(While putting out some stock in the organic produce section of a small grocery store, I get asked this question by a well-to-do customer his early thirties.)
Customer: “Is this all your organic stuff?”
Me: “Yep, everything on this wall.”
Customer: “Great! What about the rest of the produce? Is it safe to eat?”
Me: “Yeah, they might have just used pesticides and whatnot on them.”
Customer: “Yeah, but are they still grown on trees, or are they all made in a factory?”
Me: “No…they’re all still grown on trees and in fields.”
Customer: “So, they’re all still grown on trees and stuff?”
Customer: “Great! Thanks!” *walks off*
(Another customer has heard our conversation and turns to me.)
Another Customer: “They don’t pay you nearly enough, do they?”
(If a customer gets regular medication from a pharmacy, they can have a Medicine Use Review (MUR). It’s basically talking through their meds with a pharmacist. I answer this call from a sweet elderly caller.)
Me: “Hello, pharmacy.”
Customer: “Um hello, someone just delivered my medicine. The bag has a sticker on it that says “Patient eligible for MUR.” What it is MUR?”
Me: “It stands for “Medicine Use Review,” which involves discussing your medicines with the pharmacist. However, those labels are meant for our reference, so I apologise that it’s been put on your bag by mistake. Sorry if it caused confusion.”
Customer: “Oh, that’s alright, dear. I just thought MUR might be short for murder!”
Me: “Er no, ma’am! Don’t worry, no one is going to murder you!”
Customer: “Oh, good! Thank you very much!”
(At our china shop, we’re having our biggest sale of the year. This requires me to manually lower the prices on items. I’m dealing with an incredibly rude and snappy customer, who is causing quite a line to build up behind her.)
Customer: “That was supposed to be $4.97, NOT $9.99!”
Me: “I know ma’am, that’s why I’m adjusting the price. See?”
(This continues until the grumpy customer has been completely rung up. She then returns a few minutes later, receipt in hand.)
Customer: “You charged me $10.99 for this plate! The sign outside says $6.97!”
Me: “I’m sorry, the owner keeps marking down prices, and as the lower price wasn’t on your item, I didn’t realize it should have been less. Here, give me your receipt and card and I’ll refund you the difference.”
Customer: “Well, you should know all the prices and be more careful! This place always rips me off!”
Me: “Here’s your receipt. I’ve credited your account. Can I have the next customer, please?”
Customer: *suddenly pleasant tone* “Thank you so much!”
(I help the next customer.)
Customer: “I really appreciate it!” *in a more aggravated tone* “Good luck with the sale!” *even more upset* “Keep smiling!” *yelling on her way out the door* “HAVE A SPARKLING DAY!”
Me: “Hi there, my name is Charlie—”
Customer: “Charlie’s a boy’s name! You’re a girl!”
Me: “Yes, sir. Anyway, I’m calling from [company name] to talk to you about the new security system we’re offering.”
Customer: “I don’t need it.”
Me: “Are you sure? It’s really nifty and it has all sorts of special features if you’d allow me to describe them.”
Customer: “Nah. I’ve got my girlfriend’s cat.”
Me: “A…cat, sir?”
Customer: “Yeah. Any time anyone comes in the house, he won’t leave them alone until they feed him. He’s really cute, but it’s the most irritating thing ever. They’d get annoyed and leave!”
Don’t Mess With Employees, Part 2! This week, we return with part two of the roundup that started it all: teaching misbehaving customers the consequences of messing with employees!
- Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World (6,011 thumbs up)
A cheap patron asks a stupid question and gets a priceless answer!
- Scamming In Plain Sight (4,764 thumbs up)
The only damage this scamming customer will get is to his wallet.
- Coming To A Theater Near You: Gangsta Ushers (2,937 thumbs up)
A thieving movie customer gets the show of a lifetime!
- Don’t Mess With The Candyland Gang (1,794 thumbs up)
What do a Fairy, Santa Clause, and a six-foot Snowman have in common?
- Choose Your Battles (3,653 thumbs up)
A violent video game customer learns it’s best not to wrestle with wrestlers!
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!