    Your Argument Is Full Of Hot Air

    Detached From (Digital) Reality

    , | Beltsville, MD, USA | Technology, Top

    (I work for an online retail store. When customers send orders to addresses different from their card, we e-mail them a Word document form. This form requires they fill it out and e-mail it back to us.)

    Customer: “I don’t understand. I’ve sent this form to you several times now.”

    Me: “Sir, I saw your e-mail, but the form wasn’t attached to it.”

    Customer: “Attached? How do you do that?”

    Me: “What program or e-mail provider do you use?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. I just write e-mails.”

    Me: “Well, is your e-mail through Outlook, or is it something in a browser, like AOL, Yahoo, or Gmail?

    Customer: “Yahoo.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, you need to look for—”

    Customer: “Hold up! I don’t even have my e-mail open. Why do I need to do this? I used your program and sent you the file.”

    Me: “What program, sir?”

    Customer: “Microsoft Office. And now it’s opening a bunch of files! 1, 2, 3, 4…20!”

    Me: “Did you click on our file a bunch of times?”

    Customer: “No! I just clicked on what you sent me! Your program is really stupid.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s not our program. We sent you a document. The program to open it is someone else’s.”

    Customer: “Well, your ‘document’ has a virus! There are 20 things on my screen now!”

    Me: “It’s not a virus, sir. Just close those windows down, and we’ll start from scratch…”

    Customer: *a few minutes later* “There. I filled out the form. You should have it.”

    Me: “Sir, did you save it and attach it to the e-mail?”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I filled it out! You should have it.”

    Me: “You have to save it and attach it to the e-mail.”

    Customer: “That’s stupid! Your program should just send it to you!”

    Me: “Sir, again, that’s not our program. That is just a Word document that you save your information in.”

    Customer: “You should use a program that just lets you fill it out and it sends the information.”

    Me: “Sorry, our documents don’t do that.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculously complicated. I’m about to cancel my order!”

    Me: “If you wish to do that sir, it’s up to you.”

    Customer: “I mean, how do you run your business? I have a Master’s in Computer Science! If I can’t figure this out, who could?!”

    Customer Time Vs. Normal Time

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    (We close at 10 PM. 10 minutes to closing, I am near the entrance folding clothes when a middle-aged customer walks up.)

    Customer: “What time y’all close?”

    Me: “We close at 10:00.”

    Customer: *looks at the clock, which says 9:50 pm* “Oh, good! That means I have a half hour!”

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