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    I’m Having My iPeriod

    , | New Zealand |

    Customer: “Hi there, darling. Uh, I was wondering, do you have any pads?”

    Me: “Do you mean iPads?”

    Customer: “Yeah pads, iPads, whatever. Can you show me where they are?”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am. Are you interested in the iPad or the iPad 2?”

    Customer: “Wait…so, like, you use the iPad at day and the iPad 2 at night?”

    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind, Part 2

    | Ohio, USA | Money

    (This customer’s account has been overdrawn for over a month. This is due to several ATM withdrawals when she didn’t have the money in her account.)

    Customer: “You need to refund these overdraft fees because you never notified me that I was overdrawn.”

    Me: “According to the notes on your account, you called us every time before you made a withdrawal. Every time, a rep told you that you’d get a fee if you didn’t make a deposit to cover it the following day.”

    Customer: “Nope, you never informed me of any fees. Yeah, I took $500 I didn’t have in the account, but I shouldn’t get fees because you never notified me of any fees. Refund them now!”

    Me: “We also called you every day over the past month. We sent you a text and email alert every day. We also sent you 10 letters letting you know that your account is overdrawn. You will continue to get fees until you deposit enough money to cover the negative balance.”

    Customer: “I throw away all my mail from you because I think it’s junk. I don’t check my email and I ignore your texts, so it’s not my fault that I didn’t know I was getting fees. Refund them now, because I wasn’t notified of the fees!”

    Me: “Yeah, no. That’s not going to happen.”

    Customer: “But you never notified me!”

    Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

    100% Chance Of Disaster

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Technology, Top

    (I answer calls for technical support within the company.)

    Caller: “My computer is a fire risk.”

    Me: “What makes you say that?”

    Caller: “It gets hot. There are papers near it.”

    Me: “If you’re worried about it, you can move the papers away.”

    Caller: “I am moving the papers, but you must send someone to look at it.”

    Me: “Computers usually get warm–”

    Caller: “You don’t understand. My computer is a fire risk!”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll log a job and get someone to look at it.”

    Caller: “When? It is very urgent. I need someone to come now.”

    (I log the job and ring the technician to explain that the customer is very keen to have someone come as soon as possible. The next day, he rings me back to tell me what happened.)

    Technician: “You know that computer that was a fire risk?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Technician: “She meant it was on fire.”

    Better Late Than Clever

    | Minnesota, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (At our daycare, we are very strict when it comes to pick up times. Some children are registered to be picked up by four, others by six. For every minute they are late, parents pay a $5 fine. We make it very clear that we are strict about it and we charge for anyone who is late. If they come at 4:01, we charge $5. We even have a clock that uses the same satellites cell phones do so they can’t argue about the time. Most parents admit it is probably their fault and just pay up. If they need their kid to stay later, they can pay for their kid to stay until 6 just for the days they need it, so long as we know in advance.)

    (This happens at 4 PM sharp.)

    Me: “Oh, hi! Melanie’s outside, but you can sign her out and then head around back to pick her up.”

    Mom: “Okay.”

    (Forty-five minutes later, all the kids come in from inside. I see Melanie.)

    Me: “Melanie, didn’t your mom come yet?”

    Melanie: “No?”

    (Her mom comes in.)

    Mom: “Melanie, come on let’s go.”

    Me: “Um, she’s registered to leave at four, correct?”

    Mom: “Yes.”

    Me: “It’s four forty-five. You now owe us $225 in late fees.”

    Mom: “What? No, I signed her out at four exactly. I wasn’t late!”

    Me: “Well, just because you signed her out doesn’t mean you get free childcare for nearly an hour.”

    Mom: “Well, I still had errands to run! What, do you expect me to take her with me to the grocery store? ”

    Me: “Yes, actually. I’ll send you the bill, okay?”

    Mom: “That’s insane! I was here! And what’s one more kid?! Are you really that lazy that you refuse to do your own job?”

    Another mom: “Are you really such a b**** that you refuse to get your own kid on time? Seriously, if you can’t handle taking a kid to a grocery store you probably shouldn’t have kids.”

    Mom: “You don’t even know what’s going on! They’re charging me $225 for being a few minutes late, even though I signed her out on time!”

    Melanie: “Mommy, can we just leave now?”

    Mom: “Shut up! If you weren’t such a bad kid, they wouldn’t mind watching you a little late and I wouldn’t be paying $225 because of your behavior!”

    (At this point, Melanie begins to sob.)

    Me: “It has nothing to do with your behavior, Melanie. In fact, you’re one of the best kids we have here. Sometimes parents run late and we have rules about it, okay? It’s not your fault.”

    Mom: “I bet you tell all kids that to make their parents look bad! I didn’t do anything wrong! I was here on time”!

    Me: “Ma’am, you left your kid here for 45 minutes. I won’t charge you for the time you’ve been yelling at me, but I’m not going to let you get off without paying. And for future reference, if you ever need to pick her up late, you can choose to pay a little extra and get her by 6 instead of trying to cheat the system and end up paying hundreds to get her at 5.”

    Mom: “Fine. How much to get her at 6 today?”

    Me: “Well it’s too late for that now. You need to let us know at least two days ahead of time so we have enough staff because we send some home at 4 depending on how many kids we have. So, you’ll have to pay the fees and next time get her at the time you agreed to.”

    (This continues for more 10 minutes. Eventually she storms out. She ends up paying the fee, though.)

    Long Gone And Moved On

    | SF Bay Area, CA, USA | Money

    Customer: *shouting* “What does it take to use an ATM around here?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I said, what does it take to use an ATM around here?”

    Me: “Well, first, you would need to insert your ATM card into the machine and enter in your PIN. Do you have–-”

    Customer: *shouting* “I can’t believe this! I put my card in, and it won’t let me get any money.”

    (By this time, everyone is staring. I notice that the card he was holding was a Washington Mutual ATM card. WaMu has been dead for years.)

    Me: “Sir, I believe it didn’t work because–”

    Customer: “This bank is so stupid! Nothing here works. I am switching banks!” *storms off*

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