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  • Don’t Mess With Employees, Part 2

    | Not Always Right | Roundups, Wild & Unruly

    Don’t Mess With Employees, Part 2! This week, we return with part two of the roundup that started it all: teaching misbehaving customers the consequences of messing with employees!

    1. Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World (6,011 thumbs up)
      A cheap patron asks a stupid question and gets a priceless answer!
    2. Scamming In Plain Sight (4,764 thumbs up)
      The only damage this scamming customer will get is to his wallet.
    3. Coming To A Theater Near You: Gangsta Ushers (2,937 thumbs up)
      A thieving movie customer gets the show of a lifetime!
    4. Don’t Mess With The Candyland Gang (1,794 thumbs up)
      What do a Fairy, Santa Clause, and a six-foot Snowman have in common?
    5. Choose Your Battles (3,653 thumbs up)
      A violent video game customer learns it’s best not to wrestle with wrestlers!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Adamant, If A Bit Addled

    | Cartersville, GA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I’m a fuel clerk at a large chain grocery store’s gas station. One evening a morbidly obese redneck woman was having trouble getting her pump to work. She wanted to get a fuel injection cleaner (additech) added into her gasoline, but had no clue what she was doing. After swiping a credit card, the pump’s computer screen automatically asks the customer if they want to buy additech. The conversation went like this.)

    Me: “Hey, how are you doing today?”

    Customer: *mouth full of tobacco* “I wanna get some of that Additech stuff!”

    Me: “Alright, after swiping your card the pump will ask if you want to purchase Additech. Press ‘Yes.’ Since you are driving a truck, you will select the $9.99 price by pressing the ’2′ key on the screen.”

    Customer: “I wanna get me some of that Additech stuff!”

    Me: “I understand, ma’am. Please just swipe your card and follow the prompts.”

    Customer: “I WANNA GET SOME F***ING ADDITECH STUFF!” *spits out a glob of tobacco* “Why the f*** won’t you get me some of that f***ing Additech stuff?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please calm down. Would you like me to show you how?”

    (Frustrated, the customer begins yelling to the other customers in line.)

    Customer: “I’m not retarded! He said I’m retarded!”

    Me: “Ma’am, let me show you.”

    (I walk out to the pump, swipe her card, and as predicted the Additech screen comes up. I set her pump up, and she fills her truck. Afterwards, I come back to my register. A minute later, Ms. Additech comes back.)

    Customer: “What is Additech anyway? DOES IT MAKE YOUR CAR GO BETTER?!”

    Zuck Makes Us All Look Like Schmucks

    | Sonoma, California, USA |

    Customer: “Are you the owner?”

    Me: “Me?”

    Customer: “Yeah!”

    Me: *laughs* “No, sir, I’m 17. I’m just a server.”

    Customer: “So!? Age doesn’t matter! That one Facebook guy was like 16, and he’s a billionaire!”

    In Her Own Inbred World

    | Glen Rock, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance

    (I have a tattoo in memory of my cousin who passed away. We were really close. I always get people asking me about it, but this one is by far the worst.)

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer: *grabs my wrist and looks at my tattoo* “Who’s Johnny?”

    Me: “He’s my cousin.”

    Customer: “Oh! I wanted to marry my cousin once. I was in love with him.”

    Me: “Oh…well…it’s not like that.”

    Customer: “It’s okay, because he’s my second cousin.”

    Me: “It’s not like that. My cousin passed away. I got this tattoo to remember him. I’m not in love with him.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s nice. I should have married my cousin…” *walks away*

    Complimentary Vs. Complimentary

    | Brighton, UK | Food & Drink, Money

    (Having just eaten a generous serving of risotto, a customer waves me over, pointing to his empty plate.)

    Me: “Hi there. Everything alright with your meal?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I’m still hungry. I’d like some more.”

    Me: “There are dessert menus on the tables and specials on the board—”

    Customer: “No. I want more of this.”

    Me: “Sure. Another risotto will be £6.95, please.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to PAY! I just want some more. You should take it as a compliment!”

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