Stupid Laws Of Spacetime

| UK | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I have been stuck in traffic for two hours due to a crash on the motorway.)

Customer: “MY ORDER IS OVER AN HOUR LATE!”

Me: “I am truly sorry; I was stuck in traffic on the motorway.”

Customer: “And you didn’t call!?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it is illegal to use a phone whilst in control of a motor vehicle.”

Customer: “I know that! I’m not stupid. Are you? Are you stupid?”

Me: “I’m sorry again, sir. If you call my supervisor, I’m sure they will reimburse you your delivery charge.”

Customer: “Are you ignoring my question on purpose? Are you stupid? Or are you just retarded like the rest of your colleagues?!”

Me: “No, sir, I’m not. I have a basic understanding of quantum physics and molecular biology. What do you have?”

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “Good day, sir.”

It’s All Downhill From Here

| Helsinki, Finland | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners

(I’m a customer buying ski boots at a store, when I over hear a conversation between another customer and a clerk.)

Customer: “Yes, I bought these ski boots a week ago, but they are faulty!”

Clerk: “I’m sorry about that, what seems to be the problem with them?”

Customer: “These locks won’t hold; they keep opening up!”

Clerk: “Would you let me see the boots, please?”

(The customer hands to the boots to the clerk, and he fastens the locks and can’t find anything wrong with them.)

Clerk: “I’m sorry, miss; the locks seem to work all fine. Could you explain more how they won’t hold?”

Customer: “Well of course they hold when you put them so tight to third position! Put them to first position and you’ll see! They won’t hold locked!”

Clerk: “But wouldn’t the ski boots be too loose for you to wear then?”

Customer: “Just put the locks to the first position and you’ll see!”

(The clerk puts the locks to the first position, and they do ‘fall off’.)

Customer: “See, these are faulty!”

Clerk: “But miss, these locks are used to fasten the boot around your foot. They are supposed to be put tight and not left loose.”

Customer: “But if I want to wear them on the first position, I should be able to do that! Why is there the first position anyway, if I can’t use it, huh? You tell me why? I won’t get full usage for my money if I can’t use all the positions!”

Clerk: “Every person has a little bit different sized feet and that’s why the locks are adjustable. The point is not to use all the positions of the lock but to adjust the ski boot to match your feet.”

Customer: “But what if I want to use the first position? Now I can’t; these boots are faulty!”

Clerk: “I can take these back if you wish, but I have to tell you that you will have the exact same problem with every other ski boot, too. The idea is to find the adjustment good for your feet, not to use all the positions.”

Customer: “I want to return these, they’re faulty! You should be ashamed of yourselves selling this kind of faulty items!”

(I can’t help giggling, and the other customer gives me some nasty glances. The customer then takes a call, I presume from her boyfriend/husband.)

Customer: “They’re taking the boots back, but are you sure this is right? The other customers are laughing at me… Of course hun… Yeah I know, they probably don’t know anything about skiing. I’m glad the fault was found this quickly. I can’t believe they would sell something like this. Okay, I gotta go; the clerk’s coming back.”

Clerk: “Here’s your money miss. And I’m sorry you weren’t satisfied with the product.”

Customer: “Well, you should be. But thanks, anyway. I’ll go buy my boots somewhere else!”

(The customer then turns and leaves. The clerk and I have a laugh at the story. I reserve the boots until next day for myself. They are really good, but I still want to try some other boots, too. I go to another sporting store and I see the same customer in there. She is giving them a hard time about the lock positions. She accuses the clerk of being incompetent, and that her boyfriend knows everything about skiing, and that she should be able to use which ever position she wants on the locks.)

Destroyed In 2 Minutes

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Checks Are Out At The Checkout

| Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money, Top

(I am a cashier at a big grocery store. I have a customer in with her daughter in her mid-teens. The customer writes a check, but because of a store policy, a manager has to override an error that will pop up if the customer does not have at least $700 of checks in the system. My manager is at the check stand right next to me helping a customer, and knows that I need her assistance.)

Customer: “I can’t believe this is happening again! This happened last time!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Our system is just very particular. You must write a certain amount of checks or spend a certain amount of money every month in order for it to not need an ID and a manager override. I know it is a pain, and I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Well this is just f****** ridiculous. I don’t think I’m going to shop here anymore.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry that we have to do this. My manager will be here in just a second; she just needs to finish helping another customer.”

Customer: “And this is just so stupid because I’ve written checks here before!”

Me: “I understand. Our system is just very picky when it comes to checks and—”

(At this point the customer begins to dramatically flip through her checkbook, and shoves it in my face so I can see all of the entries.)

Customer: “SEE?!”

Me: “Again, I understand, but the system says you only have $300 in the system, and it needs at least $750. I know it is a bit ridiculous, but in the end it is for the company’s and your safety, and there isn’t really anything I can do about it.”

Customer: “I know it’s not your fault, but—”

(To my surprise, the customer’s daughter suddenly speaks up in my defense.)

Customer’s Daughter: “Then why are you being such a b**** to her, mom? You are so embarrassing. Maybe you should use a debit card like normal people. I’ll be in the car waiting.”

(The mother and I both stare in shock while my manager comes over and runs the check through with no further hassle. Sometimes, it’s nice when someone says exactly what you’re thinking, especially when you can’t say it yourself!)

Doesn’t Have The Math Jeans

| USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

(A customer is trying to exchange a pair of jeans. My coworker notices he will be getting some money back.)

Coworker: “Sir, this pair of jeans is less than the pair you bought earlier, so I will give you the cash back.”

Customer: “That’s it! Give me my d*** pants back! I don’t want to deal with this s*** anymore!”

(My coworker looks stunned at the guy’s outburst.)

Coworker: “But sir, you’ll be getting money back!”

Customer: “I don’t care! Just give me my d*** pants back! Or explain it to me; I don’t understand this!”

Coworker: “Well sir, this pair—”

Customer: “Just give me the d*** pants! You guys always do s*** like this; you just lost a good customer!”

(The customer grabs the pants and storms towards the doors. As he leaves, a second customer stars applauding, and yells after him.)

Customer #2: “Sure doesn’t sound like it!”

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