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    Pint-Sized Profanity Patrol

    | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (Two younger teens are hanging out near the specialty store where I work.)

    Young Teen #1: “Aw man, these pants are f***ing sweet!”

    Young Teen #2: “S***, I know! I love this f***ing store!”

    (The swearing and vulgar language keeps up for a while as families enter the store. A lady walks in with her young boy who can’t be older than three or four. He stands near the young teens and listens to their foul language for a while. Suddenly, he marches up to them with his hands in his little pockets, unimpressed.)

    Little Boy: “HEY! I’m here! I can hear you! Don’t talk like that!”

    Young Teens: *look dumbfounded and leave the store*

    High On Life

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a waitress at a popular franchise, and we are unexpectedly busy for a Monday night. I’m serving an elderly couple their drinks.)

    Me: “Here you go: I have an iced tea and a water!”

    Old Man: “Oh, I know you! We had you last time.”

    (The couple is an older couple, maybe in their sixties or seventies. I don’t recognize them, but I’ve been working at this location for a couple of years, so I’ve met an awful lot of people.)

    Me: “Oh, you did? Well, it’s great to see you back, then!”

    Old Man: “Yes, I recognize you, because there aren’t a lot of people that cheerful.”

    Me: *grins* “Yeah, I’m usually pretty happy.”

    Old Man: “That, or you’re on some seriously good s***!”

    Me: *busts out laughing*

    Every Cloud Has A Savior Lining

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a short, 100 pound fifteen-year-old girl, and a lot of people try to intimidate me. I work in a fairly large bakery, with plenty of seats that are blocked off from the cashier.)

    Customer #1: “Hi, can I get a brownie please?”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    (I notice there is one, broken brownie left.)

    Me: “If you like, ma’am, you can wait just one minute and there will be a fresh, unbroken one for you.”

    Customer #1: “DON’T F***ING TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU ARE REFUSING ME SERVICE, YOU LAZY B****! GET ME A F***ING BROWNIE!”

    Me: *shocked* “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll get that right away.”

    Customer #1: *suddenly nice and sweet* “Thank you, honey!”

    Me: “Here you go!”

    (Customer #1 takes one look at it and goes berserk.)

    Customer #1: “THIS IS F***ING BROKEN! I AM NOT EATING THIS S***!”

    (Suddenly, she launches herself at me and grabs me by the hair. I have very long, very sensitive hair, so she has no trouble dragging me over the counter and onto the ground. She starts kicking me and screaming. Two customers rush to my rescue, restraining her and helping me off the ground.)

    Customer #2: “Are you alright?”

    Me: *shaking like a leaf* “I think so.”

    (Customer #1 suddenly breaks free and rushes at me. I shriek rather loudly, but Customer #2 heroically jumps in front of her, effectively shielding me. The mall security has by now subdued her, but I still burst into tears. However, everything ended well: afterwards, Customer #2 bought me a coffee, and we have been dating for the past few months!)

    Related:
    Every (Bad) Crowd Has A Silver Lining

    Weekly Roundup: Dog-Gone Customers!

    | Not Always Right | Pets & Animals, Roundups

    Dog Gone Customers! This week’s roundup features dog owning-customers whose behavior has gone to the dogs!

    1. Beverly Spills Chihuahua (2,884 thumbs up)
      A fast food customer’s attempt to sneak her dog in under her shirt leaves her soaked and una-pee-ling!
    2. Bow-Wow Bigotry (1,536 thumbs up)
      Proof paws-itive that discrimination still occurs, no matter how many legs (and tails) you have.
    3. Nip-Picking (3,028 thumbs up)
      A “ticked”-off owner gets a crash course in doggy anatomy!
    4. Bestial Superiority Complexes (1,830 thumbs up)
      If this bigoted bow-wow’s owner doesn’t like bad breeding, they should look in the mirror.
    5. Wait…You Can Do That? (4,174 thumbs up)
      A customer mistakes the local kennel for an all-you-can-dog buffet!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Fool Service

    | Ontario, Canada | Money

    Customer: “How much is it to blow this picture up to 10×12?”

    Me: “Well, it would have go to onto 11×17 paper, so there would be a $3 service charge, and then copies would be—”

    Customer: “I didn’t pay $3 last time!”

    Me: “Oh, so you left it with us for longer than an hour? Then it will be a $2 service charge—”

    Customer: “No! I didn’t pay $3 or $2 last time! They blew it up for me and it was only $1!”

    Me: “They did it for you for only $1? The only way you could have paid that price is if you did it in self-serve.”

    Customer: “Yes! We did it in self serve! There was no $3 fee!”

    Me: “Right, self-serve doesn’t have a fee, because you are doing it yourself.”

    Customer: “But I want YOU to do it for me.”

    Me: “Well, if you want me to do it for you, then I would have to do it in full-serve and charge you the $3.”

    Customer: “I didn’t pay no service charge last time!”

    Me: “Because you did it in self-serve.”

    Customer: “Ya! I want to do it there again!”

    Me: “Okay, I’m sorry. I thought you said that you wanted me to do it for you?”

    Customer: “Yes! Do it for me in self-serve!”

    Me: “Well, I can’t do it for you in self-serve. I can certainly show you how it works, but I can’t go out and just do it for you.”

    Customer: “Why not?!”

    Me: “Because it’s self-serve. I can definitely help, or answer questions, but if you don’t want to do it at all, I have to do it in full-serve.”

    Customer: “But I want you to do it in self-serve!”

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