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    Summer Starts Earlier Every Year

    | MD, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (I am a counselor at a summer camp. A parent asks me this as she is dropping her son off on the first day.)

    Mother: “Camp starts at 9 am, right?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

    Mother: “So when is the earliest I can drop him off?”

    (This is a reasonable question, as some camps in the same building provide before-care options. Ours, however, does not.)

    Me: “8:55? We always start with some casual games that the kids can join as they arrive, so there’s no need to worry about him missing anything.”

    Mother: “But I need to drop him off, and his sister at her camp, and then I have to get to work. So I really need to drop him off earlier. His sister’s camp doesn’t have before-care so I need to drop her off second.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have before-care either.”

    Mother: “But you must get here before 9.”

    Me: “Well… we do get here earlier but we have setup to do.”

    Mother: “I’ll just drop him off when you get here then.”

    Me: “We really can’t be responsible for the children outside of camp hours.”

    Mother: “He won’t bother you.”

    Me: “Please do not bring him before 9.”

    Mother: “Okay, see you at 8:30!” *walks away*

    Me: “No… please don’t!”

    (I got there at 8:20 the next morning and found the child sitting in the hallway outside the locked room!)

    Totally Free From Thought

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money

    (A customer comes up to my till and hands me two movie passes and a club card.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like two for [Movie], please.”

    Me: “Here you go, two tickets for [Movie]. Enjoy your movie.”

    Customer: *takes out her debit card and puts it in the debit/credit reader*

    Me: “Oh, sorry, did you want more tickets for that show on top of the passes?”

    Customer: *takes debit card out* “No, I only need two.” *gestures at herself and husband and puts debit card in the reader again*

    Me: “Oh… well, it’s just that you keep putting your debit card in the machine but you don’t need to pay for anything, so I don’t understand—”

    Customer: “What? OH! It’s free, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh! Okay! Sorry!”

    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Technology

    Customer: “I need help. I’ve locked myself out of my Netflix account and I can’t remember my password.”

    Me: “Okay, well you should probably call Netflix and ask them for help.”

    Customer: “But how can I get them to stop charging my bank account?”

    Me: “Call them and cancel your service.”

    Customer: “How do I call them?”

    Me: “On a phone.”

    Customer: “How do I get their number?”

    Me: “Google.”

    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account, Part 2
    Should Keep Better Account Of His Account

    (Trans)Late To Understanding

    | Virum, Denmark | Language & Words, Technology

    (We run a tech support channel. Unlike traditional channels, we allow anybody and everybody to ask and receive answers. The popularity of the channel forced us to bring in a bot which tells the user to speak English in their own language if they are speaking a non-English language. The user is from Colombia.)

    User: *in Spanish* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

    Bot: *in Spanish* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

    User: *in German* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

    Bot: *in German* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

    (The user disconnects.)

    Another User: “I wonder which part of “this channel is English only” doesn’t he get?”

    Caribbean There, Done That

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Geography

    (I’m a volunteer lunch-server in a nursing home, but I’ve spent the last month working in the south of France. I’ve picked up a slight tan, but usually my skin is as white as it gets. One lady stares at me oddly as I bring her her food.)

    Lady: “Where are you from?”

    Me: “From here, ma’am. I live a few roads away.”

    Lady: “No, I mean where were you born?”

    Me: “Finchley, originally, but I moved—”

    Lady: “No, no, no. Where are you from?”

    Me: “Uh. London, ma’am. Britain.”

    Lady: “And your parents?”

    Me: “Also from London.”

    Lady: *squints at me* “No, you’re lying. There’s no shame in being Jamaican, you know. You can tell me.”

    Me: “I… What?”

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