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    No Servitude For Attitude

    | New York, USA |

    (I am working at the cutting table at a fabric store when a woman charges up to the table, bypassing others waiting in line.)

    Customer: “You need to cut this fabric for me right now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a line and I am helping other customers.”

    Customer: “How dare you talk back to me! You are here to serve me. You work for me! You are my servant and you need to listen to what I say!”

    Me: “With all due respect, ma’am, I work for [craft store], not you. Now, please wait in line and I will help you when your turn comes.”

    (The woman proceeds to throw her fabric on my head and knock down three display bolts. My manager calls the police and she is escorted out of the store, still ranting.)

    Customer: *while being escorted out by the police* “You’re all my servants!”

    Maybe If You Watch It At 88 MPH

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Technology

    (I’m on the phone with an irate customer who feels like she has been cheated by my company after purchasing a PVR (aka a DVR, or digital video recorder). Apparently, she misunderstood the previous rep who sold it to her. We have been arguing for quite some time.)

    Customer: “I can’t get my money back? Why not? I was told that this PVR unit would let me watch shows that normally come on at 9pm whenever I wanted.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we can’t refund the item as it is past 30 days since you purchased it. Furthermore, there is no technology available that functions as you describe.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! What’s the point of buying this PVR if I can’t watch shows earlier?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the unit is called a PVR. It’s a personal video recorder, and it allows you to record programs to watch at a later time. It is not a time machine.”

    Customer: *click*

    Don’t Kick A (Half) Man When He’s Down

    | Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada | Family & Kids

    (A woman and her young daughter are browsing books.)

    Daugher: “Mom, what’s a ‘has been’?”

    Mother: “Charlie Sheen is a has been.”

    When Push Comes To Shove

    | Christiana, DE, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as a security guard at a major retailer in the mall. One of my duties is to pre-lock our store at the end of the night. We leave the middle door unlocked for customers to exit while locking the side doors. While finishing my lock up, a customer runs up and tries to exit the store.)

    Customer: “You’re not locking me in here! You’re not even closed yet!”

    Me: “Sir, we only pre-lock. If you just—”

    Customer: “No, you are a worthless, fake mall cop. Did you even graduate high school? Now, let me out!” *keeps pulling on the door*

    Me: “Sir, you just need to—”

    Customer: “I said, open the door! I want your manager!”

    Me: “No problem, sir.” *calls store manager*

    Manager: *comes up on the scene* “What seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “He won’t let me out of the building. I am a paying customer and I demand to be let out.”

    Manager: *turns to me* “What is the problem?”

    Me: “He was trying to pull open a push door.”

    Customer: *pushes open the door* “Oh, I erm, uh…” *leaves sheepishly*

    S.H.I.E.L.D. Me From This Stupidity

    | San Diego, CA | History

    (A customer walking out of the theater for “Captain America” with her two kids starts talking to me. She’s about 45 years old.)

    Customer: “My goodness, the Nazis were awful people!”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “I’m just glad that terrible Red Skull got what was coming to him.”

    Me: “Yeah, it was a pretty sweet ending.”

    Customer: “It’s funny. I don’t remember learning about him or Captain America in the history books.”

    Me: *thinking she’s joking* “Ha ha, yeah. Weird, right?”

    Customer’s son, to me: “No, dude. She’s not kidding.”

    Customer: “Kidding about what?”

    (Embarrassed, her two kids try to walk briskly away from her.)

    Customer: *chasing after her kids* “Whaaat?! What is it?!”


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