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  • Being Mis-LED

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: *to small child* “No, honey, get away from those. They have lead in them.”

    Me: “Ma’am. They are Christmas lights. They are LED Christmas lights.”

    Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 3

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “I want to return this book.”

    Me: “Okay, do you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Our return policy is 14 days with a receipt, so since this is outside of that, I need to call over a manager. If you don’t mind, it will be just a moment.”

    Customer: “I don’t care about your policy; just give me my money back.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the manager is the only one who can make that call. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. I’m double parked outside.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, but there’s nothing I can do.”

    (The manager comes over. It’s only been about a minute since the customer walked up to me.)

    Customer: “God, finally! I need my money back, and I’m double parked outside, so make it quick!”

    Manager: “Well, our usual policy is 14 days with a receipt, but we can occasionally make exceptions—”

    Customer: “I just read it yesterday!”

    Manager: “Wait, you read the whole book?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I hated it! That’s why I’m returning it!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, that’s not really how a bookstore works. If everyone just returned books after they were done reading them, we would be a library.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

    Manager: “Well—”

    Customer: “—GOD, FINE! Here’s a receipt if you people need it so badly!”

    (Customer throws a crumpled, faded receipt at the manager. She catches it and looks at it, shocked.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, this receipt is from [Competitor], who went out of business three years ago.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Manager: “So it’s not even from our store. I can’t give you your money back.”

    Customer: *looking out the window, noticing her car is getting a ticket* “Oh my god, I hate this store! I’m never shopping here again!”

    Manager: “You never shopped here in the first place!”

    Related:
    Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 2
    Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer

    Not So Closed Minded, Part 5

    | New Zealand | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a Christmas shop that opens for three months every year. Due to this, we often get shop space on the outside of a large mall or away from the main facilities. There’s no bathroom, so when we have to, we lock the store, leave a ‘back soon!’ note, and run. As I am returning from a bathroom break that took less than five minutes I see a woman pulling on the locked doors. Knowing I wasn’t going to be long, I only dropped one of the two deadbolts, and locked it with a key. It would not open when I tested it. As I walk towards her the woman kicks & wrenches the door open, even getting her son involved to pull. They manage to open the door!)

    Me: “Ma’am, the door was actually shut and locked!”

    Customer: “What? ”

    Me: “We were shut temporarily, and the door was locked!”

    (I check the door, and she has managed to pull the bolt out from the socket, and has forced the other door in!)

    Customer: “Oh. You should have put a sign up! I didn’t know you were closed!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is a sign—” *points to the A4 sign on bright red paper* “—and you had to notice you struggled with the door?”

    Customer: “That’s why I kicked it!”

    Me: *boggle*

    (Thankfully she hadn’t kicked through the GLASS doors, but I spent half an hour running around after her four-year-old son who decided snow globes should bounce. They didn’t buy anything.)

    Related:
    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 4
    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 3

    Doing A Fat Lot Of Good

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I pick up a double to help out a coworker. I have tables: 16 people total and one really annoying guy running me ragged with all sorts of weird requests and what he thinks are ‘cute’ jokes.)

    Annoying Guy: “…and I want them to cook fat and put it on top of my steak.”

    Me: “Of course, sir. I’ll bring it out when it’s ready.”

    (In between then and his food, he demands several other things, as do my other tables, which is obviously making things take a little longer. Finally, his food is out:)

    Annoying Guy: “Oh, you’re here? You were gone so long, I thought you didn’t work here anymore. I lost 10 pounds waiting for you!”

    (I finally lose my composure a bit.)

    Me: “Well, then it’s a good thing you’ve added this fat to your steak!”

    Wise To The Pennywise

    | Dallas, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

    (I am a customer waiting in line. There is only one register open, and the woman before me with her five grown children only has five items. The cashier gives the woman her total.)

    Customer: “That’s not right. You didn’t add the coupons.”

    Cashier: “I did, ma’am. They were on [item #1] and [item #2]. The coupons do not apply to already discounted items.”

    Customer: “But it should be less. You’re cheating me out of $1.20!”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, your coupons did apply. You had two of them and they went to the two items not on sale. The other three items were on sale.”

    Customer: “This isn’t fair! You see me with these kids?” *she gestures to her five grown children wandering around the aisle* “I have to feed them tonight! I need that money! You are cheating me!”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, I can go over the receipt with you to show you exactly how the register calculated your total. Or I can return the items if you need the money.”

    Customer: “No! I know I am right!”

    (This goes on for 15 minutes, with the line behind me building. A manager is called up to explain that there was no error, but the customer keeps insisting. The manager tries to get the cashier onto another register to help the line, but the customer is refusing to let anyone leave their spot.)

    Customer: “You’re cheating me out of my money! I should call your head office. You are cheating a poor mother so she can’t feed her kids. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

    Me: *fed up* “Ma’am, if it’s that big of a deal, I’ll give you $1.20 to cover your purchase. In fact, we can start up a collection. Everyone! This poor woman is unable to pay for some of her order, and she needs every penny that she can to feed her kids. Let’s ignore the fact that all of them are holding iPhone 5s and the three young ladies have Coach and Gucci bags that are probably worth more than what any of us make in a month. This woman can’t afford to feed them, and is spending her money on general crafting supplies. Who would like to help me pay for the $1.20 that she can’t cover on her purchase?”

    (The customer starts fuming and stomps off without her items; her wide eyed kids walking behind her in shock. I was called up to the register a moment later.)

    Cashier: “Thank you…”

    Me: “No need. I have dealt with b****es like that for years. I’ve always wanted to do that and not worry about getting fired!”

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