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    This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 2

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

    (There is a sizable line in the drive-thru. A rental car pulls up to order.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]; how can I serve you today?”

    (The customer and his wife proceed to order. They order a lot of food. The customer has a thick French accent, and I have to ask him to repeat a few things.)

    Customer: “How long is this going to take?”

    Me: “Well, we’re kind of busy; it will take about 15 minutes.”

    (I begin repeating the order back to the customer to verify that it’s right, but he pulls ahead while I’m still speaking. About 15 minutes later, he pulls up to the window. My coworker brings them their food when it is ready.)

    Coworker: “All right, so I have [order] for you.”

    Customer: “No, that’s wrong. We wanted [order].”

    (My coworker is fairly new, so I decide to take over. I send the revised order to the kitchen and ask them to remake it. Five minutes later, the order is done.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Here is your order.”

    Customer: “That’s not all; we want milkshakes, too.”

    (I am very frustrated with this customer, but I keep it under control and ring up the milkshakes. I took five years of French class in high school, so I can understand it fairly well.)

    Customer: *to wife, in French* “This place is terrible.”

    Customer’s Wife: “It’s so slow!”

    Customer: “And that skinny white boy is very rude.

    Customer’s Wife: “Don’t be mean; he’s probably not that smart.”

    (They laugh, and continue making fun of me. I finish making the milkshakes, and walk over to the window with a beaming, ear-to-ear smile.)

    Me: *in French* “Thank you for your business today.”

    (The man makes eye contact with me. His eyes are nearly bulging out of his head, as he realizes I have understood every word he and his wife said. I keep my eyes locked on his, and maintain my ghoulish grin.)

    Me: *in French* “It was a pleasure to serve you today.”

    Customer: *drops milkshakes in wife’s lap and accelerates away*

    Related:
    This Round He Lost (In Translation)

    Powerful Pictures

    | Plymouth, Devon, UK | Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s a quiet day in the shop, so I’m busy prepping films to process. A middle-aged lady enters, so I put everything down and greet her.)

    Customer: “Hello, my love; do you print photos from digital cameras?”

    Me: “We do indeed! We just need your memory card or a USB cable if you have your camera with you.”

    Customer: “Oh, good! I’ve brought this in; my pictures are on it.”

    (She rummages around in her handbag, and finally places a small oblong of plastic on the counter.)

    Me: “I’m ever so sorry, but we’re not going to be able to get your photos from that.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! Why not?”

    Me: “This is your battery.”

    Putting The Security Into Social Security

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Money, Top

    (I work as a collections agent for a major bank in the USA.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [major bank]; my name is Kevin. What can I—”

    Customer: “English, ass-h***! Speak English!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m speaking English.”

    Customer: “I just want to pay my [other bank’s] credit card. My SSN is [number].”

    Me: “Ma’am you are calli—”

    Customer: “How you dare to interrupt me! My check account is [number] and my name is [name].”

    Me: “Miss, you are calling [major bank], not [other bank].”

    Customer: “What?! Who are you? Why are you calling me? I’m going to the police! I want your f****** name, and I want to speak with your supervisor before I go there and shoot someone!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I mute the headset.)

    Customer: “What are you waiting for?!”

    Me: “I’m waiting for you to tell me why you need to speak to my supervisor. If it was because you called a wrong number and said all you personal info, or maybe because you cursed at me several times, or that you, in a recorded, federal monitored line, threatened to shoot me.”

    Customer: “Oh, no! I didn’t say that!”

    (I check on the database for her full name with her SSN.)

    Me: “Okay, let me put you on hold so I can speak with my supervisor and call the police. Your full name is [full name], right? Your address is [address], and your phone is [phone number].”

    (The customer hangs up. I end up having a verbal warning from my boss, along with a free meal from him for “the funniest following-guidelines-call I have ever heard”.)

    Ish No Pleasing You

    3qlwty

    Stereo-Typo

    | USA | Bigotry, Technology

    (I’m the customer service administrator. I’m the very last in line when customers ask to speak to a manager. Our tech support call center is located in India, but our headquarters, where I work, are in the States.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [company name]; this is [name].”

    Customer: “Yes, I asked for a shipping label a couple days ago to send in my unit, and I haven’t gotten it yet. What’s the hold up?”

    Me: “It looks like a shipping label was generated to be sent to your e-mail, but someone made a typo in your e-mail address. We sent it out via mail; sorry about that! It should reach you in a couple of days.”

    Customer: “What?! D*** foreigners! How hard is it to type in an e-mail address? Your company is doing a disservice, shipping jobs that honest, hard-working Americans could have, over to India!”

    Me: “The mistake was a simple typo, sir. Anyone could have made that mistake, American or otherwise.”

    Customer: “That’s just a bull-s*** excuse! If you don’t want to take my word for it, fine. But you’re doing a disservice to this country!”

    Me: “Sir, please stop cursing.”

    Customer: “What? No, f*** you! Okay, what happens when I get the label?”

    (I explain to him how to attach the label to the box and send the unit in.)

    Customer: “No! That’s bull-s***! I have to do all this work, just to get a d*** piece of s*** unit that works! Your company is terrible and—”

    Me: “Sir, if you do not calm down, I will hang up the phone.”

    Customer: “What? Hang up? Fine! Hang up on me!” *hangs up*

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