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    Twice As Stupid

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a restaurant where we ‘twice fry’ our fries. We cut them ourselves then blanch them, a process of semi cooking them, then fry them to order later. They are listed on the menu as twice fried. We get an order on the screen that has the fried modified to say ‘once fried only.’)

    Fry Cook: “Once fried? They want uncooked fries?”

    Waitress: “That’s what they said. I tried to explain that would be a soggy, uncooked fry. They won’t listen.”

    Fry Cook: “I can’t send that out.”

    Sous Chef: “Just send out the regular fries and don’t say anything.”

    Waitress: *coming back 30 minutes later* “Well, they loved their ‘once fried’ fries, and insisted they were soooo much better than our normal fries. They asked, how come we didn’t always make them like this?”

    Physically Hilarious

    | PA, USA | Health & Body, Math & Science

    (I work at a science museum, running interactive exhibits that demonstrate scientific principles, although mostly it’s just fun and games. I’m currently running an exhibit that consists of a unicycle on a track 20 feet in the air; it’s held steady by a 300-pound weight underneath it, and rides simply like a bike with an elaborate seat belt. The bike does wobble, and we’re told to warn people of that.)

    Me: “Once you put your feet on those peddles, you will feel the bike sway. That’s alright; it’s supposed to happen. With the weight underneath you, there’s no possible way you’ll fall.”

    Guests: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “I’m sure. If you fall, I’m going to be way more concerned about the laws of physics breaking.”

    (Surprisingly, not many guests think I’m funny.)

    Needs A Slice Of Common Sense

    | Australia | Food & Drink

    (I work in a location of a popular bakery chain. Occasionally, we have a customer who comes to us trying to get bread that was bought outside of our store sliced by us. We can’t allow that because of food safety concerns. I have just finished up with a lady and am putting her money in the till when a customer tries to flag my attention before the other customers.)

    Me: “One second, ma’am.”

    (The customer huff impatiently and I put away the money. I smile at her to show her she has my attention.)

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Finally. Well, I bought this loaf and I forgot to get it cut, you see, and I was wondering if you could just throw it in your slicer there.”

    (I assume she is a customer we had just served in our rush who has come back, before I notice that the loaf actually belongs to another popular bakery chain.)

    Me: “Oh ma’am, I’m sorry, but I can’t take your bread.”

    Customer: “I just want it sliced. I don’t care how you do it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I really can’t do that. It’s a safety issue. I mean, I don’t think that you or the bakery has put anything in the bread, but we just can’t take the chance.”

    Customer: “But it’s your bread!”

    Me: “Actually, it comes from [other popular bakery chain].”

    Customer: “Yes!” *explaining it slowly* “And you’re all part of the same company.”

    Me: “Actually that’s not quite true, you see—”

    Customer: “Look, are you going to slice this bread or not?!”

    (I look at my supervisor, who shakes her head.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

    Customer: “Fine! Well I guess I won’t buying anything from here again!” *storms off with her unsliced bread*

    Supervisor: “You didn’t buy anything from us to begin with!”

    Not Sue-ted To Parenting

    | Pasco, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body

    (I’m in my check-stand when I see a customer’s child is standing on the cart’s seat.)

    Me: “Sir, you really shouldn’t have your child standing on the seat.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because he could fall and injure himself.”

    Customer: “It’s okay. I can just sue you guys if he falls.”

    (The customer then proceeded to shop with the child standing on the seat. Luckily the child didn’t fall.)

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