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    Like There’s No Tomorrow

    | Goffstown, NH, USA | Extra Stupid

    (A customer has called to ask if we carry an over the counter soap in our store.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am? I just checked and we do carry [brand] soap. However, we are all out of stock right now, but we could order some for you and it would come in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “You don’t carry [brand]?”

    Me: “We do carry it. We just don’t have it in right now.”

    Customer: “Well, why not?”

    Me: “Because other customers have purchased it. But we can order some for tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Well, how long will that take?”

    Me: “It’ll come in tomorrow.”

    Customer: “So, how many days will that be?”

    Beware Of The Pink Perv

    | Oregon, USA |

    (At the cell phone company I work for, there is a notorious caller, referred to by us all as “The Pink Pencil Guy”. New hires are warned of him in training. He doesnt even have an account. He just calls from untraceable phones. He only talks to female employees. I’ve talked to him twice. This is how my first encounter with him goes.)

    Me: “Thanks for calling, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I have a pink Motorola RAZR and I need you to help me change my ringtone. On my pink RAZR.”

    Me: “Okay, I can do that. Do you have–”

    Caller: “But first, I need you to tell me to get my pink pencil and my pink pad of paper.”

    Me: “I can’t do that.”

    Caller: “Just tell me to get my pink pencil and pink pad of paper, now!”

    (He eventually gives up and ends the call, which was good for me: when he’s lucky to get a rep who will play along, he’ll get more and more sexual about it for as long as he can get away with it.)

    Beauty Is Only Emotion Deep

    | Westminster, MD, USA |

    (It’s my first day at work and I’m bagging for a coworker. An elderly man comes up to the register and blatantly stares at me.)

    Customer: “You’re beautiful.”

    Me: “Well, thank you!”

    Customer: “But you have a mean look on your face.”

    (I have no idea what he’s talking about. I’ve been doing nothing but smiling the entire time.)

    Me: “I’m, sorry?”

    Customer: “It’s okay. You have a beautiful face and a beautiful soul…and a beautiful aura. A very, very beautiful aura.”

    Me: “Er, thank you?”

    Customer: “But you just look so mean! Why can’t you look happy, beautiful?”

    (This goes on for another few minutes before my coworker steps in to save me. I can’t wait to work tomorrow.)

    A Welsh Of Knowledge

    | Wales, UK |

    (I work in a call center that only calls the local area.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, I’m just calling about–”

    Customer: “What country are you calling from?”

    Me: “Me? Wales, sir.”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that. All of you people are based in India or something.”

    Me: “I assure you, we’re not, sir. I’m not Indian; I’m based in Wales.”

    Customer: “Sure you are! You companies are all the same.” *in Welsh* “I bet we don’t even speak the same language.”

    Me: *in Welsh* “Sir, I’m not Indian. I’m in an office probably no more than ten minutes from you right now.”

    Customer: “You know, for an Indian, you have excellent pronunciation.”

    Attack Of The Heart(less)

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Health & Body, Top

    (A customer has just had a heart attack, and our staff is giving her CPR. Another customer approaches.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but could you move? I need the ink behind you guys.”

    Me: “Sir, this lady is suffering a medical illness. I’m sorry for your inconvenience, but you will have to wait.”

    Customer: “How dare you treat your customers like this?! I’ll never shop here again!”

    Manager: *fed up* “[Competitor] is across the parking lot. Have a nice day.”


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