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    There’s A Twist At The End

    , | AR, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, School

    (I serve ice cream on a buffet line in the college’s cafeteria. There’s vanilla, chocolate, and twist on the soft serve machine.)

    Student: “Can I have some soft serve vanilla ice cream?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we ran out.”

    Student: “Oh. Then can I have the twist?”

    Beware Of The Sweet Disposition

    | MN, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Spouses & Partners

    (It’s a slow day. My coworker and I are standing at the register waiting to see if we’re having another no-show. A friendly young couple walks in and asks for two tickets to a show. Then, the girlfriend chimes in.)

    Girlfriend: “Hey, so, I see those three movies there…”

    (She points to the three poster frames in the lobby showcasing what movies we have.)

    Girlfriend: “So where do you keep the things for those?”

    Me: “Um, do you mean where do we keep the posters?”

    (The girlfriend begins shouting slowly as if I didn’t hear her.)

    Girlfriend: “THE THING FOR THE MOVIES! WHERE DO YOU KEEP IT?”

    Me: “… I, I still don’t understand. Do you mean the…”

    Girlfriend: “YOU HAVE THE THREE MOVIES IN THE SIGNS! WHERE—”

    (The boyfriend quietly slides behind her and reached his hand around to her mouth. He drops what looked like a caramel block into her mouth. As soon as he did, she immediately mellowed out and they both quietly walked out of the theater.)

    Sends You A Kiss By Wire

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Awesome Customers, Musical Mayhem

    (No way around it, no way to glamour it up: I am a telemarketer. I have to call a customer about an insurance offer. It takes a few seconds for us to be able to hear them when they answer.)

    Me: “He—”

    Customer:HELLO, MY BABY! HELLO, MY HONEY! HELLO, MY RAGTIME GAL!

    (I am stunned as she sings the whole song!)

    Customer: “Sorry about that. Been getting calls all day. Told myself and my mother that the next caller is being sung to.”

    (I was stunned for a few more seconds, then I burst out laughing. I laughed so hard it hurt! I had to end the call and then take a 10-minute break to calm down.)

    Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes

    | USA | Bigotry, Health & Body

    (I work in a store that sells only plus-sized clothing. There are signs about it throughout the store, and the sizing system is clearly different from other stores. A pair of very skinny girls walk in.)

    Girl #1: “Whoa, look at all the fat people in here.”

    Girl #2: “Dude, shut up.”

    Girl #1: “What? I can outrun them if I have to.”

    (I approach them before Girl #1 causes any trouble.)

    Me: “Hello, ladies. Is there anything in particular I can help you find? Looking for a gift for someone?”

    Girl #1: “Yah, where are your leggings?”

    Me: “They’re right over here on this rack.”

    Girl #1: “What’s this? 1X? 2X?”

    Me: “That’s the plus size sizing system.”

    Girl #1: “Do I LOOK like I’m OBESE?!”

    Me: “I assumed you were in here buying for someone else.”

    Girl #2: “[Girl #1], I told you this is a plus-size store.”

    Girl #1: “So you don’t have a size two?”

    Me: “No. Like your friend said, we only sell plus-sized clothing.”

    Girl #1: “This is discrimination against people who actually CARE about their bodies! You should carry NORMAL clothes too!”

    (Another customer overhears her little outburst.)

    Customer: “You really don’t have to shop here, kid.”

    Girl #1: “Well, maybe I wante—”

    Customer: “I’m sick of hearing that sort of attitude. I go to any other clothing store, and I can’t find anything that’s my size because I’m too big. There are dozens of stores at this mall that sell your size, but only one the sells mine. Guess what, kiddo? I didn’t CHOOSE to be fat! I have a genetic disorder that causes me to gain weight no matter how much I work out.”

    Girl #2: “Come on, let’s just go elsewhere. I’m so sorry for my idiot friend’s behavior.”

    Girl #1: “Why are you standing up for them?”

    Girl #2: “You know I used to weigh twice what I do now. I worked my a** off to lose over 100 pounds. I don’t see why the f*** we even came in here! I told you we wouldn’t find anything! So cut it with the fat discrimination and let’s go elsewhere, you idiot!”

    (Girl #2 came back later to apologize again.)

    Vampire Hunting For Beginners

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bizarre, Themed Giveaway

    (I am standing at the tills waiting for a customer to finish browsing. I look down to adjust the bags and look up to him approaching me.)

    Customer: *throws something at me*

    Me: “Sir, why did you throw a clove of garlic at me?”

    Customer: “Just wanted to test your reflexes!”

    Me: “…”


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