John Hancocked And Ready To Fire

| Naples, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

(I’m working the register. The pin-pad/card reader is about two weeks old, but the screen has already started to give out. I have been telling customers to be gentle with it, and to tap only once, as there is a pause between verification and the ‘yes’ and ‘no’ buttons going away, leading to a lot of screen mashing.)

Me: “Good evening! How are you?”

(I start scanning, and the customer remains silent. I scan all the items and I notice the customer has pulled out a debit card, so I start the little speech.)

Me: “Okay, please swipe your card, and tap gently and once per button on the screen, as the—”

Customer: “You know, that’s incredibly rude!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I wasn’t trying to—”

Customer: “You were! You are being very rude talking to me like that! I heard when you said that to the other person; you don’t repeat yourself to me!”

(Other customers in the line start shaking their heads.)

Me: “I’m very sorry. Please verify—”

Customer: “STOP TALKING AT ME! I can call a manager over if you keep talking at me!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I wait for customer to finish. The customer attacks the pin-pad’s screen during the half-second wait for approval. I don’t say another word, and hand her the receipt. She leaves in a huff. The other customers in the line talk about how rude she was being, and the manager on duty comes up.)

Manager: “Who was beating up my new cashier?!”

Straight-Talking Travel Agency

| Tel Aviv, Israel | Hotels & Lodging, Top, Tourists/Travel

Me: “Hello, this is [travel agency]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello. I bought a tour to Prague from you a while ago, and yesterday I googled the hotel and… uh…”

Me: “Yes?…”

Customer: “Well, there’s lots of reviews online saying that the hotel is favored by homosexuals and lesbians.”

Me: “Really?”

Customer: “Yes. I’d like a different hotel, if you don’t mind.”

Me: “Are you sure? It could be fun!”

Customer: *laughing* “I’m not sure about that. I’m coming there with my wife, you know.”

Me: “Think about it. You’re going abroad for an exotic experience. Why not go all the way and choose a hotel with a difference?”

Customer: “I still think I’d be uncomfortable there. I have nothing against gay people, but still—”

Me: “There’s no reason you should be uncomfortable… Unless, of course, you’re having certain doubts…”

Customer: “No doubts, thank you. But how do I explain it to my wife?”

Me: “Just tell her that if she doesn’t behave herself, you’ll leave her for another man.”

Customer: *laughing hard* “Sold!”

Tech Support

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Poor Memory

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Books & Reading, Money, Top

(We are having a book drive for a local school that has had a terrible fire, causing it to lose its entire library. When customers come up, we are allowed to tell them about the drive and ask if they would like to donate. If not, it is okay, but we ask just the same.)

Me: “Would you like to donate a book to the St. [Name] book drive?” *I clearly explain their situation*

Customer: “No, I don’t give money to poor people. If they want money, they have to work for it like the rest of us. I don’t like lazy layabouts.”

(I am about to remind the customer that it was a fire, when the customer’s husband interjects.)

Customer’s Husband: “Do you really feel that way, dear? I wonder if you felt this way 27 years ago when we had an infant, no jobs, no money, and had to ask my parents for an allowance so we could live. Now that we have money in the bank, a Volvo in the driveway, and a designer handbag on your arm, suddenly we are too good to help others?”

(The husband then turns to me.)

Customer’s Husband: “Are these the books you are selling?”

(The husband indicates a pile we have beside the register. I nod, dumbfounded.)

Customer’s Husband: “We will take them all.”

Say No To A CEO

| Montreal, QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

(I am alone when an older man walks in from the cold.)

Customer: “So, where is it!?”

Me: “The new Blackberry? Right there on display!”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “It is [price] on a three-year term.”

Customer: “But without a plan?”

Me: “Well, we only do term plans.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He starts to leave, and has one hand on the door and starts to push it open. Suddenly, he turns back to me.)

Customer: “At what monthly rate?”

Me: “Well, they start at [price].”

Customer: “What does that give!? Seven-Bajillion minutes!? I am [name], the CEO of [Wholesale Warehouse]. You don’t know who walks through those doors! It’s your job to create interest in the product!”

Me: “Sir, you were not interested in obtaining a plan, and were halfway out the door.”

Customer: “You have to keep me in the store! You’re f****** terrible!”

Me: “Excuse me!?”

Customer: “What? Excuse me what!?”

Me: “You swore at me. I don’t accept that.”

Customer: “F***! F***! This is Canada! I can swear all the f*** I want! I stayed at Richard Branson’s private island! You are f****** incompetent! You can’t do your f****** job, and are f****** horrible at it too! I don’t know what the f*** you are doing here!”

Me: “Leave. Now.”

Customer: “Not like I was going to stay!”

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