Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 2

| Flemington, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am a cashier at a retail store, keeping an eye on the self-checkout area. I am not supposed to ring up customers on the machines, only assist whenever there’s a problem. A woman comes up to me with a few items.)

Customer: “Hi, you need to ring me up.”

Me: “This is the self-checkout. The ladies over there would be happy to take you if you don’t want to use the machines.”

Customer: “This is self-checkout?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, I hate these self-check things. Can’t you just ring me up at that register there?”

(She points at a computer monitor, lying on the floor near the garbage cans, with a large crack easily visible across the screen. I think she’s joking but realize she’s serious.)

Me: “Um. No, I can’t, sorry. If you don’t want to use the self-checkout, the cashiers right behind us can—”

Customer: “Why can’t you ring me up at that register?!”

Me: “Well, because that’s not a register, ma’am.”

Customer: “You don’t call that thing over there a register?”

Me: “Nope, I call that a broken computer monitor.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Related:
Lack of Register Does Not Register

In-Sip-Id Conversations

| Birmingham, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’ve just made some drinks for a group of older customers. I call out one of the drinks. One of the customers comes over and picks up the cup.)

Customer: “Is this my drink?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. Did you have the [drink name]?”

Customer: “I don’t know… I think so.”

(She walks away with the drink; about a minute passes before she returns.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a dumb question.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “I just want to know: how many sips do I have to take before I get to the coffee?”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been sipping on this for a little bit and I still haven’t tasted coffee.”

Me: “Well, there’s whipped cream on top… I can scoop it off for you if you’d like.”

Customer: “Oh, no. I just wanted to know!”

Let It All Hang Out

204162-let-it-all-hang-out

The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be, Part 2

| CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

(I am working at the box office of a movie theater when a woman approaches my coworker’s window with two clearly underage sons.)

Customer: “Hi, I want two tickets to Django Unchained.”

Coworker: “Umm, are you going to see the movie with them?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to see that movie.”

Coworker: “Unfortunately, Django Unchained is an R-rated movie, and our company policy is that anyone who is under 17 years old has to be accompanied by an adult. I can’t sell you tickets for just them.”

Customer: “What do you mean? That’s not fair. I shouldn’t have to buy a ticket for a movie I’m not going to.”

Coworker: “No, ma’am, you would have to actually go into the theater with them.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to see the movie! Fine then, I’ll buy a ticket for myself and then sell it to someone else in line who wants to see the movie!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but you can’t do that either.”

Customer: “I’m an adult! I can do whatever I want! I’m going to buy a ticket, and I’m going to sell it to someone else!”

Coworker: “Listen, let me get you my manager to—”

Customer: “I don’t want to talk to your manager! You’re not going to call him!”

Customer’s Son: “Mom, it’s okay. We really don’t need to see the movie.”

Coworker: *into walkie-talkie* “Can I get a manager to box?”

Customer: “I told you I don’t want to talk to your manager! Fine, I’ll just sit there with my eyes closed!”

(She purchases three tickets and goes inside. In the time it takes the customer to walk inside, the manager, who has heard everything, has come to the customer service counter at the box office. The customer walks straight up to my manager.)

Customer: “So, I guess YOU’RE the one I’m supposed to show THIS to.”

(The customer shoves her entire wallet with ID in my manager’s face.)

Customer: “See?! I’m over 17!”

Manager: “Ma’am, that isn’t the issue.”

Customer: “Yes it is! He told me I couldn’t buy a ticket unless I’m over 17!”

Manager: “The issue isn’t whether or not you’re 17. The issue is that your sons cannot see the movie without you watching it with them because it is an R-rated movie.”

Customer: “But—”

Manager: “This is not only a company policy, which is posted all over, but also the LAW. If we sell tickets to R-rated movies to anyone underage, we can be heavily fined or worse. I would be more than willing to refund all of your tickets if you do not wish to see the movie.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what the issue is! I’m an adult! I’M OVER 17! I guess I’ll just have to watch the movie with my eyes closed and cover my ears!”
Related:
The ‘D’ Is Silent, The Customer Won’t Be

Physician, Listen To Thyself

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Health & Body, Pets & Animals

(We have a popular puppy preschool class that generally gets full two weeks prior. It also requires a deposit to secure your position. Most people pay when they book. It is one day before class start.)

Customer: “Hello, I am a surgeon and my time is precious so if you could hurry up and pay my deposit for puppy preschool.”

Me: “Sure, what was your name?”

Customer: *sigh* “I can’t believe I have to deal with this. I’m a surgeon and should be spoken to in proper English. It’s not “was your name”, it’s “is your name”.”

Me: “My apologies. What is your name? I will check your deposit paid on the list.”

Customer: “My name is [name], and hurry up! I just got off night shift at the hospital as I’m a pediatric surgeon.”

Me: “I see that you do have your name on the waiting list, but as the class is starting tomorrow the class has been filled as others have come in earlier to pay their deposits and secure their positions. I’m sorry, but there are no vacancies at this stage.”

Customer: “So, how much is the deposit?”

Me: “I’m sorry, again, but I can’t take your deposit as the class is full.”

Customer: “You just said that. Don’t repeat yourself. How much is the deposit? I booked the class three weeks ago.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry. The deposit is required to secure a position. Simply booking won’t secure your position. We usually explain this when you book in and recommend you pay a deposit at the time of booking.”

Customer: “Yes, you did recommend that, but I am a surgeon; my time is precious. I work long hours so I could not pay it then. I am here to pay today.”

Me: “We appreciate people may work long and difficult hours. We do have extended hours to make it easier for our clients. Our opening hours are 8 am – 8 pm, seven days a week, and if you are unable to come in, then we do take phone payments.”

Customer: “Well, I’m a surgeon and work longer than that and don’t get a break. So, you need to respect me and take my deposit.”

Me: “I am sorry. As I said the class is full and I cannot take your deposit. I can put you on a waiting list for our next class with a date TBA, but we don’t take deposits for future classes until dates are confirmed.”

Customer. “Stop repeating yourself! Take my deposit!” *slams credit card onto counter*

Me: “I am trying to explain that I can’t take your deposit as the class is full. I can’t fit you into that class, and paying your deposit will not get you in.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you keep repeating yourself. I am going to ring the puppy preschool trainer tomorrow.”

Me: “You are welcome to ring her, but she will still be unable to fit you in her class as it is full.”

Customer: “I am a surgeon. She knows this and has kept a position for me. Take my deposit so I can leave!”

Me: “I have been trying to explain the class is full. You cannot join this class.”

Customer: “Stupid dumb b****!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir. You can’t speak to me that way!”

Customer: “I am a surgeon!” *leaves*

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