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    Manners Matter When You’re Madder

    , | New York, NY, USA | Money

    (An older, unkempt-looking man comes up to my counter.)

    Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. Can I take your order, sir?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

    Me: “What would you like?”

    Customer: *pauses* “What do you want?”

    Me: “Sir, what would you like to eat?”

    Customer: “Stop rushing me, woman! Let me have some coffee!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What kind of coffee would you like? We have—”

    (The customer throws a twenty dollar bill on the counter and starts shouting profanities at me and the other customers in the line.)

    Customer: “D*** kids these days! Just give me my f***ing coffee, b****!”

    Me: “I apologize, sir, but I can’t serve you if you don’t tell me what kind of coffee you would like. Unfortunately, you are disrupting the other patrons and I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “I’LL LEAVE ‘CUZ I WANT TO LEAVE!” *leaves in a huff*

    (In his haste, the customer left his twenty dollar bill on the counter. He never returned, so I ended up paying for the next few customers’ meals with the money that he left behind.)

    Scam Wars: Attack Of The Clones

    | Nottingham, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “I want a refund on this DVD.”

    Me: “Okay, what was wrong with it?”

    Customer: “I watched it and I didn’t like it.”

    Me: “Er, I’m sorry, but we don’t rent out DVDs here; we sell them. If there’s nothing wrong with it, I can’t give you a refund.”

    Customer: “But I already copied this one, so I don’t need it anymore!”

    (Realizing what he’s just said, the customer tries to backtrack.)

    Customer: “Er…wait. I mean…”

    Me: *raised eyebrow*

    Customer: “Never mind!” *runs out of the store*

    Checking Out On Capitalism

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Money

    (This is graduation week for the college that is a couple blocks away, so our rates are higher than they usually are for this week. Our rates are about 30 dollars less than the average rate of next closest hotel to campus.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I would like a room with two beds for May 11th-14th.”

    Me: “Sure, that will be $119 plus tax per night.”

    Caller: “What?! That’s ridiculous! I stayed there last month, and it was only $79!”

    Me: “Well, our rates do fluctuate based on what is going in the area. Supply and demand, you know?”

    Caller: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, more people want hotel rooms, so the price goes up. That’s how businesses make money.”

    Caller: “But you’re a hotel, not a business! I refuse to stay at a place where you jack up the rates to screw people over!” *hangs up*

    Water You, Stupid, Part 8

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I work at a cafe that offers bottled water. The bottles are quite large.)

    Customer: “Do you have any smaller bottles of water?”

    Me: “No, but I can give you an ice water.”

    Customer: “What’s an ice water?” *confused*

    Me: “Just, like, a cup of water with some ice in it.”

    Customer: “Oh! Well, I don’t often drink coffee, so, no thanks!”

    Related:
    Water You, Stupid, Part 7
    Water You, Stupid, Part 6
    Water You, Stupid, Part 5
    Water You, Stupid, Part 4
    Water You, Stupid, Part 3
    Water You, Stupid, Part 2
    Water You, Stupid

    Completely (Pea)Nuts

    | South Africa | Bizarre

    (I’m working in my office when I hear a loud voice outside. I go to check it out as sometimes interested clients can’t find the office easily. A middle-aged man wearing short shorts and knee high socks walks towards me.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you? Are you interested in making a booking?”

    Customer: “No, I’m here to sell you a stuffed elephant’s head. I’ve visited this place before, so I thought of you at once.”

    Me: “Uh…thank you, but we don’t have a need for an elephant’s head.”

    Customer: “Yeah, fine. I will drop it off now; please pay cash!”

    Me: “Please don’t drop it off. We don’t want it. It would not match our decor.”

    Customer: “But there’s a lamp on top of it, and the trunk can be used as a fountain. Just buy it! I’m moving and I don’t have the space! I’ll drop it off now.”

    Me: “No, we don’t want it. Please try to sell it to someone else.”

    Customer: “Just buy it! I don’t have the space for it! I can’t believe this! Why would anyone not buy it? Fine! I’ll go somewhere else! I’m never booking here again!” *storms off*

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