(I work at a large electronics retail chain, the largest in the world, that has very large lighted signs on the outside of their buildings, an easily recognizable color scheme, and million-dollar highly polished TV commercials.)

(I was standing near computer software, towards the BACK of the store, when a customer walked straight down the center aisle, passing all the other departments and products, and right up to me. He opened his mouth, paused for a second, and asked me:)

Customer: “What store is this?”

(The place I work at, our dining room closes at 10pm but the drive-through stays open all night. I had just locked both the dining room doors when a man comes up and starts banging on the 1st door. We start talking through the door.)

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

Customer: “You screwed up my order!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You could go through our drive-through and they’d be happy to help you.”

Customer: “I just came through! They’re the ones that messed it up.”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that, if you go through again they’ll fix it for you.”

Customer: “I don’t have my car!”

Me: “But you said you just went through?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have my car anymore.”

Me: “I can give you our store number. If you call, we’ll replace your order tomorrow.”

Customer: “Just open the door!”

Me: “I can’t sir, we’re closed.”

(The man then walks around the store to the 2nd door and starts banging there.)

Me: “Sir, the only way we can fix this is if you go through the drive-through or give us a call.”

Customer: “I don’t have a phone!”

Me: “You can save your receipt and show it to us tomorrow. We’ll replace the whole order.”

Customer: “This is bullshit!”

(He then enters the drive-through on foot, weaving through cars in line, gets between the drive-through window and a car waiting to order and starts banging on the glass.)

Manager: “I’m sorry sir, I can’t open the window unless you’re in a car.”

Customer: “I don’t have my car anymore and you messed up my order. Tell your employees to open the door.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, we can’t unlock the doors once we’re closed. That’s our policy. If you return in the morning, we’ll be glad to help.”

Customer: “Don’t f*ck with me. I’ll call the cops on you! You can’t refuse service to me!”

(Just then, a car pulls up behind him. The woman driving rolls down her window.)

Woman: “Get in the f*cking car! Its not that big a deal.”

Customer: “They won’t fix our order!”

Woman: “Get in the f*cking car! This is f*cking embarrassing!”

(The man gets in and the car pulls up to the window.)

Woman: “I’m sorry. All that happened was you forgot to give us a burrito.”

Manager: “We’ll get that for you right away.”

(As soon as window is closed, the woman starts yelling at the man again.)

Related:
Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

(Okay, so I was answering the phone and this guy calls us instead of the number he means to…)

Me: “Hello?”

Him: “Hey baby.”

Me: “What?”

Him: “I’ve got the stuff for tonight, are you ready for it?”

Me: “Um, WHAT?”

Him: “You know what, babe…”

Me: “I think you have the wrong number…”

Him: “Oh good lord, I’m sorry! BYE!” *click*

(Me and my mother laughed about that one for a good 5 minutes.)

(I work in the stock department of a small, local grocery store. Generally, I would get 1 or 2 requests to check the back for an item a shift. An elderly woman-I’d say around 75-80–approaches me. She is asking about a common type of flour we carry.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I’ve managed to find 4 of these. Would you care to check the back room to see if you have any more?”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(I grab a single flour package from her. After 1-2 minutes of aimless searching in the backroom, I return the bag to the woman.)

Customer: “Why, thank you! Now I have 4! Thats exactly how many I needed! God bless you!”

(I was way too embarrassed for her to explain the situation.)

Me: “You’re…welcome. Anything else?”

Customer: “One more thing, dear.”

Me: “What is it?”

Customer: “Can you check the back to see if you have any more of these?”

(This is why it’s good to check inside the box when someone returns something.)

Me: “Ok sir, what’s wrong with the XBOX360?”

Customer: “Oh, it just doesn’t work.”

Me: “Ok.”

(I get the box, and policy indicates that I have to open it up. I look inside and there was a Sega Saturn with a couple of old stereo parts.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, this isn’t what supposed to be inside here.”

Customer: *fumbling for words* “Oh…oh…uh…that isn’t it. I have the real one at home. I’ll just get it…”

(Customer picks up the box and walks away, never to be seen from again. All the while I sit back laughing.)

Related:
Caught Red-Handed

(Ok, to explain. I work in a company that sells landscaping materials. You know…rock, dirt, compost, etc. This is a phone conversation I had.)

Me: “Hello, [Company Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer:: “Hello, I had a question about compost.”

Me: “Well, we have two kinds. Mushroom compost and chicken compost.”

Customer:: “Well, I want to know what is compost.”

Me: “Well, the mushroom compost is a mixture of horse manure, peat moss, gypsum, oyster-shell lime, straw and composted rice hulls. The chicken–” *customer cuts me off*

Customer:: “No I mean…what *is* compost?”

Me: “Decomposing organic matter?”

Customer:: “I see…what do you mean by ‘decomposing organic matter’?”

Me: *wondering if this is a prank call by now* “Well…as in organic matter that is breaking down in a natural process…”

Customer:: “What is ‘organic’?”

Me: “Okay. What do you think happens when you throw your coffee grounds, apple cores, and other scraps into a huge pile with animal manure?”

Customer:: “…it starts to stink.”

Me: “Because it’s decomposing.”

Customer:: “…but what is ‘decomposing’?”

Me: “It’s rotting.”

Customer:: “…and we put this in our gardens?”

Me: “Ironic, isn’t it?”

Customer:: “Okay, so what do you mean by ‘matter’?”

(I’m sure you can all figure out how this conversation went at this point. 20 minutes of my life I will never have back.)

(I was a pump attendant (Oregon is a no-self-serve state) and a fairly attractive middle-aged woman in a mid 90’s Ford pickup pulled up for fuel. Now, that style of truck has two gas tanks, one in front, one in back. Here’s our conversation:)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Her: “I just need ten bucks worth of diesel, please.”

Me: “Okay, which tank?”

Her: “Oh, I think I’ll take it in the rear tonight!”

(We both paused, she turned bright red, and it was all I could do not to bust out laughing!)

(I worked this job over a year ago and got plenty of peachy customers, this is one that sticks with you though…)

Customer: “I need to pick up my copy order.”

Me: “Sure thing, what’s the name on that?”

Customer: “*******, and it’s very important so it had better be right.”

(I proceed to the bins where we keep our completed orders and can’t find one, can’t find a work order sheet, and when I check our production log nothing has been checked in.)

Me: “Erm… Sir, are you sure this is the correct location? I seem to be having trouble finding this order…”

Customer: “Yea, I’m sure, my wife dropped it off here. You better get off your a** and find it!”

(So I keep looking over and over again. Neanwhile he’s still telling me off and using much less than appropriate language. My supply side manager had a bad night, so I was dead set on settling it myself.)

Me, again: “Sir, I’m not seeing it but I want to get your name again just to be sure.”

Customer: “You really are useless aren’t you? The name is *******, stupida**. I’ll even call my wife and she can confirm it for you!”

(I cross my arms and wait patiently for him to make his call. It’s little surprise to me when he pales a little and hangs up.)

Customer: “It’s at ****** Depot…BUT IT’S STILL YOUR FAULT THAT I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!”

*customer storms out*

Related:
Always Right Even When Calling The Wrong Store

(Note: our bathrooms decided to back up and so we had to lock them.)

Customer: “Can you unlock the bathroom?”

Me: “Sorry, they are out of order.”

Customer: “What do you mean!? I need to go!”

Me: “The bagel shop next door has a bathroom that they’ll be glad to let you use.”

Customer: “There used to be a day when the customer was always right!”

*storms off and probably shat his pants*

Customer: “WHERE ARE MY BOOKS?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I had a big pile of books and I put them on that bench and now they’re gone!”

Me: “I’m so sorry about that ma’am. See, a lot of customers just leave books around the store so we regularly walk around and put away books that are left out.”

Customer: “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!”

Me: “To keep the store in some kind of logical order. What books were they? I’ll help you find them again.”

Customer: “I don’t REMEMBER! You tell ME what books they were!”

Me: “I have no idea what books you had ma’am, but I can walk around the store with you and see if we can jog your memory.”

Customer: “I have foot problems! I’m very old! I can’t walk around the store all over again! Find my books!”

(At this point a manager intervenes and between him and 3 other employees we actually find all 7 of the books this lady wanted. She didn’t say thank you, proceeds to walk around the store without any problem, leaves the books on the same bench again and then leaves the store without buying anything.)