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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Always Exorcise Before Eating

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m serving a lady who has come in with her two grandsons. While they are waiting for their food to come from the
    kitchen, she flags me down.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, could I have another glass of water?”

    Me: “Sure! I’ll bring that right over for you.”

    (I walk over to the waitress’ station, get her a glass of water, and bring it back.)

    Customer: *in a creepy, fake child’s voice* “Thank you, mommy!”

    (I walk away as quickly as possible. Even her grandsons look confused. For the rest of the night, though, she acts completely normal, as if nothing happened.)

    Any Sliver Of Hope

    | Santee, CA, USA |

    (I am standing at the door greeting customers. An elderly gentleman is waiting to get in as I answer a question for the customer ahead. I have already checked his membership card.)

    Me: “You can go on in, hon. I’ve already seen your card.”

    (The man continues to stand there while I speak with another customer.)

    Me: “Did you need anything, sir?”

    Customer: “No, but you called me hon, so I thought I might stick around a while…”

    It Works Better When Fed Cheese

    , | California, USA | Technology

    (Our college has students of all ages in attendance. Sometimes, the older ones need a little more guidance with using technology. Today, an older gentleman approaches my help desk brandishing several handwritten sheets of lined paper.)

    Student: “My teacher says I need to type this.”

    Me: “Okay! Well, I think the best program is Word. Just double-click on that blue “W” right there.”

    (The student pokes the monitor’s screen with his index finger.)

    Me: “Ah, well, actually, we don’t have touchscreens. You have to use the mouse. See?”

    (I gesture to the mouse.)

    Student: “Oh, okay.”

    (He picks up mouse, places it on the monitor screen and clicks. The he looks at me expectantly.)

    Me: “Er, well, you have to use it on the mouse pad.”

    (I take the mouse and put it back on the mouse pad. Then I show him that when moving the mouse, the cursor on the screen moves.)

    Student: “It’s not working very well. Maybe you guys didn’t feed it enough.”

    We Call Them Magic Voice Boxes, Part 2

    | Ireland | Technology

    (I am working one day when this rather angry guy comes up to me and bangs his phone down on the counter.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My phone stopped working and it wont turn on.”

    (I fiddle around with the phone a bit. Then, I plug the phone into a charger and voila, the phone turns on.)

    Me: “Sir, did you charge the battery on the phone?”

    Customer: “What do you mean did I charge the phone? No one told me that I would have to use my electricity to use this phone. I thought it had a battery!”

    Me: “Sir, all mobile phones have chargeable batteries. It’s standard. They need to be charged for a few hours every couple of days.”

    Customer: “That’s a disgrace. How can you expect people to use their electricity to use the phone?!” *grabs his phone and storms out*

    Related:
    We Call Them Magic Voice Boxes

    Might We Suggest Freedomfox

    | New Brunswick, Canada | Technology

    (I am working at a call center offering tech support for an American cell phone company’s website.)

    Caller: “Your website is broken!”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, we can do some troubleshooting. First, what browser are you using?”

    Caller: “What’s a browser?”

    Me: “You know, Firefox, Chrome, Safari–”

    Caller: “Oh, no, no, no! I only use the good old American Explorer!”


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