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    Wilhelmina Wonka & The Chocolate Bakery

    | Florida, USA | Food & Drink

    (I am behind the bakery counter and a woman goes to the bread wall and picks up a loaf of clearly marked “Whole Wheat Italian 5 Grain” bread that happens to be covered in seeds.)

    Customer: *brings loaf to me* “Is this chocolate bread?”

    Me: “Um, excuse me?”

    Customer: “Is this chocolate bread? It’s a dark brown color like chocolate.”

    Me: “It’s ‘Whole Wheat Italian 5 Grain’ bread. It’s labeled right here.” *shows her the label*

    Customer: “Okay, as long as it’s not chocolate bread. My husband is on a diet and cannot have chocolate!”

    Sweet, Sour, Salty, And Swirl

    | Coconut Creek, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at the cake section of our store. A customer is asking me what some of the cake labels mean. Then, we get to the marble cake.)

    Customer: “What does ‘marble cake’ mean?”

    Me: “It’s vanilla cake with chocolate cake swirled into it.”

    Customer: “Does it taste different?”

    Me: “No, it’s just vanilla and chocolate”

    Customer: “But it’s swirled. Don’t the swirls taste different?”

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3

    | Dublin, Ireland | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (A kid walks into the store and brings “Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas” up to the counter. He’s no more than 11.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you rent that game. It’s for over 18 only.”

    Kid: “My mom lets me play this all the time!”

    Me: “Well, you’ll have to get her to rent it for you then.”

    (The kid stomps off and returns with his mother. She brings the game up.)

    Customer: “I want to rent this.”

    Me: “Well, I should tell you that it is a very violent game.”

    Customer: “I don’t mind that.”

    Me: “Well, in this game, you can actually pick up a hooker and beat her to death afterwards to get back your money. There’s loads of graphic violence and bad language.”

    Customer: *alarmed* “Bad language?” *turns to her son* “Darren, you know you’re not allowed things with bad language!” *grabs him by the arm and storms out with him in tow*

    Related:
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
    Grand Theft Innocence

    With Each (Not) Passing Day

    | Cornwall, UK | At The Checkout

    (I’m working on the checkout. An elderly man who must be around 80 brings his shopping to my till. He unloads his shopping on the belt whilst whistling and singing to himself.)

    Me: “Good morning, sir. You seem awfully jolly today.”

    Customer: “Well, at my age…it’s just nice to be f***ing alive!”

    Me: *laughs*

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 5

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Money

    (I work at grocery store that happens to be running a sale on milk. I overhear another customer arguing with his spouse.)

    Man: “Okay. We need a gallon of milk.”

    (He reaches for the gallon jugs that are priced at $3.59.)

    Woman: “Honey, the half gallons are on sale. They’re 10 for $10.00.”

    Man: “That makes no sense.”

    Woman: “Just grab two half gallons.”

    Man: “But that’s more expensive.”

    Woman: “No, they’re 10 for $10, while a gallon is $3.59. We don’t have to buy ten for the discount.”

    Man: “That’s ridiculous.”

    Me: “Look at it this way: You can buy a one gallon jug of milk for $3.59 or two half-gallon jugs for $2.00. It still equals one gallon.”

    Man: *confused*

    (The woman and I just exchange glances and shake our heads.)

    Related:
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

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