Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver
    (1,762 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    One Whopper Of A Mistake

    , | Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink

    (A customer walks in and slams a bag down on the counter in front of me.)

    Me: “Yes, can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yes! I drove all the way home and had to come all the way back here! That young lady right there said my mozzarella sticks were in this bag, but THEY’RE NOT!”

    (He points rather exaggeratedly at the girl in the drive thru. I look calmly down at the bag, then up at the customer.)

    Me: “Sir, this is McDonald’s. That’s a Burger King bag.”

    (He then looks down at the bag and slowly back up at me.)

    Customer: “Oh.” *picks up bag and runs out the door*

    She Didn’t Marry Him For His Sense

    | London, UK | Money, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a law firm as an office manager and administrator. Our firm only deals with criminal law, personal injury and immigration. A scruffy-looking guy comes in one day.)

    Customer: “Hi, I wonder if you could help me. My wife is going to divorce me and I want custody of my kids.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t deal with family law here. Only criminal, personal injury, and immigration.”

    Customer: “Why won’t you help me?! My kids need to be with me; their mum is crazy!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we do not deal with family law here. I would be happy to refer you to another firm that can help you.”

    Customer: *shouting* “Oh, you are just discriminating against me! Get your manager for me right now!”

    Me: “Sir, I am the manager.”

    Customer: “Oh, hi there. I wondered if you could help me. My wife wants to divorce me.”

    Me: “I’ve already told you we can’t help you here.”

    Customer: “But look, I’ve got lots of money. I can pay you if that’s the problem!”

    (The man then picks up a bag he has, turns it upside down, and empties the whole bag full of pennies onto my desk.)

    Customer: “See, money. Now, help me.”

    Me: “Listen, you need to leave right now. Take your pennies and leave the building, or I’m going to call security.”

    Customer: “Aah!” *picks up a penny, throws it at me, and runs out, leaving all his pennies*

    Also Check Out The Endless “What People Think I Do” Charts

    , | Ohio, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am a customer at a restaurant. I’m wearing a shirt from a popular web comic. A woman, also a customer, approaches me.)

    Customer: “I love your shirt!”

    Me: “Aw, thanks! Are you a fan of [web comic]?”

    Customer: “No, I’ve never heard of it, but your shirt is so cute. I just have to have one! Where did you get it?”

    Me: “I bought it online. Do you want the name of the website?”

    Customer: *suddenly huffy and angry* “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Um, do you want the name of the place on the internet that I ordered the shirt from?”

    Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? Are you trying to trick me? There’s no such thing as a website with shirts on it! The only things on the internet are porn and pedophiles!”

    Me: *completely speechless*

    Nearby customer: “Ma’am, could you please settle down? There are children around, and I’m sure their parents don’t want them hearing about–”

    Customer: “Porn and pedophiles!” *rushes out of restaurant*

    Somebody Failed Listening 101

    | North Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, School

    (While waiting for his to-go food to arrive, a customer is making small talk with me about college.)

    Customer: “So, what are you studying in school?”

    Me: “Psychology, sir.”

    Customer: “Why? That’s a stupid profession. You won’t go anywhere with that! All you’re doing is wasting Daddy’s money!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, I am pay—”

    Customer: “My daughter studied Psychology! She wasted all my money!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m paying for my own college.”

    Customer: “Dads always pay for college!”

    Me: “Mine isn’t. I live alone and pay for my own schooling.”

    Customer: “Whatever. Dads always pay!”

    Plundered Pleasures

    | USA | Rude & Risque

    (I work in a department that deals with mail theft, identity theft, etc.)

    Customer: “This cost me $1000!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear it hasn’t arrived yet.”

    Customer: “They stole it! They knew it was the ‘pleasurable things’!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “D*** them! They stole the ‘pleasurable things’ to go in my special lady parts! I want you to tell the inspectors that!”

    Me: “I’ve put that in the notes.”

    Customer: “Read it back to me!”

    Me: *reading my notes*She has not received a package of personal items valued at $1000.”

    Customer: “That’s not right! You didn’t put in the bit about my special lady parts!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I was just summ—”

    Customer: “Tell them they stole the ‘pleasurable stuff’ for my special lady parts!”

    Me: “Okay, it now reads, ‘She has not received $1000 of pleasurable stuff for her special lady parts. She suspects that the postal workers were the thieves.’”

    Customer: “GOOD!”


    Page 908/2,072First...906907908909910...Last