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    Bootleg Me Some Common Sense

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (Note: this takes place before either of these films are available on DVD or Blu-ray.)

    Customer: “I’d like a copy of Transformers 3 and Hangover 2.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but those films are still in the theaters and won’t be out in stores until after the summer.”

    Customer: “No, I just saw them for sale at the flea market.”

    Me: “Those would be bootleg copies. They’re not very good quality.”

    Customer: “That’s fine. Just give me those.”

    Me: “We don’t sell bootlegs here.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous. You should sell whatever the customer wants!”

    Me: “Bootlegs are illegal and we can’t carry them.”

    Customer: “That isn’t very good service! I’m going to speak to your manager.”

    Me: “That’s fine; you can ask for him at the service desk.”

    Customer: “I hope he fires you for being incompetent.”

    Me: “Well, thank you for shopping at [store] and have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Jacka**!”

    Your Complaints Are On Thin Ice

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (Our location has two entrances, one of which is closed because of unsafe conditions on the adjacent sidewalk due to a recent snowstorm. A woman approaches me as I’m shelving books.)

    Patron: “Hi. You look like who I need to complain to.”

    Me: “Okay. What seems to be the problem?”

    Patron: “These conditions are unacceptable. I had to walk another block just to get in here. All because you and your employees are too lazy to pick up a shovel and clear that sidewalk.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have the say as to whether that sidewalk is open or not. The city made that decision yesterday for safety reasons.”

    Patron: “I should have known when I saw you that you weren’t going to help me. You have that kind of face.”

    Me: *speechless*

    (At this point, another patrons steps in at my defense.)

    Another Patron: “Excuse me, miss, I hope that you’re not referring to the sidewalk on [street]. My name is [name]. I’m a civil engineer for the city and I can assure that, given the water main rupture and the three feet of frozen ice/slush, it’s going to take an extensive amount of labor to clear and fix that sidewalk. Furthermore, I find it incredibly insensitive that you would complain about this inconvenience to you when, just the other day, a poor boy slipped and fell and broke both legs on that very sidewalk.”

    Patron: *dumbfounded* “Well, I didn’t…” *walks away*

    Abbreviation Nation

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Okay, sir, and the bill-to address?”

    Customer: “237 Ooh-sah Highway.”

    Me: “Would you mind spelling the highway name for me?”

    Customer: “It sounds exactly like it’s spelled.”

    Me: “O-O-H-S-A?”

    Customer: “What? No! Ooh-sah.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Would you mind spelling it for me?”

    Customer: “God. Fine. U-S-A. Ooo-sah!”

    Me: “Do you mean US Highway [number]?”

    Customer: “I know what road I live on! Ooh-sah!”

    Words Fail Me

    | Michigan, USA | School

    (A student comes in to the Registrar’s office to pick up a transcript. After discovering that she never placed an order, I tell her to place the order so that it will be ready in the afternoon. After checking the system over the course of several hours and not seeing the order, I call the student.)

    Me: “Yes, I see you still have not placed your order.”

    Student: “I placed it hours ago!”

    Me: “Uh oh, I hope something is not wrong with our system. Did you get confirmation that the order went through?”

    Student: “Yes! I still have it up right here on my screen. It says right here: ‘Transaction Failed’!”

    To Some, Time Is A Foreign Concept

    | Duncan, BC, Canada |

    (I’m standing behind the counter at the postal outlet. We have a stand in front of the counter with a sign that shows our hours in military time. I notice a customer staring at the sign for a very long time.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “What is ’20:00′?”

    Me: “20:00 means 8 pm.”

    Customer: “Oh. You should put the times in English.”


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