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    Weekly Roundup: Conspiracy Theories!

    | Not Always Right | Bizarre, Roundups

    Conspiracy Theories! In this week’s roundup, we feature five stories of customers getting kooky over conspiracies!

    1. Pepperoni Pizza With A Side Of Pointless Paranoia (8,490 thumbs up)
      This frantic 911 caller begs to be delivered from evil… with a side of breadsticks, of course!
    2. His Groceries Have Just Been Terminated (2,750 thumbs up)
      Now hiring at the grocery store: managers, stockers, Skynet…
    3. We Can Thank Hollywood And “Hacker” Films For This (2,649 thumbs up)
      Tech Support: 1337 h@x0rz in ur carz, pwning ur batteriez!
    4. In CyberSpace, No One Can Hear You Scream (2,374 thumbs up)
      Tinfoil is a proven anti-alien deterrent, but only if you wrap the dog, too.
    5. Lost In Translation (2,585 thumbs up)
      Don’t translate this, because the government kills translators!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Dumbing On Empty

    | New Jersey, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I am a cashier at a popular home improvement store, and on this particular day I am working refunds. A customer comes into the store pushing in a new ride-on lawn mower.)

    Me: “Good morning, what can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “Your incompetent associates sold me this tractor, and it doesn’t even work! I demand a refund?”

    Me: “No problem, sir. May I see your receipt?”

    Customer: “I don’t have my receipt, but I bought it yesterday. All I want to do is get another, and I need it NOW!”

    Me: “Well, I need to call an associate from the department to see what is wrong with the tractor. Maybe it can easily be fixed.”

    (I phone a season associate and he comes over to look at the tractor. He proceeds to ask the customer what is wrong with it.)

    Customer: “I spent thousands of dollars on this. You…” *points to seasonal associate* “…sold me this piece of s***! I turned the key and it doesn’t even turn on!”

    Other Associate: “Sir, there’s no gas in it.”

    Customer: “Of course there’s no gas in it! Give me a working one NOW!”

    Other Associate: “It needs gas to run. You know, like a car.”

    (The customer angrily argues that gas will not fix the problem and refuses to listen. My fellow associate takes it outside, puts gas in it and it starts right away. The other associate walks in alone and the customer drives off with his working tractor.)

    Me: “Is it going to be that kind of day?”

    Other Associate: “Yep, I think so. Put gas in it and it’s working just fine. Guy was too embarrassed to come in and apologize!”

    You’d Better Belieber It

    | Muncie, IN, USA |

    (I work as a picture framer in a well known craft store. Around my second week of work, a tall, tough-looking guy walks up to my counter and this occurs.)

    Tough Guy: “Hi, uh, do you sell poster frames?”

    Me: “Absolutely! What size do you need?”

    Tough Guy: “Poster size?”

    Me: “Well, we carry several poster frames, ranging from 16″x20″ to 24″x36″. Do you know approximately how big your poster is?”

    Tough Guy: “I dunno… Justin Bieber size?”

    Related:
    It’ll Go Away If You’re Belieber
    He Is, If You’re A Belieber

    Extras Roundup: Rantin’ & Ragin’

    | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Has a customer ever pushed you to a point where you wanted to begin Rantin’ & Ragin’? Here are some funny images from our Extras section that will hopefully help you chill out! Don’t forget to Like us on Facebook!

    I Know The Owner!
    (287 thumbs up)
    A Plethora Of Pennies
    (67 thumbs up)
    Trolling Customer
    (44 thumbs up)
    Bar Rage
    (52 thumbs up)
    Get The *** Out!
    (144 thumbs up)
    It’s (Not) An Emergency
    (77 thumbs up)

    Do you have a funny comic to share or did you create one of your own? Share it with us! We’d love to hear from you.

    Defiance Is The Best Teacher

    | Vancouver, Canada | Bigotry, School, Top

    (My friend, a former coworker, comes in on a Saturday to say hello. She is standing by the counter chatting with me when a regular customer comes in. I immediately go to serve her.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a latte.” *looks at my friend* “You’re wearing that to work?!”

    (My friend is wearing ripped jeans, a local band shirt, and boots you could kick through a wall with, as well as her nose stud and four rings in each ear.)

    My Friend: “I don’t work here any more.”

    Customer: “Well, no wonder if you started showing up like a hooligan! Young people have no sense of professionalism these days! If I met you in the street, I’d think you were going to mug me!”

    My Friend: “Actually, I quit because I started a new job.”

    Customer: “Doing what, exactly? Scaring children?”

    My Friend: “Sort of. I’m a kindergarten teacher.”

    Customer: *gasps, grabs her latte, and runs out the door*

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