Customer: “I couldn’ get through y’awls phone thingy, cawz it din’n understand me. Why don’ it never understaaaaaaaaan me?”
Me: “I’m sorry. Sometimes it has a hard time with accents and voices.”
Customer: “Bu I ain’ got no accen!”
Me: “Ma’am, we all have accents. Mine is Bostonian. Yours is Southern. We’re both likely to confuse computers.”
Customer: “Fayer nuff.”
(I walk over to the convenience store to get a drink. As I’m going inside, I see two police officers with a man in handcuffs in front of the building. I start a conversation with the employees.)
Me: “Looks like you guys had an interesting morning.”
Employee #1: “I can’t believe it; he just sat out there waiting for the cops after he stole the beer.”
(One of the officers comes in.)
Officer: “So, what happened here?”
Employee #2: “He got the 12-pack from the cooler and stood in line, but then he just walked out without paying. I called for him to stop, but he just said ‘I’ll wait out here for the cops’.”
Officer: “He didn’t try to run?”
Employee #2: “No, he just opened the case and started drinking a can of beer right outside the store!”
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(I am a cashier at an office supply chain. A man and his teenage son come up to my register. Our PIN pads are very clearly labelled with instructions.)
Me: “Hello, sir, did you find everything all right?”
Customer: “Yes, everything was fine.”
(He runs his card through.)
Me: “Oh, sorry, the machine makes you wait until the end to slide your card. It’ll be just a second.”
Customer: “Ah, okay.”
(The son points to the label on the pad that says ‘PLEASE WAIT FOR GREEN LIGHTS TO SLIDE CARD’.)
Me: “All right, your total is [price]; you can go ahead and slide now.”
(He slides his card and puts it back in his wallet.)
Me: “Oh, I just need to see your card numbers for a second if it’s credit.”
Customer: “Oh, okay.”
(He hands over his card. His son points out the label that says ‘FOR CREDIT, PLEASE HAND CARD TO CASHIER’. The customer turns to his son.)
Customer: “You’re making fun of me for not reading directions, aren’t you?”
Son: “Kind of.”
(I’m sitting near the back of an almost empty bus. The only other passengers are a teenage couple sitting near the middle of the bus. An elderly passenger approaches.)
Elderly Passenger: “I’d like to sit here.”
Teen #1: “Pardon?”
Elderly Passenger: “I would like to sit here. I’m old, so you have to move.”
Teen #1: “I don’t think that’s how it works.”
(The elderly passenger starts shouting.)
Elderly Passenger: “How dare you? You young yobs shouldn’t even be on the bus; you’ve got healthy legs! And now you won’t give up your seat for someone who needs it more!”
Teen #2: “Sorry, are you blind as well as rude? The bus is empty. There are plenty of seats much closer to the front than this one, and you have no right to ask us to move. And secondly, we paid just the same as you did. We have just as much right to be on here as you do.”
(The elderly man goes to say something, but seems to reconsider and takes a seat closer to the back of the bus.)