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    Who’s Dating Who

    | California, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work as a server in a popular restaurant. This happens on the toughest day of the restaurant year: Valentine’s Day. A couple in their 20s has just been served their meal.)

    Me: “How are you both doing this evening? Can I bring you anything else?”

    Customer: “We aren’t doing very well at all! You aren’t doing nearly as much as you can to make my lady feel special!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I was trying to make you both feel special this evening. I thought you might want to be the one to make your lady feel extra special.”

    Customer: “It’s not my job to make her feel special. It’s your job!”

    Customer’s date: *looks like she wants to die of embarrassment*

    Like Her Hearing, Her Cents Comes And Goes

    | Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Customer: “Hey, I believe I was charged the wrong price for this item. Could you refund it to me?”

    Me: “Oh, of course, ma’am. Let me just see the receipt and I’d be happy to.”

    Customer: “Here it is.”

    (The customer hands me a receipt that is over three feet long and totals over $300.)

    Me: “All right, which did you believe you were over-charged on?”

    Customer: *points out three items*

    Me: “Ma’am, it seems that you were charged an extra two cents for these two items here. Do you really want me to refund you the two pennies?”

    Customer: “YES! And to be sure I want you to return and re-ring my purchase to make sure.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (20 minutes later, after re-ringing her entire purchase, I let her know that she’ll be getting two pennies back.)

    Customer: “What?! Why did you even do that if it was only two cents?! How stupid can you be?”

    Me: “Um, ma’am, I informed you that you’d only get the two pennies back before I did the transaction.”

    Customer: “No you didn’t! I can’t believe the incompetence of the people working here!”

    (She takes her bag and walks out of the store, yelling obscenities the whole way.)

    Warning: Reacts Poorly To Chemistry

    , | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “And a cheeseburger with—” *mumbling*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but with what?”

    Customer: “No salt. S, A, L, T.”

    Me: “Oh, salt, like sodium chloride…NaCl. Sure.”

    Customer: “What!?”

    Me: “Oh, sorry, I’m a chemistry nerd.”

    Customer: “What’s NaCl?”

    Me: “Sodium chloride. The chemical name for table salt. I just left school so I am in that mindset.”

    Customer: “You put chemicals in your burgers!?”

    1 Part Bleach To 100 Parts Stupidity

    | Avondale, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Top

    Me: “How are you today? I’m told you needed help with fish?”

    Customer: “Yeah, all my fish died after I cleaned my tank yesterday. My husband says that it may have had to do with me using bleach, but I told him he was wrong.”

    Me: “Well, actually he is right. Bleach leaves residue on the glass. Even after rinsing it, that can kill the fish.”

    Customer: “But I didn’t even rinse it.”

    Me: “What did you do, then?”

    Customer: “I just added it to the water. How could that kill them?”

    It’s A Ruff Life In The Slums

    | Mequon, WI, USA |

    Customer: “Hey, what’s going on?!”

    Me: “Excuse me, is something wrong?”

    Customer: “Yeah, we went to go see Slumdog Millionaire with my kid and the first scene has all this violence! We thought it was about a dog!”

    Me: “I can assure you, it’s not about that. It’s also R-rated. Did you see the ratings on our board?”

    Customer: “No one reads those! I want a refund!”


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