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    Pay Me Up, Scotty

    | South Carolina, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    Caller: “I would like to make a reservation.”

    Me: “Sure, we require a one night advance deposit to reserve a room. What type of card will you be using?”

    Caller: “I would like to pay that in cash.”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir. I am unable to take a cash payment over the phone.”

    Caller: “I called yesterday and was told that you accept cash.”

    Me: “That is correct, sir, we do accept cash. However you must be present to pay cash.”

    Caller: “But I have the cash right here!”

    Me: “I am sorry, sir, I am unable to take cash through the phone. I will either need a credit card number, or you are more than welcome to come to the hotel when you arrive and pay cash.”

    Caller: “Ugh, fine. Here is my credit card number!”

    Related:
    Fax Me Up, Scotty

    It Never Hurts To Ask…And Ask…And Ask

    , | Ontario, Canada | Technology

    Customer: “I need help finding a cord to plug my printer into my computer. It’s a [printer] and a Mac computer.”

    Me: “Well, all printer cables are universal these days, so I’ll show you where they are.”

    (We go to the cable aisle.)

    Me: “This is the cable you’ll need. It comes in two different lengths.”

    Customer: “This is the one I need?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Just like that?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “You just know this is the cable I need?”

    Me: “Yes, they are all the same.”

    Customer: “How do you know?”

    Me: “Because all the cables are made the same. This square part goes in the printer, and this part goes in your computer.”

    Customer: “And you just know this is the right one?”

    Me: “Yes, there is only one kind.”

    Customer: “And you’re sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “How?”

    Me: “Because they are all universal.”

    Customer: “But how do you know that?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Maybe because I work here?”

    Customer: “Well, if this isn’t the right one, I’ll be bringing it back!”

    Can Never Have Too Much Can

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout

    Customer: “Why would you do this? You’re an awful person. Why would you think this is acceptable?”

    Me: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You put seven cans in the same bag! Why would you do that? It’ll be too heavy!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there are only three cans in there, but I can take some out if you would like.”

    Customer: “No! You’ve already ruined my day! Why would you ever do this to me?” *storms off*

    Robbing Peter To Connect Paul

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Technology, Top

    (While working for a customer service department, I get this call.)

    Caller: “How do I hook up my cable box to the VCR, and the VCR to the TV?”

    (I walk her through the process, TV out from the back of the cable box, to TV in on the VCR, TV out on the VCR, to antenna in on the television.)

    Caller: “No, not getting anything.”

    (I explain it to her again.)

    Caller: “Still nothing.”

    (I walk her through the process: “A” to “B”, “C” to “D”. I do this for the next half hour with no result. Finally, I give up.)

    Me: “Ma’am, how many cables do you have?”

    Caller: “One.”

    Me: “So, when I ask you to attach the cable to each point, where do you get the cable from?”

    Caller: “Oh, I just disconnect it from the previous spot!”

    Then Again, They’re Not Wearing Pants

    | Yuma, AZ, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    Me: “Welcome to [theater name].”

    Customer: “Two tickets to Chippendales.”

    Me: *brief moment of silence* “Um…what?”

    Customer: “I said I would like two tickets for Alvin and the Chippendales!”

    Me: “Do you mean Alvin and the Chipmunks?”

    Customer: “Whatever, just give me two tickets to that movie!”

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