Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Woes

    | NY, USA | Criminal/Illegal, School, Top

    (My sister is doing a high school project at a grocery store where she has to interview the store manager. It’s in a shady part of town, so when she leaves her digital camera unattended for a few moments someone steals it. After alerting the security guard, he agrees to ask the customers in the store. The only people in the store at that time are my sister, the manager, my sister’s groupmates, a college student with an iPhone, and a few admittedly shabby-looking customers.)

    Guard: *to the college student* “Excuse me, sir, can I inspect your bag? There’s a reported missing item.”

    College Student: “I don’t have time for this! Those students should have taken better care of their belongings! I refuse to be searched!”

    Guard: “But—”

    College Student: “I’m a college student, for **** sake! Why would I steal a camera?!” *points to a shabby-looking customer*He’d have more reason to steal it! I refuse to waste my time for a bunch of kids who think their irresponsibility to take care of their camera makes them a priority!”

    Guard: “Sir…when did I ever say the missing item was a camera?”

    College Student: “I—”

    Guard: “I’ll need to search your bag now, or if you’re in such a hurry, I can have your ID.”

    (The college student consents and allows the guard to search his bag. Soon enough, the guard finds my sister’s camera.)

    Guard: “Is this yours, ma’am?”

    My Sister: “It is!”

    College Student: “What the f***?! That’s mine! I’ll have it back now and be on my way, please!”

    (The guard ignores the student and turns on the digital camera. The pictures show many pictures of my sister and her groupmates. There are also a few teenage pictures of my sister in that typical provocative teenage pose in front of the mirror while wearing a revealing two-piece. The college student turns paper white.)

    College Student: “Oh, that camera! Yeah, I found it on the table someplace and I was going to return it, but totally forgot and—”

    Guard: “Sir, I can either charge you with stealing, or I can charge you with stalking and pedophilia, since this lady is obviously a minor. Which one is it going to be?”

    (In the end, my sister got her camera back and the college student was taken away by police. The guard got a raise!)

    The Stairway To Heaven Is To The Left

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Musical Mayhem

    (This occurs when I have just gotten off of work. I have my hair down, and I am waiting on my fiancé to come pick me up. I’m an almost 29-year-old female with a passionate love for music. I listen to a bit of everything. Today, I happen to be singing to Kashmir by Led Zeppelin.)

    Older Customer: “STOP SINGING THAT!”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Older Customer: “You are singing Led Zeppelin. You are too young to listen to that. It makes me SICK!”

    Me: “Watch me.”

    (I put in my ear buds, crank the volume up and continue singing along.)

    Older Customer: “Young people trying to live in OUR ERA!” *stomps off*

    Things Every Employee Must Grow Accustomed To

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (While putting out some stock in the organic produce section of a small grocery store, I get asked this question by a well-to-do customer his early thirties.)

    Customer: “Is this all your organic stuff?”

    Me: “Yep, everything on this wall.”

    Customer: “Great! What about the rest of the produce? Is it safe to eat?”

    Me: “Yeah, they might have just used pesticides and whatnot on them.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but are they still grown on trees, or are they all made in a factory?”

    Me: “No…they’re all still grown on trees and in fields.”

    Customer: “So, they’re all still grown on trees and stuff?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks!” *walks off*

    (Another customer has heard our conversation and turns to me.)

    Another Customer: “They don’t pay you nearly enough, do they?”

    Plz Change Abbrev, Stat

    | London, UK | Health & Body, Language & Words

    (If a customer gets regular medication from a pharmacy, they can have a Medicine Use Review (MUR). It’s basically talking through their meds with a pharmacist. I answer this call from a sweet elderly caller.)

    Me: “Hello, pharmacy.”

    Customer: “Um hello, someone just delivered my medicine. The bag has a sticker on it that says “Patient eligible for MUR.” What it is MUR?”

    Me: “It stands for “Medicine Use Review,” which involves discussing your medicines with the pharmacist. However, those labels are meant for our reference, so I apologise that it’s been put on your bag by mistake. Sorry if it caused confusion.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s alright, dear. I just thought MUR might be short for murder!”

    Me: “Er no, ma’am! Don’t worry, no one is going to murder you!”

    Customer: “Oh, good! Thank you very much!”

    Mad As A Bull In A China Shop

    | Long Island, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (At our china shop, we’re having our biggest sale of the year. This requires me to manually lower the prices on items. I’m dealing with an incredibly rude and snappy customer, who is causing quite a line to build up behind her.)

    Customer: “That was supposed to be $4.97, NOT $9.99!”

    Me: “I know ma’am, that’s why I’m adjusting the price. See?”

    (This continues until the grumpy customer has been completely rung up. She then returns a few minutes later, receipt in hand.)

    Customer: “You charged me $10.99 for this plate! The sign outside says $6.97!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the owner keeps marking down prices, and as the lower price wasn’t on your item, I didn’t realize it should have been less. Here, give me your receipt and card and I’ll refund you the difference.”

    Customer: “Well, you should know all the prices and be more careful! This place always rips me off!”

    Me: “Here’s your receipt. I’ve credited your account. Can I have the next customer, please?”

    Customer: *suddenly pleasant tone* “Thank you so much!”

    (I help the next customer.)

    Customer: “I really appreciate it!” *in a more aggravated tone* “Good luck with the sale!” *even more upset* “Keep smiling!” *yelling on her way out the door* “HAVE A SPARKLING DAY!”

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