The Key To Karma

| VA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(A sour-looking customer comes in to check in. Throughout, I try to remain polite and friendly, but he just grunts and snatches his key out of my hand and goes up to his room. A few minutes later, he storms back in, and flings the keycards at me.)

Customer: “THESE KEYS DON’T WORK!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that; maybe I made a mistake keying them.”

(I check the system.)

Me: “Huh, these say that they are working. Are you sure that you went to the right room?”

Customer: “I went to 510!”

Me: “It says 518.”

(The customer turns pale, snatches the keys again, and storms off. I don’t hear from him again, so I guess he got the right room. Meanwhile, I get a nasty call from the person who was in room 510, saying that someone had tried to break down her door, screaming!)

One At A Time

images

Please Pay To Make Them Stop

| ON, Canada | Money, Technology

Customer: “I’m done doing my copies over there.”

Me: “Oh, great. Did they turn out okay?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Good.”

Customer: “Where do I pay?”

Me: “You paid already.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t; the machine told me to take my card out.”

Me: “Yes, the new machine doesn’t require your card to stay in the whole time. The good thing about that is people won’t forget their cards anymore!”

Customer: “Okay, but I still haven’t paid.”

Me: “Yes, you have.”

Customer: “No! I put my card in and then it told me to take it out!”

Me: “Yes, because it remembers your card. You hit “end session” on the screen when you were finished, right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Did it ask you if you wanted a receipt?”

Customer: “Yes. It’s right here. But I want you to print me a new one so you can prove that I’ve paid.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I have a receipt here, but I don’t think it’s true because I didn’t leave my card in.”

Me: “You don’t have to leave your card in. That receipt will be correct. And the next person’s job will not be charged to your card, because you hit “end session”.”

Customer: “Okay, but how do I know that this receipt isn’t lying?”

Me: “Why would it be lying?”

Customer: “Because my card wasn’t in the machine while I did my copies!”

Me: “But it’s not supposed to be. That’s how the new machine works. I can print you another receipt over here if you want.”

(The customer gives me her card, and I print her receipt, which is identical to the one that came out of the copier.)

Me: “See? It’s the same.”

Customer: “But how does it know?”

Me: “I don’t know; it’s just smart I guess!”

Customer: “No! HOW does it know!? HOW does it work!?”

Me: “You mean how does the technology work?”

Customer: “Yes! It’s blowing my mind!”

Me: “Um, I don’t know how it works; I’m sorry. It will just have to continue to blow your mind.”

Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 6

| Oahu, HI, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Love/Romance

(My boyfriend and I are going shopping for my brother’s seventh birthday. A middle age customer walks up to us.)

Customer: “Aww, isn’t that cute?”

Me: “What is?”

Customer: “Brother and sister shopping together. You both look like twins!”

(My boyfriend laughs.)

Me: “Sorry, but we aren’t related at all. We’re dating; you know, boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Customer: “No, you’re not! You haven’t held hands or hugged each other. Show me!”

Boyfriend: “Well, let’s not keep her waiting…”

(I give him a kiss, which throws the customer into a rage.)

Customer: “HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?! THAT IS INCEST!”

Related:
From NotAlwaysRelated.com
Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 5
From NotAlwaysRomantic.com
Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 4
Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 3
Putting The Relation Into Relationship, Part 2

Snapping A Customer Who Snaps

| Wigston, England, UK | At The Checkout, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I am in line at my local supermarket. The customer ahead of me is complaining. I am a cyclist, wearing a helmet with a camera.)

Customer: “What the f*** is taking so long!?”

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, I will try to get this done as quickly as possible.”

Customer: “I haven’t got time for this; do you know what this is?”

(The customer backs off into a karate position.)

Me: “Excuse me.”

(I turn on the camera on my helmet.)

Me: “You do know that you’re being video recorded from multiple places. Being nice to the staff is voluntary, but threatening them will get the police.”

Customer: “F*** off, or you’ll get dead!”

(The customer pulls out a knife, still in the wrapper. I kick it out of his hand, and he runs off. Between the supermarket and me, we have everything needed for a prosecution. My shopping was free!)

Page 907/2,702First...905906907908909...Last