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    Hashpocalypse Now

    , | Sydney, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the breakfast shift when a man comes in with his children who look about 5 or 6. He orders a large amount of food.)

    Customer: “And can I get…four hash browns with that?”

    Me: “Certainly.”

    (I type in the total and show it to him.)

    Customer: “What? $4.80? Are you kidding?”

    Me: “That’s how much it is.”

    Customer: “No way! That’s too expensive! I can’t justify that. Get rid of them!”

    (I cancel the last item while the customer continues ranting.)

    Customer: “It’s also the fact that they’re just hot oil! I can’t give my kids that poison!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “This whole place is poison! All of it! You know the cancer charities you guys set up? Your food is causing the cancer that those kids are dying from!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “You’re poisoning people! Poisoning my kids! Working here, you kill more people a year than smoking!”

    Me: “Really?”

    Customer: *mimicking me* “‘Really?’ Why don’t you do some bloody research before you start a job, girl?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “This whole place is evil! You should have a freaking skull and crossbones out the front! I can’t justify buying hash browns and poisoning my kids!” *leaves with his kids and his food, minus the evil hash browns*

    Notice Of Stupidity

    | Lincoln, Nebraska, USA | Money

    (I work in a call center for default management prevention for student loans.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, you guys keep saying I’m overdue, but I’ve been making payments. I don’t understand why it keeps saying I’m past due. I’ve made payments every month. Do you see the one I made last week? This better not have hit my credit!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I see the payment was made.”

    Customer: “What’s the problem?”

    Me: “Your payments regular monthly payments are set $150.00. You’ve only been paying $100.00 each month.”

    Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know my payments had gone up?! I didn’t get a notice!”

    Me: “Are you getting statements every month?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Are you reading your statements?”

    Customer: *silence*

    Me: “Sir, are you still there?”

    Customer: “I’d like to make my payment now, please.”

    Be Careful What You Assk For

    | UK | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want some anus anus.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I want some anus anus!” *points to a bottle of Anais Anais, pronounced “ah-nah-iss”*

    Me: “Oh, yes, sorry. That’ll be [price]!”

    When Push Comes To Shove, Don’t

    | Tacoma, WA, USA |

    (We are holding an audition for our company’s new season. We will often take dancers who aren’t as technically trained if they are easy to work with.)

    Dancer: “Hello? Can you please take my forms? I’m ready to audition.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’re number 256 and we’re only calling numbers 110-114 right now. You’ll have to wait.”

    Dancer: “Are you f***ing kidding me? I’ve already been here an hour!”

    (She tries to shove her papers in my hand.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to wait with the rest of the dancers.”

    (She tries to shover her papers in my hand again.)

    Me: “I’m sorry—”

    (Suddenly, she storms into the audition out of turn and complains about how I won’t let her dance to our casting director. They let her dance only because she refuses to leave. After her “audition”…)

    Dancer: “Do you think I made it?”

    Practice Sweet Unadulterated Moderation

    | North Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (A mom, dad, and two small children walk in. The boy sees some of the fresh fruit we keep at the counter and asks for a banana.)

    Dad: *to son* “No, you’ve had too much fruit today!”

    Mom: *to son* “Yeah, go get some candy instead!”


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