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    He Knows He’s Full Of Malar-Key

    | NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in customer relations for a major utility. A landlord is upset that we haven’t gotten a meter read prior to transferring service into his name.)

    Me: “I see we have a key on file, but it appears it stopped working a few months ago.”

    Customer: *very irate* “Well, I don’t know why that would have happened. I think your meter reader was just being lazy and didn’t feel like doing his job!”

    Me: “Sir, did you by any chance change the locks on your building?”

    Customer: *nervous stammering* “N-no… I did not.”

    Me: “Usually, the key stops working only because the locks are changed or broken. Did your tenant change the locks by chance?”

    Customer: “No, I’m the only one that changes the locks on my building! That tenant was evicted, and I had to change the locks to keep them from stealing from me!”

    Me: “So, you DID change the locks, then?”

    Customer: “Er… um… well, why wasn’t I notified that the key was no longer working?!”

    Me: “So, you wanted us to notify you that YOU changed the locks on your own building?”

    Customer: “I’m so F***ING sick of your company!” *click*

    Saved By The Buff Belle

    , | USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Note: In this case, the cashier has made an error and given the customer the wrong item. However, it doesn’t justify what transpires next…)

    Customer: “I did NOT order this salad, you stupid bimbo!”

    (The customer throws the salad right at the cashier.)

    Cashier: “Hey!”

    Customer: “I did NOT order a f***ing salad!”

    Cashier: “Oh, I’m so sorry. That was my mistake.”

    Customer: “I want my entire order free!”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but it does not work that way. I sincerely apologize for the error.”

    Customer: “I want my food free!”

    (The customer throws the rest of his food at the cashier, hitting another cashier who has stepped over to help wipe the mess. The manager, who has seen everything happen, speaks up.)

    Manager: “Sir, you do not do that to my employees. I’m going to have to ask you to pay not just for your order, but the salad that you have now ruined.”

    Customer: “Who are you, and what gives you the right to demand that?!”

    Manager: “I am the manager.”

    Customer: “No, you’re not. You’re a woman!”

    Manager: “I assure you, I am. This is my name tag.”

    (The manager presents her name tag, which says “Robin.”)

    Customer: “You stole that off your real manager, a man! Females spell it R-O-B-Y-N!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry if it’s confusing, but I am the manager, and that is how my name is spelled. Nevertheless, I’m going to ask you to pay for the food you threw and apologize.”

    Customer: “I want my food free! That’s it!”

    (Suddenly, a short but very muscular woman shows up and drags the customer from the counter to a wall. She is a customer who has also been watching the commotion.)

    Woman: *to the customer* “You, pay up, or you’ll have ME to deal with!”

    Customer: “Um, okay! Okay!” *pays and leaves immediately*

    (The woman who saved the day? She got a free meal!)

    The Less This Employee Nose, The Better

    , | Kennebunk, ME, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (Our store has just started their avocado promotion which seems to be very popular.)

    Customer: “My husband wants avocado on his sandwich… weirdo!”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m not a big fan either, to be honest.” *starts putting avocado on her sandwich*

    Customer: “Ew! I don’t know how he can cut an avocado in half and just scoop out the guts. Gross!”

    Me: “Oh, does he?”

    Customer: “Yeah! It’s so nasty! He’s so weird! If I want to eat anything green and goopy, it better be coming out of my own nose!”

    Customers Need To Give Us A Break

    | Rhode Island, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’ve just slipped on water and hit my shoulder so hard it has fractured. I’m on the ground in intense pain with my coworkers surrounding me to ensure I am okay. A nearby customer is obviously not impressed.)

    Customer: “Why are you all being lazy lying about? I just want some d*** coffee.”

    Coworker #1: “I’m sorry, sir. It will be just a moment. Our coworker has fallen and we think she broke her shoulder.”

    Customer: “Godd*** lazy kids these days, lying on the disgusting floor having a good time at work!”

    Coworker #2: “I’m sorry, sir. It will be just a second. I’ll be there as soon as I am sure that we have an ambulance coming.”

    Customer: “I should report your lazy a**es to your manager. You have horrible customer service and that one…” *points at me* “…is just sleeping on the floor!”

    (Mu manager, who was dialing the ambulance, speaks up.)

    Manager: “I don’t know what your problem is right now, but I just had this young lady fall, hit her head, and crack her shoulder. I am concerned she broke her shoulder, so right now all I care about is calling her an ambulance. If you are so concerned about your coffee, there is another shop a tenth of a mile away, a fast food place next door, and the gas station on the corner has coffee as well.”

    (By now I’m standing, and am holding my arm to my body using my other arm so as not to hurt myself worse.)

    Customer: “She’s fine! She’s standing up and playing with her arm!”

    (At this point, I’ve decided I’ve had enough of the customer’s verbal abuse.)

    Me: “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience, sir. I should have known that there would be a puddle of water on the ground right there that I slip in. I can honestly tell you I’m not ‘playing’ with my arm. I’m currently trying to prevent further injury to myself. What is so d*** important that you couldn’t wait ’til they made sure I had an ambulance coming?”

    Customer: “D*** b****!”

    (The customer storms out, slamming our door. Three days later, he comes back and sees me in a sling.)

    Customer: “What happened to you?”

    Me: “You remember the other day when you complained that I was just lying on the floor? I fractured my shoulder!”

    Customer: *turns red, orders, and leaves quickly*

    Good Things Come In Small Dosages

    | New York, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (My coworker at the pharmacy has been working with a customer who seems to be having the worst day. Unfortunately, my coworker is the victim of the customer’s mood, and he has reduced the poor girl to tears. Behind this customer is a young father in his mid-20s and his three sons, aged probably six, two, and less than a year old. The young father is clearly upset with the behavior of the customer in front of him, but, probably for the sake of his children, is keeping his mouth shut. Out of nowhere, his six-year-old son speaks up.)

    Six-year-old Son: “‘Scuse me, sir? I think you’ll probably get what you need easier in life if you’re nice to people. You’re making the pretty lady sad and she didn’t do anything wrong.”

    Customer: *clearly shocked* “Didn’t your father here teach you to mind your own business, son?!”

    (The young father is actually grinning proudly, and reaches over to high-five his son.)

    Father: “Actually, I taught him not to raise his voice at good, honest people.”

    Customer: *clearly embarrassed, pays and leaves quickly*

    Six-year-old Son: *to my coworker* “Can I give you a hug? If anyone gives you trouble, call me!”

    (My coworker was very impressed by the brave little boy’s actions, while his father proudly teared up. I doubt the family will ever have to pay at our pharmacy again, and my coworker has a new best friend!)

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