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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Time To Pega-sulk

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids

    (A little girl approaches me holding up a book with a unicorn on the cover.)

    Little Girl: “I think unicorns are beautiful!”

    Me: “They sure are! That looks like a great book for you!”

    Little Girl: “I think you’re a unicorn!”

    Me: “Aww! Does that mean you think I’m beautiful?”

    Little Girl: “No! It means you’re a horse with a big horn on your head!”

    Me: “Umm…thank you?”

    This Caller’s Not Too Bright

    | Charlottetown, PEI, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company] Tech Support. My name is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “The technician needs to come.”

    Me: “Sorry about the issue you are having, what seems to be happening?”

    Caller: ”It’s too bright!”

    Me: “What seems to be too bright?”

    Caller: ”The light!”

    Me: “What light are you talking about?”

    Caller: ”The light on the box!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what box are you referring to?”

    Caller: ”Internet light!”

    Me: “Is this the light to your modem or your computer?”

    Caller: ”The light is too bright and I can’t sleep at night. I need the tech to come out and not make it bright!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Have you tried turning the modem around to face a wall or put something over the lights?”

    Caller: ”No, do you think that would work?”

    Me: “Possibly.”

    Caller: ”Well, I still want my other box back! It wasn’t bright!”

    Me: “…”

    On A Berating And A Prayer

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (It’s 8 am on a Sunday morning, and only my second day working the register alone at a very large, well-known 24-hour store. Two customers come up to my register with four carts overflowing with food.)

    Me: “Good morning, how are you today?” *starts scanning and bagging items*

    Younger Customer: “Hello, these are separate orders.”

    Me: “Oh, okay! Just let me know when to stop for the first order.”

    Older Customer: “Who said to scan this stuff?! What’s wrong with you!? Did I say we were ready for you to start? Are you stupid?”

    Me: “Oh! Um…I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

    Older Customer: “You should!”

    (At this point, the older customer begins to dig through the carts with the younger customer, separating things and barking at me to scan items here and there. After a bit, she asks me the price of a box of crackers.)

    Me: *checks the price on the register* “They’re [price].”

    Older Customer: “No! It said something else! It was a different price!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I can have someone check—”

    Older Customer: “You don’t know the price?”

    Me: “Not off the top of my head, no. I just started—”

    Older Customer: “Well, I DO know the prices of everything in the store because I shop here, and that is [price]! GOD, you’re stupid! And what are you doing?! Double bag everything! You’re being an idiot on purpose, aren’t you?!”

    Younger Customer: “Come on, mom. She’s trying her best.”

    Older Customer: “No, she’s too stupid to work here. She shouldn’t be dealing with people if she’s this stupid!”

    (She ended up calling me stupid several more times before leaving. A few months later, she went through another cashier’s line; her profession? A pastor.)

    Revenge Is A Treat Best Served Sweet, Part 2

    | Australia | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (Our shop sells a variety of desserts. The lady who owns the shop loves small kids, and insists that we add small extras for them. She often doesn’t even charge polite children. It’s a busy day when a woman and her young son approach the counter. The son can’t be older than 4. He looks terribly excited and is clutching a coin as though his life depends on it.)

    Young Son: “Could I please have a…single chocolate ice cream?”

    Mother: “You shouldn’t say ‘please’ to her. Only to people you know.”

    Young Son: *sadly* “Oh…I’m sorry, Missus Ice Cream Lady. Am I still allowed a single chocolate ice cream?”

    Mother: “No, don’t apologise, either! Just say what you want and don’t talk to her. You’ll waste good manners otherwise.”

    Young Son: “Oh, okay…I would please like a single chocolate ice cream and nothing else.”

    Mother: “No, you said please again! Look, it’s not that hard! Your manners are terrible!”

    (As this goes on, I start making the ice cream. The boy’s eyes slowly move from his mother’s weird demands to the ice cream as I make it bigger and bigger, adding extra cream, berries, sprinkles, and anything I can think of. His face goes from confusion to a grin to a dropped jaw of awe. The final product is almost as big as his head.)

    Me: “Here you go, young man! You’re the politest customer I’ve had today, and polite customers always get rewarded! If there were more customers like you, wouldn’t the world be a nicer place?”

    Mother: “Ugh! He’s not supposed to be polite to people on minimum wage!”

    Me: *ignores her* “Thank you, young man, for battling the forces of rudeness and for making the world a better place!”

    (I refuse payment, because apparently the coin the boy is the boy’s ‘life savings’. The mother storms off berating him, although her son is oblivious due to his enormous ice cream. The next day, him and all his friends come for ice cream. All are super polite, so they all got extra large ones at half price.)

    Related:
    Revenge Is A Treat Best Served Sweet

    It Was A Short-Terminology Relationship

    | Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Top

    Me: “Just the belt for you today?”

    Customer: “BELT!”

    (He hands me his belt.)

    Me: “Your total will be $21.09.”

    Customer: “SWIPE!”

    (He swipes his card.)

    Me: “Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag?”

    Customer: “RECEIPT!”

    (I give him his receipt.)

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Thank you for allowing this relationship!”

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