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    Thanks For Shopping At Las Saggy Knees

    | Peterborough, UK | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any las-ange?”

    Me: “Las-ange?”

    Customer: “Yes, it says on my list, ‘las-ange.’”

    (He shows me a shopping list with the word ‘lasagne’ written on it.)

    Me: *showing him lasagna* “Here’s the lasagna.”

    Customer: “No, no! That’s lasag-knee. I want las-ange.”

    Me: “Well, lasag-knee is the same as las-ange.”

    Customer: “Hmm, I’d better leave it. I don’t want to upset the misses by getting the wrong stuff!”

    Too Taxing On That Brain

    | Houston, TX, USA | Money

    (If the customer has 1) a very small tax refund in comparison to the preparation fees and 2) a simple tax situation, we will prepare and file their tax return for free. We also run a promotion where we’ll give customers $50 cash if they have to pay for tax return preparation. This is a conversation between my manager and a very loud customer.)

    Manager: “Since your refund is $137, I will file your return for free.”

    Customer: “Thank you! What about my $50?”

    Manager: “I cannot give you $50 because I am not charging you anything.”

    Customer: “I NEED THAT $50!”

    Manager: *remaining calm* “If I gave you $50, it would be like me paying you so that I can prepare your return, right? To give you the $50, I would have to be charging you something first, right? I am doing this return for you free.”

    Customer: “Okay, do that! Charge me!”

    Manager: “So you are saying that you would like me to charge you $100 for preparation so that I can then give you $50?”

    Customer: “YES!”

    Aggress Unknown

    | Arizona, USA | Bizarre

    (I work in a well-known retail store chain. Since we are a smaller sized store, however, we can submit orders for products we offer from our company, but do not carry in store.)

    Me: “I’m afraid we don’t have that item in store, but I can order it for you. Would you like it sent directly to your house?”

    Customer:  ”Alright, that sounds fine.”

    (I proceed to process his order, then get to where I need to enter the customer’s shipping information.)

    Me: “Alright, and the address for the shipping information?”

    Customer: “NO.”

    Me: *confused* “Um…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I said ‘no!’ You should have a better way to do this. This is ridiculous. I’m not giving you my address!”

    Me: “Sir, you do understand that if we are to ship to your home, we need to know where to ship the item to.”

    Customer: “I’m not giving you my address!”

    Me: *trying another approach* “I did say that we can ship it to your home, but that means we can’t do that if we don’t have an address to ship it to.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! I’m not giving you my address. I can’t believe how poorly this store handles this kind of stuff! You know how many drug addicts are out there?!”

    Me: “I’m…sorry?”

    Customer: “Yeah, they’re all hopped up on coke and meth. A buddy of mine, a war vet, was just hit with a crowbar because one of these guys went to go break the window open, but it was already open, and threw the crowbar into him! Cut him up, he’s got a scar and had to get stitches! How dare you ask for my address? You’ll just steal my identity and rob my house!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Misery Demands Company, Part 2

    | Australia | Crazy Requests

    (I’m a little hyperactive and ditzy, but mostly it comes off as being friendly, or so I think, until this customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Miss, exactly what kind of drugs are you on?”

    Me: “None at all, I assure you.”

    Customer: “Bulls***! You can’t just be that happy!”

    Me: *completely bewildered* “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “That’s more like it!” *picks up his things and leaves*

    Related:
    Misery Demands Company

    Self Disservice

    | Arizona, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (I am a customer heading for the bathroom at a store. A woman storms out of the lady’s room. It looks like she’s trying hard to keep her hands in the air and not touch anything as she marches up to an employee.)

    Customer: “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting in there!? Why hasn’t anyone come in?”

    Employee: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The sign in there says ‘Employees must wash hands’! I’ve been waiting in there for fifteen minutes for someone to wash my hands!”

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