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    Freak For Yourself

    | Wisconsin, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am at a Chinese restaurant with a friend. A group of four settle at a table beside us, including a couple in their 40s and what appears to be a set of their parents. The waitresses are obviously Chinese and speak English with accents.)

    Waitress: “What would you like for drinks?”

    Older Husband: “Diet Coke, please.”

    Waitress: “Sorry, no diet. We ran out.”

    Older Wife: “He can only drink diet, though!”

    Waitress: “We have no diet. I am sorry!”

    Older Wife: “You don’t understand!” *speaks slowly for her* “Only. Diet. Coke!”

    Waitress: “But—”

    Older Husband: “It’s okay. I will have water, then.”

    Waitress: “Okay!” *hurries away, slightly flustered*

    Older Wife: *to her husband* “You scared her away!”

    Help Is On The Way

    | Oregon, USA | Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I’ve just gotten off work and am waiting behind the building for my friend to come pick me up. I’m listening to music but forgot my headphones, so it’s playing through the speaker. Two teenage girls, one wearing a Twilight shirt and another a Justin Bieber Shirt walk past me chatting. Accompanying them is who I assume is their younger brother, who is obviously not liking the conversation. He can’t be more than ten years old.)

    Teenager #1: *whispers to her friend about my music* “What awful tastes.”

    Teenager #2: *nods in agreement* “Freaks, I tell you.”

    (Instead of agreeing with the girls, the little kid stops and talks to me.)

    Little Kid: *to me* “What’s that?”

    Me: “Rise Against. They’re an awesome punk band.”

    Little Kid: “Thanks!” *catches up to the two teens with a smile*

    (I feel as though I did some good today.)

    To Conjugate A Thief

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (Although I don’t look like it, I am fluent in Japanese and Korean. I am working at a register, checking out a Japanese family that is buying snacks.)

    Father: *in Japanese* “Son, when the cashier isn’t looking, put the candy bars in your pockets so we don’t have to pay for them.”

    (Hearing this, I add the candy bars to the purchase. The family pays and leaves. Two minutes later, the father returns.)

    Father: “Why did you charge me for four candy bars?! I didn’t buy any candy bars! You just charged me to make extra money! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: *in Japanese* “Maybe you should come up with your plans to steal 89 cent candy bars BEFORE you come up to the register.”

    (The father was stunned. He apologized and left embarrassed.)

    Weekly Roundup: Lost & Confused

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Geography, Roundups

    Lost & Confused: This week, we feature five stories of customers who are “geographically disadvantaged!”

    1. For The Love Of God, Get GPS:
      An employee serves as a human GPS for one completely lost customer!
    2. More Cars Than Common Sense:
      A couple thinks they lost their car, when they’ve really lost their minds.
    3. For The Love Of God, Get GPS, Part 2:
      This confused hotel guest puts the “duh” in Cana-duh!
    4. At The Corner Of Me & Myself:
      We need more than your living room to locate you, sir.
    5. The Great State Of Confusion, Part 4:
      An airline passenger ends up in New Orleans, LA–Los Angeles, that is!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9

    | Kingston, Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid, Time

    (I am working on box office one night. It’s soon after the release of the newest Twilight. Two teenage girls are at my cash purchasing tickets to see the movie.)

    Teenage Girl #1: “So, you have Twilight at 6:30 and 6:50?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Teenage Girl #1: “That doesn’t make sense! It isn’t 20 minutes long!”

    Me: “It’s in two different theaters.”

    Teenage Girl #2: “Oh right! Duh!”

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

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