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    Cat-atonic To Your Pleas

    | VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I’m waiting in the lobby of my vet’s office. Because I don’t own a car and either take a taxi or the bus there, I have my dog’s carrier with me, but I’ve taken him out of it. Another client comes in with a carrier, checks in, and sits down next to me. After a second, I realize she has a cat in the carrier. My dog is not friendly with cats, so I get up and move to some seats on the other end of the lobby.)

    Me: *on my way to the far-away seat, big smile on my face* “You don’t smell, I promise. It’s just that my dog is aggressive towards cats, and if he realizes there’s a cat in your carrier, he will begin to act out.”

    Other Client: “Nonsense, all pets can be friendly towards each other. They just have to be properly introduced. Come over here; they’ll be fine!”

    Me: “Really, I’ve tried just about everything. He really dislikes cats and will try to attack them. Sometimes it’s in their genes. It’s no big deal. We’ll just sit over here and he won’t even realize you have a cat there!”

    Other Client: *reaching for the door of her carrier* “Oh, come on now. I watch The Dog Whisperer. I can get them to get along.”

    Me: “Please don’t! I’d feel terrible if he hurt your cat! I don’t want him to get hurt, either, if the cat needs to defend itself.”

    (Despite my pleas, the other client takes her cat out of the carrier. My dog immediately hits the end of his leash, nearly foaming at the mouth. She ignores his obvious aggression and starts walking towards us, doing this stupid sing-songy “be a good doggie and make friends with the cat” while her cat sees what’s up and starts hissing and trying to get away from her to run away.)

    Me: *trying to corral my dog and shove him in his own carrier* “PLEASE BACK OFF NOW! MY DOG WILL HURT YOUR CAT IF YOU FORCE THEM TOGETHER! PLEASE STOP!”

    (She doesn’t stop, but I manage to get my dog back in his carrier before she reaches us. SHE HOLDS THE CAT UP TO THE MESH WINDOW OF MY DOG’S CARRIER, which I’ve situated behind my legs, persisting in her sing-songy “be a nice doggy!” while my dog tries to eat through his carrier to eat the cat.)

    Receptionist: “Uh, I think you probably want to keep your cat away… Um, this doesn’t sound good.” *she runs to get some assistance*

    Me: “That is enough! Get that cat away from my dog! And me, I have terrible allergies!”

    Other Client: “Oh, why didn’t you just say you were allergic! I don’t want to make you miserable all day!”

    (I think her cat was quite relieved that she then put it back in its carrier and took her seat across the lobby from me. But… she was willing to avoid aggravating my allergies, but not driving my dog mad, scaring the daylights out of her cat, and risking harm to both?)

    A Dent In His Identification

    | Port Angeles, WA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

    (My dad and I have just gotten off a ferry from Victoria, Canada, and are going through customs. We are on our way to Mexico for an extended surfing trip. My dad had recently shaved off his dreadlocks in preparation, since they take so long to dry and would be an inconvenience. He is now completely bald and beardless.)

    Border Agent: “Can I have your passport, please?”

    (He hands it over, and the agent is looking between the picture of his shoulder-length dreads and large beard, and his current appearance.)

    Border Agent: “Do you have a secondary piece of ID?”

    (He hands over his driver’s license. The picture is pre-dreads, but still has shoulder-length hair and a large beard.)

    Border Agent: “Well, THIS doesn’t help much!”

    (The agent could tell enough distinguishing features that we were let through without incident. I joked that it’s too bad you’re not allowed to smile in ID pictures, because his gold teeth would have been a good distinguishing feature!)

    You Will Have Hell Toupee

    | Norway | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I have very curly hair, it’s all ringlets and corkscrews. A middle-aged lady has come to pick up her son from school.)

    Lady: “Wow, you have really beautiful hair!”

    Me: “Thank you!”

    Lady: “Can I borrow it?”

    Me: “Er… pardon?”

    (The lady leans forward, grabs a fistful of my locks, and tugs so hard my eyes begin to water.)

    Me: “Ouch! What are you doing!”

    Lady: “Oh, I thought it was a wig! That was unnecessary. You should have warned me it wasn’t!”

    (Her son came and apologized the next day, but his mother no longer talks to me.)

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12

    | MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I provide a replacement business cell phone for a user who misplaced hers. During the delivery process of the new phone I ask:)

    Me: “Have you been able to find the original phone?”

    Caller: “I’ve looked in every room except the one I think it’s actually in.”

    Related:

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10 
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9 

    Shot Himself In The Foot

    | NV, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m a cashier in a sporting goods store. All of our more expensive products – anything from firearms and ammo to football gloves and high-end sunglasses – are kept behind a counter that is separate from the registers and located right next to the manager’s office. The managers are the only ones who have the keys to the knife drawers and gun cabinets, but any employee can handle small stuff like ammo and sunglasses. Customers are NOT allowed to get their own ammo – only a store associate can grab it for them and it MUST be brought up to the registers by that associate to prevent theft.)

    Me: “Hi there! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Ammo. I have a BB gun and I need the ammo for it.”

    Me: “Absolutely! If you go back over there—” *points to gun counter* “—I’ll call someone over and they can help you.”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    (He heads over to the counter and I intercom one of my managers to help him. As soon as I hang up the phone, a line starts up at my register, so I begin working through the line. A few minutes later, I see one of my coworkers slip behind me and set a package of BBs on my counter, with the customer following right behind them.)

    Me: “Find everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I’m a bit upset at your manager. He barked at me while I was over there.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “Yeah, he snapped at me for going behind the counter.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Yeah, I got tired of waiting, so I went back there and grabbed them off the shelf.”

    (From the time I sent him over to the counter to the time he walked back to my register, a whopping two minutes had passed, hardly a long wait for a store our size. I was honestly stunned that my head manager hadn’t killed him, or at least tackled him to the ground, for pulling a stunt like that.)

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry, sir.” *finishes transaction* “Have a nice day.”

    (Once he left, I turned to my coworker and frowned, pondering how he managed to rationalize the act of going behind the gun counter of a national sporting goods retailer and NOT think it was a bad idea.)

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