(I am helping a little boy find a children’s book on Native American history for a book report.)
Me: “I think this one will come in handy. It’s all about the different Native American tribes and traditions. It even includes a large map showing where the Native American tribes lived.”
Little Boy: “Thank you!”
(He walks away with his book and an adult customer approaches me.)
Customer: “Why did you do that?”
Me: “Do what?”
Customer: “Tell him those are real.”
Me: “Native Americans?”
Customer: “Yes!”
Me: “Because they are real.”
Customer: “No! They only exist in movies with cowboys!”
Me: “I can assure you that Native Americans exist.”
Customer: *mocking* “I suppose you believe cowboys really existed, too?”
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(I am Filipino, but people often mistake me for Chinese due to my pale skin. Another Filipino co-worker comes in while I am working with a customer. We exchange greetings in Tagalog, a Filipino language with some Spanish influences.)
Customer: “Say that again. That thing you said to that other guy.”
Me: “Kumusta?”
Customer: “‘Cómo está’. That’s Spanish! What does a Chinese dude need to know Spanish for?”
Me: “Actually, I–”
Customer: “Say something else in Spanish!”
Me: “Sir, I don’t speak Spanish very well.”
Customer: “Come on! Say something!”
Me: “Vamanos?”
Customer: “Wow! Hey, do you speak Chinese?”
Me: “Sorry, no.”
Customer: “Come on now! You must know some Chinese!”
Me: “Uh… I don’t know… ‘Ni hao’?”
Customer: “Now say something in Japanese!”
Me: “Sir?”
Customer: “Japanese!”
Me: “Arigato?”
Customer: “Now do Russian!”
Me: “Vodka?”
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(I had dealt with this customer three hours before this phone call to make an 16×20 frame. I’ve given them a copy of the bill so they can see all the information.)
Customer: “I think the girl who did my order made a mistake! I think she wrote the sizes in backwards.”
Me: “Backwards? Did she write 61×02?”
Customer: “No. Were it says ‘width’ she wrote 20, but the width is 16!
Me: “Did she write 16 as the height ma’am?”
Customer: “Yes! But that means the frame will be longer than wide.”
Me: “The frame looks the same on all sides ma’am. 20×16 and 16×20 are the same size. All they’ll have to do is turn it 90 degrees.”
Customer: “They’re smart enough to do that?”
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(Note: we sell fake jelly fish as tank decorations.)
Me: “May I help you?”
Customer: “I want some jelly fish, but I need you to answer some questions first.”
Me: “Of course. Go for it.”
Customer: “How do I keep them alive in this plastic packaging?”
Me: “They aren’t alive.”
Customer: “So why are you trying to sell them?!”
Me: “They’re decorations. They’re made of plastic.”
Customer: “How am I supposed to know this?”
Me: “They are plastic, have a string attached to them, have a sign that says ‘plastic jelly fish’, and they say ‘made in china’ on them.”
Customer: *pause* “I’ll just take one of those castle decorations…”
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Customer: “Do you all have a public bathroom?”
Me: “No, I’m sorry. It’s out of order.”
Customer: “What! What’s wrong with it?”
Me: “Well, someone clogged to toilet with paper towels and it doesn’t flush.”
Customer: “Well, can I use it and not flush?”
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1,363 Thumbs Up!)
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