October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Initially Incorrect, But They Nipped It In The Bud

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words

(I work at a design firm. A few of our designers have special design achievements that are abbreviated in initials in a smaller script after their name on their business card. I am working in our showroom when a customer comes up to me with a question.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I am looking for the young man I was talking to earlier.”

Me: “Sure, we have several male designers here. Do you remember his name?”

Customer: “No, but he gave me his business card.”

(She looks around confused for a moment, then her face lights up when she remembers something.)

Customer: “He has really small nipples!”

Me: “Excuse me!”

Customer: “Nipples.”

Me: “Uhm… anything more descriptive?”

(A look of horror crosses her face as she realizes what she has said.)

Customer:Initials! After his name on his card, he has really small initials.”

Inking And Thinking

| NS, Canada | Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I am a young research nurse in an emergency department. I have a large, brightly-colored sleeve tattoo. A young girl—maybe 18 to 19 years old—is visiting a patient.)

Coworker: “Hey, come in here a minute. These girls really like your tattoo!”

(We go through the standard appreciation and explanation.)

Girl: “My mom always said if I got a tattoo, I would never get a decent job. Now I can tell her she’s wrong!”

Me: “Haha, yeah. I am living proof.”

(The girl smiles from ear to ear.)

Solved The Problem In A Snap

| Canada | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Top

(I work in a cosmetics store. My area is extremely busy, with everybody wanting my help at the same time. A rather large family come in, wanting to look at lipsticks. I show them the area, and excuse myself to help Customer #1, who has been waiting patiently.)

Me: “Okay, so this one reduces wrinkles, this one has Vitamin E, and this one has B.”

Customer #1: “Oh, okay, I used this one at home. I want a change, so which would you suggest?”

Me: “Well yo—”

(Just then, Customer #2, a man in the large family, snaps his fingers at me, interrupting me.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Give me one second, and I’ll be right with you, sir.”

(Customer# 2 than snaps his fingers at me AGAIN. Customer# 1 looks visibly annoyed, and her face goes white.)

Me: “Sir, that is extremely rude. Please do not snap your fingers at me; I will be right with you as soon as I am finished.”

(Customer# 2 goes to open his mouth, when Customer# 1 snaps.)

Customer #1: “Don’t you even start with her! How dare you treat her like that! Can’t you see she’s working as hard as she can, with a big smile on her face? She’s so sweet, and she’s been nothing but nice to everybody, and trying to help everybody at once! So shut your mouth and wait!”

(Customer#2 is aghast; his jaw is hanging open. He grabs his family, and leaves with his tail tucked between his legs. I give Customer #1 a hug. She made my day!)

Reminder: Check Out Not Always Learning!

Not Always Learning | Announcements, School

Hey everyone! Just a reminder to check out our latest site:
Not Always Learning!

One of our most frequently requested websites, Not Always Learning features true, reader-submitted stories of funny & interesting students, teachers, parents, and staff!

We’ve all dealt with people in school-related situations who are Not Always Learning, so we invite you to visit Not Always Learning today and share your school story!

Say Adios To Racism

| Orlando, FL, USA | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I work in the guest services department of a major theme park. A Hispanic twenty-something mother and her young son approach the desk.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Mother: “Hello, I… no find… boy… hat.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Mother: “I no… look…”

(I switch to Spanish, which I can speak fairly well after four years studying it in high school.)

Me: *in Spanish* “Do you speak Spanish?”

Mother: “Oh, yes! Thank you so much! While my son and I were riding the roller coaster, he lost his hat and we came to see if you could send anyone to find it.”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t send anyone to look under the roller coaster until after the park closes, but we can give you a gift certificate to buy a new hat for him at the shop.”

Mother: “That would be excellent! Thank you!”

(A burly-looking man, who is waiting for a park representative in the seating area, stands up and shouts at me.)

Man: “Hey! What the h*** do you think you’re doin’, boy?!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Man: “You talkin’ that [racial slur] language? The h***’s wrong with you? You just encouragin’ them—” *points at the mother and son* “—to come over here like they own this country!”

Me: “Well, sir, I speak English and Spanish. This lady seemed to be having trouble with her English, so I thought I’d try Spanish.”

(He walks over to the counter, and puts his face right in mine.)

Man: “That’s a bunch of bull-s***! They came to our country, so they gotta learn to talk our language! You just gonna let them win by speakin’ their language?!”

Me: “Uh… win what?”

Man: “Man, it’s because of f****** like you that they think they can just come in here and tell us what to do!”

(He gives the woman a dirty look, and she becomes very frightened. I push the silent security alert button under the counter. Suddenly the little boy moves, and stands in front of his mother.)

Son: “Quit bein’ mean to my mama, poop head!”

Man: “You gonna make me, you little [racial slur]?”

Son:They will!”

(He points out the glass door, as two security officers approach.)

Security Guard #1: “I’m going to have to ask you to come with us, sir.”

Man: “For what?! Defending America?!”

Security Guard #2: “For threatening our other guests. If you don’t come peacefully, we will restrain you.”

(The man grits his teeth, and seems to be considering fighting the guards, but after a moment he gives up and goes with them.)

Me: “Adios!”

Man: “F*** you, f**!”

(I turn to the mother and son, and start speaking to them in Spanish again.)

Me: “I’m sorry about that man, ma’am. He won’t bother you again.”

Mother: “Thank you! I thought he was going to hit me.”

Son: “I won’t let him hurt you, mama!”

Me: “Young man, since you were so brave, I’m going to give you an extra gift certificate, so you can get a cartoon character doll, too.”

Son: “Wow! You’re so nice, mister!”

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