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    It’s Best To Book It

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m the merchandising manager of a large bookstore. I see a man looking around for books. He seems quite perplexed, so I try to help him.)

    Me: “May I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m having a h*** of a time finding these books on my list.”

    Me: “What’s the first book?”

    (I help him find half the books on the list, but he seems to be having a hard time reading the list. )

    Me: “Maybe you could just give me the list, and I’ll find them for you?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes!”

    (He hands me a crumpled receipt from my store.)

    Me: “So, you want to replace these books you purchased before?”

    Customer: “Well, no… I was thinking I could get these books, take them to the front counter with the receipt and get money baaaaaa—” *trails off*

    (There’s a bit of deadly silence as the customer realizes that he’s been caught.)

    Customer: “I guess that won’t work now, huh?”

    Me: “I think you should leave the store, sir. Have a nice day.”

    Freed Vibrations

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Rude & Risque

    (I am standing in line at a book store. The customer in front of me is getting rung through. She’s about 45, and the cashier is maybe 19.)

    Customer: “Have you read these?” *holds up 50 Shades Darker*

    Cashier: “Oh… no.”

    Customer: “Oh, you MUST! They’re amazing!”

    Cashier: “So I hear.”

    Customer: *puts the book to her chest* “Oh, they’re just amazing!”

    Cashier: “Uh huh.”

    (The customer proceeds to go on and on about how sexy and scandalous the books are. The cashier is doing her very best to ignore her and just ring her through.)

    Customer: *after paying* “Oh, thank you very much! One more thing: do you know where I can buy some batteries?”

    How To Count On Feeling Like A 8008

    | Prescott, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working in the electronics section of a store. A customer approaches me to get a calculator for doing taxes. I ensure she has a decently priced calculator, two rolls of paper and extra batteries since she doesn’t have a power adapter. She leaves happily. A few hours later, she returns.)

    Customer: *holds the calculator like a hurt puppy* “Something is wrong with the calculator.”

    Me: “Oh, I am sorry to hear that. What seems to be wrong?”

    Customer: “The display doesn’t seem to be working. I wanted to see about a refund, if possible.”

    Me: “Sure, let me take a look at it.”

    (I begin to take a look over the calculator, checking things like ensuring the batteries are inserted properly, that there’s no visible damage to the casing, and that the calculator had been switched to the “on” position. My eyes wander to the display, and then I look back at her.)

    Me: “I can see why the display isn’t working.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! Could you fix it?”

    (I remove the demo sticker that goes over the display, and hold out the now-working calculator to the customer.)

    Customer: “Um…thank you…” *leaves, embarassed*

    What Goes Around Coffees Around

    | Ireland | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I have just finished serving a mother, but her daughter has dropped her juice so I have to mop up the spill. As part of our goodwill policy for spills, I also give the little girl another juice on the house. I then began serving the next customer.)

    Next Customer: “You shouldn’t have given her a free juice. It’s her own fault for being clumsy!”

    Me: “Well, it’s part of our goodwill policy. Accidents do happen, you know.”

    Next Customer: “Well, children shouldn’t be in a place like this in the first place. People should take responsibility for their actions!”

    (The customer takes her coffee, and as she approaches her seat she trips over her own feet and tosses her mug across the table. She splashes coffee everywhere: on the wall, on the floor, and all over the table and chairs.)

    Next Customer: *sheepishly* “I spilled my coffee. Can you make me another one to take away, please?”

    Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bigotry

    (I’m just over 6 feet tall and female. I regularly get very obnoxious questions/remarks about how tall I am, but this is by far the worst. I’ve just finished helping a customer select some products.)

    Me: “If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask!”

    Customer: “Actually, I do have one question… how tall are you?”

    Me: “Just over six feet.”

    Customer: “Oh my god. I just feel absolutely terrible for you. Your life must be incredibly difficult.”

    Me: “Um… no. I pretty much function just like everybody else.”

    Customer: “No way. I thought I had it bad! I’m 5 feet 7 inches and I can’t find a boyfriend because of how tall I am! Do you even date at all? Or are all of the guys half your size?”

    Me: “Well… I have dated guys a few inches shorter than me. It doesn’t bother me, though.”

    Customer: “That’s just insane. I’ll bet you don’t wear heels either, right? I can’t wear them because I look like a f***ing amazon! You’d probably just look like a freak!”

    Me: “Well, I’ve worn heels before. I just prefer not to, because I don’t find them very comfortable.”

    Customer: “I’ll bet you don’t! You probably look ridiculous!”

    Related:
    Taking Stupidity To New Heights

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